A Red Leaf & Ten Orchids Ch. 08

My asshole boyfriend couldn't wait to get his hands on the money so that he could stuff it up his nose. He was already making arrangements for the next one. But Marcia came to drop off Jilly, since she and Bob were going away. I felt like shit anyway over what I'd done and with Marcia and Jilly on the way over, I just snapped and went nuts on him. I'm glad I did now."

She chuckled, "The poor guy was making noises about calling the law on me. It was the wrong thing to say, I guess." She shrugged, "Anyway, he had time to think about why I might have been a little upset with him while he was at the hospital. I met Marcia and Jilly at the door and we went back to her place. They headed out, I looked after Jilly and looked for another apartment. I just didn't know that my sister and her husband wouldn't be coming back. They went off the road about four days later.

When Jilly came to me, I decided that was the time to make the change that I'd been planning. I walked away from everything. I quit dancing, told my leech boyfriend that I'd kill him as soon as look at him, and I had another apartment in a day. I went back to college. I changed my whole life, Josh, but I've still got bad memories, and I can't undo what's done. So now you know MY dark secret, most of it anyway. You can take your hand away now." she said bitterly as she released his hand.

She was furious with herself. Why had she done this? She had meant to just tell him, not to piss on him. He had just told her that he loved her, and that her past didn't matter at all to him. Wasn't that good enough?

Why wasn't that good enough?

And she just HAD to spit into the wind and ruin it! Now her tears would come again when she tried to sleep. What the hell was the matter with her? 'Fuck it, 'she thought. 'Who gives a shit anyway?'

Josh didn't move, but he was quivering slightly. He wished that she hadn't had to tell him this because he felt its effect on her. He hoped that it had done her soul some good to get it out. His chest hurt.

Kayla hissed, "I said to take your hand away. I'm done talking." Why did he always have to mess up when she told him what to do?

He just said. "Lie back."

Kayla smirked in the darkness. So the contestant had chosen Door Number Two, the quick fuck. Wonderful Joshua Taylor was just another asshole, like all of the other men. And everything he'd said was just bullshit after all. Not so different now, was he? Now he wanted his fun.

"Oh." she said, "Here, let me help you, and we'll get done quicker."

She started to sit up to undo her pants, but his hand came off her so quickly that she didn't see the shadow move, she only felt its absence and then its sudden very light presence against her breastbone. No impact, no pressure, his flat palm was keeping her from sitting up, and it was as immoveable as the ceiling of the SUV.

Did he just want her to use her hand? She tried to reach, but he just said "No".

Her heart felt constricted with sudden fear. What good would those self-defense classes be against a man like him? She had a thought to run somehow, but she didn't even know the way back to the bunkhouse.

He spoke again evenly, and very gently. "Just lie back, Kayla. I want to -."

She realized that he could probably kill her without much effort. "P-please, -" she began, I'm s- orry. Don't hurt me".

The hand didn't move away, and it didn't push her down. It was just there. He dropped lower down onto his right side, his right forearm and hand suddenly supporting her shoulder blade, neck and head. His left hand then began to push her down very slowly.

She couldn't move against it or change it's course. It just kept pushing slowly. She lay back down, as though she had any choice in the matter. Let him do his thing, then, she thought. She wouldn't look over at his shape, just hoping to get through it. She felt his body shift.

His head was lower then hers...

She swung her right fist to hit his head as hard as she could, but he had sensed her muscles tensing even before the movement began. In the darkness he caught it easily as if it were nothing more than a minor distraction that he had anticipated. Just as before, his hand was an immutable force. She couldn't move.

She heard herself sob in despair. And then she heard Joshua begin to sob quietly as well. She stared in wonder at the top of his head. His face was against her breast. He just said, "Please Kayla, I -- I'm in love with you. I'm NOT going to hurt you. Please just stop!"

Through her shirt, Joshua began to kiss her gently, his tears wetting the fabric more than his mouth.

Kayla finally began to understand and she relaxed. The tension eased from her body, and with it, Josh's restraining force ebbed away instantly in response. He lifted his head.

