Christmas at Sun Valley

"I am thankful for this lovely home and for our land and our farm, which keeps providing well for us all, despite the drought and the general economics, and much to the credit of you two, for managing it with competence and dedication." Both Tammy and Joe raised their glasses in recognition.

"But most of all, I am thankful for the newest member to join our family." His look rested on Leanne's flushed face. "Leanne, I know it's been a rough ride for you, and I know you're still struggling with some of it. Lord knows, it hasn't been easy for any of us." Again he gestured at the table at large. "But I am thankful that your trail has led you here. I want you to know that we love you. Not just Joe, but all of us. You're home now. Thank you for choosing Joe and us for your family. I am grateful and honored to have you as my soon-to-be daughter."

Tammy and Joe erupted in cheers while Leanne sat with tears streaming down her cheeks, and mouthed 'thank you' to Michael, who nodded his head solemnly. "Cheers!" he roared over the ruckus, but before anyone could drink Joe raised both his hands, one holding his wineglass, the other gesturing a 'stop' sign.

"Wait! Wait a moment. I have something to say, too." Tammy and Michael quietened as Joe half-rose from his sit, and then sat back down and looked between them, finally settling on his father.

"Speaking of new members joining our family, Leanne and I have something else to be thankful for, and would like to share with you."

He paused, and then Tammy jumped up to her feet. "REALLY?!" she shrieked, and at Leanne's excited nod she started jumping up and down shouting 'Ohmygod-ohmygod-ohmygod!' before rushing over to smother Leanne in a bone-crushing hug.

"Joe?" Leanne heard Michael ask carefully over Tammy's excitement, and Joe stood up and walked around to his father, who was also already on his feet.

"Leanne's pregnant, dad. We're going to have a baby."

"Oh."

Tammy drew back and they both saw Michael sit back down heavily, breathing deep.

"Dad, you okay?" Joe was crouching at his father's side, one hand on his shoulder, the other reaching for the older man's wrist.

"Yeah, I'm okay, just give me a minute here, okay?"

Leanne could barely recognize the older man's voice, thick with emotion as it was. Joe pressed his lips, and then wrapped his father in his arms, and hugged him close. They could see Michael's own arms clutch his son's wide back as they held each other.

When they finally drew apart Leanne met Michael's red, teary eyes across the table, and he gave her a rueful smile.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ruin the moment. I'm just -" he heaved a breath, and pushed to his feet as a surprised Joe took a step back. "Excuse me, everyone."

Before he could walk away, though, Joe's hand on his shoulder stopped him.

"Wait, dad, where are you going?!"

His father coughed, and motioned to the door. "I need to go tell your mother about this."

Joe and Tammy exchanged looks, and then Joe spoke again, his voice gentle.

"Dad, it's freaking cold outside. Please, sit down and let's have our holiday dinner while the food is still hot. We can all go tell Mom together, tomorrow morning."

Michael looked back to the table, where Tammy and Leanne both looked at him with matching, sympathetic expressions. He nodded and cleared his throat. "Right. I, ahem. Okay then. I just - this is a lot, you know? Claire - she always knew how to handle these things."

Tammy's chuckle surprised them all. "Gosh, dad. I'd pay to see how you reacted when Mom first told you she was pregnant with either one of us!"

They all laughed, and Michael shook his head as he sat back down. "Oh, it wasn't a pretty sight, I can tell you that." With another deep inhale, he looked up and reached his hand across the table to Leanne, who took it gratefully.

"Congratulations, my dear. I am absolutely thrilled. Indeed, this is something to be thankful for!"

With that, everyone raised their glasses - Leanne shrugged and raised her glass of water - cheered once more, and then refocused their attention to the feast spread out in front of them.

*

The small, fenced-off graveyard stood just outside the Northern gate. A giant valley oak stood towering above the small patch of grass, where three tombstones could be seen, two paired together, and a single one in a second row.

As they grew closer and came in through the small gate, Joe took Leanne's hand.

"Both my father's parents are buried here; they came here and built this farm back in the forties, right after the war. My grandfather was a veteran, and when he returned from Europe all he wanted was the peace and quiet of the land."

Leanne nodded. They all drew closer to stand around the small tombstone. The name Claire McConnel was inscribed in beautiful, strong letters into the marble, and the years 1955-1995 etched below. Underneath, the words Our Beloved showed in smaller cursive.

