All Comments on 'Death of a Marriage'

Straight forward to the point, dialogue was there, confrontation was there, drama was there. Writing isn't there yet. You're obviously a UK writer, with the extra "U's" thrown in, but your punctuation is a mess, the sentence structure needs work and you need a heavy-handed editor. Find that editor and keep writing; you show promise. Good job. Four stars.

Yes, kimi is right, you need an editor! Misplaced punctuation and odd phrasing was bad enough, but there were a few places where whole words were dropped!

Good story, though!

It was nice to read a story from someone new. However, I agree with the other comments re missing words etc. Please carry on though, don't be put off, and I look forward to more stories in the future.

# 5 Thanks. Far too many gays writing under the loving wife topic. Loved it

That being said , you have broken your writer's cherry ( which puts you one up on me). Slirpuff's first efforts were terrible, but he kept learning and improving to point of writing Hall of Fame stories . You gotta lot of fictional hoes to disrobe before your author's journey hits that hallmark. Next time add just a bit personal detail of angst that has inspired you to submit this tripe.

When I get balls to write a story . Don't hold back as well, on what was bad and hopefully the ...less bad. Good luck.

FYI, Punctuating Dialogue

<P>

If a paragraph doesn’t begin with a quotation mark, that indicates it’s narrative. When one paragraph ends with a quotation mark and the very next one starts with a mark, that indicates the character speaking has changed.

<P>

When one character is speaking and is not uninterrupted by narrative or another character talking, every paragraph starts with a mark, but only the last one has a closing mark.

<P>

As for the story, your first portrayal of her is rather at odds with, well, everything.

<P>

Now, she couldn't think of anything except for the blue eyes of her husband as they focused on her and had successfully captured her own gaze. Oh, how she loved and relished in the fact that she had such a loving husband and knew she'd be the only recipient of that look.

<P>

I mean, even if there was any truth to her stance that she did it for getting the partnership, these words are in direct conflict with her belittlement of him. That may be the biggest area were, plot-wise, the story has its biggest problems.

<P>

You wrote it that he didn't have the time to hear her explanation of how she could say those things about him, but are the creator of this world you could have made the time. Therefore, it isn't that you couldn't have her give her reasons -- even as lame as they probably would be -- but that you didn't want to.

Husband was naive and too passive in how he ended the marriage, missing the opportunity to saddle her with extreme debt and sending a copy of the video's to Everyone they know. Leaving the country will be problematic if she has legal skills and resources. Once she gets over the shame and embarrassment, and accepts the finality of the divorce, she will switch back to the selfish cruel bitch she is and use every legal maneuver available to impoverish and harass him. He should have kept quiet and arranged a boating accident or something, why not?

Thanks for the effort, and I hope you will try some more.

It was shallow in character development and story line, but it's a start. keep writing!

That's the sound of a new BTB author being born. Clubbing us over the head with one overdone trope after another. You managed to check every box in my patented template, "Save the Cat? No, Burn the Bitch!" This is divorce porn on steroids.

The characters in this story were so prototypical -- to the extreme -- that I actually considered the possibility that you wrote a parody of the BTB genre. I really hoped that is what this was, but instead, this story merely ended with the usual boxes checked (private investigators, murder of the wife's lover, details of the financial split, yada, yada, yada), minus the ubiquitous gorgeous replacement wife.

I've always wondered why this prototypical husband character (stoic, sarcastic, emotionless, snarky) appears in so many of these stories. If your wife cheats on you, shouldn't you be angry or upset? What's with this evil genius who slowly swirls his wineglass while lecturing his wife in a calm and cool, Hanibal-Lecter-like cadence? I picture him swirling his wineglass with one hand while slowing stroking a cat's fur with the other.

And all the while, the prototypical wife cries and shrieks and crawls on the carpet, clinging to his leg, begging him to forgive her and take her back. Did she get to complete a single sentence in this entire story? Every time she opened her mouth, hubby interrupted her! Classic BTB, where the wife isn't even allowed to explain herself. (Although, "I did it for us" is among the all-time dumbest sentences ever uttered by any wife in this category.)

Like I said: divorce porn on steroids. This is every divorced man's ultimate fantasy.

From a technical standpoint, I didn't spot any glaring spelling or grammatical errors that pulled me away from the plot, so kudos on the editing. In terms of dialog, I felt as though I had been dropped into an early 20th-century play. A little over-dramatic for my taste, but that could be merely a cultural difference. We Yanks tend to be a little less formal when we're confronting our cheating spouse.

