Driving Home for Christmas

She disconnected the call and dropped the phone back in the console.

Reaching over, she squeezed my hand.

"They are all looking forward to seeing us."

"I'm looking forward to it aswell, especially the kids. I've not been much of a Grandpa, living up in Ullswater."

"I'm sure they'll love having us nearby."

"You realise we'll end up as cheap baby sitters, don't you."

"Of course I do, and stop making it sound like you resent that. You'll love having them as much as they'll love being with us."

I smiled at her. "You know me too well,"

"Why do I do that?" I asked myself. I always made it sound like I didn't want to be burdened with my grandchildren. The truth was just the opposite and the children knew it.

"Drew, would you like me to take over the driving. You must be feeling tired by now."

"Well I can't say I'm not a bit fed up with this traffic. I'm not used to having someone to hand over to. As Boney M started singing Mary's Boy Child as the traffic started to thin out a bit. We moved off again.

I picked up the phone. "Hello!"

"Daddy, what are you doing here? You're supposed to be In Romania with Mum." It was my daughter Phoebe.

"It didn't work out the way I'd hoped; perhaps I should have told her I was coming." "

"What do you mean dad, surely she was pleased to see you."

"I mean it would have given her time to get rid of her house guest."

"Daddy what are you talking about. I spoke to mum this morning and she said she hadn't seen you."

"Oh, she saw me alright, not for long, but she saw me."

"We can't talk about this on the phone. What are you going to do now?"

"I'm going to have some breakfast then maybe go down to the pub."

"Don't be silly Daddy. Gran's cooking more than enough for us so if you don't want to hurt her feelings you'll get yourself over here and celebrate Christmas with your family."

Mum was indeed pleased to see me, as were Phoebe and David. Everyone tactfully avoided talking about Penny. I'd like to say a good time was had by all but the fact of the matter was that we all tried too hard. For me, there was still numbness. I pretended to laugh at things everyone else found funny. I tried to feign surprise and appreciation for the presents I was given. I wore the Christmas jumper that mum had knitted for me. I thought I was doing a good job of projecting an air of normality. However, I soon noticed the anxious looks. By evening I was feeling bloated having eaten and drunk too much in the day. Certainly I'd had too much alcohol to drive home so I decided to sleep on mum's sofa. I thought everyone had gone to bed when I went to the kitchen for some water. When I returned I found my son sitting in the armchair opposite the sofa. I sat down on the sofa and pulled out the duvet Mum had dug out for me.

"You know Gran's worried about you. No change that, we all are." David said between yawns.

"I really don't know why, I'm okay. I thought I'd been remarkably calm."

"Oh, you have. Too calm. So calm that we don't recognise you. I never thought I'd ever long to hear one of your bad jokes but today I'd have loved to hear one. What's happened Dad? What's happening with you and mum?"

"Nothing out of the ordinary, it happens to plenty of couples. We've done well really, it's over twenty years."

"What are you talking about Dad? What's happened?"

"Your mother has found someone else. That's the real reason she didn't come home for Christmas she's sharing it with her new man,"

"No there must be a mistake. You and mum, you're like, forever."

"I thought so too Son, I really did, but she's found someone else and I've got to accept that."

"What do you mean; you've got to accept it? I never thought I'd hear a son of mine giving up without a fight." I hadn't heard her come down but my mother was standing in the living room doorway and looking angry. I turned to look at her.

"Just what do you expect me to do, Mum? Hit her on the head and drag her home by the hair? She's got another man. She chose to stay there with him instead of coming home to us. How much clearer can it be?"

"Well I don't believe it, not Penny. It must be a misunderstanding, have you spoken to her?"

"You could say that, we said a few words, very few."

"Well how do you know she's found someone else?"

"I met him Mum. He answered her door wearing nothing but a towel."

"Well I think you should talk to her. There must be an explanation Penny wouldn't do that to you, she just wouldn't."

"She has done it Mum and now I've got to build a life without her. Now if it's all the same to you I'd rather not talk about it any more. I'd really like to get some sleep."

