For the Love of My Brother

I wasn't confused about his parting words, or the fact that he'd been so rough after I denied him my virginity. I was confused about everything that happened before. He let me touch him, he listened to me, he was gentle. Now that didn't make any fucking sense.

He was probably just trying to convince me to let him fuck me. That was really the only logical explanation.

I sighed, and grabbed my shirt off the floor. I pulled it on and tucked my dick back into my pants before cautiously walking out of the forest. Chad was waiting for me by the kayak. He didn't say anything to me as I climbed into it. He didn't say anything all the way back to the cabin. He was sulking. I had denied him something that he wanted. It made me feel sort of powerful, in a way. But really, how long could I keep that up?

***

The forest felt like more my home than any other place I'd ever been. It was safe and warm. It was a place where nothing bad ever happened. Nothing bad could ever happen. It was pure, as pure as the white flowers that grew in our meadow.

I left to go to our meadow around one. I stayed there, by myself for the rest of the day. I wanted to draw, uninterrupted. It was our last full day at the cabin. Tomorrow night we'd be going home.

I'd be losing more than the peace when I left. I'd be saying goodbye to my brother. The brother that I was so madly in love with, that would never love me back. I would be saying goodbye to my childhood, I'd have to face the scary world of being a grown-up. I would be on my own, for the most part. It was terrifying. I'd need to come out eventually. I'd need to decide what I wanted to spend the rest of my life doing. Both of these things, if I was being very honest, could cause my family distress. But maybe that didn't matter.

I drew Chad's sleeping frame. He looked so peaceful, so incredibly kind. He's beautiful.

It got me to thinking. Chad wanted to have sex with me. I wanted to have sex with him. But... not like this. I wanted him to love me. I wanted him to be gentle and sweet and I wanted him to make love to me. I wanted it to be like the movies, where everything goes according to plan and everything's tender.

But maybe, beggars can't be choosers. If I don't sleep with Chad, when will I have a chance to sleep with someone that I love? Not for a few years at least, not until I move out. And I may never have this chance again.

It's all too confusing!

Maybe I'll just decide in the moment. I'll do what feels right in the moment, and not plan it too much. Maybe we'll have sex and maybe we won't.

God, I wish things were simpler. I wish I knew what I wanted. I know what Chad wants, that's easy enough.

I watched the sun begin to set above the trees. The blue sky turned purple and red, and I packed up my sketchbook and headed out of our meadow. I wasn't worried about being lost, I'd hiked this way hundreds of times. I could probably walk it blindfolded.

I made it back to the cabin just as the sun disappeared over the lake.

"Oh, sweetie, you made it! Come on, you're father and brother are already at the beach." My mother said when she saw me. She was carrying a bag of marshmallows.

"Bonfire?" I asked, following her.

"Mm hm." She said cheerfully.

It was cool outside, but it wasn't freezing, perfect temperature for a fire. My father already had the flames going when I got down to the beach, and Chad was sitting on a log, sipping a beer. My father sat down beside him and Chad handed him a Budweiser.

I sat down on the log opposite Chad. I felt very alone, because Mom sat down next to Dad instead of me. I bit my lip, observing them.

Without me, they looked like the perfect family. Everyone loved each other, they were all attractive in their own respect. They were perfect, they did everything right. I sighed and looked out at the calm water of the lake.

Everyone was chatting, but I tuned it out. I roasted a couple marshmallows, most of them turned out golden brown. One caught fire, and Chad laughed. But it wasn't a mocking laugh, it was more like he was laughing at the situation, rather than me. And that felt kind of nice.

After a while, my father let out a big yawn. I think it might've been fake. In fact, I was pretty sure it was.

"Gosh, I'm tired. Let's go to bed, darling." My father said, looking at Mom. She nodded and feigned a yawn.

"You boys should think about heading to bed too." My mother said as she started walking up the beach. My father grabbed the cooler, but Chad stopped him.

"Leave the beer, Dad." Chad said with a grin. My father raised his eyebrow.

"Alright. But don't give any to Dylan. He's not legal yet." He said, walking up towards the cabin. He put his arm around my mother's waist and they quickly faded into the night. Chad and I sat in silence for a few minutes.

"Do you want me to leave?" I asked, looking at him. He smiled at me.

"No. Come here." He said, patting the log beside him. I blushed and moved to sit beside him. He offered his beer to me.