I predict you will have a long and successful career here. Watch out, Vandy. Someone's looking to take your place on the assembly line!

Sometimes there isn't enough of the final confrontational dialogue between wife and husband. That isn't the case here. However having introduced the idea of the lover being murdered, the reader wants to know more about that. Some will complain that she gets left the house etc, almost as a reward for cheating. But is that not reality?

Like Lord S when I get into print myself I will be more justified in making criticisms.

There was some nice prose here. And good dialogue. Thanks.

you need to keep writing and it should get better. Or you can simply continue to write about cheating wives that get caught and burned. Then it won't matter how poorly you write. This "plot" lacked imagination. It was the standard fare. You think faster than you type, which causes you to omit a great many words. If you proofread your stuff to the family cat, you'll realize that you left out words, or placed them in the wrong order.

The real problem with this story and so many like it is how the wife responds. She's a smart lawyer and is caught with her pants down and has no response to the shit storm. But a smart lawyer would expect trouble sooner or later. Why does she not want a divorce? The reader is given nothing to make them feel that the marriage has any reason to survive or that either partner should care. She's happy without him, so why does divorce bother her? That one is not explained and that keeps this story from rising above the masses.

Well done!!!

And you joe anchor that other percentage of authors who extol cheating and cuckolds....enjoy your long psychotic comments. You remind me of your penpal lordslummydoggydoo.

Anyone who desires to write about predators being dealt with has you spewing vitriol.

Yep make some comment about my being anonymous

Tell you what

Post your personal email and phone number and I will do the same

I liked the dialog that you presented. I could truly feel the hurt, the pain, even the agony that the husband had gone through. Emotions play a huge role in this and if you've experienced this, you know what I'm talking about. I only wish I'd have had the money to totally leave like our protagonist did.

I wasn't to excited about the story line, a bit to dark and dismal for me, but the writing was excellent as far as I am concerned and adds a bit of much needed "class" to the LW sector. I look forward to your nest contribution, just "lighten " up a bit.

first effort.

Great first story.

You have set yourself a high standard. And I am confident that you can match or even exceed it.

... there is no true winner - other than the lawyers who collect their fees. The husband in this has lost all, but maybe one day will regain his self-respect (he's well on the way to that) - the wife, has lost a husband she didn't respect or love (although she thinks she loved) and a lover who just used her as another hole.

All in all, a realistic tale and worthy of praise for it's realism.

5/5

The only thing is that I would like to know what new life the husband is moving on to.

Yeah,the bones of the story are rather stock cheating wife who whores herself out to some animal, neglects a nice guy husband and after degrading him with loverboy,suddenly after years of cheating seems to remember what she gave up. To me a story like this is training wheels, an easy introduction to writing

(Well,okay except those that get their rocks off in the comments pointing out you had mistakes, typos and the like, as if they paid to read this and you were paid,too.

Going forward I think you will become a decent or better writer. The flow was there for me, and the mechanics of punctuation and grammar will come with practice, an editor or beta reader can be invaluable,some of the great writers on here once had contracts out on them from English teachers for grammatical butchery before they started writing here *lol*.

With the plotting,subtlety to me is the ideal path, the wanton slut becomes the wife who slips for reasons she may not fully understand, the husband is shaken and hurting and angry and unsure, and the,story grows around them dealing with the fallout and in the process, we readers understanding them better. In this story for example the wife is a cardboard cutout of a cheating slut, and isn't interesting other than as a punching bag for her husband (figuratively), nothing of the seemingly hard hearted bitch who cuckolded him cold bloodedly for years and obviously had some deep seated need to do so,yet when confronted she folds like an overcooked noodle like a wife who slipped once,regrets it,is guilty about it,which doesn't fit this story.

There is nothing wrong with fantasy brb stories w the ex SEAL who beats the bad guy lover, fucks the wife to submission then leaves her begging for more, they are fun, but going over the top like the wife in this and then have her mush up makes no sense.

Keep writing, your first effort is better than 70% of what gets in here.

Please keep writing 4*. Would be nice to know why he left ?? Job ?? ect.,

Short but wonderful. You got it all in and made it believable. Actually some of the dialogue was more than believable. It was darn near perfect.

I would like to have more. I would like to know more about the wife and why. I would to know more about her painful future.

If you can keep this up you have a future. Dialogue is the hardest to get right IMHO.

