by Insufficient
Oh, my... your story has very much intrigued me. I am a voyeur and absolutely curious to read more, especially how receptive Mandy's friend will be of her photos. Hmmm.
;-)
I love the setting and Mandy's hesitation to show or not to show. It builds up anticipation of what's going to happen. I gave a 5 stars for keeping me guessing.
RecHiker
I loved the idea, but there was too many perspective changes. First we were in Mandy's head and her talking, then we had someone narrating and then she was someone else.
Great story. Such an innocent act filled with promise! Write more about the feelings you have while in the act and add some of the surprise voyeur's and their reactions from the other dorm.
Good start!
I am very impressed by the quality of this, if it is your first story. How much of it is autobiographical, fantasy, or really third party?
Thanks for the positive feedback! I'm new to this, so hopefully I can improve my writing as I progress. There might be long pauses between chapters because of my hectic schedule. I have some ideas for the next chapter, but I haven't decided yet how long the "innocent" act will last.
There are so few who can write in this category without turning the girl into a total slut within five minutes. I love the fairly innocent aspect to your writing. I encourage you to make it a nice long tease. Perhaps when he comes to get the camera she is surprised and not quite dressed.Congraulations on your first story. It is a winner!
Good story. Dont stop now. Just getting interesting. Do give us the racy and juicy details.
so we can all see this going somewhere interesting, especially when Mandy gets the camera back