She could just make out his eyes; in the little that was to be seen in the darkness, all of the blue appeared to be running out of those eyes and down his face. He sniffled as he looked into her eyes.

"You and I both have to stop this. Our reactions are just too fast. We doubt each other so quickly. I haven't lied to you. I'd never hurt you."

She stared at him, and then accepted what he'd said. She touched her palm to his face. "Joshua, you're crying..."

He pulled himself up slightly, "I've been to peeler bars. I don't much care if I get dragged there, but I don't like them because I can't give in to the illusion. The girl on stage isn't dancing for me and she's not coming home with me at the end of the evening, so what's the point? Even if she was, I wouldn't want it, because I don't know her. I'm just not like that.

He shrugged, "I've never gone to one alone, but I've been with a bunch of guys when I couldn't really avoid it. I'm the one quietly drinking his beer at the back of the place and wishing I was somewhere else. As you said, I'm not a prude either - It's just never been my thing." He sniffled again and wiped his face.

"I'm very sorry for what happened to you. It hurts me to hear it, because I can feel that how it hurts you to say it. That's why I'm crying, mostly."

He let out a ragged breath. "I'm used to people who can't read me and don't like me. I usually couldn't care less what people think of me, because I can't change it anyway, so I don't try. This time I care more than anything. I can't even cover it with a pretense of anger Kayla, because I care about you. I'll keep telling you that until you believe me, or you show me that you don't want me, and I can see for myself that you mean it." he said.

"Kayla, you can blink all night. I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to stay right here with you because this is where I want to be. I need to be here every time you blink. I need to be the first thing that you see every time that you open your eyes. Now please pay attention." he said, as he kissed her lips softly, then her forehead, and then finally he held her tightly to him as her dam finally broke and she wept while it all came out of her then in racking sobs.

Joshua couldn't have said how he knew that it was that close to the surface in her, he just knew it. Kayla was where she'd been because her dream had let her down, not because she was there to make a good living. He didn't imagine that it was all that much of a difference, but he knew that it was to Kayla, and that was what mattered. She'd changed her life, but what she'd hated was still there. He held her and thought that he could relate at least a little.

She cried for her ruined dream and the years of despair and bad choices made along the way. She cried for her dead father, though her parents hadn't spoken to her in years. She cried for Marcia, the only one who hadn't judged her. She cried for Sam, and the woman who still mourned him. She cried for little Jillian, who had been robbed of her parents, and had to live with her instead.

Most of all she cried for herself, for every time that her trust had been trampled, for what she'd had to do to find work, and for the marks that she bore and couldn't be rid of.

Her thoughts finally came to Joshua. She didn't drag herself over the coals so much as she knew that she'd misread him a few times now. He could be like cold steel, and yet she'd made him cry because she'd railed against, what? That he had offered her his heart when she couldn't get it through her head that anyone would care? That he'd found a way to tell her that wouldn't get mangled or become as empty as the mere words that people threw at each other with neither meaning or belief?

Kayla found that thinking about him helped to calm her at least somewhat, so she decided to examine her feelings though she was still crying. What was it in him that she saw as bad when her brain came up with snap assumptions that were so wrong? Her heart was telling her that this was right. Why couldn't her brain get on-side?

Joshua was still with her, upset simply because she was crying. He hurt because she was hurting and because she'd wounded him with her words, and how she had mistaken his intent. And his response was that he held her and stroked her back. The thought almost upset her more. Of all the things she had done, this had to be right up there because it was hurting them both and probably ruining the relationship that now seemed possible right in front of her behind his soft smile, and it was going to stop, she resolved, if she could only stop crying.

Josh held her as she hyperventilated; telling her many times to inhale less, that he would stay with her. He kept her face close to his wonderful scarred chest, and pulled the sleeping bag over them to make her re-breathe the same air until she finally wound down. He reached forward to grab the tissue pack that he remembered was by the rear door.

He hadn't looked at it since he'd put it there when he'd bought this pig. He hoped it wasn't too dusty. He grabbed it, and pulled it roughly, taking out several tissues and handing them to her. It took a second for her to find them, and she began to clean her face up. He did the same.

