Yearning Hearts Ch. 02

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"Ok so what, you expect me to believe that you actually care for me when you couldn't wait to ship me out of here and out of your life fast enough." Thomas said just above a whisper trying to keep as much emotion out of his voice as he could. Jonathan released Thomas' hands and aggressively spun him around pinning his back to the wall after which tilting his chin up even though he knew he would have to look at those eyes.

"Do you actually think that I don't care about you, I'm in love with you you selfish bastard, how do you not see that," Jonathan asked with so much hurt in his voice Thomas could've sworn his heart stopped at that very moment. Maybe he was hallucinating because he sure as hell didn't hear Jonathan say he was in love with him. "What did I ask you when you came over that day, after avoiding me for a whole week?" Thomas tried to look down but felt Jonathan's huge hand grip his chin a bit firmer. "No look at me and tell me what I asked you after I made love to you over and over that day,' he demanded angrily.

"You asked if I would leave her and only be with you," Thomas struggled through tear filled eyes about to pour and quivering lips.

"And what else?"

"Y-you said I meant everything to you and you would do anything for me and that you've always felt that way from the m... moment we first met."

"Then what was your very heartfelt sincere response? No, don't answer that, I'll say it for you. You looked me in the eyes and you told me it wasn't worth it. All I heard was I wasn't worth it to you. Do you have any idea what that did to me when you damn well knew how hard it was for me to open up to anyone like that but I still told you I just wanted you, only you. But you're gonna stand there and ask me if I care about you when I'm the one being toyed with. You've concocted this fucking idea of a normal life in your head that you actually think it's going to come true. You force yourself to bare a loveless marriage because you just assume it's so much better then what I have to offer you..."

"No! That's not true," Thomas interrupted sobbing mercilessly.

"Then what, cause you sure as hell aren't giving me a good enough reason. Your daughter does deserve better T, if you don't want a life with just me then for fucks' sakes please find someone else to make you happy because she's a smart kid and she's going to pick up on the little things like, you don't kiss mommy on the mouth, you never say I love you, you don't hold hands or even hug and the list goes on, but don't feed me that bullshit about not wanting her to grow up in a broken home, because news flash friend that home is already broken."

Thomas' legs were shaking at that moment, if Jonathan didn't have him pinned against that wall he might've fallen flat on his face. 'God he looked so angry and hurt and broken,' Thomas thought, he couldn't believe he hurt Jonathan so much and the most hurtful part was that he hadn't noticed any of it. Had Jonathan really wanted a life with just him and Belle? Did he really love him? He could remember after that day, Jonathan sort of just withdrew himself emotionally from him but he never thought much of it. Did he Thomas really love Jonathan as much as he claimed? For months he had been accusing Jonathan of being withdrawn and unwelcoming but it seemed that all along he was the reason why Jonathan was like that.

He had to stop hurting Jonathan and he knew just how to do it. He had to leave Jonathan alone, forever. Suddenly the tears stopped pouring and just like a programmed robot he began; "You have every right to hate me, I've been nothing but a selfish person to you and you deserve better. I won't bother you anymore." When he felt Jonathan suddenly release him and pulled his hand away, he wiped under his eyes with both hand then looked up into confused green grey eyes. "I'm sorry for everything, goodbye Ethan." And just like that he was out the door and out of Jonathan's life. Jonathan felt his legs start to give way and slid down the wall on the floor. In an upright seating position he sat with his shoulders slouched and his eyes damped, he felt so drained like someone sucked every bit of life out of him. As painful as he knew it'd be to let go of Thomas he never thought it'd feel like a part of him got ripped away too. He didn't feel like he wanted to live at that moment especially given the way Thomas sounded and looked before he left. 'What have I done...?'