I started to get undressed. Mum and David went to bed leaving me to sleep. I lay down on the sofa and pulled the duvet over myself. Sleep was hard to come by that night. I realised that I'd managed to push the events in Bucharest to the back of my mind. Now it was all out in front again. To make matters worse, I'd just forced myself to think about life without Penny.

Some time during that long Christmas night I must have drifted off to sleep because I don't remember seeing the sun come up, or hear anyone coming down stairs. I woke to the sound of voices, speaking in hushed tones, coming from the kitchen.

"What can we do Pheeb they're both grown ups, they can sort it out for themselves. It's not up to us to interfere."

"Have you listened to yourself David? This is Mum and Dad we're talking about not two strangers. We have to do something to get them together to talk about this."

"From what Dad said last night, it's all done and dusted as far as he's concerned. Gran even tried the 'Man up and fight for her' speech, but it didn't work. I think he's made his mind up."

As they were talking I pulled some clothes on and made my way toward the kitchen.

"You said it yourself David, he's in shock right now. He doesn't know what he's thinking. First we have to get him to see a doctor, and then we have to get him to talk to Mum. It's all a big mistake, it must be."

"It was a mistake all right." I said, standing in the kitchen doorway. "And I made it. I believed her when she said she could handle the year out there on her own. 'As long as I have your love' she said 'I can handle anything.' I believed her, that was a mistake. I believed that I was so important to her that she'd be overjoyed to see me on her doorstep. That was a mistake, she was horrified. Now David what have I always told you about mistakes."

"The man who never made a mistake, never made anything!"

"Quite right, but I have made something. I made you two and I'm very proud of you, you were not mistakes. There is something else about making mistakes; you have to learn from them." I turned to Phoebe. "I have learned. I've learned that nothing is forever. Everything has a finite life and the relationship between me and your mother has just come to an end."

"No Daddy, I don't believe that. Mum loves you, I know she does. I don't know how you can stand there and calmly say it's all over. It has to be a misunderstanding. It just has to be."

I held both her arms and turned her so I could look into her eyes. "Your mother has a new man in her life, well more of a boy really. The last I saw of her she was kneeling, half naked, beside him, begging me not to hurt him."

I let go of her arms and in floods of tears, she ran from the room.

"Are you telling me you knocked him down?" David asked.

"The old Glasgow kiss comes in handy sometimes. Like I said not so much a man more a boy. Anyway he went down and stayed there. -- I suppose that means he had some sense, staying down I mean."

"Are you sure he wasn't unconscious? You could have killed him Dad."

"I don't know, and I don't care. I doubt that he's dead; I wouldn't have got out of Romania if he was. Either way the little shit got what he deserved."

"Now that sounds more like my son." Mum said as she came into the kitchen. "Now you need to go back out there and bring your wife home."

"She's not my wife now, Mum. She chose him over us. She's his now. I can't say it doesn't hurt, because it does. It hurts even more because I know how much it's going to hurt her."

"What does that mean? You're not planning to do something stupid are you?"

"No. The only thing I'm planning is divorce. I'm not the one doing something stupid. I've lost count of the number of times we were told about this sort of thing before we went out there but she still fell for it."

"Fell for what? I don't understand."

"Think about it Mum. Penny is a woman in her forties. She looks pretty damned good for her age but she's still in her forties. In the next ten years she'll be going through the menopause. What does a twenty something lad see in a woman like that? -- I'll tell you what he sees the chance of permanent residence in the UK. That's what he sees. He doesn't give a shit about her or us or anyone else. He just wants to get out of Romania."

"Well that's all the more reason for you to bring her home. To stop her making that mistake."

"Don't you see Mum? She's already made it. He's moved in with her. She wanted to spend Christmas with him not with us. The days of the caveman approach are gone. She's made her choice and now we've all got to live with it."

"So what are you going to do now?"

"Like I said last night, I start the process of separating her life from mine. Start thinking about living without her. --Perhaps I should go home. I know I'm lousy company."

"You'll do no such thing. You're not leaving me on my own on Boxing Day. If you must you can take the children home with you tonight, but I want to spend another day with my family."