Well written. Realistic destruction of a marriage. Sad at the same time. Very good first effort. Next rime a little more detail and buildup. Now let's see a good followup story. Thanks for the effort.

this isnt btb. the cheating women got off lightly. its just a divorce and the the looks of it hes asking for nothing. the wifes paramour on the other hand got gunned down by an angry husband or maybe a hitman. thats normal. there are alot of murder cases caused out there because there spouses were unfaithful.

yo cuck !!!

don't call yourself a man.

this story isn't btb. its what real life is.

The author did a good job on this story. Message straight forwarded and well written.

Congrats to the author!......and keep writing more.

Well done. Very fun and quirky!!!

Very well written and very painful. Really well done for first story. I am one of those people that like a happy ending even if it doesn't match real life. This seemed one sided character development. I give a five.

A very good first effort.

The characters could have been developed a little further and it would have been nice to know what the husband had in mind for his future - he certainly had plenty of time to plan for it.

But I think that I understand your intention - to just give a snapshot of the ending of the marriage rather than lots of verbose background.

Score? Hmmm. 3.7* I guess that I'll round it up to a 4*

So, who shot JR?

If his description of her actions is correct, there is no way she would be such a wounded mess just because he left, she doesnt care about him, clearly is not embarrassed by her actions. Seems like artificial writing to make it look like he's won something

"This is my first story, here. Don't go easy on me"...With this story it would be impossible to go "hard" on you. This is good, and showing that to be good a story doesn't need to be long. All was said in it...And for her the bad times were only beginning...Keep writing...4*

Great descriptions. Just enough details to keep interest without any actual sexual activity. The epilogue is left to the reader.

Sweetie loses her boss and exciting fuck-master one day and then her long-term Hubby the next. Likelihood of getting the former fucker back? - nil! Of geting Hubby back? - better than nil, but not much better!

If We-The-Readers knew Sweetie better (she has barely said a word to us) we might be able to see that adept lawyer (you don't make Partner by blowjobs alone) fall apart due to the dual massive surprises, but shysters are usually more cool-headed than that.

4*

I remember reading a similar story elsewhere. Did you post on another website?

yet another husband walks away from everything he paid for like a moron.

And it's a good one! Thanks!

Now bring on story #2.

For your first attempt it was good. The story line has been covered several times, but there was enough difference to make it interesting. Check your spelling next time.

Remember to give support for an action or situation like the wife in this case fighting for her marriage. It doesn't seem logical. She had a 2 yr. affair, laughed when her lover degraded her husband, and keep the affair going after she made partner.

Why would she care about hubby leaving? There's nothing in her behavior to show she loved him at all.

Read the constructive comments and learn from them.

A single-minded one-track story, but well written. An affair that went on so long before discovery, even continued after wife's flimsy rationale was no longer valid, gave promise for a more complex, nuanced story. As did the revelation of multiple angry cuckolds. Try next to develop characters and progress along a time line. Good effort.

I liked it. Not bad for a first time. keep on it and can't wait for #2

My, oh my, do you need an editor in the worst way! Punctuation made it almost impossible to read.

There was too much repetition. If you say something once, it's enough.

You and other guilty authors, drop every 'had' or turn it into a contraction. Drop every 'that.' It is not needed. The same with 'just.'.

Let me give an example.

"I guess, I trusted the woman I married, too much...and that was my undoing."

Why not: "My undoing was trusting my wife." It says the same thing succinctly.

Or: "But, we can't have any of that, now, can we... After, all I've been through, I don't want to take another chance."

Why not: "We can't have anymore of it, can we? I don't want to take another chance after all I've been through."

I will be watching for more stories from you.

Thanks for sharing. Looking forward to future submissions.

Was a good story. Short but good. I always like more details but that is my preference. An epilogue is much appreciated

Nobility......don't worry about this story too much.

I've been in exactly the same place and I can promise that I repeated myself many times until words almost wouldn't roll off my tongue. And I didn't give the bitch much time to reply either. And I would've shot her if someone had handed me a pistol at that moment although it would've been a waste of a good bullet.

But you could've elaborated on some events more.......1) such as why didn't he pursue filing a lawsuit against the law firm, not for the money but for the punishment? Especially since the bastard was a senior partner of the firm.

2) maybe gave some more info on what happened to him after he left the states.

3) and maybe what happened to her afterwards.

And i'll also say that i've never posted a story so you're hanging it out there more than I could ever hope to, so cudos to you. Keep telling stories and i'll keep reading them.

No explanation of why she wanted to remain married to her husband when she enjoyed her lover disrespecting him and it had the usual plot of hubby letting her talk only to cut her off every time she spoke after demanding she listen to him.

