Change - More Change

"Hi, Todd - first of all, we aren't here to cause any trouble. I know just being here puts you in the middle and we won't stay long. This is my new wife Cindy and she really, really wants to meet Krystal also."

Cindy smiled really sweetly and said, "please Todd, can I? Can we finally meet her and just give her this little Teddy Bear?"

It wasn't much because I knew anything real big and expensive would probably be noticed by Tina and Todd couldn't explain it away. Possibly.

Cindy's sweetness got us in. Krystal was very shy at first but the Bear and Cindy's sweet smile and voice won her over pretty quick. And she even climbed in my lap for a bit before we had to leave.

I did get a chance to offer Todd some cash.

"Not meaning any insult at all, Todd - this is for Krystal. I'd be spoiling her like crazy if I was just allowed too. Maybe this is just a little bribe for you to keep an open mind when it comes to me and Cindy maybe visiting again pretty soon. Again, the last thing I want is to cause Tina any upset at all. OK?"

"Damn it, Joe. I liked you the first time I met you, but I love my wife and I know how strong her feelings are about you. I also know how insane Irma is. But I've got to live here and live with all three of them, basically. Don't push it."

"I'm going slow and careful here, Todd. Really. And I've, we've - Cindy and I - got a plan to try and win Tina back to some version of sane reality. You know, I'm pretty sure I can get you a full time job with my Uncle Bill - and not just as a laborer, but learning to handle some equipment. Are you interested? Could Tina accept that, ya' think, maybe?"

Todd thought about it. "All right - what do I have to do?"

"Just go see Bill whenever you're ready to. It's a done deal. Getting the job. Keeping the job will be on you - showing up, on time, working hard, listening and learning. Bill's a good boss - but he is the boss. Can you handle that?"

"Hell yeah I can handle it. Guess you'all want to keep seeing Krystal. When? How's that gonna work when I'm working myself every day?"

"Can you call me? Keep in touch? Privately for right now?"

"Like we're having an affair? Yuck, yuck...Yeah, I can do that."

"Well, do that at least once a week and let me know how the Krystal daycare is handled when you two are both working full time. Maybe we can work something out safely pretty soon."

"OK - I'll do it. Don't have a real good feeling about all this - but I don't have a real good feeling about the way Tina's heading either."

"I wish I could help you with Tina, Todd. I really do. Maybe in a bit I'll be able to."

"Say, what does Darlene say about all this? About me especially - does she bad mouth me now too?"

"Not when I'm around. Mostly she just stays quiet when Irma starts in, but even Irma doesn't do that much anymore since you're out of the picture."

"How are you getting along with her?"

"Who knows? I don't. Not for sure. Darlene's OK. She doesn't butt in on our marriage. But Tina tries to be pretty dominant all the time, and I'll tell you it's starting to get old. I do love her and especially little Krystal here, but her superior attitude is wearing thin. Maybe this new job will help or make things clearer."

"Sorry to hear that Todd, but not all that surprised. If worse comes to worse, I'll be there for Krystal first and foremost and that includes you as her loving dad. OK?"

"Yeah, 'preciate the thought."

"OK, we better get going. Take care Todd - and call Bill as soon as you can."

Next I decided I wanted to try and talk to Darlene. I called her.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Darlene, it's me Joe."

"Yes?"

"I'm in town visiting Bill today - was wondering if you could meet me somewhere and talk. Just talk a little. I'll throw in supper if you'd like that."

Silence.

"Uh, Darlene? You still there?"

I heard a sigh. "OK, I guess. Where?"

"How about The Place? Soon as you can get there tonight?"

"OK. I'll come straight from work. I can leave here at 4:30 and be there by 5PM."

"Thanks, Darlene. I'll be waiting for you."

Click.

We were going to ambush her, just a tad. Cindy would be with me but sitting at another table or the bar until Darlene arrived and got seated. Eventually I would introduce them.

It wasn't the nicest place in the town but was very popular, especially on the weekends - and it served good bar food every day. Hamburgers and fried stuff mostly.

We got there early and Cindy got a table and her own supper ordered and served before I moved myself to another table with just a draft beer. Darlene walked in at 5 after and easily spotted me.

I arose and offered her a seat.

"You are looking well, Darlene. Thanks for coming. Let's go ahead and eat."

We both ordered and just tried to make small talk while eating. Not very successfully. We didn't have much in common at all anymore that wouldn't get real serious real quick.

