Poetry Comments & Feedback

It's good to have enbiji back after too many months' absence. As always, her poem is affecting in many places and structurally interesting everywhere. The sprightly dactylic couplets neatly fit the lyrical description of lesbian love and lovemaking with which the poem begins. Then...

Liked the premise and last line, but for me could not feel what you wanted to share about him/about her. Aside: imagine you have a poem entitled “Lust” and if so imagine it would be erotically moving; moving like your other poems.

Powerfully telling last line. Thought provoking while moving poem.

Very moving; the title captures the poignant pain. The line “Deep despair painted you dull and washed the last bit of brightness from your eyes.” easily felt.

Great! the triple internal rhyme "make-wake-ache" is magnificent!

I don't want to annoy you, but there was also a fourth internal rhyme, for example with "fake": like "it was not fake" or "holding a fake / penis."

Kudos! you are very good as a poet!

oh yes, indeed ... nicely written and a lovely morning event

Excellent work, Mark. I love the natural and sensual images in this piece. Your vivid depth of water, fire, sight, sound, touch, and taste evoke beautiful sensations of intimate love and sex.

*****

Here are a few of my favorite parts:

A siren's spell calling to his deepest hungers...

That was incredible. You have a unique gift. Not every author I read can make me feel things like you do.

Thank you <3

This is really lovely Kat. Your girl is very very lucky to have you xxxxxxxx

Very nice.

Nice view.

Very intoxicating.

Very beautiful & touching.

It can be so hard my dear 💕

There is more hope here, my darling Tasha xxxxx

A wonderful love poem, heartfelt, my darling xxxxxx

You evoke such a sad feeling of isolation

Short to the point.

Beautiful lady.👌

Your poem presents a perfect recipe for happiness, HottieOlwen. I love the intense elements of submission in your writing. The cocklet and chocolate rhyme is also creative and funny. Five stars are well deserved.

I love the part about the cleanup.

I like this, but I like this style, nicely done ...

Would love to read it Randog025!

💚💋🥰

Nice slow-burning build, Mark. Five stars.

Mine too ;-)

trying too hard

damn.... that was great. Following because this was awesome!

Thank you. I'm glad you like this poem

Happy Birthday!

Keep celebrating each and every day!

Yes, I share this fantasy!

Very vivid

Your stories, so short, and your poems so long, they surprise me. Though I enjoy both. You are a good storyteller with each, and that is special. They make me think you should flesh out the stories to make them as full as your poems. Among my people, we have what is called Dream...

First off, I’m a frustrated sailor! I know just enough to be dangerous but have done a little sailing. I love love love tales (and poems) of the sea and the men who sailed upon her, even if they be pirates! This is a wonderful work Satyr61! I can taste the salt spray!

I can feel your pain in this. I've lost family because of thier Bipolar.