Burying The Past

Halfway through eating, Emma heard her phone chime in the living room. Immediately abandoning her sandwich, she crawled back to retrieve her phone.

[Hey its going]

As she read his brief message, another series arrived.

[Car will be in the shop for a few days so can't work]

[Just sitting at home]

[Want me to come over and help with anything tonight?]

Emma's heart pounded. Yes, yes she certainly did, but she quickly scolded herself for thinking that.

Slow down Emma, you're acting like a proverbial school girl. You've only seen him once and all he did was crash his car with you in it.

She typed "yes" into the phone, just for kicks, but then deleted it and sent a more rational response.

[Im fine thanks]

[Alright let me know if you change your mind im happy to help]

Emma sat giddily on her couch, feeling more energized and alive than she had in months. She sat for some time before remembering her lunch and returning to the table to finish it.

After lunch Emma impulsively decided to work on her résumé. She booted her laptop and brought up the file. Two thirds of the first page was complete, but the last line ended abruptly, only half complete. Tears filled her eyes and she felt herself choking up, but she thought back to the brief but empowering text conversation she had with Dan early that day and forced herself to finish typing the line.

The contents of the line held no special meaning - it simply detailed the dates she had volunteered at a local animal shelter as a high school student. Months ago, shortly before her college graduation, she had typed the first half of that line. She had been excited at the time, thrilled with the prospect of putting her technical writing degree to use - first in the creation of her résumé, and then hopefully in a well-paying career shortly after. Then her phone had rung.

Emma pushed on and typed the next line. By evening she had finished a first draft. The tears had come back often that afternoon, but every time they did she forced past them by thinking of Dan and the feelings she had felt that afternoon when she texted him.

Not feeling like cooking for dinner, she ordered delivery and ate pizza while watching a movie on TV. The day had been a whirlwind of emotions and seeing the happy couple in the movie wasn't helping her mood. They reminded her that she was alone and by herself in the world, and she kept thinking back to Dan. The thoughts were relentless and starting to scare her. She had never really felt this type of obsession over another person before, and she had to keep reminding herself that they had only just met, and she didn't really even know him. In the back of her mind she couldn't stop asking herself: but what if he was the one?

Emma opted to wear a pull-up to bed again that evening, and she was thankful for it halfway through the night when she woke up needing to pee. She spent some time trying to go in the diaper while lying down, and finally managed to get a trickle out. After the first few drops, it became easier and she peed enough to feel comfortable and be able to get back to sleep.

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Chapter 3

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The next morning she woke up and checked her ankle. Although it was starting to feel better, the pain of standing on it was still intolerable. She spent some time just lounging in bed and browsing on her phone after calling in sick to work again.

Eventually she crawled to the bathroom. After discarding her used pull-up into the bin next to the towel rack, she pulled herself into the shower, turned on the water, and soaped up.

At one point the bar of soap slipped out of her fingers and landed in front of her. As she bent over to retrieve it, her foot slipped and she felt herself tumbling over in slow motion. She tried to recover as she had the day before, but her good leg was out of position. Instinctively, she placed her weight onto her injured foot to stop her fall. The pain was indescribably excruciating; it shot up her leg and her ankle gave way. She let out a terrific and primal scream as she collapsed into the tub on her face.

As she rolled over onto her back and kicked the faucet to the off position, she heard a deep voice yell inside her apartment.

"Emma?!"

A loud knock directly on the bathroom door rang out.

"Emma, are you ok?!"

"Dan??? Is that you?" she called back, startled momentarily into forgetting the immense pain emanating from her ankle.

"Yeah, it's Dan. Are you OK? Do you need help in there?"

Emma glanced at the frosted glass doors of the shower, reaffirming her memory that they were fully opaque.

"Uhm, yeah, thanks."

She heard the door creak open slowly and her heartbeat increased several notches.

"Could you just throw me a towel over the shower door please," she requested.

"Sure."

Moments later her towel flew over the shower doors and landed across her face.

"Thanks, I should be OK, just wait outside," she said in a muffled voice.

Emma heard the bathroom door creak shut again. She dried herself off as best she could while lying at the bottom of the shower, and then tried to stand. Without the use of one of her feet, she found it difficult to get enough traction in the wet shower to get up. She carefully positioned the towel across the front of her body and did her best to wrap it around her back.

