Collection of Erotic Film Reviews

IN A DARK PLACE

2006 Horror thriller. A young school teacher takes a job as a nanny in a remote mansion looking after a wayward boy and his sister who are orphans. Strange events occur involving apparently ghosts and the story is just plain weird. There are several attempts to overlay an erotic sexual layer and in particular between the nanny and the female house manager, with some seemingly out of place nudity thrown in. Basically the film does not know what it is trying to be and is muddled and confused and disjointed. The ending is deliberately inconclusive and mystifying presumably to try to rescue the film with some further mystery at the final hour. You will not know what has gone on at the end of the film. There were some occasional moments of quality and suspense so the film does scrape a 3. Could have been so much better. 3/10

IN THE MOOD FOR LOVE

2000 Drama. Two spouses who are neighbours form a relationship united by the common bond that both their partners are having an affair. The only thing you'll be in the mood for is sleeping. It sent me off fairly rapidly. It is just so slow and mundane and ordinary and boring. Obviously I must be missing something as there are so many enthusiastic reviews but I fear that this may be pseudo intellectuals enthusing over something esoteric knowing that ordinary movie watchers will not get it. Well I certainly did not get it. There is no passion, no romance and certainly nothing steamy. There is no anything actually. Chinese with Sub-titles. 2/10

IN THE REALM OF THE SENSES

1976

Japanese erotic drama based on true story set in 1936. Sub titles. Contains copious quantities of explicit sex. Girl becomes obsessed with her older married lover and seeks to possess him. Bizarre ending. Alternative watchable viewing for the open minded. Average. 5/10

INDECENT PROPOSAL

1993 Obviously the basic storyline is preposterous but if you can ignore that it is a very interesting conundrum that would test most couples. I like this film and have watched it many times because I think they made a very good fist of giving credibility to a highly fanciful and unlikely story. Demi Moore is good in this-wasn't she so much better in her early days, and Redford is superb as always. It is in the end a touching romantic drama with a plot that is a bit different. Yes there are some naff bits but this film is definitely worth watching and an enjoyable light experience. 7/10

INTIMATE OBSESSION

1992 very very soft porn routine erotic thriller except that it is neither thrilling or erotic. Feels like a low budget TV movie. A bored housewife has a steamy relationship. A poor imitation of Body Heat. Poor acting and an unconvincing contrived plot. Don't bother. 3/10

INTIMATE RELATIONS (1996) Black comedy. Set in the 1950s a young ex sailor (Harold) moves into lodgings with a frustrated middle-aged land lady and her precocious Lolita daughter. The land lady quickly seduces Harold, followed a little later by the daughter. A dark comedy farce develops which fully exploits the tangled web to the full. But the acting is always straight and never slap stick. The pressure mounts on Harold as the demands of the two females become too much to handle. The film is produced in the date style and with a musical sound track typical of the era. Quite well acted, and obviously very contrived but achieves its aim of being watchable and amusing light entertainment. Macabre ending though. Average. 5/10

INTIMATE STRANGERS

2003 Drama. Absolutely typical French film i.e. understated , pretentious, ponderous and nothing happens . It has the musical score of a great erotic thriller like Body Heat or Basic Instinct but the music does not fit the film in which there is no action whatsoever and it is extremely hard to stay awake . Even the title of this film promises something that it does not deliver. The entire premise of the story is extremely contrived and unbelievable anyway but I could forgive that if there was subsequently some point to it but at the end you cannot help but conclude it is a waste of time . Sub titles 4/10

IRINA PALM

2007. Low budget dour but credible story about doormat Grandmother who desperate to raise funds for medical treatment for her sick grandson goes to work in the Soho sex industry. Feels like a TV drama. It is a very well acted film especially Marianne Faithfull as a middle aged frump. But I loved her back in the 1960s and prefer to remember her as she was! This is not a porno film although should be an 18 and not a 15 due to the amount of time spent portraying Maggi (Faithfull) working . Not a particularly enjoyable film but definitely watchable. 6/10

IRRESISTIBLE

2006Drama. Psychological thriller. Low budget movie but with excellent cast i.e. Sam Neil, Susan Sarandon and Emily Blunt. I had to watch this film twice to properly appreciate it. The film is worth staying with because it gets better as it progresses and keeps you guessing, and ends with a surprising twist. You think it is the standard married man has affair with gorgeous young assistant but it is not, and features a series of events which cause the wife to question her sanity. Average . 5/10

