For the Love of Shawna

"I thought Bill would want me to get an abortion, but he already had plans to ask me to marry him, although I didn't know that until last Friday, so he just said 'well, let's get married,' and I called my parents to let them know that in October, I was to be married. I did not tell them I was pregnant.

"Dad was livid. He said that there was no way I was going to get married, that he hadn't even met Bill yet, and he hadn't bothered to come to him to ask him for permission to marry me. For the first time in my life, I yelled back at my father. I told him that whether he liked it or not, we were getting married. We weren't asking for his permission, but would like his blessing by him walking me down the aisle, but if he chose not to show up, then that was his problem, not mine. Then I hung up on him.

"Mom and dad showed up two days later and helped out with a lot of the preparations for the wedding. All the planning and finding caterers and the dress. They were a big help. Then the day finally arrived.

"Mom was with me in the room where I got dressed and she somehow knew that I had you in my belly. She didn't make a big deal of it, but simply turned me to face her and asked the big question. 'When is the baby due?' I tried to worm out of it, but she held me to it, and I finally told her that you were supposed to be born in May. Then she went back to straightening my gown and didn't say anything else about it.

"As she handed me over to dad, she turned to him and said one word: 'May.' I thought dad would disown me, and refuse to walk me to the front of the church, but he just nodded his head and we were soon walking towards the front and Bill. He said his line, then raised the veil from my face." Carol stopped, tears forming in her eyes as she tried to control her emotions. "As he hugged me, he said 'I love you, Carol. Always remember that and if you need me for anything let me know. Bill is a good man, and I'm glad that you have him.' Then he sat down next to my mom and the wedding went on." She once again stopped, tears rolling down her face. "I thought he was going to be mad at me for the pregnancy, but he just chose to love me. That was the kind of man Robert Reese was. He chose to love me."

Once she had calmed herself, she continued. "School was back in session, of course, and both Bill and I were taking classes. All the students came back, including those other three guys that I had been seeing. I told them about Bill and that we were getting married, and my pregnancy. But I still had a wild streak. It didn't matter to me that Bill was marrying me, I still wanted to have fun. So I once again started going out with the three others as well as Bill without his knowledge. While all that was going on, I did have sex with them, once with all three at the same time. There wasn't any chance that they could get me pregnant so I was pretty free with my pussy."

"Mom, do you have to put it that way?"

"I'm sure you have used the term yourself, baby girl."

Shawna blushed. She had used that term just a few hours earlier that morning while talking to Joshua.

"The day for you to arrive finally came. It was a pretty intense labor and I had a few complications, but nothing serious, and you soon made it clear that you wanted out of my body, and out you came. You were beautiful. All messy and kind of wrinkly and a little bloody from me. I fell as deeply in love with you as anyone could be, and it made me really love your father, too. Those three guys I was dating came to see me while I was in the hospital and look at you. I told each one of them that I couldn't be with them anymore, and I never saw any of three again. Not anywhere on campus, even.

"Your grandparents arrived the day after you were born, and dad really took a liking to you. He wouldn't shut up about how cute you were and all the things that he hoped he could do with you as your grandfather." Again Carol teared up. "Their plane crashed on the way back home and both of them died. I wish you could have known them. They were really some of the best when it came down to the brass tacks and I think you would have loved them. I miss them. Perhaps, if they were still around, what happened here wouldn't have. Dad would have seen to it that I didn't mess up any more. Well, maybe. If he knew about it, he would have ripped me a new one, but, most likely, I would have kept the knowledge from him.

"From the time of your birth till the time I met Steve, I never once cheated on your father. I loved him completely. And I still do. We were going to try to have more children, but there was an accident and Bill had to have a vasectomy as part of the operation to make things right. Sex with your father has been and still is absolutely fantastic. I'm telling you this so that you know that the reason that I started doing it with Steve had nothing to do with your father's abilities or his love for me. He has always been there for me, treated me much, much better than I ever deserved, and been great in bed.

`"But, Steve did happen. I don't know why even now. I told you that some of this was going to be hard to hear about. This is one of those parts.

