All Comments on 'Yo-yo Chronicles Ch. 02-1 Ending'

You've done way better than this, and making a "story" longer doesn't make it any better -- it just prolongs the reader's misery. Your sex scenes do not inspire; not a turn on at all if that was your intent. Suggest you get to the point and get on with it or just don't bother.

... You can pretty much stop this piece of crap right here because it has become so convoluted that it probably doesn't have much resemblance to the original story, anyway. By the way, a nice touch would be a link to the original story so we wouldn't have to search out the original in order to have some idea just what the hell that you're writing about. Better luck, next time.

then the original author pure garbage you sick fuck.

Interesting. Very, very, interesting. {evil chuckle}

But I'm worried at the direction you're taking. If, in the end, he leaves them all and moves far, far away after getting great revenge on everyone involved, then it will be all good. If he forgives his wife and stays married - that will blow big chunks. Like he says in the story - what happened to him will NEVER go away, never be forgotten. He will always remember and relive it. I'm also worried that he seems too fond of Velma. That evil bitch deserves some serious payback, she deserves to lose her kids and husband and spend some time (years) in jail. I hope your next two chapters post quickly. Then it's time to move on to some of the other stories (slop/crap) Edrider73 has thrown out there. You're right - he can write. But his goal seems to be to piss readers off. He always seems to leave the stories unfinished. Write up your alley! And I do know the difference between right and write!

Very disappointing! Too bad there isn't a negative voting category, as this story deserves a negative 5.

The first page was OK in that it gave us the background. After that, the next four pages should have been summed up in three or four paragraphs. All the last four pages do is repeat a rape of the wife and her friend. This makes the husband appear to be no better than the group he is trying to punish.

While I have enjoyed most of this author's other stories, this one rambles and looses the plot. The author would be well advised to pull this story and either rework it or forget about writing a new ending.

I'm really looking forward to the next chapters. I really, really am. Though I'm not totally pleased with the wife being spared a total burn, I am really hoping the rest of them get it nuclear. Burn them down to the ground. Hope that Lilly bitch is shitting blood for a long time..maybe kills herself at the end. That'd be nice.

First the set up. Then the plan and finally Armageddon. Maybe a few twists and turns along the way. Hope LIT doesn't drag out posting the rest. Suppose the next chapter is more of the set up and then revealing part of the plan. Hope so anyway.

Personally don't care if the couples stay together or not. (Previous comment) It just shows that people can do dumb things. For this story it's FICTION, right? Great tale.

5 stars!!!

You'll spen eternity trying to rewrite all of them.

The dude is sick in the head with demonic females and man-rape that make the most cartoonishly over the top BTBs women look like church wives in comparison.

My only problem with this is that it is dragging on too long. There should be a string of unidentified bodies turning up around the area. Surely making the fetishists wonder if they were next.

Looking forward to the next chapter. There seems to be an avalanche of this kind of story lately on LW. Humiliation, manrape, sexual torture, cuckolding, the list goes on and on. I think you are going to be wearing out computers to put all this right. Good luck. 5*

So glad you are giving this story the sort of ending it needed. Edrider's stories have become something like the train wreck you can't stop watching.

Because in this case, the bad guys, wives and others, deserve everything they're getting plus more.

In this case, the husband's metamorphosis into Mr. Hyde is totally acceptable and the wife deserves everything that's coming to her.

Bottom line, given the circumstances, you have our collective permission to go absolutely apeshit.

Just remember, in addition to the physical payback, nothing beats total exposure.

When someone's only power over you is a secret, the worse thing you can do to them is reveal the secret-to everyone, to the world--and let the chips fall where they may. In the end, the blackmailers will be hurt more than their victims.

Give'em hell.

I usually love the finishing stories you do and don't get me wrong after reading the original, bitches gotta pay. But dude you've turned Bob into a cuckold and made Velma seem to fall more and more in love with him. That's aboot the only thing that keeps me from rating this as a 5 star. So instead It'll be a 3.