After our plates were cleared Darlene said "You mind?" and pulled out a cigarette.

"No. But you smoke now? When...?"

"Couple of years now. Why not?" she said kind of resignedly. As far as I knew Darlene had never smoked the entire time I knew her, through dating and then marriage.

"So, what did you want to talk about, Joe?" Darlene said through her smoke.

I smiled a little. "You never called me, after our last meeting. Why not?"

She looked away. "I guess I changed my mind and just decided I didn't want to get back together with you. Not the way you treated me."

"OK. I understand that. I was yelling and came down on you real hard. I didn't really mean it. I was playing a little game trying to shock you, maybe. And I lost that game. No doubt about it. But - did you even try and talk to Tina about repairing her relationship with me, her father?"

This time she looked me in the eyes. "I did, Joe. Honestly. She just wouldn't budge and I couldn't change her mind in the slightest. Well, I guessed that was OK for all of us, based on your conditions and me changing my own mind. I am sorry about Tina, but she's an adult now and can do what she wants to. Feel like she needs to. You never called me again either so I guessed you had moved on. I even heard you got married again..."

"Yes. What about you? Married again or engaged? That guy Charlie - that going OK?"

"I still see him occasionally. Along with some other men friends. I'm not lonely, Joe - so don't you be worrying about me."

"I just hope you're happy now. Really. I have changed quite a bit. You have too. Change happens to all of us. Did Tina tell you I did go by her house about four months after our last conversation and tried to meet Krystal?"

"No, she didn't. Did you really do that? What happened?"

"Nothing. Like you said she wouldn't budge on really disliking me and wanting nothing to do with me. What can I do to change that - any ideas at all?"

Darlene just sat there. I gave the little sign we had pre-arranged and Cindy walked up to our table. I stood up and said, "Darlene, this is my wife Cindy. Cindy, my ex Darlene."

Darlene got a little blush on and looked flustered.

Cindy put on her sweetest smile and just as warmly as possible said, "I am pleased to meet you. I hope we can be friendly..."

"Yeah, why not?" Darlene kind of smirked while taking a big drag.

I quickly reviewed where we were at in our discussion. Cindy had been too far away to effectively eavesdrop.

Cindy said to Darlene, "I would really like to meet Joe's granddaughter. I don't even have any children myself - yet. I hope to, but who knows what will happen? Can you help us, but Joe especially, reestablish a relationship with his daughter and her family? Whatever Joe did to her, or she thinks he did, can we make amends in any way?"

Darlene was pretty nervous and trying to use the tobacco to help her.

Another big sigh.

"That's the problem. Joe didn't ever actually do a thing to Tina to make her feel that way. Her grandmother just brainwashed her...and I let it happen! I don't know what I can do now."

"Maybe you could start by spending some time with her, alone, without Irma around, remind her how our life was when she was younger? Then just reassure her over and over I never really abused you?"

Silence again while she just smoked.

"You really hurt me, Joe, leaving again for Afghanistan that second time. I know it was my fault, with Archie and everything, but you were always my number one love and lover. Always. My love and lust for Archie started fading as soon as you left again. In truth, you were my first love - not Archie. I was a fool getting involved with him again. I try not to think about our life together in the past. It makes me very sad now - so why should I? What's in it for me, Joe?"

"Maybe because it's just the right thing to do? To counter Irma's lies about me - and you? Can Tina actually live a happy and sane life based on such lies? Will Krystal? I have a very bad feeling how things may turn out with that family if we - you and I - don't try our best to get Tina to remember and recognize the truth. Will her marriage even survive? How is that going, do you think?"

"There's a few problems. But no marriage is perfect, not all the time...OK, I'll start trying that. It's not going to be easy."

Now, she looked right at Cindy and said to me, "I lied before, Joe - I would have called you if I could have gotten Tina to meet you, but I couldn't. I cried myself to sleep every night for a month after that."

"I'm sorry about that, too, Darlene. Wish I could turn back time, maybe I never would have gone to Afghanistan that first time, even. But I can't. And you can't either. I loved you whole heartedly and never imagined you'd fall in love with someone else. Maybe you didn't love Archie ever as much as you loved me, but I just couldn't handle you loving him as much as you did. We can't cry over spilt milk. And now I love Cindy - just as wholeheartedly."

When I said that Cindy gasped just a little and blushed. Darlene looked at her a tad surprised. She didn't know our problems and didn't need to - no matter what, Darlene and I were history as any kind of romantic couple.

