Bull with a Conscience Ch. 04

So I knew she was speaking from experience when she talked about Lisa and I being friends, and me being in love with her whole family. Even though Rick had initially wanted me to fuck Lisa, that thought really never entered my mind as I spent time with them the last several months. I considered Lisa for a little bit. She was tall - taller than Caitlin or my ex-wife, and certainly taller than Melissa. She was probably pretty close to my age. She had an athletic build, which I figured was just a natural genetic trait, since I figured she didn't have much time to work out.

You couldn't doubt her faithfulness to her man. Of course I didn't know them before the accident, or that much after, to be honest. Yet in the few months I had watched her with Rick and her kids, I could see she was one of the most loving women I had ever met. I thought I knew what love was - I had seen love in the eyes of many of the men who had asked me to fuck their wives, a love I still to this day do not understand. And yet it had to be love, to be so eager to give that to their wives.

But Lisa's love must have trumped them all, because she continued to love a man despite the fact that his accident had drastically altered their lives forever. Lisa was a loving person. But was it possible that there was some love for me?

Caitlin could tell I was thinking about just that thing. So she offered advice I had not asked for, but certainly needed. "Listen, Frank - this is not an easy situation. You're going to have to let Lisa decide on this. I don't think it would hurt to send her an email or two every once in a while, offering to continue to help her, much the say way as when Rick was alive. But this is going to have to be her decision, made on her own time schedule, without interference from you. She has to have time to grieve, which she probably needed to do after the accident, knowing her life was going to be different from then on, but didn't get a chance to do. Give her the chance to grieve, and if she found some feeling for you these last few months, she'll let you know."

It was the perfect advice, of course, and I had no doubt in Caitlin's ability to be helpful in my need. I motioned her to come closer to me on the couch, and she slid over so we could just hug and hold each other. There would be no sex between us that night - that's not the kind of love I needed from her at that moment. I was getting the kind I needed, just talking with her and holding her.

She started softly chuckling, so naturally I had to ask why. She said, "I probably shouldn't be telling you all of this, because I think you two are going to fall in love with each other, and that will probably be the end of my sessions with your big cock."

"Caitlin, we're having this beautiful conversation, and all you can think about is your own needs?"

She patted my crotch as she said, "I think it's always been about both of our needs. I don't think you were ever left out!"

She stood up and headed to the door, and I followed her. When she got there, she turned to me and said, "Frank, go to the funeral, talk to her and remind her that she can call you at any time if she needs help around the house or with the kids. Then send her a couple of emails, reminding her of just that. If it is meant to be, she'll contact you, because you are pretty hard to resist." She gently pulled my head down and kissed me on the lips, then said, "I can personally attest to that."

I did as she said. The funeral was naturally a somber affair. I did not seek her out, and at the church, there wasn't time for us to see each other. But at the cemetery following the committal service, she walked over to where I was standing and gave me a big hug. She told me again how much Rick enjoyed me being there, helping the family. I told her to call if she ever needed anything. Just because Rick was gone, it didn't mean I still didn't care about her and the boys. She hugged me, and then went to be with family members.

Time slowly passed. I sent a couple of emails to her in the weeks following the funeral. She answered the first one, but not the second. I really missed Lisa and the boys, but I knew Caitlin was right - it had to be Lisa's move if it was to be. Outside farming always slowed down during the fall season - especially once the milo was harvested and the wheat all planted for next year. Having idle time on my hands didn't make the time pass any more quickly.

I had seen Dave and Melissa once after Rick had died, and while it was another amazing evening spent in sexual gymnastics with that tiny little woman, I just wasn't feeling it, and I think they could tell as well. Without explaining why, I told them that this would be our last session. I knew I would miss Melissa - hell, I'd miss Dave as well. We had some amazing session that included some pretty intense roll playing. Perhaps at some point in time, I'll share some of those adventures with you.

I kept seeing Caitlin, but that wasn't working out as well as it had in the past either. We were going on two years of our weekly sessions. I still loved her, and I know she still loved the feel of her pussy being plugged by my huge throbber, as she liked to say. But she, more than anyone else, knew what I was going through. In fact, she finally came out and said it one evening as we were lying naked together in my bed.

"Admit it, Frank," she said. "You're in love with Lisa, even more than just being friends, and even though you have no idea if she feels the same way you do, you are feeling some guilt for fucking me because you're not being true to her."

