Faith Falls

"I think I'm going to cum," I moaned, and Hannah sighed and pulled me close to her. "Um, should I pull out first?"

"No, I want you to cum inside me. I want to feel it inside me," Hannah said quickly. I wasn't sure it was a good idea to do this, but I didn't want to pull out of her, either.

A few seconds later, the feeling washed over me. I was about to lose it.

"Ugggghh!" I cried, gasping, as I ejaculated inside her. Hannah cried out as well, and I felt her nails on the skin of my back as bursts of semen erupted from my cock. I shuddered at the sensation and my right hand slid underneath her and grabbed her bottom. I'm not sure why, maybe it was the feeling of pleasure, but I pulled aside her cheek and placed my index finger on her asshole. She cried out again and grabbed me tightly, her body now shuddering. I had brought her to orgasm a second time, and as I collapsed on top of her, we were both sweating and breathing heavily. For a few seconds, I thought I could feel her laughing through the gasps.

I lay there on top of her for a few more minutes, still inside her. I stroked her hair and looked into her eyes. We didn't say a word. The storm seemed to be losing strength outside, because the sound of the rain hitting the steel roof wasn't so deafening now. I wondered what would happen when we left that cabin. Would things become awkward between us? Would we still hang out and be friends? Would anything happen after camp was over? I wanted to marry Hannah Rose. I wanted us to be together forever. We were going to be attending separate colleges, but as we lay there naked together I felt that it had to work, that there was some reason we were there.

Eventually I rolled off of her and we lay there side by side on the mattress. The silence between us was starting to bother me.

"Was that... okay?" I finally asked, just wanting to break the silence.

"Yes, it was really nice," Hannah said quietly. "I didn't think my first time would be here at camp, in a cabin."

"Me neither," I said, but I didn't know how to follow it up. Was there any regret in her voice? I couldn't figure it out. My brain was not processing information properly. I decided not to force any more conversation. I felt relaxed, at peace. I fell asleep.

I don't know how long I slept, but I imagine it couldn't have been more than a half hour or so. I could feel Hannah's warm body beside me, and when I looked in her face I saw that she was fast asleep. The rain was still hitting the roof, but without the ferocity it had shown earlier. I imagined it was the equivalent of a medium-sized rain shower now. I got up and opened the door just a crack. The hinges creaked loudly enough to rouse Hannah from her slumber, and she sat up quickly. I turned to look at her and saw that she was disoriented at first. She looked down at her naked body, then at me. Her eyes were as wide as a trapped animal's, but she seemed to remember where she was and smiled at me.

"How is it outside?" she asked, yawning.

"It's not raining too hard now. I think it's almost past us."

"That's good. I think I'll need a shower," she said, and laughed.

"Yeah, me too. You've got a shower out there, and you're already dressed for it. All you need is some soap, and maybe some shampoo."

"Ha ha," Hannah said, "I'm not going to go out there naked. What if someone sees me?"

"Other than me?"

"Yes, of course, other than you, silly. And you're going to see even more of me in a minute, because I've got to pee, and I'm not going out there."

"You're going to pee in here?" I asked. I was mildly turned on by the thought of seeing Hannah pee, but I didn't know if I wanted to be trapped in here with a puddle of urine.

"Yeah. The gaps between the boards are pretty big. I'll just aim for one of the gaps," she said, and got up and walked into the far corner of the cabin. She faced the corner, away from me, and squatted. She leaned forward and I got a good view, but I was soon distracted by the sight and sound of the pee leaving her body and hitting the floorboards. A girl had never done this in front of me, and Hannah didn't seem to have any problem with it. She felt comfortable enough to do this with me watching her, and I felt strangely warm inside.

When she was finished, she stood up and turned around to face me.

"That turned you on?" she said, and I followed her gaze down at my crotch and realized that I had an erection again. We both laughed. I blushed and covered my face, but Hannah came over to me and hugged me. The tenderness that had been strangely missing immediately after we had sex now seemed to be back. Everything felt okay again.

When the rain stopped and we put our damp clothes back on, I walked Hannah back to her cabin. She was looking at the ground, not saying much.

"Are you sure everything's all right?" I asked, though I was afraid to learn the answer.

