Built Upon Sand

I finally got to sleep and when I woke in the morning the heady mood was still with me. I would be with them all day, playing with Toni, talking with Amrah...just...just being with those I loved.

I was disappointed when I went to the dining room for breakfast because they weren't there. I was champing at the bit for the time to arrive when I went to get them.

It was a beautiful day, the most beautiful I could ever remember, and made more glorious by the knowledge I would soon be with them. It was just the day for swimming. I put on my swimming shorts under my regular shorts, and putting on a beach coat I went to meet them.

They were ready, also wearing beach coats and Amrah bearing the beach umbrella and towels. I relieved her of the umbrella, and away we went. On arriving at the beach the question was, which had priority, the sandcastle or a swim.

"Swim...swim...swim..." yelped Toni, dancing up and down. And so swimming it was.

Toni took off her beach coat to stand revealed in a one piece bathing suit – white of course, and she looked very sweet.

"Yes," I thought, "it would be white; Amrah knows it enhances her complexion."

Then Amrah took her beach coat off. Dear God, she was lovely. It was like the first time I ever saw her when as now she was dressed in a white bikini. If anything my response was even more lustful than on that previous occasion, and now being intermixed with love, extremely potent.

I blessed and cursed her for being able to arouse me in this way, cursing her mainly because of the erection she had inspired.

Then Toni's voice cut across my libidinous response to Amrah, "Doctor Essex, come and play with me in the water."

My daughter wanted me to play with her. She had run down to the sea, wasn't this what I wanted? "Please God, can I have it all; mother and child; a life I didn't understand, yet wanted so dearly?"

"She calls to you, Tony," Amrah said.

Embarrassed by what I knew would be revealed when I took my shorts off I turned my back to Amrah. Of course there were other people scattered in groups along the beach so as soon as the shorts were off I raced for the sea.

I rushed in and waded out until the water was at waist level. Then I heard Toni's voice, "Doctor Essex...Doctor Essex, it is too deep for me."

There she was further in shore, the water up to her chest and arms extended to me.

Whether it was the effect of the coldwater or a sense of fatherly duty, my erection had diminished. I went to Toni and took her in my arms, her little body clinging to me.

"Can you swim...I mean swim properly?" I asked.

"Yes, mummy taught me, let me show you."

I released her and she swam a few metres from me and then swam back.

"See, I can swim more than that, but you said you would play dolphins with me."

Playing dolphins Toni style meant cupping my hands so she could put her feet in them, and then heaving her up into the air to drop back into the water with a big splash. This went on for a considerable time, and then it was climbing on my shoulders, balancing, and then diving off in a flurry of arms and legs.

After many such leaps Amrah's voice close by said, "Darling, you'll wear Doctor Essex out."

I turned to see Amrah standing close by. How long she has been watching the performance I didn't know, but she grinned and whispered, "Having a good time daddy?"

I was about to reply that I never knew kids could be so energy sapping, but Toni said. "I'll dive between your legs Doctor Essex."

My legs spread wide Toni commenced diving between them.

During one of Toni's underwater excursions Amrah laugh and said, "I shall let you get on with it daddy." With that she swam away with surprisingly powerful strokes.

After more leg diving Toni at last said, "I'm feeling cold, Doctor Essex, carry me to the beach."

I picked her up and as I held her to me I could feel her shivering. I got her to the umbrella and Amrah wasn't there. I looked out to sea and caught a glimpse of her some distance out still swimming strongly.

"Mummy always dries me," Toni said.

"Oh...er...yes...er...what...?"

I glanced out to sea again and as Amrah was still some distance out I knew that no help would come from that quarter. In any case Toni had started to peel off her wet bathing suit, so there was no alternative but for me to start drying her.

As I gently rubbed her golden skin with the towel I reflected on the beauty of a child's body and wondered why we had to grow up into horrible great creatures. Then I remembered Amrah's body and decided that some people did their growing up with more grace than others.

When I finished the drying process Toni put on her beach coat and sat beside me. Amrah was just emerging from the water accompanied by the stares from all the males within range. That sent a flare of angry jealousy stabbing through me.

She approached with a smile wreathing her face and on arriving and sitting down she said, "I thought I would leave it up to you."

It didn't take much imagination to realise she had deliberately left it to me to dry Toni. Part of my daddy training no doubt. Toni was up and ready for sandcastle building and I was about to heave myself to my feet when Amrah said to Toni, "Doctor Essex would probably like to rest for a while, so why don't you start the castle and he will come and help you soon."

Toni looked at me and asked, "Are you tired, Doctor Essex?"

