Consent Ch. 14

In total submission and with her eyes closed she was startled by the tentative touch of Johanna's lips on hers at the same time that the penis was pressed a bit more inside of her. Tongues met and danced in the darkness. She opened her eyes and met Johanna's gaze, wanting more of her and thrusting up to meet her. She pulled out, exercising her control once again.

"I will control this," she whispered, "Relax."

Jackie withdrew into that misty world of submission, knowing there was no control from her side. She moaned, she whined, and sank deeper and deeper until she was nothing, just an erotic receiver for Johanna's manipulations. It was enough. It had to be enough, as there was nothing more offered.

In her retreat into sub-space, she became aware of subtleties, like the smell of her hair, the feather touch of her fingernail on her nipple, the finger inserted in her mouth, the renewal of anal penetration. It was all so slow, so gentle, in contrast to everything else that had happened to her this night. She started to moan uncontrollably, allowing herself to simply receive. A strange calm descended upon her and she remotely wished she could put her arms around Johanna, but that was not to be. They remained tightly bound and numb in the arm-binder under her back. She wanted to say please again, but that would not work; she knew that now.

Just breathe. Just breathe and receive if given. Just breathe and serve if not.

Johanna watched her slave underneath her and smiled. Inch by inch she thrust the penis in until the last lunge made Jackie gasp and go rigid while throwing her head from side to side. She caught her thrashing head and mashed her mouth down on her lips in a dominating and controlling way. Lipsticks merged. They were both sweating and out of breath.

The process repeated over and over, entry, penetration, full insertion, and then removal. Jackie was crying with frustration when Johanna finally grasped her penis and started to massage it. As if it was new hope, Jackie's head stopped its wild flopping about and became rigid while she opened her eyes to stare upward into Johanna's dominant gaze.

"You will come when I say you can come. Not before, not ten seconds after; you will come when I say you can come. If you come early, you will be punished. If you do not come in ten seconds, you will not be allowed to come, and you'll remain in bondage for the night and possibly much longer to ensure that you don't. Do you understand Jaqueline?"

Jackie couldn't speak. She simply nodded her head and thrust herself upward as Johanna stared her down with punishing dominance and directness. Minutes passed while Johanna periodically shuddered with several orgasms induced by the pressure of the strap-on on her own clitoris. Jackie looked on, pleased that she could do this for her, but whimpering inside from pent up denial.

When Johanna appeared sated, she started to work on Jackie, slowly, irrevocably. Jackie approached the end, sobbing and shuddering, seemingly out of control, but hanging on to her impossible instructions for dear life.

"Jaqueline, my slave...you may come now," Johanna whispered.

It was instant and the scream was loud, sharp, and passionate. Jackie's penis stiffened and pulsed and produced enormous jets of ejaculate, some of it reaching her own mouth, and she licked it up unconsciously. The screams changed pitch to a guttural moan that was continuous, without breathing. Her eyes seemed to bulge out of her head and her face began to turn red as if she was pushing during childbirth.

And then she passed out and went limp.

Johanna smiled and remained inside her while she removed her weight from her corseted torso to facilitate breath recovery. How long she was unconscious, neither of them knew, because coming back from that was a gradual thing, not a fine line of reality versus fantasy, but blurred and soft, like the ambiguous edge of mist in a hollow. There were distant faint moans, sighs, and unintelligible whispers.

Several minutes passed. Jackie heard something in the distance. It seemed to echo like a whisper in a cave.

"Jackie, it's okay. I love you baby. I love you."

It sounded like a dream, but she opened her eyes and saw her smiling a soft and gentle smile. Their bodies came together again and Johanna whispered, "Shh now, shh baby..."

A groan emanated from deep within Jackie's body as she awoke to a new full body climax. Her anal opening grasped the penis and tried to crush it with spasms. The depth of this was overwhelming, and tears soaked her cheeks. Johanna kissed the wetness away.

They laid this way for many minutes until both of them were breathing normally. Jackie started to laugh, clenching the strap-on in her hysterical heaves of sheer joy. Then Johanna joined her until Johanna rolled off and got up to get the wine that remained in the small wine bottle. She poured some in Jackie's mouth and they laughed some more.

They lay side by side in silence, breathing deeply while the sweat began to dry to a coolness on their skin.

"It's never been like that. Ever," Jackie sighed.

"I know. But it will be again. I should probably free you now," Johanna said.

"Yeah, I suppose you should. It's in all the B&D handbooks."

"Yes."

Johanna got up and opened the bar fridge for yet another small bottle of wine. Pouring some into Jackie's mouth, she kissed some away that escaped.

"But sometimes the slave or submissive doesn't want to be freed," Johanna teased, "Isn't that so?"

Jackie felt that rush of helplessness again and realized that statement was full of power. "I suppose so," she said tentatively, "But it always depends on what the dominant wants, really, doesn't it?

In reference to earlier revelations as to their lifestyle, she added, "These things are not talked about."

Johanna just smiled and tried to read her slave.

"So, are you going to free me?" Jackie asked. It wasn't a demand; she just wanted to know. And she was astounded to realize that she wanted to remain under her power, but could not say it; it would be against the unspoken code of the scene.

"I haven't decided yet. Maybe...as soon as you're plugged again. I have something special for you tonight. It's big. Want to see it?"

"Oh no, no, no, what are you up to now?" Jackie asked in mock despair.

Johanna produced a monstrous anal plug and at the same time squirted another dose of lubricant into Jackie's anal opening, while also lubricating the phallus itself. By the time the widest part of it was ready to pop in, Jackie was in pain. When it disappeared inside her she yelped but knew the pain was over. As she sat up, the fullness that it gave her was almost frightening, like she had another living thing inside her, pressing in all directions.