"Yeah, it's okay, I'm just thinking," she said. But I was certain there was more. I didn't want to press the issue, though, so I changed the subject, and the conversation began to flow more easily after that. When we reached her cabin, Hannah hugged me and went inside without saying anything. I walked back to my own cabin with mixed feelings, replaying the events of the day and trying to scan my memory for clues as to what might be wrong. The only theory that made any sense was that Hannah felt guilty. I felt a little guilty myself, but it was mostly because I didn't think my first time having sex would be in a dirty cabin. The timing didn't seem right, though the mood did. I shook my head as I walked. I hoped that we hadn't ruined any future Hannah and I could have.

As it turned out, I had a lot of time to think about it, because soon after I returned to my cabin, the sky darkened again and the rain came down with renewed fury. I stood just inside the door, looking out the screen window, which was the only window in the cabin that wasn't shuttered. I stood there and looked at the sheets of falling rain and thought of Hannah. I wondered what she was doing, alone, in her own cabin. In my mind I saw her lying curled up on the bed, tears in her eyes, full of regret for what happened. This isn't fair, I thought, shaking my head again. This is the most wonderful girl I ever met, and we shared a beautiful moment. I shouldn't be feeling this way. I changed out of my damp clothes and lay on the bed in a white t-shirt and briefs. Despite the noise of rain falling on the metal roof, and the fact that I had slept earlier that day, I fell asleep quickly.

When I woke up again it was very dark. Between the windows being covered and the fact that it now appeared to be night outside, I couldn't see anything around me. The rain had taken another break, so I grabbed my watch and a flashlight. It was two o'clock in the morning. I don't know what time I had gone to bed, so I couldn't guess how long I slept. But I was now wide awake and knew I wouldn't be able to sleep again that night. Since there was nothing to do and the weather seemed to be calm outside, I put on some shorts and my flip-flops, grabbed my flashlight again, and walked outside. Everything seemed to be okay, but when I passed the lake I could see that the water level had risen, and that it was now dangerously close to flowing over the path.

I walked over to the girls' side of the lake. I don't know why I decided to walk in the direction of Hannah's cabin, but I think I just wanted to be physically closer to her. I didn't know if anyone would cause a fuss if they caught me over there in the middle of the night, but I figured I could use the excuse that I was checking for possible damage. I couldn't see or hear a sign of anyone. When I reached Hannah's cabin, I stood just outside her door, listening for any signs within. I didn't hear anything. I don't know how long I stood there --maybe a minute or two-- but I eventually decided it was pointless and maybe dangerous to be there and walked away, back towards the boys' side of the lake. I felt miserably lonely.

Three male counselors were sitting on the steps to one of the cabins. I could hear them talking as I approached, and I could see dark, moving shapes but couldn't see who they were. By their voices I judged that two of them were Adam and Chris, part of the group that had harassed me earlier that summer.

"Who's that?" I heard Adam's voice speak.

"Tim Marsh," I said. I was aware that my voice sounded somewhat defensive, as if expecting a bad response.

"Hey man, good to see you. Or hear you." That was Chris speaking.

"How did you hold up during the storm?" the third counselor, which I now recognized as Tom, said.

"All right. How did you all do?" I said.

"Pretty good. A lot of people were in the activity hall, playing board games and stuff. The power went out but some of us had lanterns," Adam said. "We didn't see you there. Were you at your cabin the whole time?"

"No," I said, and I paused for several moments, knowing that I didn't want to say too much.

"So where were you?" Tom said, after the awkward pause.

"Just around."

"He was with that Hannah chick, I bet," Chris said, and the guys all "Ooo"'d knowingly.

"Yeah, how did you score that?" Adam said, "I've been meaning to ask you that. She is hot, man."

"We're... we're just friends," I said, feeling my face burn.

"We're just messing with you, Marshmallow," Adam said, and hit me lightly on the arm. "We're actually pretty proud of you. You surprised us."

"Thanks," I said.

"Yeah, man. Um, sorry about all that shit we gave you a while back," Chris said.

"It's all right," I said, and sat down on one of the steps, hoping this was the end of the subject.

Fortunately, it was. We all sat there talking for probably an hour or two, and for the first time I felt pretty comfortable and accepted. I started to realize that I would miss this place when the end of camp came, and not just because of Hannah. I had begun to find myself, to become comfortable with who I was. I felt independent and in control. I knew that in two weeks we would be saying goodbye and I would be back home, preparing for college and new friends and experiences. Part of me was still uneasy and sad when I thought of Hannah. I wondered what, if anything, I should do or say the next time I saw her. But I kept putting that out of my mind.