Once again Caitlin could read me like a book. I hadn't considered that how I felt about Lisa was bringing out some of my married male characteristics. In a couple of months, it will have been three years since Jenny cheated on me and we divorced. In those three years, I had not felt the commitment aspects of relationships with women, which had allowed me without a guilty conscience to go and fuck as many as I could, provided that I abided by the rules I had set for myself.

But thinking about Lisa constantly had obviously changed all of this, as I once again was thinking like a man in a committed relationship, even though I wasn't there yet. I hadn't seen the change coming, although it was obviously there, since I had virtually shut down the bull business. At the time, I had credited that decision with the fact that I was so busy helping Rick and Lisa and their family that I didn't have time for any more women. But the reality might have been that I was in love with Lisa even then, and just didn't know at that point.

I looked at Caitlin and said, "You might be right - you always seem to be right. How do you know me so well that you know things about me that I don't?"

Once again, she smiled at me, like she always did when she knew she was right. "It's not too hard to see it this time. I just think you don't want to admit it, but I can tell the difference in your performance. You know it's okay with me if you want to think about her while you fuck me. I can certainly handle that."

"Wait a minute - do you think about other guys when you are fucking me?"

She laughed. "Do you really want to know? Okay, most of the time I admit just being enthralled to have your giant cock inside of me, stretching me out and hitting me in places where Steve just can't. But every once in a while, I think about other guys - guys that even Steve doesn't know about. And," she said looking straight at me: "it's going to stay that way. Understand?"

"Yes, I understand. Although I'm not sure how I feel about this!"

"You'll survive. We girls know we'll survive when guys think about someone else while we are fucking them!"

******

Christmas time was supposed to be filled with holiday cheer, but I just wasn't feeling it this year. It had been over five months since Rick had died, and I still hadn't heard anything from Lisa. Even if it was just to help her with something around the house, I would have been delighted for the time together. But there had been no call, and the longer there was no contact, the more I felt like it wasn't going to happen.

I was alone for Christmas that year. Steve and Caitlin had gone to spend the day with her family. They told me they'd be back later that evening and would come and see me then. My parents had chosen to go on a romantic cruise to somewhere warmer - I forgot where their destination was. In the meantime, I was left on my own, hoping the football games on television would entertain me.

At about 6:00 that evening, I heard a car drive in the driveway. My first thought was that Steve and Caitlin were back early, so I didn't get up right away. If it was them, they would knock once and then come on in when they found the door unlocked. In a couple of seconds, I heard the knock and waited for them to come in, but instead I heard silence. Once again whoever was there knocked, and I got up off the couch to see who it was.

I opened the door, and there was Lisa. My mouth opened in shock - I hadn't expected to see her, certainly not on Christmas day. She rushed into my arms and gave me a hug, which I returned. She felt great, as we stood there together for what seemed like a very long time. Once we broke the hug, she looked up at me and smiled. I had so many questions, but at this point, none of them seemed to matter.

Finally Lisa broke the silence. "I missed you, Frank, and I wanted to call you so often, but I had to wait. It was a confusing time, and I'm sure it was for you as well. I'm sorry to leave you hanging, but it had to be this way."

I reached out to rub her arm gently as I said, "I know - I had a good friend explain that to me. I didn't feel as though I could call you, but I've been hoping you would. Seeing you is even better. Do you have the boys with you?"

She shook her head. "My parents have them for the night. We spent Christmas together, but it was them that suggested I should come and see you. Well, actually they thought I should call first, but I took a chance on my own and drove out here to see you in person. They told me they would keep the boys."

Then she looked at me with sincere eyes and said, "Am I too late? Is there someone else in your life?"

I shook my head, and then waited for the question I knew was coming next.

"What about...well, you know. What about the other women? After all, that was the reason we called you in the first place."

I cupped her face in my hands and said, "That's over - well, all but one, the friend I told you about. She really thought this was coming, and she understands that if it happens, you are my one and only, and she's fine with that."

Lisa put her hands in mine, and as we stood there holding hands, she said, "Frank, what you did for us was way beyond the call of duty, and I will never be able to show you how thankful I was. You took a huge load off of our plate with the things you did. First, you had no aversion to being with Rick. Most people felt very uncomfortable being around him, because he was so hard to understand. But you didn't let that stop you from getting to know him. You treated him like a person, which was all he ever asked.