"Want a sip? I won't tell." Chad said. I could smell the alcohol on his breath. I hadn't been watching how many beers he was having, but just based on the fact alone that he was being nice, one could assume that it was a good amount.

"No thanks." I said. I'd tried it a few times, but was never a fan. I preferred sobriety. Chad shrugged and chugged the rest of it.

We sat in silence again.

"You used to fantasize about me, didn't you? When we were kids. You still do, but you did back then, didn't you?"

I blushed again. God, I didn't want to have this conversation.

"Yeah." I admitted sheepishly. I wouldn't tell him anymore than that.

"You like my body." Chad said quietly. I didn't know if it was a question or a statement.

"Yes." I breathed.

"Touch me." He said. He was staring into the fire, not looking at me.

"Where?"

"Wherever you want."

I gulped, surveying his body. I slowly outreached my hand, giving him more than enough time to stop me. But he didn't. I rested my hand on his shoulder, and ran it down his arms, feeling his big flexing muscles. He was so manly. For a twenty-three year old, he felt more muscular than one might expect.

"What do you like about my body?" Chad asked. He seemed so relaxed, letting me touch him like this.

"Everything."

Chad chuckled softly.

"Do you like my muscles?"

"Yes." My hand moved to his chest. He leaned back slightly, allowing me more easily to explore his torso.

"You know," he looked at me, "I use these muscles to beat you up."

"I know." I met his eyes. I was feeling anxious, like something bad was about to happen. He leaned in really close.

"Masochist." He murmured softly.

"I guess I am." I breathed. Chad gave me a small smile, and looked at me for a few more seconds. His hand came up, and I flinched, but he only gently cupped my cheek. He leaned in and finally, he pressed his lips against mine.

I felt like I'd been set ablaze. I could feel energy flowing from my lips down my spine, coursing through every vein. It was a slow, passionate kiss. His lips moved with mine, my bottom lip between his. His tongue licked at my lips, but he didn't force it into my mouth. After a few moments, I opened my lips slightly, and our tongues met.

We both pulled away reluctantly.

"That was your first kiss, wasn't it?" Chad asked. He still held my face in his hand.

"Yeah." I said. I could feel my cheeks flushing. I was tomato red. I felt like my heart was going to explode, I felt so incredibly wonderful.

"That was my first time kissing a boy." Chad said quietly.

"It's not at all like kissing a girl." I looked down at the sand.

"Do you wish it was the same?"

"No," Chad laughed, "that's the weird part."

He pulled my face to his again. This kiss was just as passionate as the first. We didn't waste time before letting our tongues explore each other though. I could feel Chad sucking on my tongue, and I knew I was getting flustered. I could feel my cock growing, pressing against my shorts. I wondered if he was hard too.

Chad's hands moved down my back, and he inched closer to me. He held me against him, and his hands roamed my body. This was all new. He'd never touched me like this before. I followed his lead and let my hands explore his arms once more.

"Dill, can I ask you something?" Chad asked, breaking away from the kiss. He pressed his lips against my cheek a few times.

"Yeah." My hands moved to his hair, and I explored the blonde tresses. His hair was so soft.

"Is it pleasurable to give a blow job? Do you enjoy it?" Chad asked. I was surprised.

"I like giving you pleasure." I responded, looking into his searching eyes.

"Yeah, but do you enjoy it? Does it make you feel good?"

"Yeah Chad." I said. He stared into my eyes, but his hand explored my body. He finally reached my shorts and ran his hand over my erection. I moaned softly, in both surprise and pleasure.

"Do you want me to make you feel good, Dylan?"

I whimpered. His hand rubbed my cock slowly as he waited for me to answer. I nodded.

"Say it." He breathed. It wasn't authoritative, but rather like he was begging me.

"I want you to-" He cut me off, pressing his free hand to my mouth.

"Tell me that you want your big brother to suck your cock." He said. He moved his hand from my mouth.

"I want my big brother to suck my cock. Please, Chad." I begged quietly. Chad closed his eyes for a moment, as if he was basking in my words. He opened his eyes and smiled at me, before kissing me again.

I felt like I had died and gone to Heaven. Fuck, maybe I have. Maybe I'm dead. Maybe I'm dreaming. I don't care as long as it doesn't stop.

