All Comments on 'Double or Nothing Pt. 01'

He didn't make enough money for them, but they wanted all that he had.

Needs an editor. Would have been better, since the plan was a lengthy story, if the readers had been given a section where Carol voiced her thoughts. Why did she take up with their doctor? In America, a physician generally loses his or her license if he/she has an intimate relationship with a patient or patient’s family. It violates ethical standards as well as the law in most jurisdictions. I can’t speak for Australia, but being a plumber is very respected and quite frankly, plumbers bill more per hour than many doctors. Looking forward to chapter 2.

Good plumbers make more $ than most ER doctors, especially when adding in expenses like malpractice insurance.

At present in the US, many doctors are certifying as RNs because the pay and hours are a lot better.

zerozerozero.... imbecilic and illiterate. You write like a plumber.

Wow, sitting here reading this and hearing the words Terri speaking coming out in my voice with all the emotion. As an actor this dialogue, this role is what people in my profession dream of Being able to bring to life. You should consider a screenplay. As much as I have read on Lit and other places books etc this is the first time I have read an original work that has moved me in such a way. Keep writing please.

Thank you for the continued comments on the story everyone. for those asking about editing, this was my last self-edited story, so as you progress through the series you see a lot of the mistakes (but not all) start to vanish.

One thing that a few people have noted in comments throughout each part is that Plumbers can make a lot of money. I am actually the son of a builder and our MC is partialy based on the plumber that my father used on his job sites. He made good money. I want to point out that Terry could have been making millions and Carol still would have left. For her it was about the status. Yeah Dr Dickhead makes more, but status more than anything else was her issue.

But I encourage you to keep reading the series, yes, its a bit of a read (all five parts combined is a little over 100k words) and yeah its drawn out and dramatic. But Terry does stand back up and gets everything that Carol wanted and more ;)

If your reading this for the first time, I hope you enjoy the story.

Regards

John Other

The sad thing is many of us in real life have experienced situations like this. The wife is looking for greener pastures for what ever reasons. The kids stay awhile but the guy is so screwed up by the loss the kids leave to be with the mother because of her promises of better things. This is repeated over and over its not just a work of fiction here it is real and it happens. Maybe a bit different but it happens I'm one of the victims. It happened forty years ago and it still bothers me. 5 stars

Really good start to what looks like a promising story... The last tirades are a little bit long but the rest is decent and solid... Can't wait to read the rest, but i will take my time to savor it !

Good job !

Great story,

A promising new writer, congrats

You have talent, to be sure, but you need notable help with editing. Grammar and punctuation should be the top priorities. Lastly, as noted in previous commentary, the main character's rants could do well to be shorter winded. Good luck and I look forward to your future efforts.

__Anon8675309

How on earth do you write such a good story without knowing the difference between your and you're. A very good beginning but only a 3 because of the terrible mistakes.

a bit harsh on a child folling the example of her mom no matter how shitty that mom is stilll mom and she had been molded byb mommy dearest for 15 yrs, with that mom the girl didnt stand a chance but dam well told story

If I was the MC, when I opened the door to see who was knocking, I would have stated “Fuck-off Carol!” Then I would have slammed the door shut in their faces!

If I was John, as I was leaving the court after the judge’s declaration that their marriage had ended, I would have placed my second finger on my thumb and then hit Dr Steven’s nose with that finger as I confronted him in the hallway, lmao! Obviously, that would not be seen in a court of law as a significant battery!

BS DeanofMean! His daughter knew exactly what she was doing when her mom and she left! His daughter just saw her mother’s boyfriend as money for her use. And at the end his daughter just saw her biological sperm donor as money. She didn’t love him.

That hit a bit hard.

I know his daughter still loved him, but was being directed by her mother. At this point in the story.she is still being led by her mother and ignoring what she knows is right.

At this point though, Mackenzie's betrayal hurts worse than his wife's.

Solid story, could have used a little editing; I’m looking forward to the next part. 5

5*s for the story but in urgent need of proper editing.

GREAT WRITING!!!