The writing style is a dead giveaway.

Haven't decided whether I like this series or not, but it is an interesting follow-on to the original, though. The husband sure gave the women plenty of warning and opportunity to change their minds - very stupid on their part, but they did pay a price for their stupidity.

Recordings or not, seems to me that one of the husbands would go postal and take out the whole tribe after being raped - gunpowder is a great equalizer (this in reference to the original story).

Let's see - first, Velma won't let Bob tell him what goes on.

Then his wife gets him back there under false pretenses, and "volunteers" him.

Then, KNOWING how he feels sets him up to get raped AGAIN, even after he begs her not to do it, THEN, when he turns the tables it's "Oh, I'm SO Sorry!"

She should have thought of that before she tricked him into going back!

he could have used the big strapon once a month to help even it out or etc but instead cuckolds his only male backup so far to selfishly get more ass despite bobs fears and what is a clearly unfair deal. when she is screaming in pleasure and wants a long term affair her "punishment" has become a joke in every way. he is only humiliating and hurting bob who was in a shit setup due to kids(which is why no warning to stu). yes stu had more bodily pain but bob had alot more emotional pain(more years then the newlyweds in addition to the mother of his children betrayal,blackmail preventing him from leaving at least stu got a choice, and disrespect). unless this has some hidden agenda to rearrange the power dynamic for bob and velma, bob leaving velma or etc stu is a self absorbed douche with yet another magic dick that you see here on lit p.s velma has a problem thinking sex is a solution to all her issues, despite the fact bob wasnt happy before or even now

I echo the sentiments of others. Getting revenge on the original people involved and other wives was a good idea. Turning the tables on the incredibly stupid wife and slut friend was good as well. Cuckolding Bob while not really punishing the women sucked. Having Velma like it and fall for him was stupid. I really enjoyed your other stories but here you made the hero as bad as villains for no real purpose.

You're getting revenge on the wives, although I believe they're liking their punishment a little too much. Ha Ha

Time to go after the asshole owners and the rapists now. Go for it.

Story pissed me off This one is almost if not worse. But at least he is trying for Revenge.

Stu is now just as bad as Ellie and Velma , this is one fantasy story that doesn't work. It seems he loves fucking bob wife and has no feeling that is affecting bob. Payback for the person set this up is fine but the payback to his wife and friend is beyond normal. This story is beyond real! It would never happen in this world as so many men are destroyed. He should just have divorced Elie for her getting him raped by some sick fantasy with men facing his ass.

The original story did peeve me off quite a lot. This revenge story is extreme and does not reflect the real world just like the original story. So the fantasy plot is fine with so is the revenge elements. Just a same that Bod is indirectly made in to a cuckold !

Very good read keep up the good work.

Time for Bob to grow a pair. He needs to put Stu in his place and Velma in hers. The way this is going Ellie and Bob will be getting even with Stu and Velma. Stu is about to lose half of his team.

The start was better than part two.

Who invited Velma to her first visit to the floating party? And who invited her? And who invited her? It seems like there is a chain of people that could lead back to the core group running the show.

The two wives have passwords, streaming access, rules for watching the videos, and can still with a phone call to Joanne find out where the next "party" is. That is a lot of first line information and contact, are they really out of the game? Why isn't that kind of information being used to learn more about the people who run the operation?

Emotionally not just physically

Hell of a story concept - kill them all!

To much fucking and sucking. It is rote and detracts from progress. Also way too much negotiating with the bitchwives.

bob is a wimp ill be damned if im gonna let someone fuck my wife in front of me and in my own house on top of that its clear that his wife likes the main character better than him

Good effort to change the end of the original story. Just a bit lingering.

Go on.

Thank you for righting (no pun intended) this wrong. Such a great series that I come back to re-read it.

Let someone else worry about over reacting

WTF was with having Ellie suck off Bob? That was cuck as hell.

Absolutely brilliant!!!!!

Scores 5/5

Better than the original by a country mile, but my word what a bunch of evil cretins.