Friends like These

"What's that?"

"It's not my fault."

"What happened?"

"The pumpkin got hit by a car. But it wasn't my fault."

"You don't think you're going to fool her with that, do you?"

"No, I'm just trying to make it up to her and I don't have time to drive all the way out to wherever they sell real pumpkins."

"Plus I don't want to have to clean out another one."

"But watch this. You plug it in and Ta Da! What do you think?"

"It's nice."

"And not a fire hazard."

"Oh, I gave Regina your costume for tonight."

"What did you get for me?"

"It was Mona's idea."

"Of course it was."

"You're the joker."

"You're kidding."

"Nope."

"I don't have to put white make up on, do I?"

"Yeah, I think you do. But it's ok. We kind of get to be a couple. I'm Harley."

"Oh, that's not going to be awkward. No. Not at all. Who's Mona going to be?'

"Super girl. And Regina is Power girl."

"That's stupid."

"Why?'

"Super girl and Power girl are the same character. Regina knows that. You should switch with her."

"You don't want to be my puddin?"

"I'm just saying it makes more sense for twins to play Super girl and Power girl since they're supposed to look the same. They only act differently."

"I thought you said they were the same character."

"Well, sort of. Power girl is from another dimension and she's that world's version of Super girl but she gets ..."

"Oh, it's already too complicated. Spare me."

...

The party was supposed to start at six but the first real guest arrived much closer to seven and it was eight before Mona herself arrived to her own party, by which time enough people had come for it to qualify as an actual party and not just a small get together.

As Mona was getting into costume she was already a bit peeved after being told briefly about what happened to her pumpkin. Then she was extra miffed to find out that Lisa had taken the Harley costume for herself and left her with the Super girl costume after she was positive that she'd told Lisa it was the other way around. And she'd been practicing putting on crazy make up patterns for this and all Lisa did was do her face white.

Oh, well. She'd have to address it later. For now she had a party to go to and she wanted to see how everyone liked her pumpkin treats.

Knock. Regina entered Mona's bedroom without being told it was ok.

"I need to talk to you."

"What is it now?"

"Keep an eye on Charlie and Lisa."

"What do you mean?"

"I think something's going on."

"What exactly?"

"I don't know."

"Well, then I don't know what you want me to do."

"Can you just keep an eye on them and tell me if they do anything that looks weird?"

"Weird like what? They're always acting weird lately."

"Like, sneaking away together."

Mona put down her bra and turned to her cousin. "What are you saying?"

"I'm not sure. I hope I'm wrong."

"Wrong about what?"

"I don't even know how to say it. I think Charlie and Lisa are ... being friendly."

"O ... k. So what? That would be a nice change, actually."

"I mean to say, I've noticed some things and my intuition is telling me that we should keep an eye on Charlie and Lisa."

"Why? Just spit it out."

"They're having sex."

The words seemed to suck all the air out of the room. "Did I just hear you right?"

"Yes."

"That is a very serious accusation."

"I know. And I don't have any proof. And I hope I'm wrong. I hope I have to go and apologize to them for even thinking this."

"Why would you start thinking that in the first place?"

"Just a lot of little things that don't add up."

"Like what?"

"Charlie had a woman over last night. I'm sure of it. The entire apartment smelled of sex. And then Lisa's bag is just in the middle of the floor. Not on the side or on the counter or on the couch, just in the middle of the floor. Then they both want to do laundry all of the sudden and he washed his bed sheets."

"That does sound a little weird."

"I know it's not proof. I know I could be connecting things that aren't connected but I also heard a rumor that Charlie was dating a woman named Regina. I tried to ask him about it but he said it was nothing, probably just a mistake. Only now I'm not so sure."

"Those two have been acting funny around each other for a few days now. If she's doing anything to my little Charlie I'll ring her neck."

"I'm not sure it's her. I think he's the one who started it."

"No. Not Charlie."

"He's not a little kid, Mona. He's an adult and he dates a lot. I couldn't figure out why he went through girls so fast but now it sort of makes sense."

"I don't follow you."