Leanne sniffled as Michael crouched by the marble plaque, and swiped the letters, clearing invisible dust away in a move that looked like a loving caress.

"I've got news, Claire. We're going to be grandparents! How about that, eh?"

Leanne sniffled, and Joe squeezed her to his side as he spoke quietly. "She would have been an amazing grandmother, wouldn't she?"

Michael nodded, and took Tammy's hand as he got back to his feet. "Yeah, she really would have."

"I'm thankful that our baby will you have you for a grandpa, Michael." Leanne said. "I just wish he had a grandmother, too. It seems so unfair for it to have lost them both years before it was born."

Joe squeezed her shoulder. "It'll have Elaine." He said, and Leanne smiled. "Yeah, but she'd have a fit if anyone dared called her grandma! She'd be more like a super-spoiling auntie." Joe nodded, paused, and then said quietly - "Melissa would love to take on the role, if you let her."

Leanne turned to look at Joe, sensing both Michael's and Tammy's eyes on her, too.

"I know she would, Joe, and she would probably be the best grandmother in the world." She said, her voice anguished. "But she's not the one I have a problem with."

"I bet William will be a wonderful grandfather, too." Michael's voice sounded behind her and she turned to him, her eyes dark with her pain.

"How can you say that, Michael? You of all people?"

"Because it's true." He said quietly, holding her eyes with his own. "The man has so much love to give, Leanne. I've seen it in him. I spoke to him that night, long after Joe had already gone. He loves you, Leanne, although he never got a chance to show you. And he would love this baby with all his heart. Isn't that what a grandparent is all about?"

Leanne looked from Michael to Tammy to Joe, and suddenly it was all too much for her. With a squeaky sob she turned on her heels, and ran out of the small gate, back toward the farm. She could hear Joe curse under his breath and start after her and then Michael's low call - Joe, wait. She didn't turn to see what happened next, but simply kept running until she reached their cottage, and let the door slam behind her. She stormed up the steps, threw herself onto their bed, face down, and wept.

*

A while later she heard him come in. He walked up the stairs slowly, as if in tripedition, and then he was there, sitting on the bed by her side, stroking the hair out of her face with gentle fingers.

"Hey." He said quietly.

Leanne sniffled, and pushed herself to sit next to him, wiping her cheeks with the backs of her hands. "Hey." she mumbled sullenly. The corner of his mouth twitched and he snaked his arm around her shoulders and tucked her to his side.

"I'm sorry I pushed."

She nodded mutely.

"It's just - I don't understand. You have such a big heart, Leanne. Can't you find it in you to forgive him?"

"How can you forgive him, Joe? How can Tammy, or your father? The man killed your mother. In his reckless, careless behavior he has stolen your happiness and destroyed your family. How can you ever forgive him?"

Joe was quiet for a long time, until, finally, he answered. "He hurt us immeasurably, that much is true. And for a while, we really were broken and unhappy." Joe took her hand, and covered it with his. "But look at us now, Leanne. Look at my family. We're not destroyed. We're not ruined. We're together and we're strong. We're alive. We're happy."

He stopped, rearranging his thoughts, and then continued. "William Richardson sinned, but that was twenty years ago. He has spent most of those years in jail. He lost his family, too. And he truly regrets that mistake - I know because I looked in his eyes when he told us he was sorry." Joe looked at her hand between his. "I no longer hate him, Leanne. I think it's time to let it go."

Leanne felt sudden anger flare in her belly. "Well, what if I hate him, Joe?! What if I can't forget the way he had made my life miserable - not just twenty years ago, but every fucking day of my childhood? I went hungry for days at a time, too many times to count. I had to take care of my mother when she was dying of cancer and there was no one there to share that burden with because he was a freakin' loser. He broke up my family and stole away my happiness. Why the hell should I forgive him?"

She was crying again, her tears running freely down her pale cheeks, and Joe gathered her close in his arms and pillowed her head on his chest as she sobbed. He fell silent, not saying anything for the longest time, not until she quieted in his arms, and finally drew back, sniffling.

He reached for a box of tissues on the nightstand and handed it to her mutely, and she plucked a few of them and blew her nose loudly, rolling the soiled paper in her clenched fists. Finally, when she seemed centered, Joe spoke.