"I met him at the gym he worked at. He was working as a trainer and a masseuse. His hands can work magic on sore muscles, and in very sensuous ways as well. We started doing things a little at a time, but it soon snowballed to a full blown affair. I should have stopped it before it ever got that far, but I didn't. Then there was this last week where everything blew apart.

"When Bill caught us last Saturday, we were in the park. Anyone could have come upon us. I shudder to think what would have happened if we were found by kids. I am actually grateful that it was only your father that caught us. Things went downhill pretty fast, and the next thing you know, I'm thinking that I can have Steve leave his wife and move in here. He wanted to wait till today because of some big deal that he was working on, so that's when I told you that we would all meet today and he would move in. But, Friday happened. Probably the worst day of my life, but also the best.

"I said all those nasty things about Bill. I've told him every word, so he's not hearing anything here that he doesn't know about, except I forgot about Jane. I was taking my anger out on everybody. I didn't mean to, but I did. I know I was being a real bitch, but I just couldn't seem to stop. All those things I said about your dad weren't true. Not one of them. He didn't just marry me because I was pregnant, he had that planned before it had happened. And I know he never cheated on me like I said he did. He is a great person, and I love him. This was all my doing, and I'm the one who has to take the blame for it.

"Joshua was the life saver in this story. When we got back here and you took off out of the car so fast, he stayed behind and gave me all kinds of hell. He yelled at me real good. And while I didn't like being called a bitch, he said what really needed to be said."

"You called my mom a bitch?" Shawna said with surprise.

"I was pretty angry," Joshua replied as his face reddened.

"Anyway, in all that he said, it was obvious that his thoughts were about you and how much I was hurting you. Everything he said was centered on you, Shawna. He told me about Boots and Bobby. I hadn't known about either of those events. I'm sorry about Boots, baby. I should have been here, and I wasn't. But I think that Bobby being gone is for the best.

"There were a lot of things going through my head when he said all those things to me. My thoughts weren't exactly rational, either. The first thing I thought was 'How dare he talk that way to me? It wasn't my fault that I'm getting a divorce. Bill shouldn't have been so quick to marry me. I hadn't been done having fun. It was his fault for getting me pregnant in the first place. If it weren't for getting pregnant with Shawna, I wouldn't have gotten married, so it was also Shawna's fault for being there in my womb. Besides, it was Steve who had made the first move at the gym. If he hadn't put his strong hands on my shoulders, I wouldn't have felt the stirring in my pussy that demanded his cock inside me. Who the fuck does Joshua think he is? And what was that he said about Boots? How was I supposed to know the damn cat died last Friday. That was the day that Steve's wife had had to work late and I hadn't gotten home before Bill. I'd had to rush into the bedroom and on into the shower before they saw me so that I could wash his cum out of my cunt. Shawna and Bobby were broke up? Did that mean Bobby was available? Wait that's not right. I'm supposed to be with Steve now.'"

Shawna let out a gasp.

"Yeah," said Carol. "That last thought really struck me hard. I thought since he was no longer your boyfriend, that meant that Bobby might be available. I actually started to think about getting with him. That woke me up real quick. Then I looked at my eyes, remembering the hurt and anger in yours, and saw all kinds of horrible things in my own. Lust, hurt, guilt, shame. They were all there. I hadn't wanted to admit about that guilt, but I couldn't deny it when I saw it so plainly in my eyes.

"I spent a few minutes raging and blubbering and crying, screaming like a new born baby about what I had done and ruining so much. Then after I had a little control over myself, I grabbed my phone and texted you to see if you could eat at Joshua's, then Steve to break it off with him, then left to go back to the motel to talk to this wonderful man who had given me so much happiness over the last nineteen years."

"So yesterday, when you said that you fell asleep at the motel, I thought you were talking about being at a motel with your boyfriend, but you fell asleep at the motel where dad was staying?" asked Shawna.

