Collection of Erotic Film Reviews

TWO MOON JUNCTION

1988 Soft porn drama about a rich ex prom queen, the daughter of a senator, who dumps her fiancé at her wedding and takes off with good looking hunk from a travelling fair with whom she has been having a steamy affair. Terrible acting, appalling script and embarrassingly bad. Lots of nudity. Rubbish. 2/10

TWO MOTHERS

2013 Lesbian drama. German film with sub-titles. Take care as there is an Australian-French film of the same name and also released in 2013 but starring Naomi Watts. A close up and serious attempt to depict the trials and strains on a lesbian couple who try to battle through the legal and medical processes to have a baby. Their physical relationship in given frequent and explicit exposure. The movie stars Karina Plachetka as Isabella Bürgelin and Sabine Wolf as Katja Maria Maisch. Isabella and Katia are a loving lesbian couple who want to conceive a baby. Artificial insemination is a standard practice in Germany, but not for same-sex couples.

The pair meet numerous obstacles-both legal and financial-in the Catch-22 world of German medical politics. They also meet some potential sperm donors, who all say they are motivated by altruism. However, altruism is obviously pretty far down the list for most of these men.

Not being able to conceive a child is a problem in itself. But it's also a dividing force that acts to separate the two women. For example, they were seemingly happy with one partner being the main provider, and the other just doing casual work. However, that becomes an issue when financial stability enters the picture. The film has an interesting, albeit somewhat unsettling, ending, when several of these strands come together. 5/10

UNDERCOVER

1994 Erotic thriller. It is just another poor quality soft porn erotic thriller with appalling acting and script, and it is neither thrilling or erotic. The continuity is very dodgy as the victim is said to have been shot half the time, and strangled half the time by the police! The continuous wooden sex simulations scenes are just boring and you will F/f through them. 3/10

UNLAWFUL ENTRY

1992 Low budget erotic thriller about bent obsessed US police officer. Adequate watchable film. Done in the classic early 90s style. 4/10

UNTAMED HEART

1993 Romantic Drama. Romantic mushy weepie about a young waitress who does not seem to have much luck with men but then starts relationship with mysterious but virtually mute boy who actually works in her diner and who one night saves her from being raped. It's an innocuous fairly routine teenage romance but tragedy is never far away. Average .5/10

UP AT THE VILLA

2000A period thriller / romantic drama set in the period just preceding the outbreak of war in Europe in 1939 Florence. It is an elegantly presented tangled love story and thriller that takes place over only 2 or 3 days but a lot happens (contrary to some of the other reviews). Kristin Scott Thomas is excellent as usual and lifts the rating of the film. Her character is impoverished but hankers after retaining the high life but at the same time looking for love. I felt this story was credibly done and the characters were developed and I enjoyed it. Nothing to do with football -Aston Villa! 7/10

VIOLETAS

2013 Lesbian romantic drama. Spanish with sub titles but I believe the film is Argentinean. Six short stories, or scenes really, portraying how different lesbian couples initially met and seduced each other. It is an attempt to make an honest film about the subtleties of romance and attraction between girls, and where in some of the cases one of the girls had considered herself straight. The girls are all gorgeous. There is some undressing and caressing but it is all very slow and tame and the best you could describe the film as is touching and cute. But the fact that none of the relationships is developed as you only ever see the beginnings becomes frustrating and frankly repetitious. 3/10

VOW (THE)

2012. Romantic drama . Based on a true story wife has an accident, loses memory, and cannot remember her husband. A good watchable bread and butter film but not a great film and many of the gushing reviews are over the top. 6/10

VOYEUR (THE)

1993. Supposedly erotic film but it is laughable in its snail like pace and pretentiousness. Plenty of nudity but completely uninteresting. Beyond words really. Awful acting. Painful. 1/10

WATER DROPS ON BURNING ROCKS

2000 Strange drama about a middle aged bisexual man who attracts a teenage boy to live with him. The relationship starts off as idyllic but gradually deteriorates as they argue over domestic trivia. Things get much more complicated when both men's former female partners also turn up. This is a French film with sub-titles set in 1970s Germany. It is produced in the style of a stage play. It begins as a serious drama and a study of a gay relationship but then suddenly in the final third of the film it decides to become a comedy and a stage farce. All in all, weird but watchable. Average 5/10

WE'LL TAKE MANHATTAN

2012 drama based on the real life story of photographer David bailey and his girlfriend Jean Shrimpton in the early 1960s. This BBC 4 TV movie depicts their romance and also Baileys's innovative mould breaking style, during a photo shoot in New York. Shrimpton is put on the map by Bailey and eventually became a super model. Watchable but the acting seems sometimes stiff and unrealistically over the top. 5/10

