Daddy Issues

That afternoon she had plans to go swimming with some kids from last night. She invited me to go, but I felt weird about hanging around a bunch of kids in bathing suits. I told her I had some errands to run and drove off. As I was leaving I noticed she seemed a little disappointed and wondered if she were shy and unsure about those kids. Maybe she had wanted a buffer? I was out of touch with how her emotions ran and felt that lack as I negotiated her feelings.

I finished my chores quickly and came home to work some more.

My studio is a small room off the veranda, the door is just a part of the wall I opened up and is nearly invisible from the veranda. There is a small window, but it looks like the window to the room it once was, because I just left it.

I was working on the songs from the morning in my studio. Sitting back to clear my head I pulled the headphone of and thought of what else I could add to the song to bring out the emotion of the morning, instead I heard the sounds of passion coming through the door. Curious I got up and peered out the window.

There I saw Ava and a boy sitting on the bench seat, she had her top off, her beautiful breasts were bare and the nipples hard and pink. The boy was licking them and she was moaning her pleasure at him as his mouth suckled the hard points of her perky boobs.

Seeing her naked breasts made me hard instantly and I felt like a horrible person as I gazed at my daughter's naked chest and grew aroused. My hand recalled the weight of her small firm flesh and I stared at the tits I had felt but never seen.

That might have been the end of it, a very awkward situation but no one would ever know if I had just sat back down and gone to work.

I didn't.

I stood there watching, my cock growing unbearably hard seeing my gorgeous young daughter so exposed and engaged in a sexual situation. She was very passive, clearly enjoying herself but not sure what to do. The boy, some scruffy surfer looking kid a couple years older than her was enjoying himself as he groped her small tits and licked them greedily.

In his swim suit his cock was obviously straining for release and after a few moments he leaned back and put her little hand on the prominent bulge. Ava's eyes were wide and her mouth opened in a little oh of shock as she felt the size of him.

I could hear him talking to her, but couldn't make out the words, yet it was obvious he was asking her to pull it out and do something with it. Delicately she pulled back his waistband and released the kid's cock.

It was a good size, not huge or anything, but smooth and full of blood and as she pulled his pants off it the head snapped up against his stomach and stood high along his abdomen.

Ava gazed at it still holding his shorts out. Then the kid wiggled and helped her pull his shorts down over his thighs and then off all the way. This made Ava bend close to his swollen cock and her pretty face was mere inches from his dick, her mouth still open slightly and I wanted nothing more than to see my pretty little girl swallow that prick.

Up until that moment I thought myself a good person and not particularly a pervert but all of a sudden I wanted to see my own daughter sucking cock. I wanted her to be a good girl and make that boy feel good. I wanted her to be so good at sex that any man would be proud to be with her.

I already knew she was smart, funny and interesting, but now I wanted to know she was a great lay too. I wanted her to be a perfect partner so that she could have a happy sex life with any man deserving of her attention.

As my own cock strained with desire I watched my sweetheart open her pretty pink mouth and take a lick of that boner. The kid sighed as her mouth made contact, her little tongue licking along the underside of his head.

I saw his mouth moving, but couldn't hear the words as he spoke to her. Was he telling her what to do? Telling her how it felt? Was he encouraging her? I couldn't know but I saw her look nervous and put the head inside her mouth, her perfect lips closing over his head and sliding around his tip.

Ava was twisted awkwardly on the bench turned so that she could put him in her mouth while sitting down and he was trying to grope her tits while humping into her mouth. They were both so inexperienced it looked terrible, neither of them getting the full pleasure they could be getting if they moved around into a more comfortable position.

Still Ava licked him all over the head and he moved his hips seeming to enjoy himself. The boy's left hand was sliding all around her tits but not really doing anything consistent or focused so I doubted she was getting much out of his attention.

I was however. I was rubbing my cock through my shorts and feeling horrible that I was getting so hot seeing my baby giving a blowjob.

A deep red blush was growing on her smooth cheeks as she slurped clumsily on his pulsing member and he was constantly moving her long golden hair out of her face so he, and coincidentally I, could see exactly what she was doing.