"Dan, could you help me up please," she called out.

Emma heard the bathroom door swing open quickly.

A moment later the shower door swung open and she saw Dan's face staring down at her. He was wearing a sweatband around his forehead and the fringes of his hair were sweaty.

"Uh, how should I help?" he asked, clearly embarrassed to see her in such a state.

Pinching the towel to her sides with her arms, she gave him instructions.

"Carry me to my bedroom please? But be a gentleman about it."

She sat up slightly as Dan reached one arm around her bare back and hooked the other under her bare legs. His arms felt warm and quite muscular against her bare skin. Hefting her up, he walked to her bedroom and set her down on the bed, just as the lower half of the towel was starting to slip off to the side.

"Thank you so much."

He remained standing there in silence for a few seconds.

"Anything else I can help with?" he asked.

"Umh. Let me get dressed and I'll meet you in the living room. Help yourself to a drink if you want, you look thirsty. There's some soda in the fridge."

"Sounds good, thanks."

Dan left the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

Emma dried off gingerly and then crawled to her closet to get dressed. Seeing the package of pull-ups reminded her of the two she had left dirty in the bin under the towel rack. She blushed red, wondering if Dan had noticed them.

After dressing, she opened the bedroom door and began crawling to the living room. Before she got very far, Dan appeared and helped her the rest of the way to the couch.

"Well that was awkward, thanks for helping yet again," she thanked him.

"My pleasure, did you just slip?"

"Yeah, I was trying to pick up some soap. Say, how did you get into my apartment?"

"The front-door was unlocked. I was just out biking and found myself in the area, so I thought I'd stop by and check on you. I knocked first, I promise, but then I heard you scream and heard a loud crash and thought I should check if you were OK. Sorry for barging in like that."

"Oh, it's OK. I must have forgotten to lock the door after getting pizza delivered last night I guess."

"Speaking of food, do you want some breakfast? I noticed some eggs and onions in your fridge, I could whip up some scrambled eggs quickly if you want," Dan offered.

Emma smiled, "Sure, that sounds great."

"OK, you just wait here, I'll be back soon."

Emma leaned back on the couch and basked in the smell of caramelized onions that soon came from the kitchen. Sunlight streamed through the large window in the living room. The day looked to be a hot one.

A short time later, Dan returned with two plates of scrambled eggs and sat down on the couch next to her.

"Bon Appetit," he said as he handed her a plate.

"Thanks a lot."

"How did your day go yesterday? Manage to get anything done?" he asked as they began to eat.

"Not so much in the morning, but I actually got a lot done on my résumé in the afternoon," she answered without quite realizing what she was saying.

"Oh that's great! Want a second pair of eyes on it?"

Emma swallowed, "Uh, I guess that would be good. After we eat."

Emma remained quiet for most of the rest of the meal, but Dan filled the void by describing his bike ride to her house. Apparently it was the furthest distance he had ever biked in one go before, and he was quite proud of it.

When they had finished eating and Dan had cleared away the plates, Emma somewhat reluctantly started up her laptop and opened the résumé. Dan sat so close to her on the couch their legs were touching and started to read through it. He placed his hand on the laptop on her lap so he could scroll through as he read. Emma couldn't help but read it as well, what with the screen right in front of her.

She held her composure as best she could, but it didn't take long for a small tear to fall down directly onto Dan's hand. He looked over at her suddenly.

"Oh honey, what's wrong?"

Emma let out a half-sob, catching it in her throat. She wanted to speak, but couldn't. Dan placed his arm around her.

"It's OK, what is it? It's OK." he said, trying to comfort her but bewildered as to what had gone wrong.

His touch gave her the strength to speak.

"Last time I was working on this résumé... the time before yesterday I mean. I received a phone call from my Dad. I hadn't seen him in 10 years, hadn't spoken to him in 6. He shared the news that... that my mother had been in an accident. And that was it. Then he hung up. He didn't say if she was OK, but I knew. There was only one reason he would have called."