And so it was, we all stayed with mum until 9 pm then David, Phoebe and I went home. The following day the country went partially back to business as usual. The banks were open but the solicitors wouldn't return to work until the 2nd of January. I went to the Building Society first and gave them a cheque to cover the outstanding balance on our mortgage. I'd already shifted most of our savings into the current (Checking) account. What did we need the savings for now? The world cruise I'd planned for our 25th anniversary was never going to happen. Paying off the mortgage seemed a better use of the money. Next was a trip to the bank where I set up a new current account for myself, arranged to have all the household bills paid from the new account. I transferred what I thought was mine from the old account and took my name off of it. It still left Penny with a tidy sum. Eighty per cent of her salary was being paid into that account and she had no need to touch it.

Back home both David and Phoebe thought I was acting with undue haste. They still had the idea that their mother would come home and explain everything. Phoebe made two attempts to call her mother, no easy task in those days. Each time she tried the call went unanswered. Mum called me everyday and opened with the same question. "Have you spoken to her yet?" Every time the phone rang Phoebe raced to get there first and every time was disappointed when it wasn't her mother.

On New Year's Eve I got a surprise call. It's a woman for you Phoebe said as she handed me the phone. I was somewhat surprised to hear the classy tones of Lady Caroline.

"Hello Caroline what can I do for you?"

"Oh, nothing really I just wanted to thank you for doing the run for us. I was really worried about the girls doing it on their own."

"Ah yes! You might have told me Percy was a woman." I heard her laugh.

"She's quite a girl our Percy, isn't she."

"You know her then?"

"I know her mother, Lady Sally Marshall. She sort of volunteered Percy for the job."

"Yes, well as you say she's quite a girl."

"Now Drew, you must tell me if I'm being an interfering old bat, but Percy told me what happened in Bucharest. I have to say Penny is not the woman I thought she was."

"That makes two of us."

"Yes, well, water under the bridge as they say. --What I really rang for was to tell you that if there is anything I, or the organisation can do for you, you only have to ask. Anything at all, if it's in my power you'll have it."

"Thank you Caroline, that means a lot. Don't forget me if you need anything out in Oituz."

"Goes without saying dear boy. Now you keep your chin up and keep me informed. -- Oh, nearly forgot. Percy says you know the slimy little bastard. Does he have a name?"

"Yes I met him when Penny first got the job. He's her interpreter. His name is Ion Damanescu."

"Damanescu, right, got it. I'll be keeping an eye on him. Got to go now, things to organise. You keep your pecker up and don't forget to keep in touch. Bye for now."

Phoebe just looked at me.

"Lady Caroline." I said "She runs the.."

"I know who Lady Caroline is." she interrupted. "What I want to know is who is this Percy?"

"Captain Persephone Marshall she was one of the other drivers on the trip to Oituz."

"And that's all she is, just one of the drivers? You see when you were talking about her I saw a hint of the way you used to look when you talked about mum. It was like having my dad back."

"Look she's a very nice young lady, they both were. But she's only thirty, what interest do you think she'd have in an old fart like me?"

"I don't know dad, it takes all sorts. But I know you like her. Don't go doing anything silly while you're on the rebound."

"You make me sound like a lovesick teenager. Like I said she's a nice girl but I doubt I'll be seeing anything of her."

Phoebe decided to leave it at that. She seemed more worried that her mother hadn't called.

I got through New Year and on the 2nd of January I set out to find a solicitor. It didn't take long, before the morning was over, everything was underway. The solicitor assured me that Penny would be informed of the divorce proceedings within the week. I'd started back at work before Penny rang the house. Phoebe took the call, and told her I was at work. She wanted to talk to her mother and was somewhat disappointed when Penny didn't want to talk. That evening she couldn't wait to tell me.

"Mum rang today. She really wanted to talk to you."

"Oh, pity I missed her."

"Yes well she didn't talk much. She's going to ring back tomorrow at ten."

"Well it's a shame that I won't be here then isn't it."

"Dad really, she's trying, the least you could do is meet her half way."

"What's done is done and can't be undone. I don't think we have anything to talk about and I have a mountain of marking and preparation to do."

"But Dad she says you got it all wrong, why can't you just talk to her?"

"Because she's still trying to pretend that I didn't see what I saw. Until she's prepared to confront the truth there is no point in either of us wasting our time."

