For the Love of Shawna

"Um so did you find out what's happening with your dad?" asked Joshua trying to change the subject.

"Not yet. He still hasn't come home. Mom wasn't home today, either, so I don't know if she's found out anything or not. I'll let you know when I find out for sure, but I think he found out that mom is seeing someone else."

"You really think she's doing that?"

"All the signs seem to fit. You've seen her come home late with her clothes all out of place and her hair torn up. That almost screams that she was having sex."

"Maybe," said Joshua. "Just, don't call her on it until you have actual proof, okay? She might be doing something completely innocent."

"Like what?" asked Shawna.

"Like going to the gym so that she can work out so she looks her best for your dad. Just give both of them a chance, okay?"

"Sure," she answered dejectedly.

Tuesday morning, Shawna rode to school with Joshua. As he drove, they talked again about her father. She was really worried, now, as he still had not come home.

Tuesday was also the day the papers came in the mail. They were from Bill's regular attorneys stating his case for divorce and included pictures he had taken on Saturday. The scream from Carol could be heard through Joshua's closed bedroom window. He quickly sent a text asking if he should come over and help with whatever was wrong.

"Not needed," Shawna replied. "Everything will be fine here. Fill you in later."

Wednesday morning, all that she would say was that she would talk to him about it after school when there was more time

So it was that Wednesday evening, Shawna was again in Joshua's room. She looked like she hadn't slept all week."Damn, I'm glad you came back, Josh," she exclaimed. "I don't think I could make it through this without you."

"I'll always be here for you, Shawna."

"Well, it's official. Dad is suing for divorce. You remember when he checked his phone when we were done burying Boots?"

"Yeah."

"He was using his phone to track where mom was that she couldn't be there. I guess he went to where ever she was and caught her with the guy. He got pictures, even. Josh, they were horrible. Mom with this guy, both of them completely naked and he had his cock inside her pussy fucking her for all he was worth. You could make out the details quite easily."

"I'm sorry to hear that. Have you talked with your dad yet?"

"Yeah. I called him today during lunch. He's staying in a motel for now. I asked him if he thought I should move out and stay with him, but he said it would probably be better if I stayed with mom. He said it wouldn't look good if I joined him as there is only one bed in the room. I know he's right, but I still hurt."

"Listen," Joshua said. "He's not rejecting you. He still loves you and I'm sure that there will be times when you will see each other. Don't take it to heart."

"I know," she replied. "It's just everything is piling up at once."

Thursday was when Carol told Shawna that her boyfriend, Steve, would be at the house on Sunday to meet her and that he would be staying there afterwards. There was to be no argument from her about it, so that evening Joshua held her as she used his shoulder to dry her tears. It was easy to see that she was not sleeping very well and the whole mess was taking its toll on her.

Then came Friday. The next day was Joshua's birthday, and he had a feeling it was going to be one of the worst he had ever had. Neither his seventeenth nor his eighteenth had been spectacular, only his parents and he celebrating, but with Shawna so upset about her parents, this one looked to be even worse. But they still had to get through this day, and it seemed that it was going to be just as bad as it could be.

Carol had been packing up most of Bills things and since the teens had a day off from school, she decided to use them to help her deliver some of the stuff to the motel that he was staying at.

They had quite a few boxes of mostly clothes for him in the car and drove the few miles to the motel. Once there, Carol let Shawna knock on the door and the three waited for him to answer. Seconds later he opened the door wearing a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt. "Shawna!" he exclaimed giving her hug. "How's it going, Josh?" Then he saw his wife. "Carol," he said in a more subdued voice.

"Yeah," spat Carol. "Hello to you, too, shithead."

"Mom!"

"Oh, don't 'mom' me. Ask him how he can leave us like this. Ask him how many woman he's fucked over the years and I never said a damn thing."

"None, Carol," Bill answered. "I have never been unfaithful to you at any time. Even now when we're at the end I'm not doing anything like that."

"Of course you aren't, now. You can't even get it up, can you, limp dick?"

"Mom! That's enough!"

"I'll wait in the car," she said finally. "Your still a wimpy limp dicked shithead, ass wipe, mother fucker."

"Out, mom!" Shawna yelled. "Now!"