Chad slid off the log and moved onto his knees in front of me. I kept my eyes glued to him. He looked up at me, and popped the button on my shorts. He teasingly pulled down the zipper, grinning at me as I squirmed beneath him. God, I wanted him to go faster.

My heart felt like it was going a 150 beats per minute. I was sweating already. This was the most excited I could ever remember being, and the most nervous. I didn't know what being had taken over Chad's body, but I was in no position to question it. The man of my dreams was on his knees in front of me.

His hand gripped my cock, and I let out a quiet whimper. My older brother was touching my cock. Chad pulled it out from my shorts, and looked up at me. He stroked it a few times, feeling the girth, the length. My hands were gripping the log beneath me, I could feel slivers of wood getting in under my nails.

"I've never done this before." Chad said, continuing to massage my dick.

"I-I know." I gasped. God, it felt so good and he was hardly doing anything. But I'd been dreaming of this for years. And it's not like he was just stroking my dick, but he was being kind, loving even.

Chad leaned closer and licked his lips apprehensively. I watched, excited and anxious as he finally enveloped my cock between his full, pink, lips. I moaned immediately, as the warm wetness of his mouth encompassed my prick.

"Mm." Chad hummed softly as he bobbed his head down on me. He wasn't going very deep, he was only taking maybe three or four inches. Fuck, like I cared. My big brother was sucking my cock.

"Oh Chad, that feels so good." I breathed. He moaned around my cock, and I cautiously moved my hands to his hair. He didn't seem to mind, so I let my fingers tangle in his silky blonde hair. I didn't guide him on my cock though, didn't force him. I wanted this to be comfortable for him too.

"Is your big brother making you feel good, Dylan?" Chad asked, coming off of me.

"Oh yeah." I breathed, looking down at him. Chad stood slightly, his hand was still stroking my dick, but he leaned up to kiss me again. I held his face against mine, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Chad, please, please keep going." I begged when we finally broke apart. Chad obeyed and sunk down to his knees again.

He began blowing me again. His saliva was running down my shaft, but it was warm and it felt so good. He choked on me a little, but I wasn't forcing him down and he was going only as far as he felt comfortable, which was totally fine with me. He hadn't been going at it for more than five minutes and I felt like I was ready to explode.

I was squirming against the log. My breathing was shallow, sweat was forming at my hairline. God, I was so fucking close.

"Is my little brother going to cum in my mouth?" Chad asked, looking up at me.

"You'll let me?" I asked, shocked. Chad chuckled and nodded, taking my cock between his lips once more.

"Oh, oh fuck Chad." I moaned. My fingers tightened in his hair, my hips bucked up into his mouth. He didn't fight me though and let me fuck his mouth.

"Oh, oh, yes! Yes!" I groaned, as I reached my peak. I came in his mouth. It felt like the orgasm was a long one, but I couldn't really tell. Chad choked a little as I pumped and filled his mouth with my warm cream. When I finally released his hair, he came off my dick panting. His face was red and a little bit of my seed spilled from his mouth and down his chin. He wiped it away with the back of his hand, before licking it off.

"Wow." I said between breaths. Chad smiled at me.

"That was fun." He said, standing up to kiss me again. I kissed him back passionately, pulling his body closer still to mine.

Chad whimpered, pulling away from me slightly. He quickly unbuttoned his shorts and pulled his cock out.

"Sit back a little." Chad said. I inched back so more of my thighs were resting on the log. Chad climbed on top of me, so we were facing. His cock was standing erect between us, his face was just a few inches higher than mine - because he was so much taller than me. I wrapped my arms around him once more and kissed him. Chad was stroking his cock quickly between us.

"Do you want me to-" I began.

"No, I just want to feel your body," Chad said, "close to mine. Stay like this."

I nodded. My hands travelled under his shirt and I explored his torso and his back. Chad rested his face into the crook of my neck, and his warm breath danced across my collar. With his free hand, he pushed my shirt up and he ran his hand across my skin, feeling me.

"Uhh," Chad whimpered, holding me closer to him, "Dylan, tell me, tell me how long you've wanted this."

"I've wanted this since we were kids. I've always wanted to be with you." I said.

"What did you fantasize about? What did you want me to do to you?" Chad asked. I smirked.

"I wanted you to fuck me. I wanted you to show me how much you love me. I wanted to feel my big brother's cock deep inside my ass." I said. I knew it was what he wanted, needed to hear. Chad groaned quietly, and I could tell he was getting close to his own release.

