Falling Down

I latched onto the small hope that maybe it wasn't broken. If I walked away from this match, I'd be dq'd. If I went to the hospital and it turned out it wasn't broken I couldn't come back to the tournament.

I pushed away from coach, looking him in the face, hoping to get his selfishness involved. He wanted to win this tournament. That meant he needed wrestlers on the mat. All I had to do was convince him I still had value, that I still had something to offer him and he would relent...

"If I go to the hospital I'll be disqualified. If I'm not hurt than I can't come back to the tournament. We both lose that way. Let me wrestle this match, I'll roll over quick and right after it's done I'll burn over to the hospital and get checked out. That way if it's just a stinger I can come back." I could see the horror on his face and knew I wasn't selling it well enough... the pot wasn't sweet enough for him.

"I know I can't take first that way, but I'll come back and through wrestlebacks maybe I can get second!"

Joshua's voice took all the air out of my argument. "Coach, you put him on that mat and he's not just gonna roll over. He's going to fight tooth and nail, hurt or not, and he's going to end up crippling himself. Dear god, he broke his goddamn hand in the first round of the last match and he kept going and found a way to win for god's sake."

Coach's response was the final nail in the coffin, "Josh, no way in hell was I even considering putting him out there."

Nononononono!

Tears started to stream out of my eyes, "Coach! No! I can do this! I need those scholarships! I won't get them if I don't wrestle!"

I could see pain and misery smash into his face. He pulled me into him tight and hugged me harder than I had ever been hugged in my entire life. I could feel him shaking his head at me. "Kiddo. Goddamn it kiddo. I'm so sorry. You're done."

I pushed away from him, tears falling freely from my eyes. "No! I can do it coach. I'm still worth something!"

Tears filled his eyes as he grabbed my head. He pulled me in close to him where only he and I could hear what he had to say. "Don't you ever think that Gabby! You'll always be worth something!" He shook his head against mine. "I'm sorry kiddo. I fucked this up so badly."

My nose started to run. "I need that scholarship coach. Please."

He pushed my head away and looked deep into my eyes. "We will figure this out together. We'll get this fixed, okay?"

I pushed every ounce of the misery clawing through me at him. "Please don't do this to me."

He pulled me in tight once again. "We'll figure this out kiddo."

My world ended...

Chapter 9

The Kays, as my default family, took me to the hospital. Once again, I needed to mooch off of someone else's generosity. Once again, I was a burden to someone...

I sat in their car on the passenger side, in the back seat. Pressed as close to the door as I could, my head pressed to the window. Karly pressed herself to my left side, her arms wrapped around me. She felt like maggots clinging to my skin. I didn't want to be touched right then...

I was alone again. Maybe not right now. But soon.

She would go off to college, and without a scholarship there was no way that I could afford whatever school she could get into. We would try to make it work long distance. It would fail. I wasn't good enough. Without me there to fool her, she would realize that I had no worth, and she would move on.

A part of me wanted her to. I knew I wasn't good enough for her, and whoever she found to replace me would be better for her than I ever could be.

The larger part of me wanted so desperately to deny that. To fight tooth and nail to ensure she was mine forever.

I knew that wasn't going to happen though. I should have known that from the start. God gives to me, so that he can then take away. Sometimes it felt like He lifted me up, just so he could throw me down just that much harder.

The hospital was like every other hospital. Long waits, lots of paperwork. They made sure they knew how to send you the bill first and foremost, and then they started to worry about your health.

I was right handed so I couldn't even fill out the paperwork for myself. Karly had to fill it out for me. Once again, I needed to be a burden.

They took X-rays. A doctor took two minutes to tell me that my hand was indeed broken. He told me it was a bad break. It might require surgery to fix.

I looked at him with dead eyes. I think I nodded when it was appropriate. I'm not sure. I was out of fucks to give.

They wrapped my hand with a brace and bandages. The doctor told me that I needed to go see a specialist in a few days to get an evaluation, see if I needed surgery, and get a cast. Karly asked why they didn't put a cast on me now and the doctor told her that on a fresh break they always liked to wait a few days to let the swelling go down. Putting a cast on me now could cut off circulation.

I didn't care.

It didn't matter.

I went back to the hotel with a bottle of pills to help with the pain, a brace on my wrist, and no future...