Why not confront her right away? And why would her career be in jeopardy? After all, how many lawyers cheat on their spouses and as the junior person, she wasn't the cause of his affair.

Keep practicing and you'll get better.

especially for the first time out of the chute. I enjoyed it! Keep on writing please.

OK , you want the bad . You did have several grammatical problems and typos, but I've seen a lot worse , even from long time posters .

The good , it just worked ! Wonderfully raw emotions written in a very real way , placing me inside the scene very well . Trust me , that is a hard thing for most amateur authors to accomplish , well done .

You have a very rich future in this genre if you choose it .

Also , I've said this many times , Cheating & Consequences stories hold a premium in this category simply because of the low ratio of them vs the other fetish driven stuff that is in the majority of posted LW works . It's simple supply and demand boiled down to its most simple form . Majority of readership seem to prefer it , majority of posting authors do not . If that is your preferred storielines, and you post often , you will be rewarded by many views and good scores and comments .

As you also no doubt know , if you've read any length of time here , you will also be targeted by a small but very vocal group who for whatever reason , see it as their mission in life to attack every C&C story , just because they are C&C stories ! So gird your loins and get a thick skin and plunge on through . They can only verbally attack you , they can't eat you ! Lol .

So get either an editor or at the very least a beta reader or two , and then let that imagination loose !

5 *'s for a first story ! And a favorited author so I do not skip any future postings !

She's a hotshot lawyer who will eventually get to grips with the situation, track him down somehow and get him implicated for the murder, when you really want to, it is quite easy to track most people down. He doesn't like the sort of fellow carrying enough cash to pay for everything without using a credit card.

Not to mention how guilty he's made himself look by running away. SwingerJoe makes yet another good point, when did all offended husbands suddenly become calm, detached fellows, it's alien to what they'd be experiencing in reality. Let's not forget the cliche disease mention either.

He might as well have ruined the lives of those three kids himself, he's the one who sent the tapes out to all the husbands, it wasn't enough for the vindictive bastard to merely divorce his wife and move on. The price paid is far too steep but I know certain audiences are going to eat it up and that truly saddens me.

Why so sad ? It's just fiction . You know , like your so called 'Bull' lovelife ! Lol .

go eat a creampie, you dumb troll.

right from the heart. You will get lots of comments from guys still living in their mom's basement but that is part of life on this site.

I'd talk about my last few days but that'd just piss you even more,doesn't exactly take long to write a comment and then leave to go and do something. This is the only account i've ever used or will ever use. For one thing anon, I don't feel the need to hide behind an extra layer, i'm right here being honest at all times, on lit chat in the married and frustrated room on occasion, regardless of how you feel about me, you can't deny that i've been upfront.

Creampies aren't my thing, they don't sound like they'd be tasty. A nice croissant, bagel or danish though, man i'll eat the shit out of that

Swingerjoe has a longer and better history then I do, I don't think he'd appreciate being lumped in with me

crk, if you feel the need to consider my activities fictional, that's your prerogative, I mean it's wrong but it's your prerogative to have that thought.

Nice first story. Hope to read your second.

BDEarth

First, I highly recommend Crkcppr as a beta reader.

Second, to all, just ignore swingerjoe and lustfulyoungguy and they will fade away.

maybe of some things that don't count for much, TK U MLJ LV NV

She won't have the resources to hunt him down as the widow will take her down first. He isn't hiding just taking a promotion to Tokyo and focusing on his own career. He has a solid alibi so if someone does come looking for him, it won't matter since he didn't kill the asshole.

As far as the kids losing their dad, it wasn't a big loss. He sounds like a predator that would destroy his own family anyway. Maybe they will have a better roll model in the future. He absolutely got what he deserved except it sounds like it was too quick and he didn't suffer enough.

Definitely need to get an editor. You have some issues with missing words, as well as some problems with sentence structure, and punctuation that a strong editor will assist you with the best. You would also do well to work on your character voices--both are too similar to each other and thus create a flat conversation when you are striving for more emotion (or rather the "struggle for emotional control"). Keep writing.

A bit cliched, check.

A bit boilerplate, check.

Rookie problems (fixed with an editor), check.

Bottom line: you TELL THE STORY well, and in an interesting manner. That is the essential core of talent necessary to develop into a good/great author. There are millions of us that can read and critique writing accurately, but only a very small percentage have that creative talent.

Good job, and don't be afraid to tackle a more complex storyline in your next effort.

or perhaps, better explained as "what makes this unique from the rest" of the stories like this?