"Yes," replied Carol. "When I got there I was still in tears. I cried the whole way there. I begged him for a bit of time to talk, then told him I broke it off with Steve and begged him to take me back. I laid it on pretty thick, and he wasn't buying any of it. Then I told him what Josh said and how I thought about it all, and he softened a little. He had already let me in the room, but now, he excused himself to make a call before we continued talking.

"I didn't know who he was talking to, but he was asking for an appointment of some sort. It seemed that there were some instructions given then he finally hung up and we talked for hours. I told him everything. I told him about those three guys I had been doing it with just before and after we were married, and I told him about Steve. I didn't hold anything back.

"The crying had taken a lot out of me and I got tired pretty quickly. I fell asleep sitting in a chair, and the next thing I knew, it was morning, and I was waking up in the bed. After some breakfast and a little more talk, I finally left to come back here to clean up and change. There was so much left to do, so much left to be said.

"After you left, I got cleaned up and headed back to the motel. Bill told me that he had decided to try to make things work, and I was ecstatic. That call he made was to a friend of his that does counseling for couples. We have an appointment on Tuesday after Bill is off work.

"One of the things that we did, was to meet up with Steve. I wanted Bill to meet him and I needed to apologize for the way I broke it off with him. It really isn't nice to break up with someone through a text message. Ruth saw the message and that meant that Steve was in trouble. So we invited both of them to have lunch with us, and we got everything out in the open. Hopefully, things will work out for them. We gave them the number to the counselor we are going to be seeing before we left.

"I spent all day yesterday with your father. We were sort of starting over, having to get to know each other all over again. Especially Bill. I thanked him over and over again for his willingness to work on our marriage. At one point, part of that, thanking him came in the form of getting naked and re-learning each other's bodies. We made love on that bed in his motel room yesterday afternoon, and it was the most glorious I have felt in months. We did it again last night, too, and I spent the night again.

"The counselor had given him some instructions, though, and we want to follow up with them. This is going to be another one of those hard parts to listen to, baby. But I want you to know, we both love you very much. Neither of us want to hurt you in any way. I hope you will understand what I'm going to say, and please keep in mind that we love you.

"We can't just go back to the way things were. Trust has been broken. I broke it the moment that I let Steve do more than a regular massage. The counselor said that Bill shouldn't just move back into our bed like nothing has happened. I have to earn his trust back, and that will take time. To do that, the counselor said that Bill should move back into the home if possible, but not into the same bedroom as me. He also said that I should be as close as possible to where Bill is at all times We want to do things right, so we are going to listen to what he says to do. Part of that means that I will be going with your father when he goes to work. But there is more.

"I know this may seem like a lot to ask, and I know it may seem like we don't want you around, but that is not true. We both love you and you are always welcome here. But, we need time to figure everything out. We need time to get to know each other again. What we want to ask is for you to ask Joshua's parents if you could move in with them for a while. I know that they have a three bedroom house and I thought that if they would, you could use that spare room while your father and I work things out. That way, he could stay in your room. He will be close enough to see everything that happens without moving back into the same bedroom. You would only be next door, and you are welcome to come by at anytime, day or night. You would still have your key and can get in at any time. Could you do that for us?"

Shawna smiled."I guess, it's my turn to tell a story," she said then thought for a moment before beginning. "Mom, do you think that I am still a virgin?"

"No, honey. I am sure that you gave that up some time ago."

"To who?"

"Whom, dear," she quipped. "I have two possibilities. I thought it might have been the Henderson boy. You only went with him for five days, and I figured that maybe you two did it and you found it to be really bad and that's why you broke up with him. Or it could have been the Simmons boy since you were with him a month. Of course, I thought that you and Bobby were doing it, but then Josh said that the reason that he went to this other girl was because you, and I quote 'wouldn't let him fuck,' unquote, you."

Joshua blushed. "As I said, I was pretty angry at the time," he said. "It just seemed to me like you didn't care what was going on with Shawna, and I just unloaded on you."