"He doesn't date for sex. He never brings a girl home. I actually thought maybe he was hiding being gay." Regina waited on that last bit to see if Mona had any extra reaction. When Mona didn't seem to be bothered by it Regina continued. "But now I get it. He's a thrill seeker. He just wants to see if he can bring them home and then when he discovers he can, he loses interest in them. And what is more on the fringe than ... doing your sister."

"I don't believe it. He's not like that."

"Maybe I'm wrong. I would love to be wrong. I would just be so happy to find out that I was way off base and then all three of you could just laugh at me. But what if I'm right. I need you to help me find out."

"Well, if they're doing it, and I don't believe they are, but if they're doing it then they'll be smart about it and not let us find out."

"That wouldn't explain the evidence they've already left."

"Which is not conclusive."

"Ok but just listen to my plan. I'll pretend to let a" gasp "... guy take me to his home. You pretend to get drunk. Then, those two will think that they've got an opportunity and we'll see what they do."

"They aren't going to do anything."

"I hope you're right. Just help me. Please."

...

Charles was politely telling a young man in just a tie and no costume that he did not in fact know how to do that famous laugh.

"Come on. You wear that and then don't do that laugh. What's that about?"

Charles looked around for someone to save him. Mona was quickly getting wasted which was out of character for her but not completely unheard of. Lisa was playing it smart and avoiding him while she tried to really have fun getting into character. She was doing the voice and everything. Where was Regina? He didn't see her just then but then her name came up in the conversation with whoever this guy was.

"So, she's your cousin, right?"

"Yeah."

"Then why aren't you Superman? Ha, ha."

"Come on, dude. They're just costumes."

"Say, you live with her though, right?"

"Yeah."

"So, like, what does she like?"

"Stuff that most other people like."

"Can you give me any more help than that?"

"For what?"

"You know."

"What exactly are your intentions with my cousin?"

"Nothing bad. I promise. I just want to get to know her. I had actually thought that we'd be going to dinner together."

"Dinner?"

"Yeah. You know, she's a real decent girl. High quality. No question about that. I just don't feel confident enough to talk to her without putting my foot in my mouth. I've been trying so hard to get a date with her but she acts like she doesn't even notice me. There's even a rumor at city hall that she's on the other team so I just really want this night to go ..."

"Alright. If you go to dinner with her, she eats meat but not red meat."

"No red meat. Got it."

"And she doesn't stay to just one genre of music. She likes a variety but it has to sound good. Don't just play the most popular thing and expect her to like it. She has this refined taste in music. You're best bet, play something that has stood the test of time and you'll be on the right track."

"Like show tunes."

"Um ... yeah, like show tunes, I guess."

Charles gave him several other pieces of advice about Regina and then stood and watched from afar as he seemed to be able to actually sweep his cousin off her feet and before the party was even over she left with him. Charles wasn't sure to be happy or upset by this but he just had to remind himself that Regina was an intelligent adult who could make up her own mind about her love life. Whatever she chose it was her choice and had nothing to do with him. Charles hadn't said anything that wasn't true about her and so now it was up to Regina to either see value in that guy or not.

Then he imagined the 25 ... no, 26 different ways Charles would kill that little geek if he hurt his cousin. Or touched his cousin. Or even looked at his cousin. What the hell was she doing going out with that guy? And what the hell was he doing feeling jealous?

Oh, that was not good. He looked over at his sister. Not the drunk one who put her tits all over him that night in her bed, the other one he was having sex with.

It was fleeting but for just a moment he actually had the thought go through his head to go up to the roof and jump off.

The party officially ended at eleven but the last guests didn't leave until almost twelve. With Regina already gone and Mona wasted, it fell to Joker and Harley to clean up. Not that the apartment was really that dirty but ...

"Hey Mr. J. Whatcha say?"

"You really like being Harley, don't you?"

"I do. But I like my puddin best of all." She said that in her Harley voice but then changed to her regular voice. "And I'd like a little puddin now if you get my drift."

"Do you think that's a good idea?"

She answered him by pressing her body to his side and reaching for his crotch. "Your room or mine."

"I thought we were going to stop."

She went back to her Harley voice. "It's a party. Live a little, will ya?"

Charles considered his options. Regina could get home at any time but as long as Lisa was in his room with the door closed it would be fine. If they went to Lisa's room then there would be the small chance that Mona would hear them and remember even in her drunken state. So, Charles took her hand and they went across the hall.