JUST CAN'T SAY BETTER THAN THAT 😊💥💯💫💫

Echoing what a couple of the others have said... major editing help needed. You even mentioned working with some editors in your intro. I certainly hope you didn't have to pay them.

Among many other examples, you misspelled 'Mackenzie' 3 or 4 different ways, and at one point Terry became 'John' for a few paragraphs during the divorce hearing.

It really ramped up towards the end of the chapter, as if you were really rushing to get all your thoughts down and get finished, and the wheels totally came off of the spelling and grammar.

Now for the good news, you are right, this is definitely a different twist on a story, and I'm looking forward to reading where it all ends up. Your characters are compelling, and you are really crafting a strong story. I can already partly predict where it is headed next, and maybe you'll even inject a few surprises!

Seriously, though, get some help proofreading and editing. I'll even offer my services for free for a bit, as I'm enjoying reading the story anyway.

Let me know if I can help. Cheers.

-T-

onenrmlone {at} aol dot com

I couldn't make it through the second page. The editing is awful. The representation of how legal proceedings work is pathetic. Properly edited, with the legal elements properly researched, the story could be rewritten and be very good.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. Crap story, crap writing, crap editing; author knows fuck all about Australian law or how the Australian hospital system works.

Re-reading for the 1st time, I really enjoyed the whole thing and am enjoying it again knowing what is coming.

I had 1the same thing happen to Me . I am a CPA and she married a lawyer . My Princess lied on the stand and was caught by my lawyer , It was OK with Me as She never knew how much money I had ..

I liked it very much. I thought that it was slightly too lopsided in the coldness of Carol and Mackenzie’s selfishness. But overall it’s very good and held my interest.

Australian here, Judges hearing these matters have a lot of leeway, all of those Orders can be made, or none, the Judge could have even made Orders for contact (supervised or otherwise) between the daughter and father.

I witnessed a situation with the same calculated coldness as Carol and Mackenzie’s selfishness in 2019. The abandoned parent in that case, despite the Judge making Orders to the contrary, has not seen or heard from the child since.

bitches always be crazy, according to sheldon, add to that, they are more often than not very evil. better if you can deal and use them as the occasional soft fragrant receptacles for sperm w/o ever forgetting that they are all about themselves besides the crazy and evil parts. prolly 90%+ are completely untrustworthy. Finally, the way that judge ruled, never happen in the USA as 80% of the judges are domocrap scum completely in with the anti american, anti white, anti male agend. rk

ummm that's a down grade Plumber to a Doctor when it comes to money

What is an "LW theme?"

"most precious possession" ah ownership of another human sad fuck you are to write that sort of shit. Really lost me there.

Paragraph breaks are your friend, seriously. WALL OF TEXT incoming... ugh.

Some commentators don't understand what "fiction" is.

Good read. Looking forward to the rest. Thank-you

There is nothing wrong with being a plumber. A true plumber is an artist creating essentials for modern life. This man gave his whole being only to have his life force smashed into oblivion

Thanks for your writing..

That really was abysmal. Do you know anything about Australian law or the Australian medical system?

Just wrong on so many counts. But don’t worry, there are enough illiterate arseholes who’ll tell you how great you are.

What a couple of bitches!!!

Too painfully badly written to continue to read the rest.

You spell Mackenzie five different ways in a few paragraphs.

Good story, a few typos but no big deal. Creative and honest as emotions go.

Don't sweat the comments from assholes that only put everyone down.

Well done. First loving wives story that had a decent judge.

Bill S.

so all of this is certainly not a spare of the moment thing. ?? It is SPUR of the moment. A little proofreading will do wonders.

There's An Old Plumbers Joke

That goes "There are only three things a plumber has to know: 1) Shit runs down hill. 2) The boss is an asshole. 3) Payday is on Friday.

