Calm Ch. 05

He whispered to her. Too quiet for her to understand what he was saying, but he hoped hearing a kind voice would soothe her. His hand stroked her back in circles. The gentle touch calmed her down. "Do you want go somewhere more comfortable?"

She nodded against his chest.

"Don't be startled, I'm going to lift you up." In one smooth swoop he had her in his arms. "Do you want to sit on my lap somewhere or do you want me to take you back to your room?"

Her answer was quiet and spoken with a voice that had nothing of the zest she showed during the day. "My room."

He carried Ellie over to her room and sat down on her bed, with his back against the wall. She crawled from his grasp and twisted around so she could hold him tight and bury her face in his chest. Tom stroked his hand over her hair and said, "What's wrong? Can you tell me?"

She shook her head and sniffled.

"That's alright, you don't have to if you don't want to. Is there something I can do for you?"

"I don't know."

"Are you afraid because something bad happened?"

Her hand clawed at him as she nodded against his chest.

"A bad dream?"

Another nod.

"You want me to make it go away?"

She didn't answer, but he got all the answer he needed from how she clung to him even tighter. He grabbed her shoulders and pushed her away, nothing more than a gentle pressure. She struggled against him, and he said, "Ellie, you have to let go for now. It won't be longer than a minute, I promise. I need to grab something I left behind in your room. A book. Will you let me get it?"

Ellie looked up at him with such need that it hurt him to see her like that. He feared that even the smallest mistake right now would break her trust in him. "Hold my hand while I take it. Then I can't go away."

Fresh tears appeared in her eyes, but she nodded despite them. He wriggled from under her and she grabbed his hand with both of hers. In moments he'd found the book and he held it out to her. "I don't think you've read this. Have you?"

She shook her head.

"Good. I'll sit back down now, but I want you to sit with your back to me this time. Is that alright? If you ever feel like it, you can turn around any time."

"Okay."

They settled in place, and Tom put the book in her lap. It was a big volume. On the cover was a drawing of a little bearded man. He was smiling and had a brown cap. Tom put his hand on the book and said, "I read this when I was a child. The first big book I read. I remember being quite smug about it, even though a lot of what I'd read passed over my head. It's difficult to say why, but this book stayed with me over the years. I saw it on sale second hand, so I bought it."

He ran his finger under the title. "Paul the leprechaun and the Acorn men. The little guys make a lot of problems for Paul, but he does his best to stay friends with them and to fix all of their mischief."

He opened the cover and revealed a beautiful drawing of Paul strolling through the forest with his little knapsack slung across his shoulder. "It's full of drawings like this. The forest in the spring, the summer, fall, winter. Every time it's different. And it comes alive with fantasies of little leprechauns like Paul minding their own business and complaining about annoying little vandals coming along and wrecking their work."

He coiled his arms around Ellie and hugged her close. "I'm going to read to you. Don't read along, just listen. Look at the drawings, try to imagine what I'm telling you. Drift away to the forest. It's a peaceful place, as long as the Acorn men aren't too difficult. You'll see."

Ellie didn't protest. She wanted him to read to her. She wanted his voice to soothe her, and his chest to vibrate against her back. And she listened. At first she was too distracted by her clinging fear, but she came to like grumpy old Paul. The book was full of short little stories, and Tom would do funny voices for the Acorn men. Ellie tried to guess what they would do next and found herself smiling.

Smiling. Her smile grew even wider as her tears returned. Was this how Jeff had felt when she read to him? Happiness glowed inside of her at the thought she'd been able to give him something so beautiful. Her fear and pain slowly faded, and Ellie relaxed. That was the beginning of the end for her, and she slipped into a peaceful sleep.

Tom watched her head loll to the side and he smiled. His heart went out to this girl. He carefully got out of the bed and tucked her in. He pulled up Ellie's chair and sat down with the book in his lap. She might have another nightmare. Better if he was there for her.

***

Ellie woke up and stretched out under her duvet with a satisfied groan. She hadn't slept this well in ages. All because of Tom. She smiled when she remembered the stories he'd told her and turned on her side to get comfortable again.

Tom sat on her chair, with his head down on his chest, sleeping. The book was still in his lap. Ellie looked at him from within the warm cocoon of her duvet and wondered what this meant. He didn't have to stay with her in the room. She could find him if she needed to. He knew that. This went beyond worrying for some girl he'd saved from a bad past.

