Blown Away

He forced his eyes open and saw the nurse standing there in uniform with a white lab coat.

"I'm Lieutenant Cindy Alexander," she told him. "I'll be taking care of you for the next 24 hours or so depending on what Dr. Kranz says. The surgery went well and we saved the piece of metal from the blast for you."

She held it up and showed him then said, "The doctor will be by to give you his prognosis in a few minutes. Can I get you anything?"

Kyle shook his head as he fought to break out of the fog that seemed to be enveloping it. He wasn't sure how much time had passed, but the same doctor he remembered from before suddenly showed up next to him and asked him how he felt.

"Okay, I think," Kyle told him.

"Great. Well, the hunk of metal is out. That's the good news. There's no internal bleeding and I see no reason you won't be up and walking around—slowly—tomorrow morning. I do have some concerns though, about possible nerve damage to one very specific area."

Kyle lay there dumbfounded by what he heard as the doctor explained.

"I...I don't understand. You mean...I might be impotent?"

"When you're aroused, tubes called the vas deferens squeeze sperm from the testes toward the back of the urethra. The seminal vesicles also release fluid there. The urethra senses the sperm and fluid mixture. Then, at the height of sexual excitement, it sends signals to your spinal cord, which in turn sends signals to the muscles at the base of your penis. If any of the nerves involved are damaged, it can inhibit erection, ejaculation, or both. We won't know until we can run some more tests."

He was still too groggy to explain he knew what happened during ejaculation. He just wasn't sure he'd correctly heard what the doctor had said.

"Is...is this...permanent?" Kyle asked instead.

"One thing at a time, Lieutenant. We're not even sure you're going to have problems. If you do, that doesn't necessarily mean it's permanent. We'll know more tomorrow once we can take a closer look. For now, relax, rest up, and I'll see you again around 0800 hours."

As tired as he was, he understood the potential significance of what the doctor had just told him.

"Not that," he said to himself. "Jesus. Anything but...that." Too tired to think, the medications did their work and he was soon back asleep.

Twelve hours passed in a dark haze of fitful sleep, and Kyle awoke again to a different nurse letting him know the doctor was making his rounds. She informed him Dr. Kranz wanted to run a couple of tests which, if positive, would need to be confirmed at a state-of-the art hospital. In this case that meant at a U.S. base in Germany before going home.

When the tests were finished, Dr. Kranz pulled up a chair.

"I don't want to worry you, but the results do concern me."

Among other tests, Kyle had been shown images of women in various stages of nudity while his 'equipment' was connected to an electrical device that displayed his level of arousal on a monitor. No matter who or what he saw there was no 'action' down south. None. Zip. Zilch. Nada.

"How do I not get concerned?" Kyle asked. "I'm married and my wife is a...a very healthy young woman, if you get my drift, Doc."

"Oh, trust me. I get it. They'll need to run some tests in Germany we can't do here. So the day after tomorrow we'll have you out of here and back in the civilized world that afternoon. They'll be able to give you a much better idea of how severe the nerve damage is. Stressing over it won't help."

He looked at Kyle then said, "I know. I'd be stressing, too. I never lie to my patients. This may not be permanent, but it is possible. I don't how else to tell you so that's the bottom line, my friend."

"Thanks for leveling with me, Doc," Kyle said grateful the doctor hadn't tried to sugarcoat the diagnosis—temporary or not.

The 'or not' part sent a chill through his body that was going to take time to work through. In fact, time might not be enough. Working through it meant Kayleigh working through it, too, and as much as he knew she loved him, this wasn't something like getting a finger shot off or even developing diabetes. If it continued long enough, this could potentially be a marriage-ender no matter how much she loved him, and Kyle Randall knew that all too well.

It was 8am back home when the nurse wheeled him down to an area where he could finally call Kayleigh. He took a deep breath then gave the DSN operator her cell number and waited. His heart was pounding in his chest as the phone rang once and then twice.

"Hello?" he heard a hopeful voice say.

"Honey? Hey, it's me," Kyle said.

"Kyle? Oh, my God! I'm so relieved! How are you? Are you okay? What happened? Is everything..."

"Slow down, baby," he said trying to be strong. "I'm alive. I have all my limbs and my eyesight. I took one piece of shrapnel and it's been removed."