"A little," I replied, "you start it like we did yesterday and I'll come and help you soon."

She moved off a little way and commenced scrapping sand into a heap.

Amrah, still smiling, said, "So, you liked playing with our daughter?"

"Yes, but it's a bit exhausting."

"So it is, and it is about time you did your share."

"What do you mean?"

"Who do you think plays with her usually, Tony?"

"Ah, yes, I see what you mean, but it was a bit embarrassing drying her."

A mischievous look came into her eyes, "And how would you like to dry her mother? I shall stand up and take off my things and you can dry me."

"No...for God's sake Amrah...you can't...all the people...the men..."

"Oh Tony, Tony, I was only teasing you, I shall dry off in the sun."

We lay together for a while and for the first time since meeting her again I let my eyes roam over her body. She still had her excellent figure, but I noticed little marks at the top of her thighs and a slight wrinkle in her stomach.

"Marks of having given birth," I thought. It was odd; I had heard some men talk about how they disliked such marks on their women but I seemed to find that they made her all the more desirable. I had a part in those marks; I had begun the process that had led to them, and glancing across at busy Toni, I thought, "And what a result." I wanted to bend over and kiss those marks.

"I've made a big pile of sand, come and help me," Toni called.

For the next half hour we toiled away at the castle that ended up bigger than the previous castles. Toni was delighted and she gave me a big kiss.

There was no doubt about it, I was hooked...well and truly captivated by these two females.

"Lunch time," Amrah called as she started to get the towels together and pull up the umbrella.

We walked back to the hotel, Toni holding both our hands, and went to our rooms to change.

Over lunch we discussed what we would do that afternoon and it was agreed that we would go to a children's beach pool where there was a playground after Toni's sleep.

Once Amrah had got Toni settled she came and sat opposite me, looking at me intently.

"Tomorrow you leave us," she said.

"Yes, I don't want to but it's necessary."

"You will not be able to return here before we must go back to the city?"

"No, I really do have to go back to work, but we can meet up again at your flat."

"I know what you have said Tony, but I ask you again, do you really want to see more of Toni?"

"Yes, of course, I've said so, why do you ask?"

She did not answer my question directly but went on, "And do you also wish to see me again?"

"Well, if I want to see Toni I'll have to see you, won't I."

"Yes, but that is not what I asked; do you want to see me?" She emphasised "me."

I started to answer, "Of course I..." but she interrupted.

"Always I have asked you to speak from your heart, Tony, please do so now, for me it is important. You see, after so much deception I want only the truth between us now."

"The truth then," is I replied, "Yes I do want to see you as well as Toni, but I thought I'd made that clear, and I suppose I might ask you if you want to see me?"

"Yes Tony, I do want to see you."

I knew that this was the moment to make myself crystal clear; no more prevarication, no more evasive speech, but, as Amrah would put it, straight from the heart.

Out it came; "Amrah, I do love you, I do want to see more of you, and I want to have a future with you and Toni."

"Ah yes Tony, it is as I thought."

There was a long pause as I waited for her to go on, but she said nothing more, and simply sat looking at me.

"Well, is that it?" I asked, "That's what you thought?"

"Yes Tony."

"But that doesn't tell me if you want me to...well...to have a future with you and Toni."

"It is difficult Tony. I was once very bold with you, but now it seems different. I cannot say the words that I think you must say."

"What words...I don't understand so..."

"Once you thought that I had said the words you should say so now I wait for you to say them." "Amrah, please, I don't know what you mean."

She gave a long sigh and said, "You are right, Tony, you are a bunny. Why do you not say to me, "I would like to make love with you?"

"I...I...er...thought it was too soon."

"Yes you are right, it is too soon for Toni to know of such a thing, but that does not mean I do not desire that we make love. Would one more deception be too wicked?"

"What deception?" I asked suspiciously.

"That if you come to my bed Toni must not know of it yet."

"Well, I only thought that...that I'd visit and we could go out together, the three of us, and we could..."

"But Tony, I am not blind and foolish; I know...I have seen... that you desire me and if you...Oh Tony, why can you not say it...why can you not let your heart speak when mine has spoken to you so often?"

"All right Amrah, what my heart is saying is, 'I want you. I want you now. I want to be in your bed. I want to stay with you in your bed for a long time.' Now are my feelings plain to you?"

Amrah burst out laughing. "Oh Tony Essex at last you speak your desire clearly. But not now, my love, the little one will wake soon and we would not want her to find us in a deep embrace."

"No, of course not, so..."