She climbed out of bed and took the book from his lap. Paul the leprechaun and the Acorn men. She was eighteen years old now, and he'd read her a children's story. Who'd have thought how much it would mean to her that he did? She opened the book and leafed through it. The little girl inside of her protested. She didn't want to know how all the stories went. She wanted Tom to read to her. There were so many things she wanted to do. Too many.

But there was no sense in despairing. Her therapist had told her she needed to get in touch with her little girl, the younger version of herself that had gone along with her father. She had unmet desires. Ellie was happy to indulge little Liza, as she decided to call her, and read the book from the start, so as not to reveal anything that Liza hadn't already been told by Tom.

"You like it?"

Tom's voice startled her, and Ellie closed the book. She smiled. "I do. A lot actually. Can you read the whole thing to me?"

Tom rolled his neck and rubbed his face as he leaned back in the chair. "Now?"

"No, before bedtime."

"Bedtime?"

"Don't ask."

He peeked at her through his fingers and said, "I don't mind, but it's a big book. It'll take a while to get through if I have to read all of it out loud."

"That's okay, I want it to last."

Tom got up and stretched his back. "I'll read to you. But unless you have another nightmare, I'm sleeping in my own bed. God, my back."

He was almost out the door when Ellie called out, "Tom?"

"Yes?"

"Can we go and visit Jeff today? There's a story I want to read to him. One I'm sure he would've liked."

Tom looked over his shoulder and smiled a soft smile at her. "Of course. I'm sure he'll be glad to hear your voice. I have time in the afternoon, we'll go then."

"Thank you, Tom."

"My pleasure." This time he was gone, muttering about hot water and having Ruth make her hands useful. Ellie watched him go and wondered at how different men could be from what she'd known.

***

Ellie closed the book and knelt down so she could put her hand on her little brother's grave. "Did you like that, Jeff? I laughed when Tom read it to me, so I thought you'd like it. I'll come back when he reads another good one to me."

Her fingers tensed on the cold stone, but she relaxed when Tom put his hands on her shoulders. She let her head hang and closed her eyes. It still hurt. It always would. She got up and Tom's hands were with her. Her fingertips slid over the coarse stone as she stepped to the side, and she wiped away her tears. "Let's go home."

Tom took her hand in his and before long Ellie was swinging their hands from front to back. He lifted his eyebrow at her, and she lifted hers right back at him. He shrugged. "Do what you want then."

"I will."

They walked along the edge of the graveyard. It was a well-kept place, with smashed brick covering the paths between the graves. Thick bushes and old towering weeping willows surrounded the place and gave it a serene atmosphere. Ellie had seen a rabbit shoot out from the bushes once, so when she heard a rustle, she turned around to look.

Her father stormed from the bushes toward Tom with a knife held tight in both his hands. Fear bloomed inside of Ellie like fireworks exploding in her gut. She screamed and stretched out her hand to push Tom to the side, but she was too late. The blade slammed into Tom's back, and she heard him grunt in pain. Her father barreled into him and knocked him over onto the ground.

Tom didn't get up, but her father did. Ellie backed away with her blood racing through her veins. She had to call an ambulance. Her phone fumbled through her fingers and fell to the ground when she got it in her hands. Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck. What now?

"Elizabeth, I've missed you so much." Her father stepped closer to her. "Why did you run away? You know how much I love you. Why'd you have to be a bad girl?"

Ellie took another step back and for the first she noticed just how bad her father looked. His clothes were rumpled, and his shaggy beard must've been weeks old. Dark bags made his bloodshot eyes even more frantic. His zipper was open and his pants were covered in crusty stains. She didn't want him anywhere near her.

"Stay away!" Her voice cracked in fear. She hated how much power he still held over her. Just as she was about to take another step back, Ellie caught herself. The hours spent raging and screaming with tears streaming down her face couldn't be denied. Fear had no place when it came to dealing with her father. Anger. Disgust. Hate. Her foot slammed down on the ground and she folded her arms across her chest.

Her father was oblivious to the change in her countenance. "Yes, stay there. Let me take you home. Everything will be alright again when I take you home. I'll get my job back when I get my Elizabeth back. I won't be distracted anymore. Daddy was hurt, Elizabeth. Daddy needs you. I need you!"

