Wronged

"I understand," he told her. "I've said similar things about my ex-wife only my word of choice starts with 'B.'"

Becky laughed and said, "You really are a very decent guy, Nick. You're every bit as handsome as Laura told me you were, but looks only get someone in the door, right? I don't care how good looking someone is. If he isn't kind, decent, and caring, looks don't matter."

"Hmmm. There's something else we agree on. That's two so far. Third one's a charm, right?" he kidded.

Becky laughed again and told him, "You make me laugh, Nick. I love to laugh. I just haven't done much of it since, you know..."

"Yes, I do," he told her in agreement. "Unfortunately, I know exactly what you mean. In fact, until I met you, I pretty much stopped smiling and I used to smile all the time because my life seemed so great. Just this afternoon alone, I've smiled so much I feel like my mouth hurts."

He moved his jaw around back and forth in an exaggerated manner and Becky laughed one more time. "You see? You just did it again!"

As they drove around and walked through the other two houses, they continued to talk and learn more about one another. Nick wasn't all that surprised when he learned she was essentially in agreement with him on politics and religion, but he was shocked when she told him she loved football.

"Oh, definitely!" she said. "Oregon doesn't have a pro team, so I'm a huge Seahawks fan. I'm planning on getting season tickets IF there are any still left to be had."

She told him she also enjoyed hiking and going camping and if that weren't enough, she even liked to fish. "Where have you been all my life?" he said jokingly. She started to respond and he held up a hand and said, "Don't you dare say a word about me being in diapers or something like that for a good part of it."

Becky covered her mouth and laughed as hard as she had all day. "Well, I thought about going there, then thought better of it." She was staring at him when she said, "But I was kind of wondering..."

"About my age?" he asked with raised eyebrows.

"Is it too personal?" she said sort of ducking her head to let him know she was aware this was none of her business.

"No. Not at all. I'll be 28 next month." He saw her eyes open a little wider and said, "If you tell me I'm your daughter's age..."

She laughed again and said, "Are you a mind reader or something?"

Nick laughed and said, "So...?

Becky got serious and said, "Oh. You want to know my age?"

"Well, if you don't mind."

"Can I say 'older than you' and leave it at that?"

Nick put his hands on his hips and said with mock seriousness, "You could, but but that wouldn't be very nice since I just shared my age with you. You may as well just tell me, right?"

"Oh, I see," she replied. "Well, I suppose I probably should tell you then."

He tilted his head implying he was waiting for a reply.

"Okay, okay!" she said holding up her hands. "Well, here goes." She looked at him and said, "I really was enjoying getting to know you Nick, but after this you'll probably want to run for the hills."

"Try me," he said having crossed his arms.

"I just turned 43," she said grimacing. Nick didn't say anything and Becky made another face and said, "Nick? Are you in shock or something? Shall I call 911?"

He lowered his arms crossed arms and said, "No, not at all. I was just thinking I should probably have a walker or an oxygen tank in my car. You know, in case you go down or something."

"Ahhh! Ohhh! You!!" she said. She took a step toward him putting her face right in front of his. She held up a finger and playfully pointed it at him and said with feigned anger "I oughta..."

Without warning and without thinking, Nick put his hands on her shoulders and kissed her. Becky's eyes opened wide and she started to protest, but Nick closed his and kept right on kissing her. Within a second, she stopped fussing and put her arms around his neck and kissed him back. Several seconds later when it ended she said, "What just happened?"

Nick looked into her eyes with his arms still around her and said, "I'm not sure, but it was very pleasant."

Becky then rather quickly lowered her arms and looked down as she said, "I...think maybe we should call it a day, okay?"

"Oh, okay. Um, yeah. I mean, we've looked at all three houses so..."

"Exactly," she said. "And it's getting late and I'm sure you want to get home and Laura will be expecting me so..."

They didn't speak on the way back. Traffic was picking up for rush hour and it took an extra twenty minutes to make the return trip making the uncomfortable silence that much worse. When they pulled into the parking lot, he went around and opened her door and said, "So did you want to maybe make an offer on one of the houses?"

"Oh, um...no. Not yet. But I'll call you, okay?" she said as he closed the door behind her.

"Okay. Do you want to come in for a bit?" he asked her.

"No. I really should be going. You know, dinner and Laura and..."