For twenty minutes, they examined their feelings in silence. Kayla had never known a man like Joshua and she decided for herself, but thought that it was still likely a non-starter now. Josh looked over how he felt once more and nothing changed for him.

They looked at each other's silhouettes in the darkness until he said simply, "Hi."

"Um, I'm trying to choose my words carefully here and I hope that I don't say this wrong, "he sighed, "I still want to be here, Kayla, but if you want, we can go back."

He heard her quiet gasp. "You - you're not put off?"

"No," he said, "I just want you to feel better. I love being with you."

She said, "Take off your clothes."

There was a slight pause, and Josh answered, "I don't know..."

Kayla felt disappointed. "You don't want to anymore?"

But Josh was chuckling. "I still want to. I'm just thinking that I ought to open a door or something before we drown. All this water in here." They laughed together and the dark sense of confusion was gone.

Kayla sat back to undo the button on her jeans and pull the zipper down. She tugged them off with her underwear at the same time, struggling only briefly with each leg. Josh was amazed at the fluidity of her movements. She undid his pants, told him to lift his butt, and grabbed the waistband of his jeans and shorts. She had his southern end naked before he could blink twice.

"That was pretty slick." he commented.

In reply, Kayla said, "Yeah well, Houdini could get out of locked chains, it's the same with me and clothes. Practice, practice, practice, you know?" She stopped as she thought about something.

Josh worried about her feelings. "Kayla, it's ok. I won't look."

Kayla giggled. "I was thinking about asking you to do that, but I'm feeling a lot better now. Besides, Josh, the most you can see is my outline."

Her voice came to him in a quiet growl. "Now YOU lie back, Joshua Taylor. I may be smaller and lighter than you, but I swear I can do more damage to you in a heartbeat than any old Canadian badger can, and I don't give a shit WHAT her name is!"

He began to protest, wanting to tell her, but she put her hand to his lips. She said, "There's a phrase that I'm looking for...it would work so well here, too... wait, it's coming to me, ... oh yes, THAT'S it!"

Josh asked. "What?"

Kayla leaned forward and kissed him.

"Shut up."

She straddled his hips and found that her head just brushed the liner of the ceiling if she didn't try to sit back.

"You just do as you're told for once, and nobody's gonna get hurt." She tensed her thighs to hold herself up as she undid the buttons of Josh' shirt and pulled it open. She looked hard to reassure herself by trying to see his tattoos. Satisfied by their apparent absence in the dark, she opened her own shirt and took it off, as she began to grind her cheeks into him.

The penis rising against her bottom signaled its agreement. She wiggled against it. "I haven't been with anyone in a couple of years, maybe you haven't either. I really want to make you happy right now, Joshua, but unless you've got a condom hidden around here someplace, you're going to have to let me run the show, ok?"

All that Josh's brain could manage came out of his mouth when he said, "Mm-hmm".

Josh told himself that she seemed to be having so much fun that he'd just keep his mouth shut and go with it. This was a moment that he wanted to remember forever.

Kayla being happy.

He rested his hands on her hips as she gyrated them. The range of movement that female hips were capable of had always amazed Joshua. He was certain that women came with some kind of ball bearing swivel in there.

She leaned forward, and brought her breasts to his face. His manhood sprang free and slapped against his abdomen. "I believe there was something that you wanted to say." she sighed, holding the back of his head.

He kissed her nipple slowly, and she hummed, pulling it back, "Again," she commanded, giving him only a few minutes each time. He complied. "Again," she said. "And again."

"Other side," she ordered happily. He did as he was told, he wasn't stupid.

She sighed "Three more...two more...one more...Oh, perfect... Ok, maybe just a couple more, mmm."

She fretted for a second. All of her experience had consisted of trying to bring a man to a climax as quickly as possible because it was something that she'd been forced to do sometimes. Just the minimum necessary, and Quality Control had never been high on the list. Since she never enjoyed it, she tried not to think too much about it. Suddenly she had a desire to not only do this for him in the best way that she could manage, but she was surprised to find a desire in herself to enjoy it with him.