Ava was holding his shaft with one hand, but holding it lightly not knowing what to do. She gripped him with only the first two fingers and her thumb, she didn't stroke him or grip him firmly just held him daintily like she didn't much want to touch him. I was embarrassed for them both, the whole situation looking gawky.

I'm sure my own first attempts at sex were as goofy, but I couldn't help but wish they were better at it. Since I was practically jacking off to the once-in-a-lifetime show I was getting I wished it were better. And I wanted my little girl to be good at sex.

Then they just stopped. They spoke low to each other, Ava sitting up and covering her breasts with her crossed arms and I knew they were both feeling stupid and like failures. My heart went out to them and my cock flagged just the same as the boy's.

They spoke some more and Ava put her bikini top back on and they wandered away looking miserable. It was so sad I resolved to try and help her if I could.

When she came home later that evening for supper Ava was quiet and seemed sad. I asked what was wrong and she said "Nothing". How could she bring it up if she were sad that she didn't know how to give a blowjob?

As we ate in silence I stopped trying to draw her out about it, but the look on her face broke my heart. We had a glass of wine, but she was still a little frail from the drinking last night and didn't get drunk. We sat on the veranda, and she avoided the bench she had been on earlier.

I sat where she had been and finally told her what I knew.

"Sweetie you see the window to my studio?"

"Hmm hmm." She murmured, still preoccupied.

"It looks right at this bench. I can see this spot from there."

She looked up curious, but not putting the dots together.

"I was here this afternoon, my errands didn't take too long."

The penny dropped and she went white, then blushed furiously. "Did you-?"

"I saw you with that boy. "

She went white yet again, she must have felt humiliated.

"I couldn't interrupt, but I saw that it didn't go well. Do you want to talk about it?"

"You aren't mad?" she was mortified, I could tell. I had to be gentle.

"Why would I be? You are an adult, you thought I was gone. This is your home. You can bring anyone you want over and do anything you want. "

"I don't want to do that again. It was awful. I'm terrible at sex." Her voice was thick with supressed tears.

"Sweetie so is everyone when they start. If you have never driven a car why would you know how to do that? Human sexuality is far more complex than a car."

"But I'm eighteen. I should be better. Everyone knows more than me." She was speaking quietly, shyly, but the pain in her voice was clear.

"I know it feels like that, but that guy was just as inexperienced as you, or else he would have been more helpful. He would have shown you how to be better if he knew how to."

"Wait. How much did you see?" She was suddenly clueing in to how weird it was that I watched. Ashamed of myself I had to be honest.

"I apologize but I saw a few moments. I wanted you to be a good lover for him and I saw you both were struggling. I guess I was sort of watching over you, but also..."

She stared at me without expression, but I could tell she was shocked.

"Also it was pretty exciting to see two beautiful young people being sexual with each other." Her hand went to her mouth and I rushed ahead trying to mitigate my crime. "I apologize. It was wrong. I admit it, but I was curious and I had already seen what was going on in an instant so I just kept watching."

"I don't know what to say." She whispered.

"I can't even imagine what you must feel like now. I didn't want to lie to you, I want to help you, but if this is too big we can arrange for you to go home early. If you want."

"No. I want to stay. I just need to figure out how I feel about it."

"Okay. I am truly sorry, and I am ashamed of myself. I don't really know how to be a good dad, but I would love to learn, if you can help me."

"Wow. You want me to teach you how to be a good dad and you want to teach me how to be a good lover. Sort of mutually exclusive don't you think?" There was something odd in her voice that frightened me. What she was saying sounded bad. I felt like a horrible person.

"I don't know what to think. Maybe we can make our own way as father and daughter and not do it exactly like everyone else." I was grasping at straws seeing my relationship with her fading away.

"I need another glass of wine I think."

"I'll get it." I said, seeking an escape. I filled our glasses and when I came back she seemed more relaxed.

We both drank for a few moments and then she spoke.

"Glen you need to know some things about me. Gavin and I have always gotten along well, but lately somehow he is just... I don't know... distant? I feel like there is a space between us. I love him and he is a great Dad, but he doesn't understand me sometimes. Not like you seem to. You don't treat me like a little girl. He can't seem to accept that I'm growing up."