"But the other things you did. Fixing up the problems in the house was great, but you did far more than that. You stepped in to be a surrogate father for our boys, and that lifted their spirits so much. They loved spending time with you. Each of them still talk about riding in the combine with you, and I don't blame them, because I enjoyed it as well. You gave them experiences they will remember for a long time.

"And then our dates together. Rick was right - I did need some adult time away every once in a while. You were such a perfect gentleman in the way you handled that. I never felt that my boundaries were pushed. In fact, I would have been okay if you had pushed them a little harder than you did! You gave me what I needed the most, considering my needs first, and showing me that it still was possible to enjoy those evenings of dancing and conversation."

I stopped her and said, "Well, those evenings weren't just for you. I certainly enjoyed them as well."

Lisa playfully smacked me lightly on the chest and said, "Shut up, Frank - I rehearsed this as I drove all the way out here. Don't mess it up!

"Rick could see how much happier our lives were when you started spending time with us, and it pleased him to no end. More than once, he mentioned that when he died, you were the one to take his place. He knew he wasn't healthy and had grasped that fact long before you arrived. But I think he felt better knowing a man with your qualities had come to help us. He saw how you made things better for all of us.

"So I'm here today partially because this is what he would have wanted. But I'm also here for what I want for me. Your spending time with us allowed me to get to know you well, probably better than if we had been in the normal dating process. It was clear to me that you weren't faking your care and concern for us. I've known since the first couple of weeks after we met that you were a great guy.

"I was a little concerned about what you "do" - well, at least what you did, when we first contacted you. I didn't understand it, but my fear was that you wouldn't be able to go back to a monogamous life after being with so many other women. But hearing what you told me tonight, and going on my own instinct, I believe you can do it.

"I've waited this long to do this for two reasons. First is that I didn't know what the proper time to wait is following the death of a spouse, but I've waited as long as I could. Second, the wait gave me time away from you to see if my feelings would change over the time we were apart from each other. They haven't - it's only gotten stronger."

She kept hold of my hands, but dropped down to one knee in front of me. "I know this is backwards of how most proposals go, but I don't care. I know what I want, and it's you. I don't have a ring, but I do have a question. Frank, will you marry me?"

I looked down into her big green eyes, and my heart melted. I'm not sure if I would have been brave enough to ask her to marry me, so I was glad she wasn't afraid to ask. The answer was easy.

"Yes, Lisa - I'll marry you. I have missed you so much!"

And with that, she stood up and gave me the kiss I had been longing for. We stood there for at least 10 minutes, kissing and hugging, before she broke away and looked at me.

"Frank, I never thought I would ask a guy to marry me, but I got brave and did it. Now I'm going to be brave again. A year ago, I remember looking at your ad online, and if I remember right, you were showing off something that was pretty big. Think you can show it to me in person? It's been six years since I've done this, so you'll have to take it easy on me."

I laughed, and said, "Lisa, by asking me to marry you tonight, you've made my greatest wish come true. Now I think I can grant your wish - let's go and find out!"

We went into the bedroom, and while I'm not going to share the details, I'll just say that it made our feelings for each other even stronger than before.

******

So that's where I'm at. The bull has hung up his horns, and is back in a one-woman relationship. I wouldn't trade any of the experiences I've had for anything in the world, except for what I ended up with - a beautiful woman with a couple of fine young men that I can hardly wait to help prepare them for life.

We're keeping our engagement quiet for a while, to keep the naysayers at bay who think Lisa is moving too quickly. Our plan is to get married and have them move in with me on the farm. I'm hoping that maybe one of the boys will take enough interest that eventually I can hand it over to him. Until that time, I know that we are going to have lots of great times together.

As I figured, Lisa and Caitlin have become best friends. While she was taking care of Rick after his accident, Lisa really never had time for friends, so Caitlin has provided her with something else she needed. I really don't know if they talk about sex with me behind my back, but I do know that Lisa has done a couple of things that I'm sure she learned from talking with Caitlin, and to tell the truth, I'm fine with that.

I honestly have not missed the bull life. It provided me with lots of fun experiences following my divorce from Jenny. But knowing that I have a great woman again, there is just no desire to reach out and find someone else. The only regret is the fact that Lisa and I wouldn't mind having another little one, so we are heading to the doctor to see if he can reverse the vasectomy. I guess the lesson there is that you should never say never.

Life is great - the bull is out to pasture, taking care of only one now. And I couldn't be happier!