"So tonight, when the little one is asleep, you come to my bed, but before she wakes you must be gone."

Chapter 11.Truth Will Out.

I went to Amrah's bed that night and it was undoubtedly love we made. We could not only make it, but we could speak it, freely and openly, without fear of our love being used to manipulate. That I suppose, makes speaking words of love similar to speaking the truth.

The liars must always be careful to remember their words; the speakers of truth have no need to be careful to remember. So two lovers have no need to fear their words, but may speak freely to each other.

I left Amrah's bed and suite before Toni was awake and prepared for my departure. The three of us breakfasted together and after paying my bill the two of them came with me to the Land Rover to see me off.

Toni had been most anxious about seeing me again, and Amrah and I assured her that I would come to their flat when I got back to the city. I got a hug and a kiss from Toni; and from Amrah a chaste peck on the cheek, but then, our night time embraces had in a sense been an advance compensation for the less passionate farewell.

I had arranged with Amrah to telephone her at the hotel every evening just before Toni was due to go to bed so we could exchange our news of the day. Amrah said it was "Daddy anxiety," but I didn't think it was any such thing; but it was anxiety of a sort – anxiety to keep in contact, to maintain the bond we had established.

I had anticipated that the conversations would be mostly with Amrah, but Toni insisted she spoke to me at some length. I had to hear about what they had done that day, who they had met, where they had swum, and one evening she proudly told me she had taught two other children how to build a "proper sandcastle."

I was back in the city before Amrah and Toni returned from their holiday, but such was my eagerness for their return that I drove to the block of flats where they lived just to take a look. I came to the conclusion that the wealthy, powerful, and as far as I was concerned, mysterious Mustafic, could not have been all bad because his pay off must have been quite liberal, since by the standards of my humble apartment the block of flats looked quite luxurious.

That was quite daunting since I knew that I would never be able to match his wealth, but then, I wasn't in the game of buying Amrah and Toni, and as far as I could tell they were not up for sale.

To my shame, during that time of waiting for them to return, doubts did creep in. I was certain that this time Amrah had given me her real address, but I had visions of her meeting some other man, perhaps someone strolling along the beach and meeting her as I once had.

She had said she wasn't the most beautiful woman in the world, and objectively that was probably true, but neither was I the handsomest man in the world. Perhaps she would meet some guy and fall for him – some guy better looking than me, richer than me.

I sometimes think that a little uncertainty in such situations is good for us. It keeps us on our toes, makes us value what we have and try to make what we have even better. It certainly had that effect on me, because when the two of them did return, and I got a mighty hug and kiss from Toni and another restrained kiss and embrace from Amrah, I was ecstatic.

There now followed evenings and weekends spent with them, increasingly doing the sort of things families do together; going out; playing with Toni and just plain talking over the day and the week.

Most nights I spent with Amrah, and it was all a big secret, "Toni mustn't know yet," we constantly told each other.

Our little deception came tumbling down one evening when Toni said to me, "You go to work very early in the morning, Doctor Essex" – she still called me that.

All unsuspecting I asked, "What makes you think that Toni?"

"Because you leave mummy so early and you never stay to have breakfast with us."

There was a horrified silence as Amrah and I looked at each other helplessly. We thought we had been so careful in keeping the truth from Toni, and she had caught us out.

Amrah asked her, "How do you know that, darling?"

Toni looked from one to the other and said, "I hear you sometimes; you make funny noises." It was true; Amrah and I were morning as well as night people, and we had what I suppose you could call a "morning quickie," before I left.

So it was out in the open and there was no denying it. "Would you like Doctor Essex to stay for breakfast?" Amrah asked.

"Yes, and then he could say goodbye to me before he went to work."

Deception was at an end. After that it was breakfast with the pair of them, and my own flat, already barely used, was completely deserted.

The question of how things would be in the future was finally settled as Amrah and I lay together in bed one night. In her quaint way she said, "Tony, I am with child, does that please you?"

There was no surprise in her announcement since we had taken no precautions to prevent conception, so I said, "Yes, it pleases me very much my darling, and now you will not be able to refuse to marry me."

"Oh yes I could," she replied, "but I will not."

She paused for a moment then went on, "Always you are a bunny, Tony, I would have married you long ago but you never asked me."

I laughed and said, "Of course I didn't, because right from the start you've done most of the asking."

"Tony, for saying that I should close my legs tight and say 'no' to you."

"You wouldn't do that," I said uneasily.

She sighed and said, "No, and I don't suppose I ever will, you bunny man."

Relieved I said, "Isn't it fortunate that I built sandcastles with Toni."