by lebber
It's not done well at all. It's illegible from word go. It's not even believeable. Stop writing and take up knitting.
12x4 inches? Penis envy, anyone? Not that something like that is anything to be envious of, most women I know might like feeling filled, but certainly not a preview of childbirth. Don't even get me started on the plot or writing, I think the story speaks for itself there.
when you wrote this POS. --- I don't even know where to begin, the characters were cartoonish, the genital sizes were painfully absurd, the typos and syntax errors were like sand on a beach. Please, please, do us all a huge favor and read some good authors' work before you unload another POS like this. Thanks very much.
You might want to slow down. Not so much caffeine. Also, quit worrying about what others think. Try writing this again only describe everything that you see in your mind's eye..... Not just the highlights! I want you to try it again under a different title.
ok her tits are beliveable. but his dick and that she could handle him in her pussy and anal her first time total bullshit. ive had sum freaks in my day and they had a problem with mine and im 9in and really thick
What a waste of talent. You write very well. You can invent a story line. But then you waste our time with bullshit huge cock and anal sex for a first time story. I do hope you try again. You have excellent word skills. But you need a lot of help with plot development and believable sex.
just plain Bull Shit... if your going to tell a story make it believable.... 12 in cock...4 in around... I stopped right there......
7th, 8th, or 9th? This was not even a good fantasy. It was pure junk from someone who obviously knows nothing about sex except what he has seen in low budget porno vids.
I read this to make sure it was as bad as people were saying. I'm going to use this as an example next time someone tells me my writing is crap.
No way, I don't know what every body else is talking about, this story was completely believable...
purely stroke material for the simpleminded.
Look the cock exaggeration is a sign of your huge and great imagination. Apparentely those critics are people who clearly have no imagination whatsoever.
NO WAY IN HELL YOUR COCK IS ANYWHERE THAT BIG, PRY MORE LIKE 5 INCHES. NICE TRY KID...........
you went from meeting her on a bench to reaming her ass in 1 page. Build your story slowly - describe more detail about her, more foreplay, romance...
The plot was intriguing, but I literally couldn't finish reading.
The writing seems to be on a nine-year-old's level and the dialogue made me cringe.
So much potential here- BAD execution.
The moment the author mentions the foot long cock & can cum 5 times in a session the story loses all integrity & realism. Even in fantasy readers want something they can relate to. 8 inches & maybe cumming twice in a session would be more believable
Name three things that are white and come in quarts.
A: Milk, ice cream, and paint.
Name one thing that doesn't.
A: The protagonist of this story.
This story is believable because it made my cock hard. Cocks come in different lengths,so its not impossible for your cock to be as long as you say it is. Those saying it's not are jealous cause they know a new born has a longer one than they do.