WHEN WILL I BE LOVED

2004 Erotic drama set in New York. A smart, classy and rich girl has a smooth talking hustler no good as her boyfriend. We know she is far too good for this wide boy con artist even before he sets up an Indecent Proposal style encounter for her , the difference being in this version that she is none the wiser and the rich old tycoon has to seduce her. Things then take an unpredictable turn and her boyfriend gets his come uppance. However the film is spoilt by too many disjointed scenes of rapid fire hip American lingo and even more by its horrendous unrelenting extra loud sound track drowning out the dialogue alternating between rap and a harpsichord. Mike Tyson turns up in one completely irrelevant scene for no apparent reason. 3/10

WHERE THE TRUTH LIES

2005 Colin Firth. A thriller with a mix of explicit sex, drugs, intrigues, murder, extortion, and betrayal but is somewhat stilted, and laboured, and fails to satisfy. An awkward pout pori omelette with the central theme of an attractive journalist investigating the fate of a young girl found dead in the hotel room of a once famous comedy duo. She becomes involved with both of them and plays them off against each other before discovering the truth. It is not as bad some of the reviews suggest. , It is just an average watchable film. 5/10

WHITE PALACE

1990 drama / love story. Susan Sarandon very convincing performance. Young executive widower falls in love with a working class burger sales woman 15 years his senior. Sensitive examination of the class divide and the pain of choosing between her and his friends and family. Can he ever not find her an embarrassment in his social circle? Uncomfortable to watch but worth it. 7/10

WILD THINGS

1998 Thriller drama. Mildly erotic thriller about a young high school counselor who embarks on a complex plot of deception involving two attractive students and one of their rich mothers with the aim of extracting large damages from the mother. An extremely farfetched convoluted plot which moves at break neck speed and has more twists than a roller coaster but is unconvincing. Was surprisingly successful at the box office, possibly because at the time it was considered mildly racy. But it seems highly contrived and the overall result is just average.5/10

WILD ORCHID

1990. Disappointing erotic drama fantasy. This is no nine and a half weeks. Mickey Rourke spends the entire film as the usual enigmatic character with the permanent stupid self satisfied smirk which is supposed to be sexy. Was considered soft porn once but nothing too racy now. A newly qualified lawyer goes on a business trip in Rio which turns out to be her sexual awakening. Meanwhile there is a loud carnival going on throughout the entire film! It is watchable but only just. 5/10

WOLF CREEK

2005 Australian horror based on a true story of a sadist who tortures and murders 3 young travelers (2G and 1B). Very graphic and gory. Watchable adequate horror film. Bet you can't watch it all! 4/10

WOMAN SCORNED (A)

1994

Erotic thriller. Made during the golden age for this genre, ie the early 1990's. This is a low budget, TV movie style attempt, but it still retains all the hallmarks of that period. The acting is not brilliant but the plot is great and makes up for the other shortcomings. It is only adequate at best but I actually quite enjoyed it and it is definitely watchable. A widow infiltrates the family and lives of her deceased husband's boss who drove him to suicide. Touches of Fatal Attraction about it.4/10

WRESTLER (THE)

2008. Drama. Mickey Rourke stars in this very good film as a semi retired ageing professional wrestler. The film is made by Rourke who appears in every scene like a one man show. it is a sad and poignant story with the Rourke character as a bit of a pathetic loner has been who knows no other life. He struggles to build a modest relationship with a lap dancer and repair his nonexistent relationship with his estranged daughter. Very credible and dark and moving. 7/10

XXY

2008 Argentinian film with sub-titles. Unusual touching story about a troubled young girl born with a rare deformity of having mutations of both genders' genitalia (hermaphrodite). The tale tells of her obviously troubled relationships and the attempts of her parents to consult a renowned surgeon who may be able to operate. But the girl is unable to choose what she wants to be and the ending is inconclusive. A brave, gentle, sensitive, haunting watchable film but with a weak open-ended ending. 6/10

YOU CAN COUNT ON ME

2000 Family drama. Story about a divorced single orphaned mother and her loving but troubled relationship with her unreliable wandering brother. Gradually the brother becomes a surrogate father to her 8 year old son but this is fraught with problems, and in addition the mother embarks on an unlikely affair with her nerdy boss at the small town bank where she works. Watchable average drama which fails to excite.5/10

YOUNG ADAM

2002 Romantic drama. Ewen McGregor, Tilda Swinton, This is a dark, depressing , bleak story about people who scratch out a living working a barge in Scotland. They escape their dreary lives through frequent loveless sex. McGregor plays a commitment phobe character devoid of any morals who manages to wreck the lives of not one woman but two. Have I put you off? I hope not because it is a gritty haunting film that draws you in and does grow on you. I watched it twice! But be warned this film contains a lot of sex and nudity although it is not gratuitous. Definitely worth a watch. 7/10

ZANDALEE

1991 Nicolas Cage as a lothario rake who seduces his best friend wife. Best friend eventually commits suicide, and affair ends in tears. Cage (in his character) is bad news. Ridiculous script, rubbish score, and implausible plot. 3/10

ZEBRA LOUNGE

2001 Low budget straight to DVD type erotic thriller. Couple tries swinging with another couple who become a nightmare in their lives with disastrous consequences. Touch of Fatal Attraction but not in the same class and not credible. 4/10