by JoeBarnosky
I really enjoyed this story!
Would have given it all five stars if I’d had the opportunity. I’m not sure why I wasn’t given the option this time.
However...
I, personally, did not notice much wrong in the writing; but that’s likely because my own writing has terrible errors in it.
As for it seeming similar to other writers, I can not recall ever reading anything quite like this story; which may be surprising since I can easily read two or more 200+page books in one day and my favorite genre has always been sci fi and fantasy.
ok finished the first book.
as the rest of the story went forward at a descent pace i felt this last chapter was a bit rushed? earlier in the story you took more time to delve into the feelings of persons. i missed that a bit near the end.
nonetheless i liked the outcome.
as for the grammar/syntax, i agree a little.
the bold starting words could work in a printed book, but when reading online, and in this case you loose part of your sentence structure because of it, it sometimes feels a bit off. it is something you could consider. keep the bold for your site/printed work, but remove it for Lit?
as for editorial advice. yeah there were a few slip ups, but we're all (i hope ;-) ) human, it's only normal something slips through. you could ask a friend or fellow writer to simply proofread, it can already work wonders just to have a second pair of eyes.
myself i have Jazcullen as proofreader (and she catches a lot!) and then Asylumseeker as final editor. I did find Asylum via the editor forum, i contacted him myself and he still had room. sometimes you do need a bit of luck in finding one.
with this wall of text over *wipes fore head* i do offer a second pair of eyes if ever needed (i have the time for it)
with this book read i now will try and focus on my own before i comeback to read the next on the list =)
I have actually contacted several editors from this site and have gotten no responses at all. Other than that no I don''t have anyone to edit unless I pay for one. Otherwise I just continue to write and see improvement as I write.
You certainly are a prolific writer, and you have abundant ideas for plots and characters, but Bowlerhat is right--- it's harder than it should be to read your stories because grammar and syntax need vastly to be improved. Is there a local community college where you can take a course or two to improve your skills? Do you have someone to serve as your editor, to catch some of the things that are slipping past you? I hope you will consider one or both of these suggestions, because I would very much like to see you succeed!
Never heard of either movies nor the dude. I'll need to look them up to see what your talking about buy considering I have never run across the concept I created I figured it was pretty original. Anyhow, thanks for your opinion.
I think this reads like a movie script. Furthermore it's like a rip-off: "Princess of Wands" meets the "Paladin of Shadows", both from John Ringo. Compared to one of the best present-day writers your story sucks vacuum, but it's nice already to be on the same planet with him.
A good tale although the grammar and syntax made it hard to follow at times
I hope that the other stories that you have listed will be just as good.