"Thank God!" she said. "So when you be home?"

"Um, well, I need to stop in Germany for a couple of days for some um, routine tests and then I'll be home."

"Seriously? In less than a week? And you're otherwise okay?" she said unable to hide her enthusiasm.

"That's my understanding," he told her not volunteering additional information.

"Oh, my God!" she squealed again. "Oh, honey. I am SO happy! I can't wait to see you!"

"Same here, sweetie," Kyle told her truthfully omitting his concerns.

"This is just wonderful," she gushed. "Since you're okay, I have to tell you I am unbelievably horny."

"Um, yeah. Me, too," he said hoping his anxiety went undetected.

"I have so many surprises in mind for you," she said in a sexy voice. "And all of them are very, very naughty."

"Mmmm. Wow," Kyle said trying to be positive.

"Is...is everything okay?" she asked sensing something was wrong.

"It's just the medications, baby. They make me sleepy."

"Oh, okay. Well, I'll wake you up when you get home. And I mean all of you if you know what I mean."

"Yeah. I sure do," he said rather glibly.

They talked about a few routine things before Kyle told her he needed to go. He didn't have to get off the phone, he just didn't feel much like talking.

"So call me when you get to Germany, okay? Keep me informed."

"I will, honey. Talk to you later, okay?"

"Oh, we'll do more than talk, baby. See you and fuck you later!" she said with a laugh before hanging up.

"Yeah. Fuck...me," he said sarcastically once she was off the line. "Fuck me to tears."

Forty-eight hours later he was getting test results from an Army doctor in another U.S. military hospital in Germany.

"This isn't promising, Lieutenant," the Army major told him directly. "There's been moderate-to-serious nerve damage which is why you're not able to achieve an erection. When you get back to Fort Lewis you'll get the best care available, but I can't promise you this is going to be resolved in a favorable way. I can't even begin to claim I understand what you're going through, and I'm not gonna tell you to be grateful you weren't paralyzed or didn't lose a leg. This is bad. There's no two ways around it."

"But it could change, right, Doc?" he asked.

"Sure. That's very possible. I just can't say how likely it is or how long it might take. Sometimes nerve endings heal very rapidly. Other times they gradually come back over time. And there are times when they just don't—ever. You could regain some partial ability in the future or possibly even be back to where you were before the blast. I'm afraid that at this point time is the only ally we really have."

"Yeah. Time. Okay, thanks, Doc," he said as the major shook his hand.

Kyle did his best to mask his bitter disappointment and utter frustration when he called Kayleigh a few hours later. He knew she could sense something was wrong, but her own excitement prevented her from digging too deeply, and Kyle wasn't about to discuss this over the phone. It would difficult enough in person, and his mind began strategizing on how to go about breaking the news to his beautiful, always-horny wife.

It was a chilly, gray, November afternoon when his plane landed in Seattle after having taken off from Dulles Airport in DC some six hours earlier where he boarded a connecting flight after flying out of Frankfurt, Germany.

By all appearances, Kyle looked to be 100% healthy. He'd bought some civilian clothes at the little exchange at the hospital in Germany, and to anyone else, no one would suspect there was anything wrong. Not even his gorgeous wife who was waiting for him with a handful of balloons and looking more beautiful than he could ever remember.

As he entered the passenger waiting area he saw her first. She was wearing a winter white coat that went to just above her knees and a pair of 4-inch black heels. Her hair and makeup were perfect and under normal circumstances, Kyle would be feeling the results somewhere below his belt. But due to the injury there was absolutely no response of any kind.

"Kyle!!" she screamed when she saw him. She ran to him and threw her arms around him then smothered him with several kisses, one of them very deep and rather passionate.

"I'm SO glad you're home!" she said before letting go.

"Me, too," he told her. "You look amazing, honey."

"Oh, you ain't seen nothin' yet, soldier," she said. She looked to see who might be looking then opened her coat just enough to reveal she was wasn't wearing another stitch of clothing underneath.

"Just in case you couldn't wait until we get home," she told him. "In fact, we could get a motel room nearby if you..."

"Oh, no. Um, let's just get back to our place, okay, baby?" he said smiling to try and ward off probing questions.

"Oh. Okay," she said her smile fading momentarily before it came back. "I should warn you the house is done up in a very um...explicit kind of way."

