Broken Salvation

Fully coming back to my senses, I reached for him and once I had a handful of his shirt, I yanked him closer until I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled Father Boss closer into me, pressing my bare sweating body against him as I kissed his still smoky lips as lovingly and passionately as I could.

As we kissed, my hands went back down to his cock, getting it out of his pants. I could feel him groaning against my mouth as my hands slipped up and down. The longer this went on, the more I wanted him. I knew I needed him to be inside me. I pulled him and he shuffled closer to me, the head of his dick pressing against my vagina, between my lips. I gasped into the kiss as I began sliding the tip against myself. Of course, there was a bit of fear since I didn't know how it would feel and I did know I shouldn't be doing something like this before marriage.

Still, I didn't care. I wanted him too much and it wasn't as if I could ever marry the man. We might as well take it all the way after all the things we had already done, right? I NEEDED him!

Maybe I was wrong because as I pulled him even closer there was a pause. A moment of hesitation, as I gasped as my recent dreams finally came true. I felt his throbbing cock on me, and then in me as he dipped inside me. But he was there for all of a second. Then all of sudden as if there was an electric shock between the two of us, Father Boss jerked back away from me. Pushing my hands off him all together. Had I hurt him in some way? Looking at his face I saw the fearful look he held. As if he had seen a ghost. "I can't..." He whispered, there was sadness in his voice as he was shaking his head as he was busy tucking himself back into his pants.

"What?" I cried, I was shocked by his reaction. I truly thought this was what he wanted, what we both wanted. I was sitting there naked with my legs invitingly wide apart.

Father Boss stood in front of me, dragging his fingers through his hair as he shook his head. "I can't do this. Julia... I just can't. I'm so sorry." He said several times repeating himself as he turned his back to me, taking some deep breaths as he looked off to the large green house plant in the corner of the room.

Right... Father Boss was a good Godly man. Even though he allowed himself some pleasures it seemed, he still knew when it was best to stop. And I didn't. It was a little humiliating. I sat there, messy and naked on the table and he had his back to me. "I need a cigarette... and to get to bed." he finally said, walking to the back door of the little house and without stopping heading right outside. Leaving me there.

I couldn't believe I was left to sit there naked and alone with barely a word from him. With a deep resigned breath I groaned as I slid off the table. I quickly grabbed my dress up off the back of one of the chairs and pulled it back on the best I could over my sweaty sticky body, before following him outside. As at that very second, he wasn't the only one that could use a smoke after all that.

Chapter Ten

The next morning I woke up to an eerily quiet empty house, even Margaret hadn't made an appearance with the vacuum. After a much needed shower, when I came down stairs I found the kitchen all cleaned up and sitting on the table where my buttocks had been the night before was a single cigarette and lighter underneath both a shopping list and his credit card. After a small smile formed on my lips, but as I looked around, I felt a sinking in the pit of my stomach, knowing I must have gone too far the night before. I had really messed things up with Father Boss.

Thinking what would Father Boss do at this very moment, I took what would soon become my first whole cigarette ever outside and sat on the cool back steps, looking out over the graveyard. It was a moment of peace and calm. A couple of magpies swooped down from the overhangings tree and one picked up twigs the other a worm before flying back up to make their nests. I then focused on my hand. I went about struggling with the lighter. It was more difficult than I thought. Father Boss had always handed me a lit cigarette and now that I was left on my own, I just couldn't get it down. I struggled for a bit with the cigarette between my lips, unlit and just dangling there, until I noticed someone walking over. Closing my knees quickly, I looked up and relief crossed through me, I saw Matthew coming my way with his grocery store apron on over his clothes. He always took a shortcut through the churchyard to go to work, so I was used to smoking in front of Matthew by then.

"Need some help?" he asked, giving me that charming smile he always seemed to have. Matthew was such a sweet man to even stop for me while on his way to work.

