Help I've Turned into a Woman

We slept in each other's arms, waking during the night to kiss and gently caress. We slept late into the morning, waking and making love again, before having breakfast. We didn't bother dressing, just wore our panties, as we cleared away from last night.

We learned more about each other, talked about men. Even as a young teen she had been attracted to other women. At college she had a brief lesbian fling with her roommate. I admitted to only ever having had 'straight' sex. I didn't elaborate further. Like me her experiences with men hadn't been positive, unlike me she'd been put off men. I was willing to keep trying.

I loved the closeness we'd shared last night, and I hoped that my admission wouldn't spoil it. When she eventually left, we kissed and she promised to call me.

I spent the next two days worrying, would she ring, would she dump me, even silly thoughts such as, if I shaved down there would she find me more attractive. On the evening of the second day the phone rang, it was Saskia, she sounded nervous.

I thought 'oh no please not the Dear John'. It turned out she had been thinking of our conversation and had thought I was going to dump her.

We were both so relieved that we spent the next two hours on the phone reassuring each other. We agreed that when I finished work on Friday, I would go round to her house and we would spend the whole weekend together. Yes we made love, but it wasn't just sex, it was an affirmation of our love, our desire for companionship.

We started dating. If one of the girly evenings was at one of our houses, we would stay over. We tried strapons. I couldn't get on with the harness, whether I was the giver or receiver. We discovered the Feeldoe, it took a bit of getting used to.

The giver had to hold it in herself using her pelvic floor muscles, but there was no harness to get in the way. Closer contact could be achieved, and the fact that we both got pleasure at the same time, made it all worth it.

We also tried vegetables and fruit. I admit I loved it when Saskia fed me strawberries from her vagina, but nothing beat sex without any aids.

She taught me to take my time, there was no rush for the big 'O', it was about the joys of the erotic journey there. As we explored each other I was finding new erogenous zones. A gentle caress, finger nails lightly scratching or an ear being nibbled were erotic. She taught me that there was an art to fingering, not just pumping in and out or rubbing the clit, but there were the lips and the slit to be caressed. Fingers inside could be curled back and forth in a come hither motion whilst thumb or tongue could circle the clit. Why had my wife never told me of these pleasures.

I could lie with my head on her stomach for hours, and watch her breasts rise and fall with her breathing.

We both loved oral.

I loved tribbing, rubbing my wet engorged clit against hers.

She loved my nipples running up and down her slit between her lips and trying to put my nipples inside her vagina, then licking and sucking her juices from them.

I loved watching her lips open and blossom like a flower, as she became aroused, is that what happened to me when I was aroused.

A man's arousal was obvious, but a woman's was hidden and only she knew about it. I wondered how many women knew how beautiful they looked as they blossomed, yes they would know the feel of themselves when aroused, but seeing that arousal was something else.

Over time with the help of Chris and Elena, she learned my true history. She was disappointed that I hadn't confided in her sooner, but still loved me for who I was.

For some time now I had been thinking of trimming my bush, I'd only ever bothered with the bikini line because of the swimming. I had read up on the pros and cons of waxing and shaving. I decided shaving would be less painful, but I didn't want to nick any delicate parts, so hadn't got any further than buying some supplies. As well as my bikini line trimmer, I had bought a razor, shaving cream for delicate areas and moisturiser for after.

On one of the girly evenings I managed to steer the conversation round to 'trimming one's lady garden.' As I had found out, a group of women together don't hold back. Yes some of them did shave or wax, they even pulled the front of their panties down to show off the designs. There was a heart shape, a triangle, a couple of landing strips, a couple completely shaved, but the one that got everyone talking was the cat's paw design.

We could have been talking about a new fashion accessory for all anybody cared.

Saskia was staying over that night, as we prepared for bed, I took out my bikini line trimmer and trimmed my bush all over, to about a quarter of an inch. I then jumped in the bath with her. As she watched me trim she remarked that she needed to do hers as the stubble was beginning to itch. After I had bathed I got out of the bath patted 'myself' dry and applied shaving cream, careful not to get any inside 'myself'.

I started shaving, but was having trouble with hand and eye coordination. Saskia had to help me. I'd opted for a simple landing strip, but after my attempt, Saskia had to take over and correct the unevenness. The landing strip came out narrower than I had intended, but it still looked good. Saskia ran her fingers over the shaved area, checking for any stubble or missed bits before declaring herself satisfied with the result.

I returned the favour by shaving her, I knew she could have done it herself but I wanted to do something personal, because I loved her. When I finished, I checked for stubble and gave a quick kiss on her mound.

We then moisturised, went to bed and spent the night in each other's arms. It wasn't always about sex.

12. A Holiday, Men?

One day Chris told me that she and Yvonne were planning a holiday and asked if Saskia and I would like to go, I said yes without even checking with Saskia first. Luckily she was thrilled by the idea. One evening the four of us got together and poured over holiday brochures and searched the internet. We finally decided on Amalfi in Italy, there was a small hotel that the brochure said was an old spaghetti factory.