Was it to answer the question of why he stayed as long as he did, knowing what he knew, and STILL kept on relations with her?

So JPB writes and people ask what the fuck was this guy thinking? from scenario to scenario, all varied, but the same in that JPB doesn't usually explain.

But HERE, our hubby character offers a glimpse into this "Stay" mentality.

Continuing on with sexual relations SO THAT HE CAN EXPERIENCE FIRST HAND how lovemaking turns in to sex; how love turns into indifference. And of course, buying the time to prepare his exit plan. Going out of the country does take SOME planning, after all. But few authors, or commenters usually pick up this. The gradual dying of love. The decay that comes from exposure to betrayal.

The typical fantasy is that it would be instant. Light switch: ON/off. BITCH! I am done with you, and refuse to spend a minute more being disrespected!

But, I suppose it doesn't really happen like that for many who love. Even in the face of great betrayal, it remains hard to shut off those feelings.

There have been other stories that DO delve into this longer journey of breaking to broken to healing hearts. And I bet you have read a few of those. Maninconn, commenting favorably on your story here, has a few of those in his catalogue.

So, since this was the thing for your story, I think you should have spent more time developing it. Probably, would have been the time to add in a few of the sex scenes. You could have compared his I make love to you sex scene with her and lover sex scene, to after revelation just fucking sex scene, and further compare that to first with anger, than just with sadness. That sure would have made this longer, and would have required a lot more work, but probably would have helped folks like swingerjoe see how an author can USE a template, and still relate a distinguishing tale in spite of that same use of template. Find the part of this story that you want to make stand out and then DO IT!!!!!!

Unfortunately, when you relegate your main theme to only one sentence, or fragments of a paragraph in dialogue, you run the risk of your audience missing it. And that is tantamount to your readers missing the point.

Everybody who tells you to keep writing, to keep practicing, is right on the money.

I add, keep enjoying it, while you are at it. And please remember that even if your comments section doesn't seem like it, your efforts are always appreciated.

Good Luck!

I'll attempt one more time to get through to people like you, even though it has proven to be a waste of time.

There is nothing wrong with "C&C" stories. I enjoy many C&C stories. The issue I have is with dull, repetitive, predictable C&C stories that include dull, predictable, repetitive characters and dull, repetitive, and predictable plots. There is absolutely nothing fresh or original in this story. The characters are cardboard cutouts and the plot is straight off of the assembly line.

Folks like you seem to never get tired of reading the same fucking story with the same fucking characters over and over and over again. I don't get it, and I probably never will. Maybe my wife needs to cheat on me, and then I'll finally understand the desire to read dull, repetitive, and predictable stories like this one over and over and over again as some form of demented therapy.

Better than many of your harshest critics more recent efforts. Take heart and keep writing.

anon.1

Good job with your first posting. Looking forward to more from you.

@LYG, the husband isn't trying to hide, only moving on with his life. He won't be implicated with the murder simply because he did nothing but notify other spouses of them being cheated on. So there is nothing to tie him to it. The fact that you are bothered by the consequences to the "bull" is only because you sympathize with the "bull". But if you're going to chase other men's wives then you have to be prepared to pay the price. Sometimes the price is very high.

Nobility, great first story.

Where are you from that a man gets a ring upon being engaged? I am unaware that is a custom anywhere.

That one misstep overshadowed what else you had done with the story. And where was the dramatic tension that could have been, where narrator hints that he might be involved in the murder?

Man what a shit bird you are. As for the wife, I suspect you're just in the dark.

You remind me of that line in the Godfather movies: Every time I thought I was out, you pull me back in!

I am going to TRY not to get into a back-and-forth on this, but here goes!

You say you havw no problem with C&C stories, just that they're "dull, predictable, repetitive," yet I never see you in the comments on the cuck stories, which make the C&C stories look like great literature. Most cuck stories can't even get past one page in length; that's all it takes to tell about a wimp husband who can't satisfy his wife and has to sit in a corner jerking off (IF they allow him!) while his wife is brought to the heights of ecstacy by a "real man!"

You "don't get" why we never get tired of these stories. Who's asking you to? Why can't you accept that we DO enjoy them and leave us be?

I'd be happy to "leave you be", but when folks like Crkcppr (and you) repeatedly misstate my opinions, I can't help but correct you. For example, you just claimed that I never criticize "cuck" stories when I do so all the time -- and, in fact, criticized a couple earlier today.