ISLE (THE)

2000 Korean drama with sub titles although unusually there is almost no dialogue. A surreal story that is very weird and alternative. The plot is about an attractive young apparently mute girl who manages a very remote fishing resort where the guests each live in isolated floating detached huts on a large lake. I think perhaps the deeper meaning of the film is the isolation of the individual. But what transpires is a slow, gory story of love, lust, murder and self mutilation (by swallowing bunches of fish hooks would you believe). I am not sure if this film is genius or rubbish but it will not appeal to most, and is not for the squeamish. On the positive side the photography is stunningly beautiful, and there is something intriguing about this film that keeps you watching to the end. Unfortunately what actually happens at the end is equally unclear but also has some esoteric double meaning. 4/10

JACK AND DIANE

2012 Horror lesbian teen drama. A confusing and extremely weird teenage coming of age lesbian love story drama in which there is a suggestion that actually one or perhaps both of the main characters are werewolves! i kid you not! Extremely disjointed and unconvincing in every way. There is the usual girl meets girl, girl lose girl routine, but the relationship is so unconvincing with minimal meaningful dialogue that you will not care. Many seemingly unconnected plot strands are tossed in in a vain attempt to give the movie some weight but it just rubbish. I did not make it to the end. 2/10

JADE

1995. Appallingly bad erotic thriller. Totally implausible . First victim was apparently blackmailing the state governor. I never did understand whodunit but by the time you get to the end of this you don't care! 3/10

JULIA

(1974) Erotic drama. There are many films with the title Julia. This is the one starring Silvia Kristel released in 1974. A poor soft porn drama. Excruciatingly badly acted in parts. Italian film badly dubbed in English. Extremely dated 1970s style. Not the slightest bit erotic-just ridiculous. Poorly transferred to DVD and unfocussed. 2/10

JUST ANOTHER LOVE STORY

2008 Thriller / Romance . I did not enjoy this film but I did make it all the way to the end. It is Danish with sub titles but that does not put me off as you cannot really afford to exclude all foreign films. Yes it is a similar plot to While You were Sleeping but to me somehow this version was not remotely credible. Happy family man with a good job, loving wife and two children he adores walks out and pretends to be boyfriend of woman who has horrendous car crash and is crippled and disfigured and clearly extremely emotionally disturbed? Takes a lot of swallowing. And trust me the plot gets even more absurd when the real boyfriend reappears. It has a lot of graphic violence and sex all of which are well done but not well enough to rescue the ridiculous plot. Sorry but it's a thumbs down from me. 3/10

KELLY AND VICTOR

2012 Love story drama made by an Irish/Welsh collaboration and set in Liverpool. A dark and shocking story about a young couple who meet and quickly form an obsessive sexual bond which escalates into dangerous games involving asphyxiation and mutilation. An 18 rated production with much explicit deviant sex so will not appeal to many and you will need a strong stomach and an interest in such deviation to watch it through. Actually well acted and scripted and very credible and watchable but only if you are interested in such things. 6/10

KIDS ARE ALRIGHT (THE)

2010 Family Drama. A thoroughly modern romantic comedy from the top drawer. Superbly scripted and acted from start to finish. A perfect film that bravely tackles the social issues of a modern lesbian married couple with two teenage children . It brilliantly examines the issues and challenges facing all of the characters and looks at all of the relationships within the family group. It is original, deep, touching, amusing, thought provoking and profound. It will make you laugh and cry and entertain you along the way. Annette Benning and Julian Moore star. A straight ten. 10/10

KILLING ME SOFTLY

2002. Highly implausible soft porn erotic thriller turkey. Joseph Fiennes at his most enigmatic monosyllabic and unfathomable supposedly male hunk. The plot is completely absurd, and the icing on the cake is when they supposedly go mountaineering on their wedding day as their reception! The twist at the end is laughable. Impossible to take this film seriously. Don't try the bondage at home! 3/10

KIND OF LOVING (A)