Maybe I wasn't just talking though. I had fantasized about having sex with him for a long time. And he was being so loving and so gentle. Maybe tomorrow...

"Do you want to feel my load inside you?" Chad asked.

"Yeah Chad. I want to feel your hot seed fill my ass. I want you to mark me as your fucking territory."

"Fuck." Chad groaned. He came. His body twitched on mine, I could feel streams of his load hit my t-shirt. I'm sure some got on him too. He was panting into my neck and I just held him, letting him ride it all out.

When he was finished, we just sat there for a while, holding each other. I rested my head against his. I could feel my eyes getting heavy.

"Are you falling asleep on me?" Chad asked.

"Yeah." I replied sleepily. Chad chuckled and climbed off me.

"C'mon. I'll carry you up to the cabin. The fire's going out anyway."

Chad picked me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist and buried my face in his chest. One of his arms went under my ass to support me, the other wrapped around my back.

"Hey, Dylan, can I sleep in your bed tonight?"

"Course... can I have the wall side?"

"Of course."

I was asleep before we made it back to the cabin.

***

When I woke up, Chad's arm was wrapped around my torso and my head was resting on his smooth chest. I grinned. What a wonderful way to wake up. I looked up at him, but his eyes were still closed. He must still be asleep.

I kissed his chest, then trailed my lips upwards towards his neck, leaning over him. He opened his eyes slowly, then blinked a few times in confusion.

"Morning." I murmured, pressing my lips to his in a soft peck.

"Morning." He said awkwardly, gingerly removing his arm from around my back.

"I really enjoyed last night." I said nervously. His eyebrows scrunched up and he looked past me, trying to remember what had happened.

"Did I blow you or was that just a dream?" His brown eyes stared into mine. I gave him a shy smile.

"No it, it happened." I said. Chad stared at me, aghast.

"But it-it got me thinking. I know you want to...have sex with me and I mean last night was wonderful. If it was something you still wanted to do... we could." I said. I said the word sex in a hushed tone, like I was a pre-teen or something. But still, I got my point across. Chad's open mouth slowly turned into a grin.

"Really?"

"Well, yeah, if you still want to."

He nodded. I smiled and leaned down to kiss him, but he pulled away just as my lips touched his.

"Not here. We can't do it here."

"You want to wait until we get home?" I asked.

"No I just... hmm. Get dressed, I'll get dressed. We can go for a walk or a drive or something. Go somewhere more private." Chad said. I grinned.

"Okay." I said, leaning down to kiss him again. He put his hand over my mouth and looked at me seriously.

"Not. Here." He said sternly. I nodded, blushing.

"Get dressed."

I climbed off of him and began pulling my clothes on hurriedly. I was filled with nervous energy. But I couldn't stop thinking about last night, how gentle he'd been. God, it was amazing. Maybe this is the right decision. Letting him take my virginity- no, giving it to him, willingly.

"Let's go." Chad said as soon as I had pulled my socks on. He'd gotten dressed even faster than I had, he must be really excited. I nodded and followed him out of the room. I made sure to grab my backpack though. I had my sketchbook in it and I knew I'd want to draw him afterwards.

"Where are you two headed?" Our father asked, as Chad and I tugged our boots on.

"We're going for a hike." Chad said quickly. He grabbed his backpack and slung it on.

"Alright. Don't be out too late. We're leaving at sunset, okay?" Our father said. We both nodded and headed eagerly out the door.

"Where are we going Chad?" Chad was speed walking in front of me, and I felt out of breath following after his rushed pace.

"Keep up." He said, ignoring my question and leading me into the woods. I caught up with him and took his hand in mine, but dropping it when he gave me a reproachful look. Maybe we weren't deep enough into the woods yet.

The birds sung cheerily in the trees. There was a little wind, flitting through the trees, cooling me as we ventured deeper into the woods. It was really a perfect day. And I was glad I'd have my first time here, in the woods that I loved so much, with the person that I loved the most.

I wasn't really paying too much attention to where we were going, just let my brother lead the way. He didn't wait for me, and as such he was always at least two steps in front of me. He was rushing. It made me feel both flattered and a little disappointed. I was glad that he was so excited, but it would have been more romantic if we took our time, and walked together. But that's alright. We'd have plenty of time to be together soon. And maybe once we got back he'd want me to come over to his apartment every now and then. The idea made me giddy.