Unlike many of you, I don't "root" for "my team." I don't even have a team. I enjoy stories of all kinds as long as they're well-written, engaging, interesting, original, erotic, and/or thought-provoking. Many of you seem to only enjoy stories that follow a certain pattern. Over and over and over again. It's not healthy.

I checked out your comments on the cuck stories, and each one critiqued the story, not ONE complained about the "dull, predictable, repetitive" nature of the stories.

But you DON'T "leave us be!" You RARELY comment on the story itself. 99% of the time you drop in, make your usual comment about how you can't understand why we enjoy these kind of stories.

Just get used to the fact that we do, and if you don't have something constructive to offer, do as your mother should have taught you: If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything!

The response I've gotten so far on this is overwhelming! Thank you all for that! I've read every comment and am really thankful for your critique and insight! I apologise for not getting an editor and I assure you that won't happen again. I was just too hesitant to approach one. As you have noticed, the punctuations are all over the place. I sincerely apologise for that. Not only that, but I didn't even read it once after finishing it. I just submitted it. But as one anon mentioned, I DO have a comma disease (dunno where and I I got it). I just can't help myself. Time to find an editor!

Another thing I have noticed is that this story actually feels rushed and many of you think so, too. That's because I actually wanted it to be a "flash story". Pardon me, if I don't quite understand what a flash story exactly is; I just thought it's a short story. That's why I tried to keep it less than three pages in length and that's the main reason why I didn't add much back story and depth to the characters. I remember reading Harddaysknight's Not Guilty and it was a "flash story" (and a page long), so I craved to write one of my own. But, I remember reading another story (I forgot the name of the story and the author), where the husband just sits on the swing with his wife, in the backyard and he just talks. But, the author did such a breathtaking job that I could feel every bit of emotion in it. The story wasn't a typical "BTB", unless you consider the emotional hurt and I was going for that kind of feel with mine. One of the lines of that story is, "...and the kids we'll never have...". If anyone has read it. (Man, I need to hit the "favourite story" icon more)

I could have gone and done the usual, "husband gets the house, the savings and humiliates the wife", but I didn't wanna. After all, losing your most beloved hurts more than losing a house. Atleast, I think so. The wife got the house, but she lost something much more valuable.

I apologise again for not detailing the story enough. I just wanted to keep it short. But, I'll not write a short anytime soon. That leads to missing out to many details and kinda squanders the potential for a story.

@Affecteffect. The husband of one of the wives JR was banging.

@Euphonius. You're absolutely right! I made a mistake by keeping it short and not detailing it enough for the readers to get a better understanding of the story. You nailed it with your review! Yes, Maninconn and other authors like

Harddaysknight, Ohio, FrancisMacomber and many others have been a big inspiration. It's a surprise that some have even read this half assed work of mine. I was kind of afraid when I saw a comment by sbrooks about my story, knowing that they don't mince words and give authors a piece of their mind without holding back.

Again, I'd like to thank everyone who took the time and effort to read this story and review it. I'll learn from these mistake and try not to repeat them...much.

...but it looks like sbrooks and I are going to have another one of our "back-and-forths" in the comments section. I don't mind it, but I assume it must be annoying to the author (and likely others.)

@ sbrooks, there is nothing repetitive about the so-called "cuck" stories posted today. None of them involves a wimp husband who jerks off in the corner, as you claimed was indicative of a repetitive cuck story.

One story was about a strange "companion cruise" where both husband and wife indulged with others.

Another was about a man setting up his wife to have sex with a mutual friend in a threesome. Hubby wasn't jerking off in the corner; he was actively participating.

Another was about an older couple where hubby blindfolded his wife, tied her to the bed, and let two strangers fondle her, in addition to himself.

There is literally nothing in common between those three stories except for the fact that the wife has sex (of some sort) with another man (or men.) None of those stories follows a template.

Now, take a look at this story. Read my template, "Save the Cat? No, Burn the Bitch!" How many of the steps in that template were followed in this story? See my point? I could easily write a template for "cuck" stories as well, and I'm happy to call out those formulaic stories whenever I see them. By doing so, I'm attempting to challenge the author to step outside of his/her comfort zone and write something that is unique and different. It's all too easy to please the BTB crowd by following the template. But if that's your sole purpose for writing, that's beyond pathetic.

My first comment on this story was all about the story itself. I didn't make any mention of the readers who enjoy these repetitive tales until someone pissed me off by misstating my opinions -- again. Like I said, I'll be happy to leave you be whenever you (and the others) stop making phony claims about me.

I believe the story you are referring to is "The Cost" by qhml1.