It was also an excuse, as if one was needed, to go shopping for summer clothes. I bought myself a couple of skimpy bikinis. I would never have been brave enough to wear them here, but the thought of beaches made me want to show off. The day of the holiday finally arrived. We departed from Heathrow and flew to Naples. From the airport it was a two hour drive along a twisty and precipitous coast road. We stopped at various holiday destinations dropping other people off, we were the only ones for Amalfi.

Because of the narrow streets we were collected in a golf buggy, with the luggage going in it's own little trailer. After checking in we were shown to our rooms. The hotel was a lot quainter than we expected, it was on many levels and partially built into the hillside. Our two rooms were on a shady roof terrace that few people used. Perfect for relaxing.

We did all the touristy things visiting Mount Vesuvius and Pompeii. Those ancient Romans knew how to signpost the way to the local attractions. We giggled as we followed the carved penises. We started playing at what is the plural of penis, was it penises, penii or penes? Then we played what is the collective term for penises, 'a flock of cocks', a 'peck of peckers', we settled for 'a stand of penii'

Who cares we were having fun. The penises led us to the Roman brothel, where Yvonne leapt onto one of the stone couches and pretended to be a Roman prostitute welcoming her clients. That earned us a disapproving look from a group of German tourists, which only cracked us up even more.

We went to one of the small coves, to explore the beach facilities. The Italians do like an organised beach, there were blocks of coloured umbrellas and loungers, each little concession having its own colour scheme. We hired four loungers and two umbrellas for the day. We planned to do some serious tanning. The staff were on hand to bring us drinks or food whenever we wanted. Other groups and families around were happy keeping an eye on our belonging when we went for a swim. It felt safe. I even plucked up courage to go topless. Men didn't seem to ogle me it felt more like an appreciative look that they gave me. I don't know if it was the holiday, the sun, sea, drink, just being more relaxed or growing in confidence with my body, but I was enjoying the attention.

It wasn't long before some men started flirting with us, this didn't feel like home where men seemed in a rush to get in your pants. These men were taking their time to get to know us, weren't upset if their advances didn't get them anywhere, they just carried on with the light hearted banter. I have to admit I was enjoying this and was certainly tempted.

However I was on holiday with my girlfriend and would in no way upset her and spoil the holiday for all of us. I think Saskia knew I was tempted because I was more attentive to her needs and desires during our love making, or maybe I was just extra randy.

13. My Boyfriend and the Joy of Sex

A short time after we came back from holiday, I sat Saskia down to talk about my interest in men. She had known all along that I would want to try a 'straight' relationship and was worried that I'd dump her once I found a man. I spent the night comforting her, assuring her that I would never, whatever happened, dump her. She was part of my life and I couldn't imagine life without her. I told her I would never leave her out of any decisions I made about dating men. She accepted what I said, but was still worried about our future.

After my previous experience with a dating app, I was going to try just meeting people.

My first date was a guy I knew from swimming, I had been on nodding terms with him since before my change. We had about three dates, but we agreed we had nothing in common.

I then had a date with a guy from one of the other shifts, but because of our shift patterns, that never got off the ground. However he had a friend called Sean and we soon hooked up, we just seemed to gel.

I kept Saskia updated on developments, making sure she wasn't left out.

I soon decided that if I was going to take it further with Sean, I was not going to make the same mistake as I had with Saskia. So one night I invited Chris, Elena and Saskia round to meet him and explain my history. Sean found it difficult to take in, but with the evidence and photographs from my past put before him, he could do nothing but accept. When we finished telling him all, including my relationship with Saskia, there was a brief silence where I thought maybe this wasn't a such a good idea. He reached for my hand and said

"What matters to me is who you are, not who you were."

By the end of the evening I felt emotionally drained and we all went our separate ways.

I carried on, dating both Saskia and Sean.

One day while Saskia and I were out browsing at the clothes in a small independent dress shop, I picked up a couple of dresses to try on. We made our way to one of the changing rooms and as I pulled off the dress I was wearing, Saskia sat down on the bench. As my dress cleared my head I saw that Saskia had hitched her skirt up round her waist and was pulling her panties down to reveal that she was wearing her feeldoe.

Had she been wearing it all morning or did she put it in when we visited the toilets, I didn't care the sight turned me on. My hand reached inside my panties and cupped my sex. I was getting very wet. I leant forward to whisper in her ear that we couldn't do it here in such a public place, yet I yearned for just that to happen.

Saskia kissed me and yanked my panties down, turned me round and pulled me towards her.

My hand reached between my legs and grabbed hold of the shaft guiding it to my entrance, without any further thought I impaled myself on it. Her hand reached round the front, nudging mine out of the way, and started playing with my clit. Her other hand pushed my bra up and caressed my breast while I played with my other breast.

We were both so horney it wasn't long before we came. It was like a tsunami had hit me as wave after wave washed through me.

We had tried to be quiet, but hadn't been entirely successful.

A voice outside said "Can I help you ladies with ... anything?"