"So you won't even talk to her?"

"I won't take time off work to do it."

"Daddy you have to try and fix this."

"I did, I drove all the way to Bucharest to spend Christmas with her. I'd call that making an effort."

"Dad you have to give her a chance. Isn't it possible that you misunderstood?"

"It's difficult to misunderstand a man in a towel answering the door in your wife's flat."

Phoebe left me alone for the rest of the day. She was disappointed when I still went to work the next day. She told me Penny cried when she found out I wasn't there.

My colleagues at work realised something was wrong, but no one guessed what. Even my students asked me what was wrong. I'd not noticed that I was doing anything differently but it seemed that others had. I was just coming to terms with things when I came home to see her sitting on a suitcase on my front step. I knew it would happen sooner or later but I still wasn't ready for it. I didn't think she'd seen me so I drove straight past the house and went to the pub. By the time I got back she'd gone. The next day I started getting calls on my mobile. I refused to answer during working hours but when a call came in during lunch break I answered.

"Yes Penny, what do you want?"

"I want to talk to you, what do you think?"

"Are you sure you can afford the time to be here? Isn't there some project demanding your attention? Isn't Ion's bed getting cold while your here?"

"You don't know what you're talking about Drew. That's why we need to talk."

"You want to talk, come to the house at 2 pm Saturday. I'll be in then."

I disconnected the call without giving her the chance to say any more.

Saturday afternoon brought a small delegation to my door. My mother and daughter accompanied my wife I invited them in and made coffee. We sat chatting about Phoebe's university life and Mum's social life. Penny talked about her projects in Romania. Once coffee was out of the way, I suggested that Mum and Phoebe leave us to talk.

"I'd like them to stay if you don't mind." Penny said.

"It's OK with me; I thought you would want the privacy. --OK Penny what do you want to talk about?"

"Well there's this for a start." she said slapping the solicitor's letter on the table.

I picked up the letter and read it. "It seems self explanatory to me. I'm suing for divorce."

"Well that's what I need to talk to you about. I don't want a divorce, I love you. I want to grow old with you. What happened in Romania was all a big misunderstanding and poor Ion has a broken nose because of it."

"So tell me Penny dear what did I misunderstand? When a man answers my wife's door wearing nothing but a towel, what's to misunderstand."

"I realise what it looked like but it wasn't like that. Ion just came over to use the shower. There was no hot water in his block. You know the way it works out there, if one person doesn't pay the bill the whole block get's cut off."

"You see Dad; I told you there was an explanation."

I just sat there as if deep in thought. "I see, so I didn't hear you ask who was at the door? And hear him tell you it was Father Christmas?"

"Yes that did happen Ion had just stepped out of the shower when you rang the bell so he went to the door."

"And when he told you it was Father Christmas, I didn't hear you say, 'Oh get rid of him and come back to bed'.'"

Penny's face started to redden. "I did say to get rid of him; I thought it was a beggar."

"And come back to bed?"

Her face reddened more. "No I didn't say that. He hadn't been in my bed. You must have misheard."

"Oh, I see. So he was not sleeping with you, and he just came round to use the shower. I see."

"Exactly now can we get back to being man and wife and forget about all this." she said tapping the solicitors letter.

"While we're about it why did you change the locks and shut me out of my own house?"

I pulled my phone from my pocket. "I see, it looks like I got it wrong doesn't it."

"Exactly Daddy, now all you have to do is apologise to Mum, and set about mending things"

"I don't understand how I could have got it so wrong. You see I thought that if a man came over to use the shower then his clothes would be in the bathroom, but as you can see they weren't."

I showed all three of them the picture of the bathroom that I'd taken with the phone.

"What you do see in the picture is all his toiletries and shaving gear. Now let's move to the bedroom." I brought up another picture on the phone. "Oh look there are his clothes, so he just thought he'd give you a look at what he had to offer before he had a shower."

Penny's face was almost cherry red now. "Let's just look a bit further at how I got it so wrong. Here is a photo of the inside of the wardrobe. Now if poor Ion was just popping around to use the shower, why did I find one side of the wardrobe full of his suits? In fact why did I find all the signs the benefits people look for, as evidence of co-habiting."