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-cost

but way to much cliche. its funny, i guess only stupid wives cheat. ive yet to see a single story with a cheating wife not be an idiot. maybe it says something about the way these authors see women if thats all they can write them as. yes there are many idiots in the world, just look at who we americans just elected for president.

WTF?! This guy needs 3 videos,countless photos and a couple of years to leave his cheating,slutty wife? What is he a masochist or,just mentally retarded?!

And the twat of a wife just merrily cheats while changing her attitude and behavior with her husband and thinks he'll never figure it out?Some fucking partner she'll make for the firm!

You should have done your readers a favor and have had this pitiful couple rubbed out early with her lover.

The best part of this story was,The End!

I think you are a writer of obvious talent. I don't want to intrude, but if you need an editor, drop me a line. I won't critique your writing, here, but I will volunteer to help. I edit for a large number of writers here, most of the names you mentioned in your comment. You wouldn't go wrong by asking SBrooks and Crkcppr to look at your stuff, either.

You need a thick skin to post in LW. Take the comments you can use and shrug off the tools. There are only half a dozen of them, anyway, but they're a very vocal little club.

Sort of busy at the moment, but write something and I'll give you a markup. The legends are gathering and you should check that out. How about a new story from RPSuch? Something new from Amyyum? Jidoka? DeYaKen? Thirteen more? Now those are some writers to emulate.

I was disappointed to see a few poor marks/comments by some of experienced story writers. They, more than any of us non writers, should know the value of constructive criticism and the lack of value for personal attack.

I invite Nobility to read anything by "swinger joke" or "Ohio" to see first hand what great writing on cheating wives can be.

I hope you will continue sharing your efforts and your passion with us and think about taking this story further.

An OK read. I liked that he stuck to his plan and sees a good future for himself, not a dead end because the "only girl he could ever love cheated on him". Yes, a bit formulaic but in this category it's hard to come up with unique plots. For the best stories, work on building great, interesting characters.

The biggest complaint I have is the last sentence, "regretting how she'd taken such a loving husband for granted.". There was FAR more to it than this. She still doesn't get it and that makes the story seem unresolved. Until she REALLY understands what she did, she will never understand how badly she hurt him. Now she is mostly feeling sorry for herself.

and enjoyable tale. Nice way to show hubbys emotions plus a bit of drama to keep it interesting. Please submit more. 5** and the 85+ comments mean you got into a LOT of readers heads.

Cpete, always the gentleman. Randi, always the lady. She doesn't give you a slam, just an offer to help. All the carping and complaining by the likes of swingerjoe shows what kind of people they are. Randi just does things that add to the enjoyment of our reading experience. I can hardly wait for those stories. RPL

especially for a first story.

My only comment is that the story was pretty much a monologue. More of the wife's point of view would have made the story more exciting, I think. I find the interactin between the partners more interesting that just the response or the outcome.

Good, nice story.

But...

In real life, she would've been arguing with him every step of the way, and would'nt let him talk so freely and unrestrained.

In the end, I did like the story, congratulations!

And she's stupid enough to give her boss a BJ in the men's room at a Christmas party that her husband attended? And she didn't hear someone enter the restroom?

Gimme a break. This stupidity is too stupid even for a fantasy.

Crime of passion was it ..... he got a few shots to the package before a head shot?? Fully earned by that callous womanizer... booya

I did not call you out by name .

I gave what I thought was a reasonable ( and honest ) comment on a new and I might add very promising author !

Have I ever called you out by name when you give a new poster one of your 'Welcome to LW ' postings ?

And am I wrong to warn this author to have a thick skin in this category ?

So , where's your beef with me this time ?

I think I told you once that you're so devoted to the art of derision , that you're blinded to just normality . This has simply made my point once again .

Not gonna happen Sbrooks, i'm going to keep speaking my mind as I have the freedom to do so. I don't want authors of stories I enjoy to stop writing because they get swallowed up by negative "fag cuck shit" etc etc. Plus I get a chuckle out of anons and in this instance crk believing that i'm spouting BS just because my offline actions are unsavoury to them.

Scorpio: Murder abounds hmmm. Maybe it's because I am younger then most LW commenters/readers and I do somewhat sympathize with bulls but I just don't agree with the notion that things like this have to end up in murder. Anger, hurt and feelings of betrayal absolutely but the idea that life has end over an affair, seems so alien and quite frankly foul to me. Since when does sexual betrayal equal being able to end the life of a human being. Even worse, having people be okay with it because someone fucked someone who wasn't their spouse.