She moved back to place her open labia along his hard penis, and began to stroke him with her movements. He groaned, and his breathing became deeper. Placing her hands on his shoulders, she leaned forward at the end of her travel, testing an idea that had crossed her mind. She found that she could touch the end of his penis with her clitoris. It sent a jolt up her spine, and caused Josh to say one of those deep thoughts that she loved him for.

"UHh," he said.

"Oh yeah," she sighed, as she concentrated on this new joy. She had always been ashamed if it, the way it protruded when she was aroused. It was handy that way when she masturbated, but many men seemed to be put off by it, not looking at it for more than one stare, and then pretending that it didn't exist.

Her conclusion then was that it must be ugly. She was surprised when a faint hope crossed her mind that Joshua might not think so. She leaned down again and stopped, just wiggling herself in tiny circles, and then going back to the long strokes, alternating a few of each movement. She began to hum to herself again, hoping that whatever Joshua felt was good enough to continue this for a while. She guessed that it must be good for him when he began to touch her breasts, circling the nipples with his thumbs, and squeezing gently sometimes. He loved the way that she gasped then.

Joshua was more than a little pleased. When she was happy and having fun she seemed like another woman. He was happy with the last Kayla. This one was much more carefree. He'd felt her clitoris earlier when he'd brushed past it with his hand. His attempt then to please her was based partly on some experience, and mostly on some quick and careful thought. But she'd come up with something now that he'd never dreamed of.

"Where did you learn...ohh." was the best that he could do to express himself.

"I ...uh... don't...kno-Ohw. I've never...do -- Uh-n this before."

She stopped. "I just thought of it." she said, as she began again. Then she noticed that HE was humming, and happily joined in. They discovered that they could continue this for many minutes, though she found that the point of contact between them required more pressure as they became slick in that spot.

"Oh Josh, I've got..." she groaned loudly, and then her body's autopilot kicked in. Their movements became more frantic. She was wet right down her thighs, and he was soaked too. He moaned as if in pain. This was far better than anything that she could have done for herself, and it sure beat every other time she'd been with a man. The fact that she cared for Joshua helped in her enjoyment of it in a huge way.

She was grunting like some wild thing when Josh cried out, lifted her up with his hips, and froze for a long second as he pushed so hard against her. He squeezed her nipples harder at the same instant, and someplace deep within her the combination lit off a whole box of fireworks that she'd never really admitted to herself that she had.

In her private moments, Kayla masturbated and liked to do that as much as anyone, she supposed. But with Joshua, she was somewhere that neither her toys or any other man had ever accompanied her to. She even had a thought that she shouldn't even be surprised, he was just that good to be with, like a friend that she'd never understood until now, and a lover that she just hadn't seen coming.

She bucked and shrieked, and then lay down on him, to keep her opening away from his semen as she gasped. His hands clutched her bottom as she rubbed her clitoris cautiously along his shaft to prolong her orgasm as the third, fourth, fifth, and ninth of his surges sprayed hotly between them. She slowed and stopped after he did.

She felt weak, but she was with it enough to enjoy the movement of her head on his chest as it heaved. It made her dizzy, but in a nice way. She thought she'd never heard a nicer sound than the thunder of his heart when she realized that she had been the cause of it. She was proud of herself. It hadn't been for one person because she had to do it. This was worth the sweat that it cost. She found his nipple at the same time that she noticed how nice it felt to slide around on him. Josh enjoyed her simple pleasure, but advised her, "Kayla, you do know what you're sliding in so happily, don't you?

She sighed and said. "Yup, and I like it. I can't believe how much there is, and it's very special to me." She slid around some more, humming and giggling happily.

He fought back a laugh at her absurdity because she'd probably get whiplash with her head on his chest like that if he laughed as hard as he felt like laughing. Besides, he loved the feeling too, and wanted her to continue for as long as she wanted. Nobody had ever done that before.

He looked at the top of her head for a second and thought about it, but no answer came to him, so he had to ask. "Well, enjoy it, because in a minute, it won't be that slippery, and why is it so special?"

She looked toward his head in the dark. "Because it came from you." She let that sink in for a second, and then realized that she had neglected his other nipple. She couldn't believe how happy she felt.