...

Regina was waiting downstairs reading everything she could access with her phone and even using her alumni login to access academic journals so she could be as up to date as she could. Her initial thought was that there actually wouldn't be much but it turns out academia has been researching incest for a long time.

She told herself again that she was probably wrong. It couldn't really be true. Not really. It seemed impossible from what she knew of Lisa and Charlie. He always seemed closer to Mona anyway. He must be confused. Or maybe he has some kind of secret information and he's using that to blackmail her.

A text came from Mona to come back up to the apartments quick. She didn't have to ask Regina twice. She didn't even bother to wait for the elevator. She powered herself up the stairs and was almost out of breath when she got to the seventh floor. She found Mona in the hallway looking very angry. Regina had to stop and catch her breath before asking what had happened.

"You were right. They're doing it."

"I am."

"And it wasn't him. It was her starting it."

"Oh. I guess that makes sense since she's older."

"What does that have to do with it?"

"In the psychology articles, they say the older person with more authority is usually the one to force the younger one into incest."

"I hate that word."

"Sorry. Genetic Sexual Attraction."

"That's no better. Actually, I think that's worse."

"Maybe it's not the word you don't like but you know, what they're doing."

"I am going to crack her skull wide open for this. Come on. You with me."

"Wait. We can't interrupt them."

"You're the one who wanted to bust them."

"I wanted to know. The article says we can't interrupt them."

"We can't just let them keep doing it."

"Sh."

...

"What's the matter Mr. J. Don't I make you laugh no more? Don't you want to pull my hair and smack me around for old times sake?"

Charles saw her smile and it was absolutely infectious. She was so happy being in character. Even though she had to take the spandex outfit completely off to have sex, she was still in make up, still in character, and she tied the costume around her waist. She put one of her legs on his shoulder and he started to fuck her a little faster.

"Yes, Mr. J. All for you Mr. J."

"Oh, you like that, do you Harley." Charles said, himself starting to get into the character, though not the version from the films but the animation.

"I love it Mr. J. You're the only one what can make me laugh."

"Well then, get ready. I have a surprise for you. Ha ha ha."

"Whatever you say, baby."

...

"No." Mona said vehemently. "No cops. No police. Promise. I'm not having either one of them go to jail. As much as I hate what they're doing, if we call the police that will ruin their lives and Charlie just got that promotion."

"Ok. I agree. No police. But what are we going to do?"

"You're the expert apparently. You say we can't interrupt them because that will traumatize everyone. You say we can't just tell them that we know because they will deny it and then break the family apart. You say we can't turn a blind eye because then Lisa will just continue to abuse Charlie until it escalates into violence. So basically, we're not allowed to do anything. No matter what, there are negative consequences."

"The real problem is that we don't know enough. We know she's the one with the power but we don't know when it started. We don't know how she got control over him. We don't know how many times they've done it. We don't know why she wanted to start doing this."

"And you say we can't ask them or they'll each have a nervous breakdown."

"Well, maybe not if they decided to tell us on their own."

"Keep going."

"Ok. So we absolutely can't just let it continue."

As Regina was saying that they both heard Lisa yell out "Yes, Mr. J! Right there, Mr. J! Fuck your Harley like a whore!" very loudly.

"I am going to kill her." Mona said.

"Ok, I got it." Regina finally continued. "See we need to find a way to get them to tell us. They need to think it was their own idea to tell us about it. Then once they do, we can all talk about it."

"And how exactly are we going to convince them to tell us."

"I don't know. Maybe we can leave printouts of these around." Regina suggested but then thought better of it. "No, that will just scare them."

"I say we should just stand out here until they come out."

"No, we can't do that."

"Why not?"

"They have to feel like it was their choice to tell us. They need to feel safe or it says here that it will never come out right."

"I'm not sure we should be taking advice from those articles. That sounds like bunk."

...

Charles was covered in sweat as was his sister. He pulled out of her and blasted his cum all over her and the bit of spandex costume around her.

"You know, kiddo, if we keep doing this, old joker here will have to get us some condoms."

"Oh, sure. Whatever you say, Mr. J."

"I seem to recall that we were only supposed to do it once. But instead of getting back to normal, we've gone further down crazy than either of us would have ever thought."