"You have to give him time. Kids grow so fast. You can't take your eye off them for a second or they are suddenly adults. He looks at you and sees a little girl still."

"What do you see?" There was so much yearning in her voice as she said that. I was realizing how on the edge of things she was. Ava was just about to go off to college and a new life and she probably wanted to be reassured that she was grown up enough to handle it.

I stood up and went to her and knelt at her feet where she curled up in her chair. I looked deeply in her eyes and opened my heart to her.

"Ava when I look at you I see a perfect angel. A woman who is ready to be the best person she can be. I see an intelligent, sensitive, mature woman who is beautiful, charming and exciting. You are going to be fine at school in the Fall."

As I spoke her eyes filled with tears, but she smiled proudly, and before I could say all I wanted to say she leaned forward and kissed me and then hugged me tight. I loved my little girl so much right then.

Ava held me for a long time and I could feel her shivering.

"Are you cold?" I asked into the nape of her neck.

She shook her head no.

"Are you okay?"

She pulled back a bit and looked into my face from a foot away, her bright blue eyes moist with tears, her face flushed and her mouth closed tight.

"I want to ask you something, but I'm afraid you'll hate me if I do?"

"I understand. I've had things to say like that too. Like tonight when I told you about this afternoon. So I'll tell you what. Nothing you say could make me hate you. I can't guarantee I won't have some other reaction but hate is not an option, alright?"

She nodded and pulled back taking up her glass of wine. I sensed she needed a little space so I sat back on my heels and gave her room.

"When you said you wanted me to be a good lover... How? What-." She was really struggling so I spoke.

"I could show you some more videos. Ones of women giving good blowjobs. That might help you."

She simply nodded, her eyes big and darting around a bit unable to look me in the eye.

"I'll be right back." I went and got my laptop. When I returned she was on the bench now her wine finished and a blanket around her shoulders. I sat beside her and booted up.

"I'll try and find a good video. The thing about porn is it isn't like real life. Same as Hollywood romance and sex is false, so is porn. It is fantasy. No-one looks like this when they have sex. Everything is heightened, or framed perfectly. Life isn't perfect. It is better than perfect, it is real."

I searched for some good videos but all I could find were hard-core things. I was getting embarrassed scanning link after link of women giving blowjobs sitting close to my daughter. There were tons of bukake videos and all sorts of aggressive gagging things but for the life of me I couldn't find any loving blow jobs.

Ava snuggled next to me to see the screen and she seemed mesmerized by the filth on the computer.

"What is all that?"

"Porn. It just isn't the kind I want you to see."

"Why not? What's the difference."

"None of this is what life is like. No one other than a profession porn star is going to be with ten men who all masturbate onto her face. It isn't reality. It's fantasy."

"Why do people like it then?"

"Why do people watch any entertainment?" To escape. To imagine it is them. All sorts of reasons." I was still scanning page after page of thumbnails looking for anyone I recognized as the type of performer who gave blowjobs like the ones I wanted her to see.

"There sure are a lot of pictures of women with that... um... cum on their faces." She spoke quietly her head lowered over the laptop I held.

"Yeah." I said non-committal.

"Do men like to do that? For real?"

"I suppose so. I suspect it is becoming more so now, but really it feels best when a woman swallows. That sense of acceptance when she takes you in, nothing beats it. Doing it on her face is showing dominance, which is also nice, but not as loving. If a guy tries to do that to you before you are in love he is probably a bad guy... or watched too much porn."

As I spoke she looked harder and harder at the screen.

"Glen, do you think these women are pretty?" she sounded vulnerable and I was really beginning to regret this. I pulled her back from the screen and took her chin in my hand tilting her face away from the porn and up to meet my gaze.

"Ava you are gorgeous. You don't need to change how you look. Some of those women are pretty but lots of them are not. They shove plastic in their bodies and look to fill a hole that is in their hearts not their looks. Please never compare yourself to them. They are like... professional wrestlers. Those guys are over the top and almost comically big. Men don't look like that unless they are spending all day working out so they can look good in the ring. These women are the same. They are over the top superheroes of sex. Not real people."