A lot of typos but I'm just grateful that I got custody of my daughters and not the ex who was willing to pimp them out to her new love. For me there is no way in hell the relationships with ex-wife and ex-daughter would ever be healed, but it's not my story. Signed: BTW

Really sorry, petty, feeling-pity-for-himself protagonist with lots of hatred towards a daughter that wasn't of an age to be held responsible for her mom's actions when she 'betrayed' him. Childish story about wrongdoing, revenge, and misogyny. In real life both partners are present when choosing each other, when developing a relationship and a life together and when growing apart. In real life the husband never sees it coming because he doesn't think his wife deserves enough attention to assess her needs, her wants, her dreams. Very rarely is it about the money. Mosten often it is about the man having a life and the woman/women being no more than an accessory in it. If you live w/your family for years not noticing that something is off, what does that tell us about you? That you have so many priviliges over them that you never need to worry about them or even connect with them. Realistically speaking, the protagonist's character does not fit that description, so this is not a credible story, just a misogynistic revenge fantasy. Put so many words in this comment only because it seems you can write. Better. Cheers!

Today's public service announcement - the comment below mine, is the definition of a beta bitch. A limp dick, with no spine or self-respect that thinks they have a clue. And to top it off it's written anonymously.

As far as the story, the MC attitude is proper. But I can't help thinking he's going to wimp out and allow them back in his life.

Good start……

Anonymous is a laughable cunt... "Really sorry, petty, feeling-pity-for-himself with hatred towards a daughter that wasn't of an age..." LOL Yeah, because at 15 years old she couldn't possibly call him or text him...oh wait! Yes she could, because she did exactly that on her 16th birthday. You can drive a fucking car legally in many areas, but you can't possibly tell your dad that you love him and you're sorry that your cunt mother forced the restraining order on him. I had you figured out in seconds... The first time you used the word "misogyny" I fucking laughed out loud, for real. You are an idiot. And then after seeing the word "privileges", which you misspelled, I knew with 100% certainty the type of person you are. I feel so sorry for whoever you partner with in life...if you can find one.

sometimes you just have to walk away

Good tale. A bit overdramatic regarding the daughter behaviour but 15 is a credible age for took responsibility

The worst piece of idiocy I’ve read in a Long while. Do you anything about Australian laws or medical protocols. Stop it FFS .You are giving Australian writers a bad name

I love the outcome concerning the bitch and daughter.

Incredable storytelling and emotional writing. Truly one of the very best I've read.

Great story. Look forward to the rest!

The daughter was manipulated and misled by her mother from a young age. Calling her a bitch and a woman the same as the ex-wife despite the affair beginning when she was around 12 or 13 years old and her mom having moved her when she was 15 years old is a major misstep. Manipulative behavior like that most likely began far before that affair. Kids and teens are still children, even when they are manipulated by your partner and break your heart. Writing off the kid as a bitch and assigning her much more responsibility over what happened than she is responsible for by referring to her as a woman is a fatal flaw for me and this series.

This is a good yarn, but shouldn’t the court have ordered that the 14 year old daughter be interviewed or counselled by an independent person about the implications of adoption before anything irrevocable was done? 5 stars and thanks for sharing.

Implausible. Four stars ⭐️.

"My curiosity peaked". Although this stands as a statement I'm not sure it is what you really meant.

Perhaps "My curiosity was piqued" would fit better.

Piqued meaning To provoke; arouse: The portrait piqued her curiosity.

5 Stars on this Great Story . My Daughter stabbed me in the back in court . Everyone thought the worst of Me . Now I am standing on My own 2 feet and for all of those so called friends that believed her , They found out later that Daddy's little Princess had lied on the stand .. Screw them and I hope they all Die so I can piss on their graves . I spent 4 day's in jail Thank God I had some friends in Jail or it would have been really bad for Me

To all those cowardish "anonymous" commentators: It is a piece of fiction! And a freakin' damn good one to say the least.

If you want realism, go find yourself a woman/man and let yourself be fucked over and deal with the consequences!

And to those who say "The daugther was manipulated!":

23 years ago I was in her fuckin' shoes, I was 11 years old. And it still kills me everytime I think about how I let my birthmother manipulate me into hating my own father in less than 15 minutes, I hated him with everything a had - if I had used my stupid brain for even one fucking second I would've seen that everthing this bitch told me was nothing more than plain lies. If I could, I would go back in time to that day and kill my stupid worthless self, beat myself to a fuckin' pulp and burn the remains.