He lunged for her with his grubby hand and Ellie intercepted it, turned into his advance and swung him over her shoulder. She put all the power she had into swinging him down and smashing him into the ground. Ellie looked down at the wreck that was her father and kicked him in the side. "Roll over."

He only groaned. She kicked him again, heel first this time. She could care less if she broke one of his ribs. "Roll over."

Her father did as commanded. His breath came in raspy gasps. Ellie took his arm in an arm lock and looked for something she could use to tie him down. There was nothing lying around so she locked his arm in place with her knee and shirked of her shirt. She still had a top, so it wasn't a big deal to tear her shirt to shreds and tie up her father.

Here he was. The man that had destroyed her young life. Should she ask him why? Should she even bother? She knew the answer to that question. Her father was an addict. He'd always hidden it well, but she'd found his sick collections. Her mother had known and it had destroyed her. Guilt over losing her had driven him to hate his own child, so he didn't have to hate himself. But it hadn't been enough. He needed his daughter to make him forget. His daughter who looked so much like her mother. The woman he believed he had once loved.

Ellie understood him more than he understood himself. Her anger and her fear subsided. All that was left were pity and disgust. This man wasn't her father. He was nothing but a shell, slave to his own addiction. Losing her had finally made him fall off the tightrope he'd walked for years.

She squatted next to her father's head and rolled him on his back again. He looked at her with a hazy look in his eyes. She wasn't sure if he could even see her. It didn't matter. This was for her, not for him. "You're not my father."

Her inner thoughts fought each other. This man was her father! Her only father! The last part of her family! Those cries were drowned out by the chorus of voices and memories that reminded her of her time back home and the time since she'd escaped. There was bad, there was good. Yet none of the good involved her father. Not one time. "You're not my father."

Her fists clenched.

"You're not my father!"

She shouted it over and over. Fat tears fell from her cheeks and still she screamed. She didn't care if he heard her. He wasn't her father after all. When her throat got too sore to scream even one more time, she fell on her ass and saw Tom still lying on the ground.

"Oh God! Phone! Where's my phone?" She crawled to her phone and dialed 911. The operator had trouble understanding her cracked voice, but Ellie still arrange an ambulance. The phone dropped from her hands and she burst into tears. She'd just lost her father. She couldn't lose her new protector as well.

***

Ruth stormed into the waiting area, her face deformed with terror. She saw Ellie get up from her seat and rushed towards her to meet halfway. "How is he, Ellie? Please tell me he's not going to die!"

Ellie shook her head and said, "He's not going to die, Ruth. The doctor said he was lucky."

"Lucky? He was stabbed!"

"Ruth."

"Stabbed, Ellie!"

"Ruth!" She grabbed Ruth by the shoulders and shook her. "Calm down!"

Ruth stared at Ellie for a moment, unseeing. Then she collapsed into Ellie's embrace. "He can't die, Ellie. I don't know what I'd do. Please tell me he'll be okay."

"He'll be okay. The doctor said so."

"Really?"

"Yes, he said Tom was lucky."

"He was?"

Ellie stroked Ruth's hair and rested her cheek against Ruth's. "My father stabbed him in his liver, and the doctor said it's not a spot that bleeds a lot. They're patching him up. He only has to stay in the hospital for three days. With a lot of rest when he gets home. It should heal up completely in a few weeks."

"Really?"

"Yes. It would've been dangerous if he was hurt somewhere else. But he'll have a scar and that's it."

"Thank God. I was so worried."

"I know."

The two of them embraced as the life of the hospital flowed around them. Ruth calmed down and looked up to see where they were standing. "Maybe we should go sit somewhere."

"Yeah."

It was a tense half an hour wait before the doctor came out to tell them that the operation had been a success and Tom was no longer in danger. Ruth had sat down for maybe two minutes before she got restless again, and she'd rushed up to the doctor when he stepped out. "Can we see him?"

"He's still sedated, Miss. But you can go with the nurses to his room. He'll have to stay here for a few days. Three at most if he recovers well. He's a healthy young man, so that shouldn't be a problem. Really, he got lucky."

"Thank you so much, doctor."

"I'm just doing my job. I'm glad to be of help."