"I get it." she nodded and then subtly moved her chin so my fingers stroked her skin. She was so soft and smooth her young skin a pleasure to touch. I felt my cock shift in my shorts, rousing at the touch of a woman. I dropped my hand and closed the laptop.

"I'm sorry this is a bad idea."

"No. Please." There was naked longing in her face. "I need help. Please show me how to be a good lover. I can't bear to humiliate myself again." Once again tears filled her eyes. I was helpless, and my body was making me lose my judgment. I wanted out of this predicament, but really wanted to help her.

"Okay give me a finger." She held up her hand and pointed her index finger. "Alright. Now I'm going to give you my finger. I held up my hand and pointed my index like she had. "I'll suck on your finger and you suck on mine the same way. These will be our cocks. You do what I do to you to my finger, okay."

"Sure. Sounds good." She bounced back from her sadness almost instantly. Youth is amazing.

"So the first knuckle is the head, the rest the shaft." I took her little finger into my mouth and began to wet it with my tongue making it slippery. Ava did the same with mine and when my finger went into her warm wet mouth my cock leaped to attention once more.

Ignoring what was going on in my pants I sucked my daughter's finger like it were how I wanted my cock sucked and she did everything I did to mine. I told her the why and what-for of blowjobs and my erection grew larger and harder as she fellated my finger.

I was uncomfortable to be sure, but also having a sexy teenager sucking on my finger wanting to please me in some way was ego stroking. It had been a long time since a beautiful young woman had wanted anything from me and I was seduced by the power dynamic.

I told her all about how to use her tongue and lips to suck and slip around the head and shaft and she did her best to copy my moves, but when it came to what to do with her hand and how to stroke the shaft and move the skin of the penis our fingers were inadequate.

"That is about all I can show you on a finger sweetie. The rest is up to you to figure out."

"No. Please. That isn't good enough. I still don't know what to do. Please keep going." Her cheeks were flushed and her breathing shallow. I knew enough to see she was aroused. I'd been in this position lots of times with the band. She wanted more. She was playing me, but I was sure she was unaware of the game she was playing.

"Ava, no. This is too far."

"Please don't be mad at me. I just want to learn." She put her hands on my shoulders to keep me still and she pouted at me. "Please. I'm sorry, I'll be good. I'll do whatever you want. Just teach me how to be a good girl. Teach me how to be a good lover." There was a little madness in her eyes then. Something was happening here that was deeper than I knew. I was in murky waters with no map.

"Ava you are a good girl. And some boy will teach you how to be a perfect lover for him. And you will teach him how to be a perfect lover for you."

"No. I don't want some boy. I want a man. I want you."

We sat stunned after she said that. I don't know what my face looked like but Ava couldn't have looked more shocked if she tried. Her mouth fell open her eyes wide and her face pale, then she put her hands up to her mouth and tried to cover her mouth or put those words back in. Before I could react she put her hands on my chest and began to babble.

"No! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean it. Well I did, but I shouldn't mean it. Please don't hate me! Please don't leave me again!"

I still hadn't recovered from the last bombshell when she dropped that one. My head reeled. My poor little girl. So confused, so mixed up.

In my years on the road I had been with many woman that I could tell had Daddy Issues. They tried to please men to make up for a lack in attention from their Dads. They had been great for my ego as they would do almost anything to get affection. Suddenly it didn't seem as sexy when I realised I had created a daughter of my own who felt like those women did.

I reached for her and held her shoulders as she sobbed her humiliation. She folded into my chest immediately, both arms around my body holding me tight desperate to keep me there.

"Ava I told you I couldn't hate you. I love you so much. This is my fault. I am so sorry I have been so distant. I didn't realize you wanted me there so badly. I thought it best to leave you alone. You had Gavin. I didn't think you'd want me."

"I did. I want you to love me so much."

"I do sweetie. I love you to bits. You don't have to pretend anything with me. You don't need to do anything to make me love you. I already do." She pulled back and looked up into my face, her eyes leaking tears but her vision frightening clear.