All Comments on 'You Have Become an Obsession'

5 page narrative? Romantic? I think not!

I always wonder why one character is telling the other character what they did, in this case in great detail, nobody would remember it all, would they? And she's not ever there to hear. It's wearying for the reader. I guess if it turns your crank. It's a really long stroke job, which I don;t say as a pejorative, is all well and good for this site, but as written probably won't have a wide appeal. Well at least no to me.

Give me some narration, develop the characters, create some conflict and drama, let us see whats going on in their heads, toss in some humor and the sex. That's more interesting.

another tex

1 and only 1*

This is a good romance story that never slows down, but it suffers from a weak introduction and lack of character development. The proportion of plot to love scenes is fine, but the use of the present tense (as opposed to the past tense) is not the best grammar for narrating a story, particularly a romance story such as this.