Emma stopped speaking as tears streamed down her face, falling like tiny raindrops on her keyboard. Dan squeezed her with his arm and she rested her head against his shoulder. Dan brought his other arm around and hugged her close. They sat that way for several minutes before she continued.

"My mom and I were going to pay off my school loans together. Raising me herself, she couldn't afford to pay for it outright, but she co-signed every loan and promised we'd work together to get them paid off someday. All she wanted for me was a better life than she had had for herself. She and my dad were still technically married, and she didn't leave a will. My dad wanted nothing to do with me. He took everything. I haven't been able to look at my résumé since because it reminds me of her. I've been stuck in dead-end jobs since I graduated because I just haven't had the mental energy to move on, and I'm buried under these student loans."

"It took a lot of courage to tell that story. Have you ever told anyone before?" Dan asked, rubbing her shoulder comfortingly.

Emma shook her head.

Dan gave her a small kiss on the cheek, "Thank you for sharing it with me. How about I do an editing pass myself and then I'll help you submit it to some job posting sites."

"Thank you."

Emma turned her head and gave him a quick return peck on the cheek.

Dan took the laptop and moved a slight distance away from her, so she couldn't see the screen. She let him work in silence for the next hour, regaining her composure and feeling empowered now that someone else finally knew what she had been through.

They spent the rest of the day searching for and submitting her résumé to job postings online. She found reading the job descriptions, writing cover letters, and submitting her résumé didn't remind her as much of her mother, and she actually felt happy for once at the end of the day.

Dan made them a simple dinner of spaghetti, and they cuddled up and watched a movie afterwards. Curled up beside Dan on the couch, she didn't feel envious of the couple in the movie as she had the night before. By the time the credits rolled, Dan had one hand resting on her hip and was curling the ends of her hair around the fingers of his other hand.

"It's getting kind of dark to bike back and I don't have to be anywhere tomorrow, would it be OK if I just stayed here tonight?" he asked.

"Oh? The world-class distance biker doesn't want to ride at night?" she teased.

She continued, "It's fine if you want to crash here on the couch. I have some spare pillows and blankets in the hall closet."

"That would be perfect, thanks a lot."

She could see Dan hiding his disappointment, but at least he hid it well she thought.

Dan helped her back to her bedroom. After he had kissed her goodnight and shut the door, Emma changed into a pull-up - for the last night, she told herself - and climbed into bed.

************

Chapter 4

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Emma woke up shortly before her alarm the following morning. As she rolled over to check the time, her hand dragged over a cold, damp spot on the sheet. Immediately more awake, she threw back the top sheet to find a dinner-plate sized wet patch under her bottom. The lower few inches of her nightshirt looked slightly damp as well. Touching the front of her diaper, she confirmed that it was indeed quite wet, although she didn't remember wetting it that night.

Although the accident had obviously happened some time ago, Emma wanted to get the wet sheets off the bed as soon as possible to avoid further damage to the mattress. She tested placing weight on her ankle, and although it certainly felt better than the previous day, it still wasn't healed enough to support her. Climbing ungracefully to the floor, she began doing her best to strip the bed from the floor on her hands and knees.

Emma thumped around on the floor trying to get the fitted sheet loose. She hoped the noise wasn't loud enough to disturb the neighboring apartment so early in the morning. The going was slow, but she was making progress. When she had three of the four corners loose, she heard a knock at the bedroom door.

"Good morning Emma, need any help in there?"

"Good morning, I'm OK Dan." she called back, glancing momentarily at the closed door.

She turned back to start unhooking the final corner when she heard the door creak. Whipping her head back around, she saw Dan take one step into the room. A vision of what he must be seeing flashed through her mind: her on her hands and knees, presenting her diapered bottom towards the door with her slightly damp nightshirt riding up her back.

"Dan! What the fuck!" she yelled.

Dan's eyes went wide and he stepped back quickly, nearly slamming the door.

"Shit Emma, I'm so sorry... I thought you meant it's OK for me to come in," he called through the closed door.

Emma sighed, "Give me a minute to get decent and then you may as well. Wait there until I say."

Emma moved to her closet and changed out of her diaper and wet shirt and into more appropriate clothing. The wet diaper she buried in the trash under some papers and tissue. Then she moved to the foot of the bed and sat propped against it.