Chapter 10

We rode the elevator up to our floor. Karly stood really close to me. I didn't want her to. I wanted this to break off. I wanted the pain to stop and the sooner I realized my life with her was over the better off I was going to be.

I needed to realize and accept that I was alone. I was always alone, and I was always going to be alone.

The elevator came to a stop and the doors opened. Coach and the trainer were standing there.

Coach smiled at me, a beaming smile. "How did it go kiddo?"

I held the brace up dumbly. "It's broken."

I could see something like guilt scratch at his guts. He shook his head. "I'm sorry kiddo."

I stepped off the elevator and started for the room me and the guys shared. "Doesn't matter."

"Hey, we were heading to dinner. The guys are already off to dinner, how about you guys join us?" Coach beamed.

Marsha dove all over the chance to change the subject, "That sounds like a good idea! Gabby, come on!"

I looked at her, a small beam of hope cresting in my mind. Then I realized that everything here was a lie. Every one of them was going to be gone from my life eventually. The storm clouds roared in and smothered me.

I shook my head. "I'm not hungry. I'm tired. I'm just gonna go to the room and try to get some rest."

I didn't see their reactions. I kept my eyes on the floor the entire time.

Karly wrapped herself around my left arm. Leaning into me and pulling me close. She turned to the others, "I'm taking him to my room." Her tone brooked no argument.

I argued anyway. "No. I'll go to the team room. It will be fine there."

She put one nailed finger beneath my chin and forced my eyes up to hers. "No. I am taking you back to my room. You need to get some rest, and you need it to be quiet. Understood?"

I looked at the others and saw a smug smile on Joshua's face, a beaming grin on Marsha's. Coach just looked at the two parents with an 'are you okay with this look?'.

Joshua looked at coach. "I think Karly's right. He probably doesn't need to be around a bunch of roughhousing teenagers right now. He needs some peace and quiet." He raised an eyebrow. "You okay with that coach?"

Coach put his hands on his hips and nodded. "Yeah, I'm okay with that, in fact I was considering going down and seeing if I couldn't get another room for him so he could get some rest."

Joshua clapped his hands, "Settled then."

Marsha leaned in and put her hand on Karly's arm. "We'll send some dinner from the hotel restaurant up for you two, okay?"

Karly nodded, "Thanks mom."

I interrupted the moment, "Nothing for me. I'm not hungry."

The truth was I was starving, but I had already burdened these people enough, and I refused to ask for anything more...

Marsha leaned in, wrapped her arms around me and kissed me on the forehead. "I know things look rough right now kiddo, but they'll work out. You'll see."

I closed my eyes and accepted the hug and the kiss. I didn't want them, but I needed them. I really didn't want, didn't like the fact, that I needed them.

Tears burned at my eyes and all I could say was, "Thanks Mrs. Kay."

She smiled at my faux pau. She usually got mad at me when I called her Mrs. Kay. She put her hand on my cheek. "I love you Gabby. You're a good kid."

I closed my eyes to keep the tears in, shaking my head. My face started to crumple. "No, I'm not." I forced my eyes open and tears shot down my face. "It's nice of you to say though."

She gave me a disapproving momma bear face.

Karly pulled me towards her room. "Come on big guy. Let's get you into a bed and get you some rest."

She turned to her family, "Send up a bunch of food, okay? I'm sure he's starving."

Marsha nodded, "We're on it."

Once again... I was a burden...

Karly let me into her room and made me go over and lay on her bed. I laid on my side, curled up on the edge of her bed.

She crouched down in front of me, her lips hot and warm on mine. She was extremely careful of my hand. "I love you, teddy bear." She whispered.

I felt my love for her surge up and threated to pull me under. I loved her so much!

And I was going to lose her.

All because of a stupid broken bone.

Tears pressed to my eyes and I could contain them no more...

She wrapped her arms around me and all I could do was sob. A darkness descended on my mind that I had experienced only a few times in my entire life. My world was crashing to an end, and all I could do was sit in this wonderful woman's arms and cry about it...

She pushed me back on the bed and climbed up with me, pulling my head in to her lap as I sobbed like a child. I was going to lose her and all I could do about it was cling to her like a piece of flotsam in the ocean. She wrapped her arms round me and rocked me, making soothing sounds. "It's okay baby boy."