"Oh, right. Okay, well I'll look forward to hearing from you then. You have a nice evening, okay?" he said.

"Um...thank you. You too, Nick. And um...thank you for showing me the houses again." She found her keys in her purse and said, "So, I guess I should get going."

"Right. Okay. Well, see you later," he told her.

"Yes. See you later. Bye, Nick."

Her car was right next to his so he just said, "Bye, Becky."

She smiled nervously, got in her car and drove off.

Nick stood there watching her drive away and disappear into traffic. "Nice going, dumbass!" he said to himself. "You really blew that one! What in the hell were you thinking?" he said out loud. "You weren't thinking. That's the problem," came the answer from somewhere deep inside him as he realized she not only wouldn't be calling, he'd likely never see her again. And why would he? He'd just kissed a woman he barely knew who was nearly 15 years older than him who was just being pleasant by making conversation. "You're an idiot, Cavanaugh!" he chided himself as he walked back in.

"Oh, Nick! I just wanted to let you know I showed you her pic and..."

"Not now, Heidi," he said trying not to control his anger at himself and avoid sounding too rude.

"Well, excuse me for living!" she said defensively as she watched him walk on by.

______________________________________________________________________

A week had passed since 'the kiss' and Nick still couldn't bring himself to call her. She had to think he was crazy or at least someone not in control of his emotions. And he couldn't blame her. Who kisses a near stranger just because she's being nice to him?

It was Saturday and he wasn't going to waste it sitting in the office ruminating about how big of a fool he'd been.

"Matt? You wanna to to the park?"

Nick unfolded the stroller then gently laid a tightly-bundled Callie in it as he told Matt he could run ahead and go play. His son tore off as Nick pushed the buggy down the concrete path. As he got closer to the benches, he looked up and stopped in his tracks. He wanted to turn around, but he couldn't get Matt's attention. He stood there silently waving first one arm and then two before flapping them every which way to get his son to look at him.

As a last resort, he tried jumping up and down while flapping his arms and that worked. Matt saw him and started jumping up and down and flapping his arms, too. He was still a good 50 feet away so he yelled at his dad. "What's this game called, Daddy?"

The woman was sitting between Matt and Nick with her back to him turned around trying to figure out what the boy was doing and who he was yelling at. As she looked over her shoulder, her bright smile faded and she quickly turned back around. Having seen him, there was no way to escape saying hello.

He pushed the buggy up close and said, "Hey, there."

Becky glanced at him and said, "Hi."

He stood there wondering if he looked as stupid as he felt. "It's kind of cold out here today."

"Yes, it's really gotten chilly."

"Becky, listen. About what happened..."

"Is this your baby girl?" Becky asked not paying any attention to him.

"Um, yeah, that's Callie."

"Oh, she is SO cute? Can I hold her? Please?"

"Okay. Sure. She's still awake so..." He carefully handed the bundle to Becky who was beside herself with happiness.

"I love Hannah so much, but I'd give anything to have one this age." She tickled Callie's chin and said, "You are so beautiful. Yes, you are!" She started playing peek-a-boo and Callie gave her a gummy smile which nearly cause Becky to swoon. "I just love her, Nick! And your son is so cute!"

She finally looked over at him and said, "I'm so sorry, Nick. You must think I'm some kind of crazy woman. I feel so embarrassed about what happened I haven't even been able to call you and apologize."

"What?" he said moving from next to the buggy to stand in front of Becky. "What are you even talking about? I'm the one who's felt like a fool. You didn't do anything. I'm the one who just...you know...out of the blue. It's me who's been too embarrassed to call. Why would you even think of feeling that way?"

"Because I'm a realist, Nick. On the one hand, I'm this aging hopeless romantic while on the other hand I'm extremely pragmatic. I was having so much fun talking with you I started feeling playful and then behaved like a teenager leading you on, and when you did kiss me I realized what I fool I'd been."

"What? A fool? That's crazy. I had no right to do what I did. So what if I'm attracted to you? That doesn't justify me doing that out of the blue. Besides, who am I kidding? I know you'd never be interested in a guy my age let alone in one with two kids who's back living at home with his mom and dad. Talk about crazy. You may not know this, but my picture's next to that word in the dictionary now."

Becky laughed so hard again she covered her mouth with one of her hands as she cradled the baby. "You just made me laugh again for the first time in a week."