Once she left, Shawna apologized to her dad as she and Joshua moved the boxes into the room.

"It's alright, sweetie," he said. "She's not been herself since this whole thing started. I think that was a few months ago, and I don't know how or why. Somehow I think that deep down she knows that something is wrong. She just doesn't want to admit it. I'm willing to bet that when it happened she didn't start out to try to find someone else. Maybe she'll actually figure out what's wrong and come back to reality some day. In the mean time, you'll have to be patient with her.

"Alright, dad. But it isn't easy. I don't like the way things are going with her. Did you know that she's bringing her boyfriend to live with us after Sunday?"

"No, I hadn't heard about that," he answered. "Still, she is your mother, and you have to be there for her."

"Sure," Shawna said weakly.

"Josh, you take care of my little girl, will you?"

"As much as she'll let me, sir."

The ride back was much different than the ride there. The ride there was quiet. The ride back, anything but.

"Stupid bastard," spat Carol. "He thinks he can blame me for everything."

"Mom, please," begged Shawna.

"Shithead won't take any of the blame himself, of course. Won't say a word about his own dicking around"

"Enough, mom!"

"Did you know he got me pregnant before we were married? That was the only fucking reason he married me, you know. And what kind of name is Taylor anyway? As if he would even think that he might know something about using a needle and thread.

"Fuck, mom," Shawna finally yelled. "You heard him yourself just now. He said that he has always been faithful to you. I've listened to him for months asking you for sex, and you always turn him down. He's always home on time and the only time he's out at night is when he's out with you. And he does know how to use a needle and thread, because he had to when he was in college before you two even knew each other. He's even used them to help repair some things of mine for school plays and stuff. So I don't want to hear it anymore, okay?"

"Well, at least I won't have to put up with that name for much longer, that's for damn sure," Carol spouted as she turned in the drive and stopped the car.

Shawna was very close to tears now as she tore the door open. "Thanks a lot, mom," she spat then slammed the door.

"What the fuck is her problem?"

"Are you really that oblivious or are you just that much of a bitch?" Joshua said. "Shit! Don't you have any concerns about anyone else's feelings? Boots died a week ago, and where were you? Were you out screwing your boyfriend? We know that's where you were last Saturday when we buried him, because that's when you got caught in the act of fucking him by your husband. Then Monday, Shawna broke up with Bobby. Did you even know that? He was fucking a girl at school because Shawna wouldn't let him fuck her. But where were you? Not home, that's for damn sure. Right now, your daughter feels the pain of the loss of her pet, feels rejected by her father because he told her to stay with you, rejected by her ex-boyfriend, and now rejected by you while you tell her how glad you'll be to get rid of the same last name that she has. Damn nice of you Mrs. T. Oh! Excuse me. I guess I should call you Ms. Reese, huh?"

Joshua quickly moved out of the car and shut the door. He looked at where Shawna's room was, then took out his phone. "I know you want to be alone, but when you're ready, please come over to my house and get me," he wrote. "You shouldn't be alone too much at a time like this. I will always be here for you. I love you. Joshua." After sending the text, he walked on to his house. Carol had not left her car yet when he left.

"Hey, Josh," Shawna said dejectedly as she entered his room half an hour later.

He quickly stood and pulled her into a hug. "Are you alright?" he asked. "I'm sorry that your mom acted that way."

"Not your fault. She's been acting like a bitch for about two months now anyway. I'll live. I think she went to be with him again tonight. She sent me a text telling me to ask you if I could eat here because she had something to do. Yeah," she spat. "she had to get her fix of her boyfriend's cock."

"Shit. I'm sorry, Shawna. Let me go to tell mom that you're going to be eating here then we can talk."

Joshua didn't take long in telling Jessica that Shawna was staying for dinner and he was back in the room. I'm a little worried about you, Shawna," he said. "You haven't been sleeping well, have you?"

"Would you?"

"No, I suppose not. But you need rest. Will you try to get sleep tonight.?"

"Trying is easy" she said. "Succeeding isn't. I'm scared of what's happening. Dad is off in a motel, and Mom is acting like a dirty slut. I don't know what to make of it all. Where am I at the end of it all?"