"Ah-ha! Another 'themed' homecoming, huh?" he said recalling the things she'd done before. Once, everything was either leather or handcuffs or whips and chains. They weren't really into BDSM, but it had been a very enjoyable homecoming for them both. What had surprised them the most was that Kayleigh had naturally gravitated toward the role of Master while Kyle was shocked at how much he'd enjoyed being her slave. It had been so counterintuitive to both of them because Kyle was a take-charge kind of guy. He'd thought about that many times since, and still had no explanation as to why that had been such a huge turn on for him. They'd never done anything like it since, but it was still a very pleasant memory for both of them.

Kayleigh was bubbling with excitement and sexual energy. She peppered him with one question after another all the way out to the car. When Kyle asked her to drive she didn't think much of it, but she did give him a funny look.

"I haven't been behind the wheel in close to a year so it just seems smart for you to drive," he'd told her. His biggest concern was that she might want to get frisky with him on the way home. He'd been the lucky recipient of more than one blow job while driving the car, and this was not the day he wanted to be the unable recipient of a failed attempt.

Kyle wasn't a man of many words, but he was so quiet Kayleigh knew something was up. They were passing through Olympia when she asked him point blank, "What's going on? What are you not telling me?"

"Let's get home first, okay?" he said.

"Oh, God," Kayleigh said. "Do you not love me anymore? Are you about to tell me you're leaving me or..."

"Stop! Honey, please. No. I'd never say that. I am totally and completely in love with you," he assured her.

"Whew! Thank God," she said. "But something is wrong, isn't it?"

"Kind of," he said not wanting to get into it right then and there.

"Something happened in the blast, didn't it? Do you have some kind of open would with stitches? I mean, if we can't...do it...that's okay. We can do whatever we can do safely until it's healed," she offered supportively.

"No, it's not that. I do still have internal stitches, but that's not the concern."

He glanced over at her then said, "We'll discuss it when we get home, okay?"

"You're scaring me, honey," she said. She reached for his hand then said, "But as long as you still love me, we'll get through this. No matter what it is. I promise."

An hour later, a stunned Kayleigh Randall sat next to her husband barely able to think and unable to speak.

"Talk to me, Kayleigh. This is killing me."

"I...I don't know what to say," she managed to tell him. "I...I guess we need to focus on getting you to the post hospital and treating this. I mean, the doctors did say it might only be temporary, right?"

"Yeah, they did. But they also said it could be..."

"No! Don't say that, Kyle. I don't want to hear that! That can't happen. Not to us! This...this is all just so...unfair!"

And with that, Kayleigh lost it. She knew she was being selfish and even childish. But she'd had no prior warning, no hint that anything like this was coming her way. She'd been dreaming and fantasizing about getting laid every which way to Sunday for months and now, in an instant, she learned her gorgeous husband couldn't even get it up.

Yes, she knew it had been the same for him. One minute he's perfectly fine. Then an instant later, his life has changed dramatically and quite possibly for good.

"We can still do other stuff. You know, kissing, petting, oral."

Deciding to take a chance he said with a smile, "I could even buy a strap on and do you the way lesbian chicks do each other, right?"

Kayleigh was still crying and his ill-timed attempt at humor just made things worse.

Kyle put his arms around her and said, "I don't know what else to say, honey. Our driver lost a leg and Staff Sergeant Ramirez was killed in a firefight nine weeks before we got hit. This is bad, but we have to at least try and keep it in perspective, right?"

Kayleigh dried her eyes and said, "I'm sorry, honey. No, you're right. We...we do have to keep this in perspective. And yes, we can do...other things...while you get treated and that will, you know, tide us over until you're back in perfect working order."

She even tried to force a smile which was at least a start.

"So...do you want me to take my coat off and see just how much...other stuff...we can do?"

This time her smile was more genuine. It was still strained, but it was at least real.

Kyle knew it was his turn to put up a strong show of confidence and said, "I'd like that a lot."

"Let me just go wash my face and clean up this mascara, okay?"

Kyle went to the bedroom and undressed while she was in the bathroom. He heard the water running then smiled when he heard her sit down to pee. By the time she flushed and washed her hands, he was naked and in bed. He looked down at Mr. Flaccid and exhaled deeply before his beautiful wife walked in.