Consequences are fine with me, divorce, losing a chunk of money but there has to be an endpoint. Think about the widow killing this woman, there wouldn't be too deep a pool of suspects and this widow would have to forever live with that in a crime of passion, she killed someone.

For a first story that was very good. Congrats

"since when does sexual betrayal equal being able to end the life of a human being. "

At least for the past 3000 years death has been a viable option in many places of the world and with many religions for sexual betrayal. Just read The Bible, The Torah, or the Koran.

Infidelity NOT being punished is actually a relatively new idea, though there were cultures, like Athens and Persia in ancient times, where multiple sex partners and open relationships were quite common.

But once the one God religions started taking over religious beliefs, fidelity became a very important thing (at least a woman's fidelity), and stoning a woman to death for infidelity was not uncommon.

To be honest, I found this question interesting and I am treating it as if you really want to know.

Well written to a first story, looking forward to more stories from you

As you say, there were, and still are, places in the world which believe that adultery should be punishable by death. Also, as you say, it's been applied to women more than to men.

Since humans have had marriage as a social construct, it has gone through various phases. Marriage for love is relatively recent and still exists only in some cultures. It has been more a matter of property and child care in earlier times. Under those circumstances, 'falling out of love' was not a reason for dissolution of a marriage.

In Western cultures today, it is accepted that many marriages will 'fail'. Spouses may fall out of love. Adultery is no longer a crime, let alone being one punishable by stoning to death.

Murder, however, is a crime and there's no sign of that changing any time soon in civilised cultures. There is, however, one place where murder is often considered a lesser crime than adultery. It is in the pages of Loving Wives stories and comments.

So much for a civilised culture.

Lue

His characterisation was pretty good but the wife was just window dressing for the rant. To create the anger against her actions she needs more work.

I can't believe some of the comments. Why can't people just read and comment about the tale? It seems many have their own agenda, and it has nothing to do with the tale they've read.

Now about the tale. I can't believe after all the cheating and degrading of her husband, she thought she could talk him into staying. Fucking worthless cunt. Not enough revenge on her. Still a decent tale.

I know sometimes comments on the internet can read sarcastic but this is a sincere thanks for that little history lesson. It was more of a statement then a question but I appreciate the little bit of education I just got from you. I still think the concept is alien and foul at its heart but at least now I know its roots.

Lue, that is so true. I've only been going through comments for a little while now and i've seen more death wishes in that time then in the previous 2 decades i've spent on this earth.

Why can't we? Because it's fun to comment on the comments and maybe elicit comments in return.

And you say about commenters "It seems many have their own agenda".

Of course we do. Who hasn't?

Lue

This is the kind of LW story I like, but would have preferred more lead in. You had several word mistakes, which could have been corrected with more careful proofreading. Anyway looking for more submissions. 4 *'s

No "Wimps" here! I Love A Happy Ending!

There are lots on this site that will like this story because (1) the husband is ruining the cheating wife's life and career, and (2) he gets a nice long tirade, while she just sort of blubbers. The story is executed pretty well, and this is a nice first effort- with some extra complexity and creative back story (like how she came to be seduced, and how she gradually became dismissive of her husband and compliant to her lover) it will get even better. Keep up the good work.

I have not written anything on Lit, but have done some writing in my private life. There is always one suggestion I would encourage any author to take: Always read the story OUT LOUD by yourself. When you read it in your mind, your mind will automatically make the connection / correction you were trying to make, When you read it out loud, take a look at the places where you stumble. Fix that sentence, then re-read the entire paragraph to make sure that it is still in context. There were a few places where you started in the past sense and ended in the present. Over all a very good story and definitely a fine first effort!

A second suggestion I would make is if you write a long story and break it down to 2 - 3 chapters, write the entire story before submitting any of it. If, God forbid, you have a point in your writing, where life gets in the way of writing, people will crucify you!! lol

Another is born. Great, wish there were many more. For every btb writer, 10 willing cuckolds are born in this category. Just look at the daily offerings. Rest my case. Excellent story, didn't miss a lick, didn't even take notice of the grammar others pointed out. FIVE STARS.

LSD, let's hope you'll never put pen to a story. One would have to have a dictionary and a thesaurus to read your offering. Just a little dig, but by no means keep on posting. I really enjoy deciphering your ramblings.

Fuck those willing cuckies that have a problem with it. Who cares what they have to say? We only can please ourselves and that's all that counts. Keep on writing and posting author, practice makes perfect. 5* effort for content.