"Please," I mumbled, trying not to drop the cigarette between my lips, holding the lighter out to him. He got in close to me, I could smell his deodorant and used one hand to block the flame from any wind as he struck the lighter once and lit the end of my cigarette for me. After taking in the now much needed first long drag, I let out the smoke with a gentle sigh. "Thanks," I smiled up to him as he handed me the lighter back, our hands lightly brushing one another.

"No problem. I better get going." Matthew said as with a swift movement he checked his phone for the time.

"I'll be seeing you very soon. Father Boss left me a shopping list." I told him as I took another long drag from my cigarette.

"Great, I look forward to seeing you." He said it with the warmest smile I had ever seen and I wondered if he meant it as my stomach again fluttered, or was he just being nice. We locked eyes for a moment longer before he went off on his way back across the grounds, leaving me there by myself alone with the birds and squirrels once again.

The rest of the morning was pretty mondaine. After breakfast, I went off to the store, my head was lost in thoughts as such I did not even look at the list till I got there. At the top there were normal things, different foods and vegetables, some coffee, tea, toiletries, but at the end there was something I never ever expected to buy. Something that was never on my mom's list. Two packs of cigarettes and a lighter, the brand neatly scribbled down as to make sure I got the right ones. I was suddenly nervous, though after so long of partaking in what could be only described as a bad but fun habit of sharing cigarettes with Father Boss, the least I could do was pick up more for the two of us. Plus, after a stressful morning by myself I was seriously contemplating that I could really use another.

I made sure when I finished to go through the line Matthew was checking out and when I got to the front we shared a smile. "Good morning, Miss Julia." He greeted me, starting to scan all the different things I had lined up on the belt. "Father Boss is a lucky guy. Doesn't even have to come do his own shopping anymore." He teased playfully, making me roll my eyes.

"Well, he is a busy man, you know?" I said as I took the bags and put them back in the cart. Thankfully there was not too much I would need to carry back to the little house on the church grounds, though I did wish I had some help with that part of things. When he finished ringing everything up I cleared my throat and looked at the list, I am sure my face was red from blushing, I was very much afraid to even say out loud what I needed. Matthew stared at me and gave me a sweet look as he leaned against the counter a bit, his eyes peering over at the list as he came in closer.

"Need some smokes?" He asked, with a little teasing shimmer in his eyes as he reached out and took the list from me. His sparkling blue eyes danced down the page as he scanned to the bottom and he nodded, he popped out from his till and hurried over to the tobacconist stand at the side, grabbing the two packs and quickly ringing them up his till before sliding them over to me. I took them and put them away deep in the bottom of one of the bags before completing my transaction with him. We said our goodbyes and after what seemed like a long time staring at each other, gave little waves before I walked out of the store, putting away my cart and with a deep breath lugging all the heavy bags the relatively short distance back to the house.

The rest of the day I distracted myself in the church basement cleaning up the Sunday school room. There was still preparation for next Sunday to be done. Plus getting the kitchen and living room straight for when Father Boss would be coming home. He had to come back at some point and I was nervous at the thought. I felt like last night I had ruined everything, but it was hard to tell when he wasn't even around. There was on ray of light, he still had enough trust in me to leave his credit card for the shopping, but that didn't mean much when it came to the other aspects of our lives together.

Father Boss eventually came home long after it got dark outside, wearing his full priest get up and all. He must have been hard at work the whole day, but didn't tell me what he had been doing as he came over and gave me a gentle kiss on the lips. I again melted in his presence. There was still a spark there, there was energy between us, at least for me there was as I went up on my toes to reach him a bit better, pressing into the kiss. Father Boss returned the passion, but as soon as my hands came to rest on his lower stomach he pulled away and stepped back. "How has your day been, Julia?" He asked, I shrugged my response watching him getting out his pack of cigarettes from his pocket and picking up the lighter from the table, clearly showing me he wanted to take this conversation outside.

I followed him out and we got settled on the back steps, the cool evening air around us was feeling tense as we shared small talk about our day. While we sat together, passing the last cigarette in the pack between one another. In the darkness we saw a brief flash of Matthew passing by, waving to him as he went. I kind of wished he would come and spend some time with us. That way it wasn't just me and the priest on our own. For the first time I didn't want to be alone with him and it was a horrible feeling. It didn't help that I was sure he felt the same way as well. Something had changed between us.