Her coat was gone and when she walked in she said, "So?" as she turned around for him.

"Damn!" Kyle said. It was weird that he could see and feel the same things. He even experienced a surge of adrenaline. But as far as an increase in blood flow to the place he needed it most, there was nothing going on. Nothing at all.

Kayleigh slid in beside him and pulled him on top of her.

"I've been dreaming about this since the day you left," she said as she pulled him close and kissed him. Within seconds, their tongues were swirling and dancing and unlike Kyle, her body was responding perfectly.

"I am so fucking wet," she said as those old familiar feelings surged through her body. She reached for his hand and put it between her legs. "See?" she said as he began exploring her warmth.

"Oh...fffuck!" she cried as his fingertip circled her swollen nub. "Yes!! That feels so good, honey!" she moaned.

When he inserted a finger, she gasped.

"Fuck, yeah!" she cried begging for another and then a third. "Ooooh! Fuck! Oh...shit, just like that!"

It didn't take long for Kayleigh to cum the first time as she screamed out in ecstasy.

"Yesss!" she cried as her body shook and trembled.

"Your turn," she purred as she rolled him over just as the realization of what she'd just said hit her.

"Oh, my God! Honey, I'm so sorry. I...I got so caught up in everything I forgot..."

"It's okay," he told her. "There's still a lot more I can do for you."

He pushed her on her back again and kissed his way south until he was able to use his tongue where his fingers had previously done the walking. Kayleigh came again and just as hard thanks to the expert employment of his tongue as she had from his fingers. But there would be no icing on the cake as intercourse, let alone a real fucking, was out of the question.

Kayleigh hid her disappointment very well as she realized she would have to settle for for taking what she could get—for now. She simultaneously felt cheated and guilty as hell for wanting more. This wonderful, caring man bore no personal responsibility for what happened to him so none of this was his fault. And yet that didn't change the fact that Kayleigh wanted all of him in the worst possible way. Not only couldn't she have that tonight, she wondered if she'd ever have it again. The thought was so frightening she dismissed it and buried as deeply as her mind would allow.

"I'm glad you're here with me," Kyle said as they checked in at the post hospital the following morning.

"I wouldn't miss this for anything. I mean, we're both in this together, right?" she said as cheerfully as she could even as those nagging, underlying doubts continued to rear their ugly heads.

After having his vitals checked, Kyle was taken to a room, and Kayleigh was allowed to go with him. A few minutes later a younger, good-looking Army doctor whose name tag said 'Jonathan Asbury, MD' on it knocked on the door. He was a captain which meant he'd probably only recently come on active duty. That may or not have any bearing on how good he was.

"Lieutenant Randall. Mrs. Randall," he said. "I'm Jonathan Asbury. I'm an internist and I've read everything in your medical file and discussed your case with a urologist and a couple of other specialists. We have some treatments options I'll go over with you, but I'm afraid that at this point, I don't have any strongly encouraging news. The nerve damage leads us to believe it may not be permanent, and we'll proceed from the belief it isn't, but no one can make any guarantees."

For the next fifteen minutes, the Randalls asked as many questions as they could once the doctor was finished discussing treatment options. The one that involved stimulating nerve regrowth seemed to be the most promising and the one they'd use as they tried other less-hopeful options.

By the time they left, the married couple had a much better overview of what they were facing and yet the additional knowledge did nothing to change their situation for the near-term future. Because the doctor couldn't tell them when they might start seeing results or even if they ever would, there was effectively no change from when they walked in. In fact, things seemed ever more bleak than they had before.

Kayleigh had blinked back tears several times when the realization really hit her that her husband might never be able to satisfy her again. She steeled herself and managed to tell him that none of that mattered; that she'd be right there beside him for as long as it took. She even found herself saying, "Even if this never changes."

It was that realization that had caused her eyes to well up with tears. A life without sex—ever. It felt like a kind of death sentence, and no matter how many times she told herself that was being melodramatic, it didn't make her feel any better.

Kyle had two weeks off after his lengthy deployment. All he needed to do was stop by the battalion office and turn in his travel claim. He'd of course stop by the company office and say hello to anyone who might be there, but he wasn't about to share his bad news with anyone. Getting wounded in battle was one thing. Becoming impotent as a result was quite another.