Darlene sighed. "I guess...we're going to be in touch now? Anything else?"

She seemed resigned.

"Yes, I'll call you or you can call me anytime now. Uh, we're performing at the Helen Octoberfest in three weeks. See if you can get Todd, Tina, and Krystal to go with you - no Irma - for that weekend, and you'll pay the tab for the rooms and food if money is tight for them. I'll be paying actually. Don't tell them about me and we'll try to meet up 'accidentally'. OK?"

"Performing, Joe?"

"Uh, you haven't heard? Cindy and I are in a clogging group. We'll be dancing on one of the stages there, several times during that weekend."

"Wow. I just can't imagine you doing something like that. You were always so quiet and shy, before..."

"Guess I changed a bit. That's how Cindy and I met, actually."

"Amazing. Well, this should be interesting. I'll try to swing it. Don't know if Tina and Todd will be interested, but I'll try. This isn't going to be easy, Joe. Keeping Irma out is a whole 'nother challenge too. She's pushy."

"We'll keep our fingers crossed. And thank you, Darlene, for agreeing to help me with this. I really do 'preciate it."

And Cindy said, "I do to, Darlene. I hope you and I can be friendly. Joe is such a good guy. I really love him with all my heart."

"You should." Darlene kind of whispered as we took our leave.

So, things were in motion.

Todd started working for Bill, and Bill let him off one afternoon each week, when me and Cindy went over to play with Krystal. Todd was still working a lot more than before and clearing a lot more money, too. Generally we'd meet at a McDonalds or Chuckie Cheeses or somewhere where Krystal really liked it, as she was 5 years old now. We were all kind of waiting for Krystal to mention us to Tina, but so far we had been lucky. For one thing we didn't actually identify ourselves like "Grandpa and Grandma" to her. I became Joey, actually. A nickname I had never used before. Maybe that would be enough to keep Tina in the dark for now.

Darlene did confirm the weekend in Helen was a go. I met her the week before when we saw Krystal and gave her the money for the weekend. Darlene said she had been trying to talk with Tina but was still getting pushback on that. If nothing else, Tina was really stubborn.

The meeting was almost anti-climatic. Darlene and Todd were working together - just making sure they were at our Saturday afternoon performance. I spotted them in the audience right away. Krystal was actually watching us and even dancing herself a bit in the aisle to the music, with a big grin on her face. After we finished our 30 minute show - not a ballet but just 8 of our best routines, including some line dance ones - Cindy and I headed out looking for them.

As we walked up Krystal saw us and yelled out "Joey and Cindy! Yeah!" and ran up to Cindy. Tina wasn't smiling and looked sidewise at Todd. Todd just said, "be nice, Tina. He is your Dad, damn it!" Tina's face got red but she didn't explode. Maybe Todd was asserting himself just a little more and it was working on reeling Tina back to reality, a bit.

"Hi, honey," I said to her. "Todd, Darlene. Everyone this is Cindy, my wife."

Tina said, "It seems Krystal has met her already. And that's a secret from me."

Todd said, "Tina, Joe helped me get that job with Bill, and he and Cindy have met Krystal already and spent a little bit of time with her, only when I have been around. She's my daughter too, Tina. And Joe happens to be MY father-in-law, and a good friend. What ever Joe did to you - or you think he did - you need to forgive him. That's important to me - and to Krystal. Krystal loves Joe already and vice versa. I see it. And Krystal loves Cindy, maybe more. Cindy could be...is...another grandmother for Krystal. So think about someone else other than just yourself and your feelings. Please - I'm begging you."

"Me too," I said. "I'm begging. Please."

"Krystal is so wonderful. Me too, Tina. Please?" Cindy chimed in while holding Krystal.

Finally Darlene said, "Me too, honey. Please forgive Joe, And forgive me too, for letting Irma tell you all those lies about Joe. It wasn't true, none of it. I've been trying to tell you...just LOOK AT HIM, Tina. He's just your Dad - a good Dad, always."

Tina looked shocked, and then the tears came. Todd hugged her first, then she turned and grabbed me, "Oh, Daddy, Daddy...I'm so sorry how I acted. Please forgive me."

And I patted her back saying "it's OK, honey - you're all forgiven if I am. It's going to be fine from here on out."

Krystal was holding onto Cindy's neck and said rather maturely, "what's wrong with Mommy, Cindy?"