"OK Dan, you can come in."

Dan opened the door hesitantly and peaked into the room. She saw his eyes roving around the room until they found her and locked eyes with her at the foot of the bed.

"Promise not to judge?" she asked.

"Of course not..."

She patted the floor next to her, "Since I can't stand to face you, come sit by me."

Dan hurried over and sat down, placing his arm around her shoulder.

"Did you notice the wet bed?" she asked, not quite sure how to start the conversation.

"Uh, yeah. If you had an accident, it's no big deal, really. Happens to everyone from time to time, and you've been under a lot of stress. Stress causes those sorts of things you know."

"Sort of, it's not quite that. Since I can't get to the bathroom easily at night, I've been wearing pull-ups to bed. Just for the last few nights. I just misjudged this one a little and it leaked, that's all."

"Perfectly reasonable... I actually did notice them in your bathroom the other day."

Emma blushed a little, but Dan continued, "Can I help clean up for you?"

"Yes, if you wouldn't mind, thanks."

"Of course."

Dan finished stripping the bed in a moment and piled the dirty sheets into a laundry basket.

"Did your pajamas get wet at all?" He asked.

Obviously he had seen her wet shirt. Embarrassed, Emma motioned towards her closet.

"Just my top," she murmured.

After Dan added it to the laundry basket he turned to face her.

"If you promise you won't judge, I'll tell you a secret too."

Emma looked back skeptically, "What, you wet the bed too?"

Dan shook his head, "No, I..."

At that moment Emma's phone rang on her night stand. Dan picked it up and handed it to her.

"Hello?" she asked.

"Hello Emma, this is Jerry from the store. Look I have some bad news. I was hoping to tell you in person, but, well, you haven't been in the past few days. I do hope your foot feels better soon though."

"What is it Jerry?" she asked, a sense of dread filling her stomach.

"Well, the store isn't really doing that well right now, financially I mean. So we're going to have to let you go. I'm really sorry about that. If business picks up again you'll be the first we bring back."

"Oh."

"Yeah, sooo, sorry again. Hope the rest of your day is better. Bye."

Emma stared blankly at the wall for a moment with the phone still to her ear. Dan startled her out of the trance by placing his arm around her shoulder again. She started to speak.

"I, uh, that was work calling, they..."

Dan cut her off, "Yeah I overheard, that really sucks."

"What am I going to do now?" she said, although the question was directed more to herself than to Dan.

"It'll be OK Em, remember what we spent yesterday doing. This is just an opportunity to move on in the world. Like a sign almost."

Emma curled up and nestled her head on Dan's shoulder.

"Em?" she questioned.

"Sorry, it just sort of slipped out."

"No... I like it."

"Oh, OK then... Em. Shall we get breakfast?"

Dan helped Emma up and into the kitchen. He poured two bowls of cold cereal and two cups of coffee and sat across from her as they ate.

"I have a proposition for you," Dan said.

Emma raised an eyebrow at him as she chewed.

"Let's go out to check on your car today and see if we can get it running. Since my car is busted, if we can get yours fixed and you're OK with me driving it for Uber, we could split the money until you're back on your feet."

Emma swallowed her bite.

"Sure, sounds like a plan."

After finishing their cereal and each downing a second cup of coffee, Dan called an Uber and they rode together to the parking lot of her now-former employer. Dan helped her to the driver seat of her car, and then began fiddling around under the hood.

Shortly after they arrived, Emma felt the coffee working its way through her. She couldn't possibly make it to a bathroom on her own though, and she wasn't ready to interrupt Dan so soon after he had begun work.

About 45 minutes later, Dan emerged from under the hood and walked over to her driver's side window.

"I think I found the problem," he said, holding up a small black module with several wires hanging off it.

Emma stared at it blankly.

"Is it something you can fix," she asked.

"Yeah I think so, I just need to run to an auto parts store and get a new one. Will you be OK waiting here for me to run and get one?"

Her bladder was uncomfortably full by this point, and she was on the lookout for any opportunity to get to a restroom.

"How far is it?" she asked.

"There's one a couple blocks down the road."

"Could I come with you?"

"It'll be quite a bit of a walk for you, with your ankle like that."