She laughed. "That was pretty good. You actually sounded like him for a second."

"Well, maybe you're not the only thespian in the family."

"I wonder how many other Harley's are out there with some joker spunk on their outfits right now."

...

"No, that won't work because he could just do it and not say anything." Regina objected to Mona's idea of setting Charles up with someone.

"Charlie isn't a two woman man."

"Most incest victims keep the incest a secret, even from their significant other. There are cases and cases apparently."

"Then you come up with something."

"Ok, what if, you tried to date him?"

"Me? Are you out of your mind?"

"Think about it. If you're trying to date him, then it must mean that you're ok with incest."

"I'm not, though."

"We just need him to think that for a bit so that he'll feel free to open up and tell us what's happening."

Mona shook her head. "He'll see a trap. Yeah, it will look like a trap and then he won't feel free at all. And on top of that, he'll know that all he has to do to keep Lisa's secret is reject me and claim he's not into incest. ... Which might even be true for all we know. She's the one forcing him into it."

"So then try to date her."

"Ew. That's disgusting!" Mona exclaimed.

Regina was taken aback and then felt obligated to respond. "Right. Disgusting. Totally. Ahem." She felt like she was two inches tall and all she wanted to do was go hide in a mouse hole.

"She'll just say she's not a lesbian and then we got that anger thing you were talking about earlier."

"There has to be a way." Regina said while internally telling herself to focus on the problem at hand and not the fact that her cousin Mona seemed to be unaware that it was 2020.

"I think they stopped. Listen." Mona observed.

Regina and Mona left the hall and went to Mona's bedroom before continuing the conversation.

"I got it." Mona said. "You."

"Me?" Regina didn't sound shocked. Actually it sounded like a good idea for her to be the one to ask Lisa on a date. Lisa was pretty and she shouldn't mind the incest. Now that Regina thought of it, Lisa had nice squeezable tits and they were good enough to tempt Charles, so why shouldn't Regina give them a go.

"Yes. You date Charlie."

Oh, then Regina realized that Mona hadn't been suggesting Lisa to her. "Charlie?"

"It's a middle ground. A really good middle ground. Half the people in the city think you two are dating already anyway."

But he's a man, she thought. "But it's still incest."

"Yeah, but legal incest."

"What does that have to do with it?"

"Enough other, you know, normal people date their first cousins that they've made it legal. So if he dates you, he knows he won't get in legal trouble. But it's still sort of technically incest. So then we can get him to open up. It gets our foot in the door so we can get him to talk. We just have to crack him open and see what comes out so we can deal with it."

"Me. Me and Charlie." That was just such a weird idea for more reasons than her cousin knew.

"Yes."

"Ok. But how far do you think I'll have to go?"

"I don't know. You're the expert. You'll figure it out."

"I never said I was an expert."

"Just do it."

"Ok. But remember, until they feel comfortable to tell us, we have to act like we don't know. We don't try to catch them. We don't make them think we're snooping on them. They have to think they're safe."

"You mean they have to think we're idiots."

...

As Charles was laying in bed with Lisa at his side he had to admit one thing, he was becoming less and less sure about the entire 'give up sex forever' idea. It turns out, sex was pretty good. Sure, he'd had problems with it before when he hadn't really known what he was doing but now, well, he could easily see himself doing this all day every day and be perfectly content. What was the harm? She liked it. She wanted it. She asked him for it and he was just giving her what she'd asked for. He knew a lot of people would object to brothers and sister being sexual but maybe that was just because they had never tried it. Even he himself would have instantly told anyone who asked that this sort of thing was completely disgusting only a few days ago. But now, well, if he was happy and she was happy, whose business was it of anyone's but their own.

He looked over at his sister as she snuggled her naked form up to him. He had to smile. She was so great. He kissed her forehead affectionately. He had found a woman who wouldn't make crazy demands of him. He'd found a woman who would keep his secrets. He found a woman who would accept him no matter his flaws. She was the perfect partner for a mgtow guy when he thought of it. She was guaranteed loyal. He had to suppress a laugh at that thought. For once he had a secret in his real life that he couldn't tell the guys on the mgtow forums about. Usually it was almost always the opposite.