We snuggled on the couch for a bit, but even then it felt like there was a big wall between us. One that Father Boss wanted to be there. I wanted to be close to him when it felt like he could not wait to get further away from me. We just couldn't get comfortable together on the couch. He just kept wiggling and moving me around. It was hard for me to process after we had gotten so close over the past few weeks. After another quick cigarette outside together we went off to our separate rooms without much of a "good night" or anything.

The next morning over breakfast, Father Boss announced that he would be leaving town next week for a few days for a conference. At first, I thought maybe I would be able to go with him, as that would be exciting. Nice hotels, meals out, being cooked for, but those dreams were quickly cut short when he told me it was for the church and he had to go alone. It meant I would also be home alone that whole week, but I did have a very important job. I would be left in charge to take care of the church and lock up every night for him. I was scared, but in a way I was also happy I would be in control of the keys. Maybe it was about time for me to figure out how I would handle being on my own.

After morning mass I spent my time going around and cleaning up like I always did. The place was large and its age was starting to show. There was always something that needed to be taken care of. Either cleaned or fixed. It just fell on me as much as I was able to. More complicated things I would need to ask Father Boss. I loved this place and no matter what happened in the future between Father Boss, I was sure my work here would never change. When morning time turned to afternoon, choir practice started and I made my way to the main area to enjoy that as I polished the wooden pews. It was fun to listen to them playing with going up and down the scales and playing with note and word games. Matthew really had a gift. His voice was so pretty and soothing, it mixed well with the others but also stood out at the same time. When they started singing properly I hummed and occasionally sang gently to the songs as I diligently did my work, kneeling most of the time to work on polishing the seats of the long benches.

Since Evan would be gone the next week, we decided I would start locking up that evening once choir practice was over. It took one more thing off his full plate as well and I always sought to do that. I stuck around for the whole practice and when it was finished I waited for everyone to file out, leaving me with just Matthew in the end.

"So, Father Boss has you dealing with us now too?" He asked with that movie star smile he always seemed to have. He had a little folder with his paperwork of the day all filled out inside along with whatever donations were given by the choir. I knew that there were a few bills in there from Matthew himself. I wished so much that I could donate as well, but my donations to the church had to come in the form of my time and effort.

I giggled and took the folder from him, sliding it under my arm as I walked with him to the front doors. "I am only taking on another small responsibility here so the Father has more time to work on other important things." I assured him, both of us stopping and turning to one another at the big wooden double doors. Looking up into his blue eyes, I shifted my weight nervously on my feet a little.

"You should be getting a large paycheck from the church by now." Matthew laughed, putting his hands on his hips, looking as if he was in no hurry to go off anywhere. I didn't mind, finding it nice to have someone else in town to talk to when it seemed Father Boss was desperately pushing me away. I knew I was welcome to spend time with the older man, but I could feel the new boundaries being set between us. It was going to be painful, but I trusted the priest knew what was best for both of us, especially after we had gotten into such a gray area with one another.

"Oh please. I am only doing my small part."

"Now, Miss Green, I think we both know you're doing more than that. You're practically joined at the hip with Father Boss. I almost thought you two were going to hook up the other night when you kicked me out and clearly stuck around. What time was it? I think around... four in the morning." He teased playfully with daring eyes as he looked down at me. I blushed all over and shook my head quickly.

"Not at all, Matthew! We would never...he is a man of God!" I tried to look aghast, I didn't quite know how to defend it since he was right. So horribly right. "And call me Julia, please," I said in a soft tone.

"I know he is, I was only teasing, Julia." Matthew reassured me, reaching over and firmly squeezing my shoulder. "I don't really think anything like that could be going on. Not with two people so devoted to the church." He shook his head, thankfully unwilling to believe something like that. He already knew too much about us, especially me, as it was when it came to smoking. If things were to continue, which it seemed they would not, we needed to be more careful.