"Nothing, honey. Not a thing. She's just real happy right now - we all are and we are all gonna have so much fun together! Guess what, darlin' - I'm one of your Grandma's - like Grandma Darlene and Grandma Patty - I'm gonna be your Grandma Cindy from now on - and Joey is gonna be your Grandpa Joe? Isn't that neat?"

Krystal thought about it kind of seriously, "OK - I guess a girl just can't have too many Grandpa's and Grandma's so it's OK to me. Yeah, Mom - you happy too?"

Tina went over and hugged her and Cindy too, "Yes, honey, I am really, really happy. You hungry yet? I bet if you asked your Grandpa Joe nicely, he'll buy you just about anything you wanted to eat."

Krystal grabbed my hand and then Todd's and started pulling us to the chicken fingers booth. Tina and Cindy and Darlene all walked and talked together.

A new and much, much better part of my life started at this point. Irma was just - neutralized. Darlene and Tina worked it out to not ostracize her, but basically just ignored all her venom. She still tried to spout it - but they just ignored it and Irma just kind of slowly shrunk like a witch with water poured on her. She aged rather rapidly at that point. She alone was reaping what she sowed. She finally gave it up as any kind of serious attack. But she kept it up occasionally as almost a joke for herself. I even was around her occasionally for family gatherings at Todd and Tina's new farm and larger house. Todd was a hard worker and doing real well with Bill.

I had no problem co-signing with Bill for his loan on that property. And Cindy was even teaching Krystal her first clogging steps - and Tina, too.

I mentioned before our "15 minutes of fame." With a little bit of word-of-mouth from the Lady Antebellum band members, we got our shot at performing at the Grand Old Opry in Nashville one night. Other clogging groups have performed there. It was quite an honor. Most teams get one or two routines to do - but they allotted us a whole twenty minutes after seeing our demo tape. And we got to use some of the official Opry back-up band members who wanted to play with our musicians in just a standard kind of informal jam session - that we faked as part of our ballet.

So we did the short ballet and it went great. By now, our two teens were the real dancing stars and they did absolutely great in their leading roles. During our "audience participation" dance - we actually went to other "back - on stage" folks always kind of milling around and the teens especially scored some real CW stars. Cindy snared Tyler Hubbard from Florida Georgia Line - and I felt my shyness coming back big time - when damn but if Alison Krause didn't grab me and asked "can I play too?" And after our dance, she even grabbed her own fiddle and sat in with our band.

And the audience ate it all up.

The next summer we toured Europe for a month. We barely scraped enough people together to be able to do the ballet. Many people worked and couldn't take that much time off. But enough did, we did it. Darlene, Tina, and Krystal came with us. Our expenses were mostly paid. I paid for Darlene all the way, but we incorporated Tina and even little dancing Krystal - and few other younger kids - into the performance. We were part of an international cultural exchange program. Other clogging groups had already participated in this - all kids teams like Kennesaw Georgia's "Little General Cloggers" and sometimes just combined clogger groups - rather than whole teams.

It was a blast - but tiring. They scheduled a LOT of performances for us and we were well received everywhere we went. Maybe it was a good thing it was so tiring. I think everyone was happy to get back home. Professional performing is actually a tough career - being "up" each and every performance and doing basically the same thing day in and day out. But getting that huge applause night after night IS addicting. And I guess if one was paid the big bucks that would help too. But we weren't paid the big bucks.

The NGO did video one whole performance and a lot of travel and backstage stuff, and we all got a souvenir DVD. They also marketed this DVD to the "general" audience. I actually got a residual from any sales because I was the acknowledged "director and choreographer" which was ™ to me. I think I ended up getting about $45 total from sales.

We slowly got back to normal, with the occasional performance and a couple of clogging conferences attended. That Thanksgiving we headed back to Nashville - most of the team - for the NCHC-C.L.O.G National Convention. Several thousand cloggers from all across the country get together every year during the Thanksgiving week at the National Convention. A large competition is held as part of this week of teaching and learning clogging.

It might seem a little strange having that convention during such a big family holiday week - but clogging is such a family friendly event whole families just went and did their thanksgiving there one year for most - or many years for some. We also took Todd, Tina, and Krystal with us. There was plenty of fun things to do in Nashville for Todd and Tina, while us Grandparents watched Krystal quite a bit so they could have some "private time". I think it became like a second honeymoon for them. Little Louisa Cindy came along 9 months later.