1962. Landmark iconic film set in the industrial north but was life really as grim as that in 1960? Depicts the stilted awkward mf relationships and the social taboos and prejudice of the time. Young couple who hardly know each other and have little in common have to get married when she falls pregnant after just one cringe making encounter. Love dies quickly when they have to live with her mother (Thora Hird) in the girls home. Makes you glad those days are over and celebrate how much more honest , healthy , real and mature young people's relationships are today. B/W. Shocking. 7/10

KISS ME

(KYSS MIG)

2011 Lesbian romantic drama. Swedish film with sub-titles popular within the lesbian community for its authenticity. In this touching story an engaged woman in her thirties falls in love with her step sister and the new couple go through all the pain and struggle to dismantle their previous lives to build a new life together. It is well scripted and acted and much better than the average offering in this genre. It is honest, sensitive, subtle, romantic, and credible. There is some girl on girl action but it is not gratuitous and this film's real quality is the careful and gentleness with which they portray the initial attraction, seduction, and realism of the romantic affair that ensues. It is a film about being rave enough to follow your heart and dreams and be yourself. 8/10

KISSING A DREAM

1996 Erotic Thriller- Not!. I did watch the entire film but only because I was on a flight and it would have been difficult to change the film on my DVD player. Soft porn rubbish based on a sort of reverse Fatal Attraction i.e. the baddie is a man. The wardrobe budget for this film must have been less than a fiver because the entire cast are naked most of the time and any combination of the characters will do for a random coupling as a side show from the main plot. There is wall to wall sex but it is not the slightest bit erotic or a thriller . Do not rent this film -it is awful. 3/10

LADY CHATTERLEY'S LOVER

1981. French with sub titles 168 minutes! Like watching paint dry. No idea why it's an 18. Disappointing. Adequate at best. Nothing to excite though and dull. 4/10

LADY OF THE NIGHT

1985 Erotic Thriller. Extremely dated supposedly erotic thriller but just plain awful. Italian made and badly dubbed in America accents. Sub-titles might have been better. Diabolical wooden stilted acting. Regarded by some as an 80s erotic classic? OMG. Much simulated action usually between a fully dressed male and the totally naked female lead character. But it is just so bad it is unwatchable. I last about 20 mins! Rubbish. 1/10

LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT (THE)

(2009). Low budget gruesome thriller. A couple avenge the rape and attempted murder of their daughter in their vacation home. Extremely violent and graphic. Not for the squeamish. Of no real merit. 3/10

LAST NIGHT

(2010) Romantic drama. Very under film which analyses love, relationships and temptation. Well acted (Kiera Knightley is excellent) , good script, and very credible. Very sensitively handled and touching. Does not deserve the bad reviews. Some people just don't like subtle slow stories. 8/10

LAST RESORT

2000 Low budget BBC film in Mike Leigh slow burn style . Pretty young Russian single mother jilted by the man she thought she was meeting in UK seeks asylum and is placed in Margate where she falls for bingo caller after someone tries to recruit her into soft porn. Its watchable but low key and uneventful and is essentially a story about loneliness and hopelessness and low expectations. 4/10

LAST SEDUCTION (THE)

1994 Erotic thriller drama. Not as good as I remembered it. Horrendous dated musical soundtrack. Average thriller plot about man eating bitch. 5/10

LAST SEDUCTION II (THE)

1999 Erotic thriller. Sequel to the 1994 original. A lower budget straight to DVD offering that continues the story in Barcelona. Same man eating bitch. Not as good as the original with some dodgy acting by the male lead (victim). Still very much a typical dated 1990s style erotic thriller , and watchable, but adequate at best. 4/10

LAST TANGO IN PARIS

1972 Classic erotic drama. Was innovative, controversial, and shocking at the time, but now very dated. By modern taste it is now heavily of the late 1960s with a pretentious, self indulgent, arty farty style. It has not stood the test of time and seems overrated and over long at over 2 hours. It is slow and boring in parts and you may find yourself reaching for the fast forward. Yes it contains the infamous butter scene but that is not enough to save it. Heavily based around a brooding, moody, enigmatic, taciturn Marlon Brando. 4/10

LEAVING

(2009). Kristin Scott Thomas, French with sub-titles . Rich married woman in South of France is bored and falls in love with builder who is working on her house. She is engulfed by passion and cannot live without him and it all ends in tears and tragedy. KST lifts it from a 5 to a 6/10.