I saw Hannah a few times over the course of the week, but she seemed to be avoiding me. The counselors were kept busy helping with the cleanup and repair work in the camp, and she and I never seemed to end up in the same group. She was friendly enough during the few times we ran into each other and made small talk, but something was definitely wrong.

The following Sunday afternoon, I was walking back to my cabin from the bathroom to find Hannah Rose sitting on one of the steps to my cabin. She looked immensely sad. It hurt to see her.

"Hey," I said, and sat down next to her.

"Hey," she said, not looking at me but smiling slightly.

"I need to talk to you about something," she said. She still wasn't looking at me.

"Okay," I said softly.

"I feel a lot of guilt and shame about what happened," Hannah said.

"Hmm."

"Do you feel that, too?"

"I don't know. I feel bad, but I think it's because I see how it has affected you," I said.

"I'm sorry. It was a beautiful thing we shared. It was just... the wrong time and place," Hannah said. "I'm just having trouble dealing with it."

I didn't know what to say in response, so I didn't say anything. I glanced over at Hannah, who was staring at her feet. She looked so beautiful, but it made my heart ache to look at her.

"I don't want you to feel guilty or anything, Tim," she said. "I love you, I really do. But I need some time to think about this."

"Okay," I said, and put my hand on her knee. She pulled her leg away. I sighed and put my face in my hands. After a few minutes, she got up and left.

That was the last time I talked to Hannah until the final night of camp. The campers had gone home a few days earlier and the counselors and staff spent the remaining days securing the camp for the off season. There would be some church retreats and other events during the fall, but most of the equipment had to be stored away, and the cabins shuttered again and cleaned from top to bottom.

On that last evening, we had a bonfire, and everyone who remained at camp sat on logs, sang Christian songs to the accompaniment of a few acoustic guitars, and talked about their experiences at camp that summer and how it had changed them. I sat alone on a log in the back, feeling sorry for myself and not singing or speaking. But suddenly someone sat down next to me, and I looked up to see Hannah Rose. She smiled at me and nudged me with her elbow, and I smiled back. Hannah then locked arms with me and held my hand. She leaned against me and her head rested on my shoulder. We sat like that for the rest of the evening, and I knew that things were okay again.

I remember the scent of Hannah's skin and her hair, mixed with the smell of burning firewood. I remember the warmth of her body against mine, and the gentle stroking of her fingers on the palm of my hand. I felt so happy in that moment, so close to her, that I wanted to be able to hold onto this one memory, this one moment, for the rest of my life.

"Tim," she said to me after I walked her back to her cabin, "I still don't feel totally at peace with what we did. But, at the same time, I know you were the right guy. And I don't want to lose you."

"I can live with that," I said. "I'm sure we can move past it."

"I know we can. We will," Hannah said. She turned her head in each direction to see if anyone was approaching us, and then leaned in to kiss me.

The following morning, while waiting for our parents to arrive and take us back to our separate lives, Hannah and I exchanged addresses and phone numbers and made plans to contact each other frequently. We even talked about continuing this relationship and saving ourselves for each other. Hannah seemed to have made peace with what happened and it felt like we would be able to move past it. I felt hopeful and satisfied.

"Tim," Hannah said, her forehead resting against mine, "I love you. I want to be your girlfriend and to marry you someday."

"I love you, too. I want the same things."

"Four years isn't a long time," she said. "And we can visit each other on weekends and during the summer."

"Definitely," I said. "We won't be that far apart."

"You'll write me soon, right? Like as soon as you get home?"

"Of course," I said, and I meant it.

We kissed softly, innocently, ignoring everyone around us.

Hannah's parents arrived first, and she introduced me as her boyfriend. I helped them load her things into the car, and she and I hugged again as her parents waited and stared at us.

"Goodbye, Hannah. Don't ever forget me."

"I won't. You have my heart," Hannah said, and she quickly squeezed my hand and turned away to open the back door of her car.

Our eyes locked as her father put the car into gear. I wanted to do something melodramatic like run after it, but I didn't. I stood there and watched as the car pulled out of the parking lot and disappeared around the corner.

"You're just friends, huh?" I heard a voice behind me say. It was Adam. He jabbed me with his elbow and I smiled shyly.

Four years? I thought as I stood there in the late summer sun. Piece of cake. Four years isn't too long to wait for a girl like Hannah Rose.