When she laughed, Nick smiled. "Really? Wow. That's the first time I've smiled in a week."

"Did you just say you were attracted to me?" she asked without really looking at him.

"Well, yeah. I did say that." He pointed to the bench and said, "Do you mind?"

"No, please," she said.

He turned toward her and said, "I did just say that and I also meant it when I told you how beautiful...and young...you look, so why wouldn't I find you attractive? Becky, you're the most beautiful woman I've seen since..." He was about to talk about his childhood crushes and run her off again. "Since...well, in a very long time."

"Me? Seriously? Nick, I wasn't lying when I told you how old I am. Besides, just one look at me and you can tell I'm..."

"Stop it, Becky. Please. I mean it," he said gently.

"Nick. I know you kissed me and while I still don't know why, you don't have to try and smooth it over by saying things you don't really mean to make me feel better. We've both been...wronged...and badly so...in the worst way. We got a little silly and that's fine. No one got hurt. But honesty is critically important and we need to be brutally honest about the reality of things like the huge difference in our age."

"I am being honest, Becky. I've been nothing but honest with you. You are beautiful. I'm the one with the big concerns about age. After all, you probably think of me as a kid because I'm about the same age as your daughter, but I can't do anything about how you think or feel about me or my age." He waited for her to turn toward him before he said, "And there's something else I can't change. I can't change the way I feel about you." She was looking right into his eyes as he told her, "I know this sounds crazy. I don't know, maybe it's even creepy to you, but I haven't been able to think about anyone or anything but you since I saw you the first time in my office."

"Wow. Maybe my daughter's a lot smarter than I've been giving her credit for," she said. She saw Nick kind of shake his head as if to indicate he didn't understand that at all. "It's funny, but she told me after we left your office that first day—and then again when I finally got up the nerve to tell what happened last week—that you were...looking at me...in your office the first time we met. She said you weren't just looking, but looking. I told her she was seeing something that wasn't there because there was no way a man as young and as handsome as you would ever look at someone like me...like that." She looked at him for a moment then asked him, "Was she? Was she just imagining things, Nick?"

"Laura's very perceptive and maybe you should give her more credit. After all, she is your daughter, right?"

"Oh, my gosh," Becky said slowly and barely audibly. "So when you kissed me..."

He slid closer to her and told her, "I kissed you because I couldn't help myself. I kissed you because I wanted to. I kissed you because...I really like you, Becky. Listen, you're not just beautiful— trust me on this—you're absolutely gorgeous. But you're also funny and charming and...amazing and you make me smile. So...why wouldn't I want to kiss you?" He looked out toward the playground before turning back toward her. "What I'm having trouble understanding isn't why you didn't call me but why you didn't grab your granddaughter and head home as soon as you saw me here today. I'm obviously very attracted to you, but it's pretty clear it isn't mutual so..."

Her eyes were darting back and forth between his then down at his mouth looking for any kind of visual cue he was kidding or even worse, playing some kind of cruel joke on her. But not only were there no such cues, she could both see and feel the sincerity in his words.

"It isn't mutual?" she said quietly. "Then why am I sitting here trembling from wanting you to kiss me again so badly I can't stand it if it isn't mutual?"

He saw the sincerity in her face, as well, and for the first time he let himself believe she also might be feeling at least something like what he was feeling for her.

Neither of them heard the pounding of little feet approaching as he leaned over Callie who was still in her arms and kissed her again. Less than a second into that kiss, the sounds a two very loud "Eeeews!" rang out.

"Amaw? Why are you kissing Matt's daddy? Are you in love with him?"

Matt stood there in the cold air, snot running down his lip and as he wiped it with his sleeve he said to Becky, "Are you gonna be my new mommy?"

She put her hand over her mouth again, not to hide her laughter but out of total astonishment. "Oh, honey. No, I was just...your daddy and I were only..." She looked at Nick for some help and he patted his lap for Matt to come sit on it.

As he jumped onto his lap, Nick told his son, "You already have a mother, buddy." He took a deep breath and forced himself to say it. "And she loves you very much. But sometimes daddies get lonely and they need to have a friend. Like Miss Becky," he said nodding toward her.