"You're absolutely right, Josh. I wasn't thinking anything about what she might be going through. That is a fact that I am devastatingly sorry for. That's what woke me up to everything I was doing, and how messed up I had made everything. I love you, Shawna. I can't believe that I tuned you out like that. I hope you can forgive me."

"I think we'll be fine, mom. But you are wrong on both accounts about Jim and Dan. Neither one got anywhere close to having sex with me. Jim is the only one that even had the chance to feel any part of my body, and that was only a boob through my t-shirt. None of those five boys I went with were allowed to touch me, and that was by my choice. Bobby wanted to, of course, but I wouldn't let him."

"You're still a virgin?"

"That's off point, mom. The point is that I knew that those guys weren't for me.

"You know that this week has been a bad week for me. Because of what was going on between you and dad, I wasn't sleeping well. Josh was always there to comfort me, though. He has been the best throughout this whole thing. While you fell asleep in Dad's motel room Friday night, I fell asleep in Josh's bed. I wasn't meaning to, but sleep overtook me while we were talking. He was kind enough to make me feel loved. Not by trying to fuck me, but just by holding me. I woke up once during the night because I had to go to the bathroom, and found that he had taken my shoes and socks off and was just holding me while we both slept. He had even pulled the covers up over us."

"I didn't know that you had woken up," Joshua said.

"Just the once, love. I was careful not to wake you while I crawled out long enough to relieve myself. Then I just crawled back into bed, wrapped your arms back around me and fell asleep again.

"For the first time in days I felt...contented. It didn't take me long to fall back to sleep, either. It was nice to have someone there who cared and was willing to be intimate without sex. Just letting him hold me was so wonderful. I was bursting with love just from the thought that he could be so caring and loving.

"I always knew that I was in love with Josh. Years ago when he had to move, I knew that he was the one I wanted to spend my life with. Jim Henderson realized it, too. He told me that as soon as I could, I needed to go find him and do everything I needed to, to get him to marry me. That was why we were only together for five days.

"Yesterday morning when I woke up, Josh was already gone to work. He had Jessica sort of watch out for me to be sure that I slept as long as I could. I only woke up when the phone rang, and Jessica was there for me to talk to and she hugged me and showed me that she loved me just as much as Josh did.

"When we went out shopping, we talked about everything we could. She gave me a lot of advice about things, too. Remember I told you that it was Josh's birthday yesterday?"

"Yes," replied Carol. "Happy belated birthday, Josh."

"Thank you. It was the best one I've had since having to leave here."

Shawna blushed and Carol took notice. "Oh," she said. "I bet it was."

Shawna's blush deepened.

"Go on with your story, baby," said her mother.

"He had to work a full day yesterday, so Jessica and I took full advantage of it to get everything ready, including me. I have a new formal gown that I wore yesterday evening for dinner, and after dinner, we danced in their living room. I was already wearing that gown when Josh came home, and almost before he closed the door, I had my arms around his neck and was giving him the best kiss I could give."

"That moment made my birthday the best I had ever had," Joshua interrupted.

"As you've already guessed, mom, I did spend the night in his bed again last night, and it wasn't just for sleeping. Josh has been my best friend, my confidant, my comforter, and the love of my life. I love him, I love making love to him, I love the music of Kenny G, and I love sleeping next to him. He's everything to me including my fiancée."

This time, it was Bill and Carol who gasped.

"Jessica was a big help in making everything go as smoothly as possible. Her advice made our first time great. Yes, last night, I gave my love the gift of my virginity, and last night I accepted his gift to me of his. Letting dad use my room to be here is not a problem. Jessica has already offered to let me stay there, but I don't think I'll be using that spare room, mom. I'm going to move right on into Josh's room and continue to show him just how much I love him by being there for him the way he has been there for me.

"And, by the way, the wedding will be this June. We are going to Memphis in July for a couple of months because he has to do some kind of certification training for his job, but we'll be coming right back here afterwards. His job is here, and this is our home. Dad, do you think that you could talk to aunt Cindy about letting us stay there while he gets his training done? We'll help with buying food and so forth and help with cooking and taking care of things around the house if she will."