Ruth thanked him again as he walked away. She turned to Ellie with a watery smile on her face. "He's going to be fine."

"I told you, didn't I?"

"I know, I know. It's just..."

"You wanted to be sure."

Ruth nodded and took Ellie in her arms. Now that she knew that Tom would make it, a weight was lifted from her, and she could think of Ellie. "What happened with your father, Ellie?"

"He's not my father. Not anymore. He's here in the hospital with a police officer guarding his door."

"They're taking him to jail?"

"He attacked someone with a knife. Hid in a bush and jumped at us. They found his car near the graveyard. He'd been there for days, waiting for me to show up. He lost his job, and he's wanted for a whole string of sexual offenses. The cops are glad they caught him. At least that's what the officer told me. He said I did a good job."

Ruth grabbed Ellie a little tighter and said, "You weren't afraid?"

"I was at first. But I'm not afraid anymore. He can't touch me. He's dead to me now."

"Oh, Ellie. I'm so sorry all of this happened to you."

Ellie shook her head and said, "We can't turn back time. I should've known he wouldn't stay away. It doesn't matter. It's over now, for good."

Ruth looked up with a concerned look in her eyes and said, "You're okay now?"

Tears sprang to Ellie's eyes and she shook her head. "Of course not. I'm never going to be okay. He's still in my head. I can't get him out of my memories. It'll never get better, but at least now I know it won't get worse."

Their roles reversed as Ruth now shushed Ellie. The nurses rolled Tom out of the operating room, but they didn't disturb the two young women crying in each other's arms.

***

Tom woke up and shielded his eyes from the light streaming in through the high windows. Everything was white. He was in the hospital. He looked down the length of the bed and saw Ruth with her head down on the sheets and his hand clutched in hers. He put his free hand on her hair and stroked her with a smile on his face. He hoped she hadn't been too afraid.

Ruth's head shot up when she felt Tom's touch. "Tom! You're up."

The smile on her face told him everything he needed to know about how she felt. He put his hand on her cheek and said, "I hope I didn't worry you too much."

She rubbed her cheek on the palm of his hand and her expression softened into one of bliss. "I was worried, you wouldn't believe how much. It's a miracle I didn't crash my car into something."

Tom turned her face so she had to meet his eyes. "Next time please take a cab, I don't want you hurting yourself just to get here."

Her broad smile returned and she nodded. "I will, Sir. I'm so happy you're okay. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"No need to think about that now." He looked around the room. "Where's Ellie? She okay?"

"Mhm. She threw her dad on the floor, put him in a lock and then tied him up."

"That's my girl."

Ruth stood up and then joined Tom on the bed. "He's here in the hospital now. When his wounds heal, they'll put in jail."

"Wounds?"

"Fractured ribs and a concussion. Ellie wasn't gentle."

"Apparently. I didn't want them to meet again."

Ruth snuggled up close to Tom. "I know."

Ruth's hair tickled Tom's nose and he looked down at his little girl wrapped around him with an amused look on his face. "Ahem, Ruth?"

"What?"

"This is a hospital and... never mind, you do what you want. Just don't move around too much."

"Mmm."

When Ellie returned to the sickroom, she found both of them asleep. The sight warmed her heart. She took out Paul the Leprechaun and the Acorn Men and sat down on the bedside chair. This was a hospital. Sterile and white, noisy as well. Yet still she could sit down and forget all about the world around her. One look at those two was enough to put her at ease.

***

The next morning, Tom woke up to a throbbing pain in his back and he groaned in displeasure. He hadn't opened his eyes yet when someone wiped a cool, wet towel over his forehead. The pleasant chill distracted him, and he opened his eyes to look at his kind nurse. "Morning, Ellie."

"Morning, Tom. How's your back?"

"Hurts."

She grabbed a small cup and a glass of water and held them out to him. "Your pain meds."

He swallowed his pills and laid back down. It hurt to bend his back. He took a look around the room as best he could and saw that Ellie had walked away and was now curled up into a ball in her chair all the way in the corner. "Did you stay here all night?"

"No, they told us to leave. Ruth dropped me off here on her way to work. You were asleep and she didn't want to wake you. I had to make her leave."

Tom laughed and grimaced at the sudden shudder in his chest. "I wish I'd seen that."