I clung to her tighter. "No, it's not. I'm going to lose you now. You're going to go away and I won't be able to follow you."

"What?!" She said in surprise.

She leaned over and turned on the lamp on the stand beside us, forcing my head around to look at her.

She looked really pissed...

"Is that what's going through that stupid head of yours?" she asked.

I looked at her, tears in my eyes and nodded my head. "I needed those scholarships, so we could pick a school together. So, we could start a life together."

She forced me to move and slid in next to me. Her mouth pressed to mine, hot and wet. He tongue slipped into my mouth as she pressed the length of my body to hers.

I wanted so much to be sad then, but the feel of her body against mine was so intoxicating I could do nothing but pull her to me and kiss her for everything I was worth. She was laying across my outstretched right arm, pulled tight into my body so as to avoid my right hand. There was pain there, but nothing close to the pleasure I felt with her pressed so close to me. I was in heaven...

She was panting, I was panting. Her hands found their way beneath my sweatshirt...

I wrapped my right arm around her and pulled her deeper into our kiss. My hand screamed in pain but I didn't care. She felt too good and too right for me to notice something as trivial as pain right then.

Her hand ran up my flank and she pulled out of our kiss. "If you think I'm letting you get away from me you're fucking stupid." She panted into my mouth between kisses. "You are mine. We'll find a school together we can both afford."

I pulled her to me and kissed her for all I was worth. She was the beginning and ending of my world right then. I needed her, not sexually, I just needed her in my arms.

"Or we'll stay here. I can move into your little apartment." More kisses.

"I can go to the local college." Her hand slid down the front of my body.

I ran my clumsy left hand over her ass and settled it on the button of her jeans, fumbling with it as she kissed me harder and harder.

"You can work for my dad if you have to." I had gotten the button free and was immensely proud of myself for it.

"You and I will have a life together..." She whispered as her hand dipped beneath my singlet and into my sweats, wrapping firmly around me as she began to stroke me.

My heart pounded and with each beat a spike of pain drove through my traitorous hand. The pleasure of her hand was far more powerful however...

"I love you so much baby girl." I panted as she stroked me. "I need you right now."

I was trying to fumble with her pants with my left hand, and while I had managed to pull them down a bit I hadn't gotten very far.

She turned feral. She kicked her shoes off and breaking from our kiss pulled her pants away.

Like that, I was on my back. She pulled my sweats down far enough for me to spring free and like that she was on me.

I entered her in one smooth stroke. Her mouth was on mine like a thing possessed. My world was filled with a white light full of pleasure so intense I was reduced to base instinct. We communicated through movement of bodies, two things possessed, entwined and joined.

She moved faster and faster on me, never once breaking from our kiss as she moaned, filled with animal need at our coupling.

In that moment, I forgot about my hand. I forgot about the pain. I forgot about everything but my Karly.

I loved this woman, and I was going to let nothing stand in the way of us being together. Nothing.

Chapter 11

We lay tangled together afterwards. She was pillowed on my left side. She usually laid on my right. It felt weird, but I was glad to have her in my arms. It made things feel somehow all right again. Like the world had been put back on its axis. Sleep pulled at me.

She laid a kiss on my jaw. "I love you so much you big ol' teddy bear."

I closed my eyes and pushed my face into hers. Everything felt okay with her so near. I knew they weren't okay though. Wheels had been put into motion. The world spun on and we had plans to make.

"I love you too kiddo." I murmured to her.

She rolled on my chest and pulled me close. "Better now?" she asked.

I nuzzled her again, sighing. "Better. Still not fixed though."

She ran her nose up the side of my face. "Want me to make you forget again?"

I chuckled and kissed her nose.

The food her parents sent up chose that inopportune moment to arrive...

She jumped out of the bed, sending a wave of pain through my hand. I hissed and she apologized.

There was another knock at the door and she yelled, "Just a second!"

I used my worthless left hand to pull my pants up as she grabbed her pants and threw them on hurriedly.

She went to the door and they wheeled in one of those honest to god carts full of food...

It was enough to feed the entire team!