At that age desribed in the story, 15 years of age, especially nowadays, kids are almost as grown up as fuckin' 18 year olds. Stop fucking defending those who should now better!

So please: IT IS A STORY, YOU COWARDISH FUCKFACED IDIOTS!

Read it for the 20th time now...still one of the best, if not THE BEST LW-Story-Drama on Lit.

Children can be manipulated in cases like this. There is no way the courts would approve o f an adoption like this without speaking to the child first. The fact the father just gave her up at the cheating wife's demands was awful. No one who loves their child gives up that easily. The courts would not approve of the adoption without the father being able to speak to her unless there is documented abuse. So this story has a major flaw. If the father was framed for abuse like women like to do in the US then the story would be fine. Also in a few places you put the wrong words. You used flawed instead of floored and expect instead of except. Do a better job of spell checking next time it ruins the flow of the story.

Reread yet again. Never gets old.

A very good story so far, looking forward to the second chapter. 5 stars for sure.

He feels bad for berating her, he probably would as he loved her, but she got what she deserved. The adoption though, he should have been stubborn and refused to sign the documents. I know in the US you need to sign your rights away.

A very good story still after a second reading. It's not far off from real life and my own experience with divorce some 40 years ago. Luckily when one door closes.................things got better. Keep writing Mr. Other.

Perhaps this writer could extend to doing some basic grammar editing, then such glaring faults like getting your and you're mixed wouldnt make reading an otherwise good yarn hard to read?

Although there's a few grammar errors, this is a pretty good story. Would make a good basis for an Arnie revenge flick. "I said I would kill you last. I lied."

Good start, plenty of detail fully setting out the story.

What a fucking incredible story. So full of emotion that you can easily get pulled into it and feel for the poor guy and hate his ex wife and shitty ex daughter. I look forward to part 2.

The trouble with this and many similar stories is that on the one hand they berate the woman for being materialistically inclined and then the poor saps story arc is one of getting a better job and increased wages ... I'm sure that the irony of this is missed on most people because they can't get over the bitterness of their own betrayal.

Was the Dr. a normal hospital Dr. or was he a surgeon? Normally in countries that have developed healthcare systems the distinction is firewalled and they're unlikely to share waiting rooms etc.

So this brings me to the point about the Dr. being introduced as his daughters Dr. Most people don't have a hospital Dr. unless they have a very specific need and when they do they rarely have many meetings (especially if he's a surgeon), so it would have been good to know why the daughter required a hospital Dr. (surgeon) over a long enough period of time to enable a frequency of appointments where the wife could have conceivably entered into a relationship. Sure she could have been a total slag and he a total predator, but then that would have recontextualised the preceding 15 years ... are we really meant to believe that she was a whore for the whole time and he didn't notice a thing? Honestly, I was expecting to find out that the daughter wasn't his and then everything would fall into place ... but I just don't buy into the sudden Damascus moment when a woman just suddenly goes from being faithful to a slut ... in normal life it's far more prosaic, like a light on a dimmer switch, you turn it very gradually until you get to that point where your eyes register it going from what you perceive as light to dark, and while that change over may seem sudden and dramatic it's just part of a process that's been happening all along.

I came here to read an erotic story, not an essay about finances! *** *****! Screw this story!

Lovin’ the story and lookin’ forward the the rest.

Thanks.

Great story, unfortunately it feels unrealistic because there's no indication of anybody in the court system with enough integrity to decide a case as equitably as you portrayed. The lawyers and the judges are too corrupt and two bent in favor of the women, even when they are as evil as the characters in your story.

No Justice, no peace.

I've not been on this site for a long time, and commenting for an even shorter time. Up till now I haven't marked or commented on story openings, I tend to wait to see how the story matures. I've marked and commented here because I sense this story might be something special.