" You can be wherever you feel the most loved. You will always be welcome here, you know. My parents would welcome you into this house as easily as if you were born here."

"That's sweet of you, but I think I'll have to work this out on my own for now."

"Um, question. What was the deal with the needle and thread?"

"What?"

"Your mom said something about your dad not knowing about a needle and thread."

"Oh. The name Taylor came about because somewhere way back in our ancestry, someone was a tailor. I know. It's not spelled the same, but that's how it started just the same."

"Oh," replied Joshua. "I guess I should have been able to figure that one out on my own."

"No problem. If you're not in on it, there isn't any reason you should know."

Dinner was called at that time, and the two went to the kitchen. The conversation went normally from there, Shawna hiding her mixed up emotions.

As the teens headed back to Joshua's room, his mom pulled him aside quickly. "Is Shawna alright?" she asked. "She has a bit of a haggard look to her."

"Another time, mom," he answered simply.

They talked as Joshua worked on a machine from Bailey and Carter. Shawna unloaded her feelings about things to him completely. "I feel like I'm being abandoned," she said. "If I stay with mom, I'll feel like I'm being in the way. She'll probably be all over this Steve character, and I'll be in their way when they want to be fucking each other's brains out in the middle of the day. Dad doesn't want me to stay with him because there's not enough room. I feel like I'm in the way everywhere I go. It's like neither of them know I'm even around, anymore." She yawned as she finished.

"You will never be in the way here, Shawna," Joshua said. "If you need to get away for a while, just come over here, and you will find that you are always welcome. Mom and dad both like you and they will treat you like you are their own daughter even if I'm out of the house at work."

"They are great," she said sleepily. I wish I knew what to do."

"Just rest for now," Joshua said as she lay on his bed. "Let the pressures of the present problems be someone else's worry for a few hours."

Joshua continued to work quietly on the piece he was repairing as he heard Shawna's breathing deepen into slow, regular breaths. He finished within an hour, but knew that he wouldn't be able to test it without waking the beauty that was finally getting some much needed sleep. He grabbed his sweat pants from his closet and went to the bathroom to clean up a bit and change. Once he was done, he was back in the room watching Shawna as she slept restlessly. He removed her shoes and socks, bunched the covers against her back, gently rolled her over them, pulled them down, rolled her back, then crawled in behind her, drawing her into an embrace before pulling the covers over the both of them and turning off the light next to his bed. He felt her settle down a bit and held her a little tighter, hoping she would find comfort in knowing he was there if she needed him, and drifted off to sleep.

Joshua jerked slightly as he felt himself being shaken awake. He looked up at his mom who simply pointed to her wrist, then made her hands into fists with the thumbs of each extended and pointing upwards then thrust them both towards the ceiling. He understood immediately that she was either silently telling him it was time to get up, or that she was pretending to be in Iraq and saying fuck you twice. He chose to believe the former and quickly threw the covers off, rolling into a sitting position. Jessica's face registered surprise as she noted that he was dressed in his usual sweats and that the jeans that Shawna had worn the night before were still in place. Before she could react further, she turned and quickly exited the room.

Joshua paused to put the covers back around the sleeping girl and gave her a small kiss on her cheek before pulling clothes from his dresser, his shoes off the floor, and moving to the door himself. After a speedy shower and shave, he made his way to the kitchen where his mom was just placing his breakfast on the table.

"Happy birthday, Josh. I don't know why I was surprised that the two of you were still dressed since Shawna is dating Bobby, but I was," she admitted. "I was thinking that the two of you had probably had sex last night."

"She's not with Bobby anymore, mom. But it would have been highly inappropriate for me to have tried something like that last night."

"Did I miss something?"

"You said it yourself last night that she looked, what was the word you used?"

"Haggard."

"Yeah. Haggard," Joshua replied. "That's because she has been losing sleep this last week with everything that is going on right now."

"Okay, obviously, I have missed something here," she said emphasizing the word have. "What's the problem?"

"Last Friday, her cat died."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that."

"Well, her dad and I buried him on Saturday with her there, of course, but Bobby wasn't there. She found out Monday that the reason he wasn't, was because he was with another girl getting laid."

"Oh, dear."