"Oh, okay. So she's your girlfriend. I get it. Can I go play some more?" Nick had a tissue in his coat pocket and wiped another gob of goo off of Matt's lip before setting him down.

Becky's granddaughter heard what Nick told Matt and said to him, "My Amaw's your girlfriend and you kiss her?" She bent over at the waist and again said loudly, "Eeeew!!" before turning around and running off with Matt.

Once they were back by the slides, Nick put his arm around Becky and said, "So...are you?" She looked at him funny and he said, "Are you my girlfriend?"

She smiled and said, "Hmmm. Well, let's see. I haven't been called a girl in...well...probably since you were in kinder..."

"Don't you dare!" he said before she could get the word out.

"Well, it's true," she teased. "Okay, so technically at least, I am still a girl and since I do really like you..."

"You do?" Nick said, his voice rising.

"Well, maybe just a little," she said using her finger and thumb to indicate a tiny amount.

"So..."

"Well, I suppose if you're asking me, then..."

"You mean like asking you to go steady?" he said. He couldn't help but give her a bit of her own medicine so he said, "Isn't that what they called it way back when when you were a girl?"

She hit him playfully and said, "Hey! I resemble that remark!"

"So will you? Go steady with me?" he asked in all seriousness as he touched her cheek.

"If you'll kiss me again, I will," she said smiling happily.

Nick smiled back and scooted even closer. He put his hand behind her head and softly kissed her. This kiss went on for several seconds before they were again interrupted by a very loud, very exaggerated throat clearing right behind them. "A-HEM!"

Nick and Becky nearly busted a tooth from being so startled as they whipped their heads around only to see Laura standing there with her arms folded as Becky held Callie tight.

"Mother? Ohh...Emm...Gee! Okay, I'm not gonna say I told you so, but someone owes me a BIG apology!" Before she could even respond Laura started pepper-stepping in place and squealing with delight. "See! I told you so, Mom! I was right, wasn't I?"

She ran around to the front of the bench and hugged her mom then backed away and said, "Oh, hell. Why not?" and hugged Nick. "I am so happy for you two for whatever...this...is!" She looked at them both and said, "So...what IS this? Tell me. Please? Mom? Nick?"

"I could say we're going steady because Nick just asked me and I said yes, but he hasn't given me his class ring yet, so I don't know for sure," Becky told her daughter trying to be very serious.

"She's no help," she said turning to Nick. "Your turn."

"I'm not much for labels," he told her. "I guess...it is what it is?"

"Oh, God! I HATE that stupid saying!" she complained.

Her mother laid Callie back in the stroller and covered her up tightly. "Well, honey, sometimes that's all there is to it. Sometimes a cigar really is just a cigar."

Laura gave up on her quest and forced herself in between and then said to her mom pretending Nick couldn't hear her. "So is he a good kisser?"

"A lady never kisses and tells," she said looking around Laura at Nick. He gave her a 'two thumbs up' gesture and a snappy wink and a nod.

"Okay, fine." Laura stood up then spun around and pointed at Nick. "You can date my mom but if you ever hurt her, I'll have to kill you. Understand?"

He did the 'hands up' thing and said, "Got it."

She started to turn around then told him, "And have her home by midnight!" With that she waved goodbye and went to get her daughter. On the way back she stopped and said to her mom, "I'm so happy for you!" She looked at Nick then added, "Both of you."

"They were kissing, Mommy," her daughter said as they walked way. "Amaw was kissing that man and she's his girlfriend now. I think they're in love," was the last thing either one of them heard.

"I don't know about being in love, but I definitely love being with you," he told Becky.

She didn't respond and he said, "Having second thoughts already?"

"Not about you. You're great," she said.

"Then what is it? What's bothering you?" he asked as he took her hand.

"Are you sure about this? I mean, you did hear me say how old I am, right?"

He started laughing and Becky said, "Hey, that's mean!"

Nick put his hand on her cheek and said, "It's not that."

"Then what's so funny?" she wanted to know.

"I need to tell you the Raquel Welch story. Then it'll all make sense."

It got dark around 4 o'clock that time of year and since Nick was chilled he knew Becky had to be freezing. Callie was bundled up and now sound asleep in her stroller, but she'd be getting hungry soon. "I guess I should get them home," he told her.

"Right," she agreed. "It'll be dark soon. I really hate Standard Time, you know. It's just so depressing."