All Comments on 'Won't You Smile Awhile For Me'

A first date and the girls fitting like a manolo blahnik should do, so the next date will be just around the corner ….. lovely and this subconscious dream date was brilliant

Ten hearts 💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝✨💋

That was my idea of a perfect first date , I am a little jealous actually . Another dreamy dream sequence from you Smokey . Nice to see Velette make a dream appearance again . The chocolate game I am defiantly going to try that one out , a gentle way of introducing a blind fold and heightening the senses.

I would like to think of Sara and Melleny spending many more evenings together snuggled up on the sofa under a blanket , sharing a box of chocolates .

Lovely story of the start of a romance between two believable and likeable characters .

Thank you Smokey . Top marks and another in my fav box

JC

Hey Smokey,

For one, I definitely appreciate you picking a slightly more individual aesthetic for your characters. The fact that Melleny was "Deschanel-like" is a much needed break from the standard "blonde-haired sexy heel-wearing" archetype you get for most of the characters on here. Yours seem a lot more believable as people, while retaining a hint of fantasy about them.

Just some constructive criticism:

I don't think the word " 'twas " was necessary here. In modern literature it only rarely works, and a lot of the time it's for irony. Not really sure why it was used in this story. Just one word though, no big deal.

Keep it up.