"Better go pee Jackie," Johanna said.

Jackie got up and staggered to the bathroom. Her knees wobbled and she had to be careful not to trip for she had no arms tonight. Sitting on the toilet, she deposited the fluids and was surprised that the anal plug was so tapered and thick at its business end that she didn't even have to try to keep it in. It was lodged completely and the only way to remove it would be to push with her internal muscles hard and continuously. She dared not.

Returning to the bed, Johanna sealed the anal plug in place when the pantie girdle was pulled up and adjusted at her waist. No amount of squirming was going to remove the plug now. Jackie had a hunch she knew what this meant.

"I have to be crazy, but God I love you Johanna," Jackie blurted out in an emotional burst.

"I love you too, uh, slave...and to you my name is not Johanna; it's ma'am. Have you forgotten?"

Jackie looked upon Johanna's newly stern face and tried to understand. Then she remembered to forget the conversation they had a short time ago.

Johanna's voice from that earlier speech drifted silently inside her consciousness, and she paraphrased it now inside her head, "I need you and you need me, but it has to be in a certain way. We are both fucked up in ways that suit each other. I will never talk about this again."

Jackie smiled. "Yes I've forgotten. I'm sorry ma'am."

"Now lie down," Johanna said, "We're both tired. You'll remain in bondage until the morning. Then we'll see."

"Of course ma'am. It hurts though."

"I know."

Johanna finished the wine and undressed completely in front of Jackie like a strip tease artist. The bra dropped to the floor, each boot was removed and the stockings unfastened from the garters to be massaged down each leg. Finally the corset was loosened at the back and it too fell to the floor. The boning left slight parallel indents and red traces on her skin.

Jackie longed to touch her, but she could not, although she still held out a confusing hope as Johanna gently removed her own bra and stockings, everything except the girdle and the permanent corset. The lights went out and Johanna snuggled up beside her in the spoon position so that her breasts flattened against her upper arms above the arm-binder. Her left hand eventually caressed all of Jackie's front side until it crept into the girdle and wrapped around her crushed penis. That's when she heard the heavy breathing and knew Johanna had gone to sleep.

Jackie was aroused again, but with no possible way to gain sexual release. She laid awake and thought about the night, the public passing as a female for the first time, the humiliation at the hands of the club goers, and the frantic serving of Sarah, Kent, Johanna, and many others for the evening. She had been used and abused, her holes plugged and ejaculated into, in so many ways that her mind was spinning.

Now this. Love had been shared between Johanna and herself tonight, but it was a strange love with requirements that were hard to understand. Yet it seemed real to her.

She wriggled her hands inside the single mitten of the arm-binder, but she immediately wished she hadn't, as Johanna suddenly removed her hand from her penis and rolled over in her sleep. She would have to wait until her owner chose to embrace her again, but she had no idea when that might be, if ever. Maybe tonight was something special that would never happen again. After all, she was just a slave, and her life belonged to Johanna, who could do as she wished with her.

In vanilla society, Jackie's present persona would be treated like a pariah...accepted for the most part, but eyed with a circus-like curiosity and mentality (just ask Caitlin Jenner). In some countries she would be put to death. But here, with Johanna, she had love, and she had all the bizarre sex she could ever ask for, with all the erotic lingerie that she had ever dreamed about when she was a man a few short months ago. More than anything else she was wanted, loved and protected by Johanna, and the addiction to her fetishes had now metamorphosed into a loving relationship, however bizarre.

Jackie's love for Johanna was more than the perversions of the female domination, the feminization, the bondage, humiliation and discipline. She wriggled her hands to try to regain circulation and she thought ironically that this was more than bondage; it was a bond, sealed by perfectly opposite needs and wants. This bond was inescapable, like the arm-binder itself. The irony was mainly the freedom she felt right now. She wiggled her bound fingers again, and wondered what tomorrow would bring.

She knew what was required. She had to return home with Johanna and resume her duties as the house slave, probably donning one of those silly French maid's outfits while she did the laundry or housecleaning, and then serving as a trannie prop in videos for the website. She would be sexual meat for the use of Johanna's clients from all over the world, and they would pay big money for her. Johanna would be distant and dominant once again, humiliating her whenever and wherever she wanted. Sometimes she would be punished for some tiny little thing, not because she had been disobedient, but simply because Johanna liked to punish her to keep her sharp and obedient.

She understood all that now and she shivered with new arousal on the edge of the bed. Everything that Johanna did to her turned her on; there was nothing beneath her, for she was at the bottom and loving every second of it.

She couldn't get to sleep. There was something wrong, something she had left behind, something that she had to fix. With a start, she realized what it was. She hadn't cut the umbilical cord yet and it was time to do it. This was a permanent lifestyle that she had adopted. It was time to tell her brothers and friends, as few as they were. Not once had she contacted them during her training, for she wasn't permitted to use her cell phone or the computer.

She would ask Johanna if they could visit or just talk over Skype with a webcam so they could see her and begin to try to understand. The slavery would not be mentioned, but the gender identification would be there for all to see, just like tonight. And she would reveal her relationship with Johanna.

Suddenly the tension evaporated as if a circle had closed on itself. Everything would be known and complete to the world. Her breathing became easier in the corset and her shoulders in their numbness stopped resisting the arm-binder. Her eyes, which had been staring blankly at the sky-glow from the city lights began to close. As if on cue, Johanna inhaled with a snort beside her, rolled over and flung her hand onto Jackie's neck. She wasn't sure, but she sensed that her hand sought out her slave collar and wrapped her fingers around it, pulling at it slightly, before her gentle breathing of sleep returned.

Jackie smiled faintly as she closed her eyes and welcomed sleep.