Anonymous comment from 16 days ago about Drs and surgeons. I've had the misfortune of being really ill with an autoimmune disease. I've spent far too long in hospitals and dealt with Drs from consultants to Jr House Officers. (N.B. Titles have changed at the lower end and would now be titled FY1 and FY2) Surgeons start off as Drs but are titled Mr (Mrs, Miss Ms) if or until they become Professor. In the UK, it is NOT a good idea to call your surgeon Dr, this will not add to your relationship. Once in hospital or if referred to a hospital, you will be under the care of a consultant or surgeon. Dependent on the severity of the illness and your condition, you may never see the actual consultant responsible and be seen by registrars or only seen by the consultant initially or for a period of time and then by their registrars. I've regularly seen the same consultant for issues as minor as a broken collar bone.

Your country may well differ, but in the UK you will often see the same named consultant or surgeon if matters are pressing. As to whether a surgeon performs the surgery or oversees it, it will depend on complexity and your condition. The surgeon who carried out my first major surgery is now a professor, but as the surgery was over 9hrs long, I doubt he closed up and did everything by himself.

A bit of a long rant by me, but I'd be interested on your comment on Drs and Surgeons after you look up the organisational structure in your country?

Entirely too much rehashed dialogue. It bogs down the story and bores your readers.

@PrincessNutNut, I'm at a loss to understand your point. In the UK surgeons generally don't do anything but operations. Having had operations I know that you don't get to see them more than a couple of times, and often only once if a minor surgery.

Like I said, it would have been good to have been informed how the relationship actually started.

Okay, I went back more than two years ago, but if I did leave a comment, I couldn't find it. Aussie brother, you are the man. I loved it, even with the third reading. 5 stars. please take all the stupid comments and snide criticisms and pitch them. It's excellent, as are the next two parts, and your subsequent stories. The Bear definitely approves. I look forward to your next story. My only criticism is the length. I'm old, and I tend to fall asleep. Just kidding, bud.

The BEAR

This is the 2nd time I have read this series it still remains a really good story and well written it has the aspect of personal experience but still giving it the fantasy aspect as far as some of the comments about drs and surgeons well that is pretty simple while yes I agree that depending upon your country a surgeon may think himself not a Dr but unfortunately rather there surgeon or not there still a Dr a surgeon is a specialist in a certain field it does not change his or her title not any country but some is just stuck up dicks or bitches who thinks there God's gift on earth those who are down to earth will admit there still just a Dr

Just One Minor Quibble

"You forsook our marriage vows and fucked another man becoming a cheating slut." Since as stated in the story it was all about money, that would make her whore, not Just a "...cheating slut."

/

Really good to see another Aussie author well on his way to becoming a storyteller, you're in some very fine company. *****'s Signed: BTW 08/21/23

been there w/my first wife. saad

Believable dialogue between the two parents and daughter even with a couple of missed words that didn't fit the sentence (curtsy vs courtesy). Looking forward to part 2. And the judge was amazing in that he used his brain to make his decisions.

Read this a couple times now. Apart from some typos/spelling errors and a bit of grammar it's actually one of the best stories on this site.

"a plumber can never provide for us as a doctor can" - So why does she need her share of the house? Restraining orders without valid cause can be easily lifted.

\

"Once Mackenize went to get out of the vehicle." - Probably to run to her ex-father and try to apologize/

\

I don't see how this can go five chapters. One more SHORT chapter on what's up with his ex-family and what he does about it.

Yeah, plumbers probably don’t make as much as doctors but a licensed plumber still makes pretty damn good money. And guess what, most people have health insurance to pay a large portion of a doctor’s bill. I don’t think many people have insurance to pay a plumber. So that doctor bill may be a thousand dollars but you probably only pay a hundred or two. When that thousand dollar plumber bill comes in, guess who’s pocket that money is coming out of. But I have to say, that bitch of a wife of his is just begging Karma to break it off in her ass.

Good start, O2O2, looking forward to the next chapter.