"That's what led to their break-up. But it got worse after that. Her mom wasn't there either, and the reason she wasn't is because she was with some guy named Steve who she was screwing. Her dad found them in the act, got pictures, and the divorce papers arrived in the mail on Tuesday. I'm leaving quite a bit out, but with all that, you can imagine that she would have trouble sleeping. So, last night while we were talking, she finally fell asleep, and I thought it better to let her sleep, seeing she needed it so badly, instead of waking her to have her go home to an uncomfortable house where she would once again not sleep very well."

"You're probably right, Josh," Jessica said. "That was very nice of you. Still, it had to be tempting, didn't it?"

"What?"

"I mean you would have been tempted to have sex with her last night."

"Not really," he replied. "I care too much for her to have been tempted to try that when she's hurting so much. She feels abandon by both of her parents on top of the break-up and the loss of her cat. And the reason that Bobby went to that other girl is because she wouldn't let him fuck her. She's still a virgin."

"Really? That's unusual for a girl her age. I would have thought that that would have made it that much more tempting to you. You would have been her first."

"And she would have been mine. But not like that. Not when she's asleep and unable to protect herself, and not without her wanting to do so, and not with her hurting so badly. It just wouldn't be right."

"No, it wouldn't," Jessica responded. "You were very wise to keep your hands to yourself. But you said it would have been your first, too? What about all those dates you went on when we were living in the apartment?"

"Those weren't dates, mom. I was the go to guy for when a girl needed someone to escort her to something with no ties and no sex. I was the one that everyone knew that the girl would be safe with from hands that roam. Either the girl would ask, or maybe a boyfriend would have me take her out when he had to be away for something else. The only contact I had was to kiss her hand when the night was over, unless I had to dance with her."

Jessica gasped. "Son, were you paid for this?"

"No, mom. Whoever asked me to fill in paid all expenses, but I didn't make money from it."

"That's good. How were you so trustworthy?"

"I was already in love with Shawna, and everyone knew it. I gotta get going, mom. Will you let Shawna sleep as long as she can? She really needs it. I'll call if Carl is going to have me work all day."

"Sure, sweetie. And when she does wake, I'll be sure to feed her a good breakfast and anything else she needs. You can count on me."

"By the way, mom. While I would like to be Shawna's first, and I think it's important that it be made really special for her whoever it is, it's just as important to me, that I be her last."

"That's sweet, Josh. I like that."

At nine thirty the phone rang in the Caldwell home. Jessica rushed to answer it, hoping that it wouldn't wake Shawna. Joshua was the one calling and explained that he had to work the full day but would be home about five thirty or a little after. "Is Shawna up yet?" he asked.

"Not yet. I hope the phone didn't wake her. I'll let her know that you have to be the full day and I'll try to get her to open up with me a little. Maybe I can help."

"Thanks, mom. I hope she'll be alright, but it will take a lot of time."

"Don't worry, kiddo. I'll do anything I can to help her. She's like a part of our family to me, too, you know."

"Yeah, I know. Gotta go, mom. Carl's calling for me."

"Okay. see you when you get home."

As she hung up the phone, she heard the toilet flush in the bathroom and then the water running. Realizing that Shawna was awake, she went into the kitchen and began cooking breakfast for the girl before greeting her.

"Morning, Shawna. Do feel any better?" she asked as the girl came down the hall.

"I slept really well for the first time in days last night," she answered. "I guess Josh told you what's going on, huh."

"Yes, he did. I hope that's okay. You know we all like you here. You are welcome here anytime. And if you need a second pair of ears to vent in, I'll be here for you."

"Thanks, Mrs. C."

"Please call me Jessica," she replied, "Mrs. C is too formal now that you've slept with my son"

"We didn't... um... it's not like..." Shawna blushed.

Jessica laughed. "I know that you didn't do anything, sweetie. It's okay."

Shawna relaxed a little but lowered her eyes. Jessica thought quickly and stepped boldly forward before the girl could react and pulled her into a motherly hug. "We all love you, Shawna. You can talk to me about anything, okay?"

"Thanks, Mrs. ... Jessica."

"How about some breakfast? I got it started already, and we can talk while you eat."

"Sounds great," Shawna replied. "I think I'm going to be alright."