"I'm not saying you have to forgive him, Leanne. I'm just saying - look at you now. You are no longer hungry and living a paycheck away from homelessness. You are no longer alone, fighting a losing battle against death. You have a family now. And a home. And a new life growing inside of you." He half smiled, his hand stealing a soft caress over her belly. "And I sure hope that you're happy, because if you're not than it's me you should be disappointed with, not him."

Leanne leaned back into his arm, and filled her lungs with air before blowing it out slowly. Sensing he may have made some progress, Joe added -

"I just feel it would be unfair - both to William and to our baby - if we kept them apart from each other because of our own old hurts. I mean, we cannot bring our baby's grandmothers back from the dead, as much as we both would have wanted to. But there's a couple of living, willing and able people who would love nothing more than to be this baby's grandparents. Now it's in our hands, to give it to him, or to deny it."

Leanne sat immobile on the edge of the bed, lost in thought. After an eternity she lifted her head, and looked into Joe's eyes.

"Okay." she whispered.

"Okay?" he parroted, as if unsure what she meant by that.

"Okay, I'll meet him. And I'll tell him about the baby. And I'll allow for him to be a grandfather, if he chooses to do it." Her tone indicated she still wasn't convinced that he would, but Joe focused on the main point.

"You want to meet him? What, like, someday? Or soon?"

Her brow wrinkled. "I feel like if I don't do it it'll keep hovering over me, this should-I-shouldn't-I dilemma. I'd rather just be done with it. Today, if possible." She looked into his eyes.

Joe nodded slowly. "Okay... We can do that. Do you know where to find him?"

"I don't," she admitted, "but I'll call Melissa. She'll help set it up."

*

Melissa could barely contain her joy at Leanne's request. She gave them the address, north of town, very close to the Sacramento International Airport, and agreed to meet there.

They called thirty minutes before their estimated time of arrival to let Melissa know they were on track. Once there, they parked outside next to Melissa's old Toyota, and the older woman greeted them with so much gratitude that Leanne felt uncomfortable.

"I'm not promising anything." She told Melissa. "I'll meet him and I'll talk to him, but that's all."

Melissa's smile wavered. "I know, dear. Still, it means the world that you're here, now. Let's find William. I didn't tell him you were coming because I didn't want to disappoint him in case you changed your mind on the way." She grimaced. "Being a social worker, I've seen it all before."

"That's okay." Leanne mumbled, and held on to Joe's hand like a lifeline. "Shall we?"

Melissa lead the way between the simple single-story, dorm-like buildings, until they reached a fenced-off area. There, much to Leanne's surprise, grew a lush vegetable garden, its raised beds bursting with various plants and herbs. A group of men congregated at the far end of it around one of the beds.

"This is a men-only shelter, housing mostly ex-cons and people suffering from substance abuse." Melissa explained quietly. "William lived here after he was released from jail, and before he moved in with me. He volunteers here now, teaching the residence basic gardening skills, and how to grow some of their own food themselves. It's a skill he learned in prison, and has become quite proficient at it over the years."

Leanne could make out the older man sitting on a low, foldable stool, speaking to the others passionately while gesturing at the plants, bending every now and then to touch the soil, although she couldn't hear his words that far out.

"I don't want to interrupt them."

"They are over their allocated time already, but William won't leave until the last of their questions are answered. I think they'll be finishing up soon."

After two more minutes had passed the men started moving back toward them, and Melissa motioned to Joe and Leanne. "That's our cue," she smiled in encouragement, although it seemed forced. "Let's go say hi."

William was absorbed with his plants, weeding out tiny shoots when they reached him. "William, dear?" Melissa's voice shook badly as she put her hand on his shoulder, and the older man turned up in surprise, a quick smile spreading on his face before he noticed Leanne and Joe behind his fiancé. He froze in shock, gasped, and paled, but a moment later seemed to collect himself and stood slowly, supported heavily by Melissa's hand.

"LeeLee."

His voice was thick with emotion, but he made no move toward her. Leanne felt Joe's hand tighten at her shoulder, and realized she was trembling.

"Hello, Bill." she managed, barely.

Her father blinked, as if needing a moment to adjust to her calling him by that name, and then he smiled faintly. "God, you look just like your mother. So pretty." He closed his eyes for a moment, and then opened them. "Could we go to the staff room? We can talk there."