LEMMING (THE

2005) French thriller with sub-titles. I enjoyed this more than I do most French films and it started well and I was hopeful that I would be able to recommend it as an intriguing love triangle thriller . But sadly I can't because the further into it you get the more weird and surreal it becomes and at the end you will not know what actually happened , and what was dreamt or hallucinated. It is just too strange and I would not bother with it. It is not worth all those sub-titles! 5/10

LES VALSEUSES

1974 Erotic drama. Unusual film that grows on you. 1974 but actually feels much more like 1968 swinging 60s sexual liberation era in the mould of Easy Rider and Zabrieski Point. Two petty criminal anarchic wasters go on an aimless odyssey through France stealing cars and picking up women. However their relationship with one young girl in particular who becomes a common thread throughout the story gives the film greater depth and appeal. French with sub titles but it is much faster moving than most French films and I enjoyed it more than most French films. This is an under rated and fairly unknown film of some merit and originality from the 1970s. It is described as a comedy but it is darker and more menacing than that. 7/10

LIE WITH ME

(2004) Crime suspense thriller. Made for TV (Granada) British low budget film. Similar in style to a Prime Suspect production. Watchable with a reasonable plot involving sex and drugs. Things get complicated when rape victim falls for the investigating detective. A bit long with some padding out that is irrelevant to the story. Some horrendous gaffs in continuity. Average. Beware there is another film with the same title released in 2005 and thus is easy to confuse. This later film is a mediocre soft porn drama best avoided. 5/10

LIE WITH ME

(2005) . Soft core porno about couple who only wanted casual sex but fall in love. Fails to develop the characters and provides no credible basis to the relationship other than sex. 5/10

LIKE CRAZY

2011 Romantic drama about a young couple who meet at university in Los Angeles and fall madly in love. At the end of their studies the girl who is from the UK violates her US visa conditions and falls out with the US immigration authorities. This is then followed by years of trying to conduct their relationship at long distance as they are prevented from living in the same country. Eventually they get married to try to solve their problems but by then they have both grown up a bit and met other partners. They do get back together but the end is a bit weak and inconclusive suggesting that perhaps they both now yearn for the alternative lives they have built with other partners. It is an innocuous well acted and touching romantic drama and better than you might expect. Actually quite good. 6/10

LIKE WATER FOR CHOCOLATE

1992 Romantic Comedy. South American film in Spanish with sub-titles. Yarn about a young woman (Tita) prevented from marrying as she has to look after her controlling mother until she dies. Set in the late 19th century. Her lover marries her sister instead so he can stay close to Tita. Not credible, and not amusing. Long and tedious with intricate details about cooking recipes! 3/10

LITTLE CHILDREN

2006 drama. Actually this serious story is about parents rather than children , but maybe about how we all stay children underneath. A great thought provoking film with depth dealing with sensitive issues (including paedophilia) and situations in human relationships and life . Two or three threads are interwoven with great dexterity. The central plot concerns a touching inter marital love affair between a mother superbly acted by Kate Winslet and another Dad. The film has a brilliant cast , and is well scripted and acted. An under rated film that I am surprised is not better known. 8/10

LOOK OF LOVE (THE)

2013 Drama. Dramatization of the life of Paul Raymond. OK but it could have been better, but is very watchable and pretty good. Steve Coogan does a good job of playing Raymond, and the film develops the sad story of his tragic relationship with the daughter than he idolizes. 7/10

LOST & DELIRIOUS

2001 Gay /Lesbian drama. Touching drama about two teenage lesbian lovers , and their roommate in a girls' boarding school in the USA. Trauma follows when one of the lovers gets a boyfriend and dumps the other girl who then has a breakdown with disturbing results. It is well acted and sensitively handled. This film is a cut above and deeper than the usual titillating fantasy rubbish about girls boarding schools and is much more than just a girl on girl romp. Watchable. 6/10

LOST IN TRANSLATION

2003 Romantic drama. Pleasant credible drama set in Tokyo. An unlikely friendship, and romance develops between an American middle aged famous actor working in the city, and the newly married American young wife of a photographer who is abandoned for a few days by her husband who is also away working. The fun that the actor has away from his humdrum life back home, and the romantic liaison causes him to start questioning his life. Well cast and acted, with credible chemistry between the unlikely couple. Keeps you guessing how it will end. Great performance by Scarlett Johansson that launched her career. 7/10