His firm touch was nice though. I liked having him squeezing my shoulder the way he was, making my stomach stir up with butterflies as he slowly slid his hand down my arm and to my bare elbow where he affectionately squeezed once more. It made me feel riled up in a way it shouldn't have, but I couldn't help myself. I knew I felt all pent up now that Father Boss was rejecting my advances. I wanted Boss so badly that the longing was clearly rubbing off on Matthew's friendly touch as well. I couldn't tell why though, maybe it was how alike they were or because of how sweet Matthew was.

"Well, I'm glad you don't think so lowly of me." I said with a slight smile as he let go of me and put his hand on the brass door handle instead.

"Think lowly? Of you? Never." Matthew shook his head and I could tell by the way he said it, he meant it.

With that, Matthew slipped out of the church and allowed me to lock up behind him. I felt a bit lonely for a moment after he was gone, wondering what Father Boss was up to and if we would spend any time together that night. I went over to the house after locking up the back door of the church, finding Father Boss sitting on the couch and watching some TV. It was perfect, there was a spot right beside him I would fit in and of course I slipped right there. Snuggling up under his arm, I laid my head on his shoulder and sighed a little, feeling Evan tensing up just a bit.

Like it wasn't comfortable for him having me draped across him. My hand almost hugged his belly.

Sitting there leaning against the man, breathing in and really enjoying his aroma of recent cigarettes, I wondered where things had gone wrong, even though I knew in a way they had. It was that magical moment when I wanted to take things further. That had ruined things between us. It was hard to really digest that reality though. I wanted to be with Father Boss in whatever way I was able to.

After some time of us sitting in silence while the TV played some movie in front of us that neither of us was really following, I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek before moving my hand to his chin and pulling his face closer so I could get to his lips. Evan allowed a slow, gentle kiss for a moment before he pulled back and yawned. "It's already getting late.... Got to be up early in the morning." With that he pulled away from me and got up from the couch, adjusting his clothes and walking towards the door. "Gonna go out for a moment. Want to join me?" Father Boss asked as he got his pack of cigarettes out, taking one between his lips already.

I nodded and got up as well, feeling strange that he had pulled out of our kiss so quickly. It was as if he didn't like me at all anymore and that made me feel almost sick to my stomach. I had been kicked out of my home by my parents and now Father Boss seemed to be finished with me as well. It was a horrible feeling.

Getting outside, I was a little surprised when Father Boss handed me my own cigarette, letting me take it between my lips as he lit it for me. He did it just like Matthew had, using one hand to shelter the flickering flame from the breeze. It still felt nice. Being out there with Father Boss felt right and having a smoke together was lovely, even if we were not sharing it. I guess he wanted a whole cigarette to himself. The silence between us was not deafening. I felt comfortable as we looked off at the moon illuminating some of the yard before us. It was pleasant. Our cigarettes were burning brightly together side by side. Maybe things would be okay. Maybe it would just take a bit of time.

Chapter Eleven

Throughout the rest of that week I soon knew that "time" was not working. I felt the distance between me and my priest growing. We barely shared our quick little kisses between us anymore. I only got momentary cuddles with him in the evening on the couch. It seemed Father Boss was mentally finished with whatever it was we had between one another. Yet he was not going to say anything yet. In the moment of want and need I found myself thinking more and more about Matthew as well. I was needing badly to have that attention Father Boss had made me accustomed to. I felt horrible about that, not knowing if it was okay for me to think like that so soon. I just couldn't help myself.

Monday morning came around quickly and extremely early in the morning I waved Father Boss off from the house and then found myself to be immediately in the dark surrounded by quiet. I knew I was going to be lonely from that moment forward. There wasn't too much to do alone. I went around and got the daily chores out of the way before working on smaller tasks that needed to be done here and there. Some things that really didn't need to be done at all. I did keep my eye on the time, making sure I was outside for a much needed cigarette break when Matthew would be walking across the churchyard on his way to work. It took ages for the time to roll on.