At their silent nods William lead the way. Once they settled around the small, round table he excused himself to go wash his hands, and then returned with a glass of water for each before finally sitting down.

They looked at each other, neither sure how to start. Finally William spoke.

"Leanne - thank you so much for - for this. For coming to see me. I cannot tell you how much this means to me."

Leanne cleared her throat. "To be honest, I'm not sure why I came." She said quietly. "I just - there's so much that's happened in my life lately. I got a fresh start of sorts. And I feel now is the right time to figure out this thing between you and me."

William nodded, and then tilted his head, gesturing toward Joe, whose hand Leanne was squeezing hard enough to leave marks. "Does this new start include this young man?"

Leanne's head jerked in surprise. "Um - yes. We're engaged, actually. Getting married on Christmas Day." She blurted.

"Oh!" Melissa's hands flew to her mouth, and her eyes sparkled. William inhaled sharply and his jaw worked several times before he said gruffly - "Congratulations to both of you. That's wonderful news."

He turned his eyes to his own fiancé, who placed a loving hand on his cheek, and then wiped a tear away, and drew him for a fierce hug. Leanne watched, stunned, as the man who was her father put his head on the woman's shoulder, and burst out crying. Melissa pulled him even closer and wrapped her arms around him, murmuring softly in his ear. Leanne looked helplessly at Joe, and he shrugged back, as unsure as her how to react.

Watching the couple on the other side of the table, it occurred to Leanne that, even if she didn't quite forgive him, she didn't hate this man; not anymore. While it was his mortal sin that she'd paid for, all those years growing up dirt-poor and fatherless, she didn't doubt that he had repented it with all his heart. Now, all she felt for him was pity.

He'd lost us, she thought. His wife and his child, his home, his job and his friends. He'd lost all his prime years. And, from the look of it, his health.

She blew her breath out slowly, and leaned into Joe's side. His arm came around her.

"You okay, baby?" He murmured, and she nodded mutely.

Across the table, her father finally managed to contain himself. He was wiping his face with the back of his weathered hand as he looked at her apologetically.

"Sorry. It's just - I've dreamed about this for so many years. Seeing you again. Talking to you. It feels unreal. And now - seeing you engaged, and happy - this is everything I'd ever hoped for. It's a bit overwhelming."

Leanne felt tears sting behind her eyes. Blinking them away, and not quite thinking, she leaned forward and offered her hand to her father. The man looked at it in astonishment and then reached to take it with shaking fingers. Leanne shivered at his dry, rough touch, but didn't withdraw from it.

"I really am happy," she promised. "And I hope you can be, too."

Her father's cheeks trailed with tears once more, and this time he didn't bother with them. "I think I might be able to, now." He said laughingly, and looked over his shoulder to Melissa, who nodded in reassurance.

Leanne let go of her father's hand, and he released her reluctantly. She looked up at Joe. At his small nod, she returned to look at William.

"I may have another bit of news that would help with that. The happy part, I mean."

At their confused looks, she smiled, and then said softly - "I'm pregnant. Joe and I are going to have a baby."

Stunned silence greeted her revelation, so much like Michael McConnel's reaction that she almost laughed out loud.

"Yeah, it was a surprise for us, too." She admitted ruefully. "But a very welcome one, I promise."

Her father still sat there, clearly overwhelmed. Melissa squeezed his shoulder, and then smiled brightly to Leanne. "That is absolutely wonderful news, my dear. When are you due?"

"Sometime in May, I'm told." She answered, smiling. "There's plenty of time, still."

Melissa nodded, and they all fell quiet again. Suddenly tired, Leanne looked up at Joe.

"Take me home?"

Joe stood. "Yeah. Absolutely." He offered his hand to Leanne's father, who took it gratefully.

"Thank you." the older man said emphatically, and Joe nodded. He shook Melissa's hand, too, and then waited as the two women embraced. Finally, Leanne stood facing her father. The older man stepped closer, but didn't try to hug her. Instead, he reached for her upper arms, and gave them a small squeeze.

"You've grown up to be a fine woman, Leanne. I know I had nothing to do with it, it's all your mother - and your own spirit. I couldn't be more proud of you." He squeezed again. "Thank you for coming here, and thank you for what you've done for Melissa and me. I've loved you since the day you were born, and I've never stopped loving you since. I want you to know that. I love you so very much, LeeLee. With all my heart."