5 stars

Ugh this was just horrible to read (the story is compelling; it's the actions that I refer to, from his ex-wife, daughter and Stephen). Clearly she was more interested in money and living a good life than love. And I'm sure she has been corrupting her daughter against the dad for as long as possible, at least since she met Dr. Asshole. It's a real shame to know there are people out there that do this kind of shit every day. What a world to live in. It's hard to believe that she could treat such a devoted and loving man like that for so long and to act guilt-free and entitled throughout the whole thing. A monster of a person, truly.

I'm hooked and will read the remaining parts hoping that this guy catches a break and this bitch (and that's being polite given what she's done) doesn't fuck up his life any further. When I see shit like this, part of me is glad I'm alone because betrayal and hurt like this would destroy me.

Well written.

After reading this 5 times, it still makes me as angry as it did the first time and I know what’s going to happen and it still pisses me off like no “Other” story. That last scene with the what did you get me daddy and now you can start spoiling me again is something that makes me fear ever having children of my own. You did such an incredible job creating this story with exact type of characters that someone would expect to act that way and the emotional impact and pain that this shows and passes on to the reader is unbelievably rare and requires some serious writing chops. You proved how incredible an author you are and I feel honored that I have been allowed to fall down this rabbit hole you created as well as being able to pass along your stories to others so that they could also enjoy your works. Thank you for throwing all you have into your literary endeavors and allowing everyone to enjoy them.

Lexx xoxo

Others may have commented on this before; I’m not going to read over 300 comments to see.

The opening section so confusing to read, I almost stopped there. Many characters introduced with no idea who they are in relation to the protagonist. Also, at times the protagonist is Terry, at others he is John. Consistency in characterization is necessary.

Otherwise, the plot line so far is interesting, and character building moves the story well, for the most part.

Was this written by a plumber?

Need a TRO for the bit he’s approaching him in his home. Slap those bitches with more legal fees. Let the slut and daughter know you mean business

I know that you wrote in your bio that you don't want to hear from people complaining about your grammar. I am here to complain about the grammar.

I have read many of your stories and they are fantastic stories. The spelling and grammar are very difficult to fight through however. For example, I find myself getting lost in the emotion of the story only to be slapped back to reality when confronted with your/you're being used incorrectly and a sentence later it is used correctly just to be used incorrectly again later in the paragraph. You may not be a grammar nazi but keep in mind that many of your readers are.

I cannot say enough about how much I enjoy your stories, I do wish that you would get some more proofreading/editing assistance. I volunteer to proofread for you. I feel that your storytelling gift is being shortchanged.

You used your instead of you're constantly... please don't

Мне очень понравилось начало! Правда удивлен, что это в эротике)))

Больше всего мне отвратительна именно Маккензи! Кэрол взрослая и ей легко изменить и предать, мы взрослые люди. А вот как может ребенок так поступать с любящим отцом? Или автор заложил основу для разъяснения или дочь просто с*ка...

This writer's MCs have a verbal diarrhea

Reading this story for the 2nd time now and it's still great. But these spelling mistakes are awful. How difficult is it to spell one person's name ? His daughter's name was misspelled over a dozen times I think. Just copy and paste it if necessary. And the MC's last name is just weird and doesn't fit.

A very good story still, after my second reading. The depravity and heartlessness of some people is amazing. Some of these LW stories are closer to real life than many realize. This story is particularly close to my own experience of losing a wife and 2 daughters after 13 years of marriage. But thank goodness there is Karma and I was fortunate to find a loving woman with 4 kids that allowed me to start over.

good story and still 5 stars.

I really like this part of the story and have read it several times. Well written. The second part I do not like nearly as well. This is an excellent author, however, and I enjoy and respect his stories.

A very good story but the grammatical errors are horrendous. Proofread your work then have someone else proofread it for you. Then correct all the mistakes before you submit. If you can do this I think your work will be a pleasure for everyone to read.

Excellent story. I do love it when the cheating "loving" wives get theirs. And in this case the equally evil daughter. Can't think of anything to make it better, until we find out what caused these two sluts to come crawling back.

One hell of a story so far. It's hard to imagine the hurt Terry went through, but I'm hoping things work out for him and there will be payback.