Karly signed the slip of paper they gave her and sent the guy who had brought the food on his way. She grabbed food, made me sit up in the bed and started trying to ply me with treats. I was starving, but once again, I was having to mooch off of people. I was getting really tired of not being able to pay my own way in the world...

She looked up at me midbite. "What's going through that dumbass head of yours now?"

I smiled at her. It was uncanny how many times she saw straight through to the heart of me. I held up a fry. "Tired of feeling like a freeloader."

She shook her head and crawled closer to me. She ended up next to me on the bed, her leg against mine, her side to me. She laid her head on my shoulder. "I love you. Even if you are a bit slow sometimes."

I put the fry in my mouth and chewed. The food was delicious, but somehow it was like paste in my mouth. I looked at her with sad eyes.

She smiled at me. "You're not a freeloader. My parents are good to you because they love you."

I shook my head at her. "Your parents are good to me because they love you."

I thought about that for a minute and decided that I was happy with that. I would give anything for her to be happy, and I was glad that she had those two, perfect people in her life to watch out for her.

She stole a fry off of my plate, "Well, yeah. They love me too..." She kissed my lips. "But they also love you."

I shrugged. It didn't matter.

She hit me in the face with a chicken strip.

"Stop feeling sorry for yourself." She warned me.

I couldn't help but laugh. I shook my head at her.

She took a bite out of the chicken, looking at me as she chewed. "You want to be happy?"

I looked at her, waiting for her moment of insight.

"Stop thinking so much."

I raised my eyebrows at her. "Really?"

She took another bite. "Yep. Every once in a while, live in the moment."

I gave her an 'are you kidding me' look. She laughed and held her chicken strip up menacingly again.

"Not all the time. Just every once in a while." She gestured to the food. "Look at what's in front of you and stop thinking about what you don't have, or what something is going to cost." She held the chicken strip out to me, offering me a bite.

"Sometimes, you just have to sit back and enjoy the chicken strip."

I laughed at her goofy mind...

Sometimes you just have to sit back and enjoy the chicken strip...

I nodded at her. "Sounds pretty smart, all wise one."

She sat up straight, preening. "Thus, sayeth Karly the wise."

I smiled at her. "More like Karly the wise-ass!" I screamed as I snatched the chicken strip from her hand and stuffed it into my mouth.

She feigned outrage as she dove at me. "You son of a bitch! That was my life changing chicken strip!"

We landed and I did what came naturally, I tried to use my hand to break my fall. My right hand...

Pain lanced through me. I screamed like a little girl.

Karly grabbed me and pulled me close to her, laughing while she tried to sooth me. "I'm sorry baby." She muttered as she pulled me close and started to smother my face with play kisses.

"Too rough!" I trumpeted. "You're like a big stupid puppy with a toy!"

She giggled as she pulled me close and kissed my neck. She barked like a small dog...

I love this girl...

Chapter 12

The next day found me sitting in the bleachers, trying to work up the good nature to cheer my team mates on. I was in a lousy mood. The pain in my arm was killing me, and I was seriously down at not being in the tournament anymore. I made Karly get off her ass and go take stats. That was why she was here, and I wanted her to do her part for the team.

That left me to sit and stew. I was freaked out about my future. I know Karly didn't want me to worry, but I still did.

During one of the match breaks Karly found me sitting in the bleachers, trying to use my left hand to fill out my Varsity Letter form. Coach had this process everyone had to use to get their Varsity Letter. You had to fill out this form, tabulate how many wins you had, how many losses, how many practices you had missed. At the end, each thing was given a point value and if you got more than a certain number of points you got a letter. If you didn't get that number of points, or if you didn't turn your form in, you didn't get your letter.

It was incredibly awkward to try to write with my left hand...

I didn't know why. I was pretty ambidextrous in most things. I could wrestle with either a left hand or right-hand stance. I could come out of either a left or a right football stance. Hell, I could even box with a left handers stance.

Writing was not one of those things that came naturally to me left handed...

I kept dropping the pencil, and my writing looked like a first grader. It was embarrassing.

I hissed as I dropped the pencil again and Karly leaned over and checked out what I was doing. "Do you want me to help?"

I looked at her and shook my head. Finally, I decided her cheek needed a good kissing and leaned over and nipped her on the cheek. She giggled and leaned into me playfully.