I was still impaled and catching my breath, unable to speak.

Saskia, trying to sound normal, managed to say "No thank you we are OK."

After a couple of minutes to recover, we dressed and I quickly tried on the two dresses. Selecting one, we went to pay.

The sales assistant gave us a smile and asked "was everything ... satisfactory"

"Oh yes" we both replied.

As my trust and confidence in Sean grew. I started taking the pill again, just in case. One evening when he was at my house, we were kissing and cuddling on the sofa and I just felt ready to take it further. My hand found the front of his trousers, he was definitely aroused, I undid his fly slipped my hand in, touched and fondled his manhood. We slowly undressed each other, fondling, caressing and nibbling.

In my previous body I'd had oral sex with my wife, but although she had kissed my penis, she never took me in her mouth. I know I would have liked her to. I assumed Sean would like it, so I went down on him, he didn't resist. I pinned his hands to the sofa, this was going to be my night!

I twirled my tongue round the tip, bobbed my head up and down the shaft. I wondered what I would do if he came in my mouth, would I swallow or would it be too gross.

In the end I'd got past caring and swallowed the lot and I knew I would be happy to do so any time he wanted me to.

I let him rest for a few minutes, kissing and caressing him, then I climbed on top pinning his hands above his head. I rubbed myself against his manhood as I kissed him on his chest. I was getting very wet and left a trail of my juices on him, as I slowly rubbed myself up his stomach and chest. Was this scent marking my territory, I didn't know but I was enjoying it.

By this time we were on the floor, I don't remember how we got there, but I still had his hands pinned above his head. I was straddling him so that my mound was on display just in front of his mouth and far enough away that he couldn't reach it with his mouth. I was enjoying teasing him, bringing it close enough for him to give me a quick kiss or lick then moving away, then in again, this carried on for a while. I was having fun. He could have flipped me over anytime and I wouldn't have complained, but he was enjoying the game as much as I was. Eventually I couldn't stand the teasing any longer and let him lick me, nibble me and rub his nose in me. I came hard and collapsed on his face, he had to move me as I was suffocating him.

I scooted down beside him and held him as I recovered. I wasn't done yet, when I was ready I turned onto my back, spread my legs, took hold of him and guided him to my opening. He gained entry without any difficulty, ohhh, this felt better than any dildo, real human flesh inside me. A silicone penis was no comparison to the real thing. It responded to every move and contraction of my vaginal muscles. I could feel every twitch it made. It had a life of it's own. It was magical, I loved the feel of him inside me, pumping in and out. We were soon whimpering and grunting, I felt near to cumming again and it was obvious that Sean was near, he seemed to swell inside me, then I felt him twitch and shudder and a warmth seemed to spread inside me, which sent me over the edge. We lay together, spent but happy. He was still inside me, even though he was now soft. Sometime during the night we went to bed, slept, making love again when we woke in the morning.

Losing my virginity had been a small milestone, what was more memorable was the sex. The only small inconvenience was the wet patch in bed and waking up feeling a little crusty between my legs. I soon learned that keeping tissues by the bed was useful for mopping up any seepage, thus avoiding the wet patch and crustiness.

Over time Sean and I tried different positions, Sean liked doggy style, I preferred being on top. That way I had more control, also I could curl round and watch him enter me, going in and out of me as I bounced up and down. This wonderful joining of bodies, was a special and magical sight.

I couldn't say sex with a man was any better than with a woman. When Saskia and I made love we knew exactly what each of us wanted and needed, without any prompting. We could, if we wanted, make each other orgasm several times a night.

Making love with Sean was wonderful but I felt the need to control the pace, I needed to be caressed, fondled, masturbated to a heightened sense of arousal before full penetrative sex. Sean would start with all good intentions, but his desires could soon take over and I would be left behind and unsatisfied. It could easily become wham bam thank-you mam, if I didn't have that control. Also Sean could only manage two or at the most three orgasm in one night, another reason for me to take control and stretch the pleasure out.

I carried on seeing Saskia and Sean, they each knew I was making love to the other, but never asked what we did, I would have been disappointed if they did and wouldn't have told them anyway.

Only once did Sean try to put his finger up my bum, I moved away from it and he quickly got the idea that I wasn't into that and never tried again.

After a shaky start while Saskia and Sean worked out the dynamics of their relationship with me, they became good friends once they realised they weren't a threat to each other.

14. Pregnancy and Motherhood

I was now thirty eight and beginning to feel broody. Was it my body clock telling me to get a move on before my fertile years were over. Would my reproductive ability be different, as my first period was when I was thirty five. As it turned out I was average for a woman of my age. When the menopause came, all the other girls in our group had started or were soon to start theirs. We were to bitch about hot flushes and night sweats, but that is another story which I won't go into.

I discussed my feelings with Saskia because she was part of my 'family' and any pregnancy would also affect her. She seemed so keen on the idea that I wondered if she was feeling broody, if so what route would she go down to get pregnant. She wasn't into men in that way and I couldn't imagine her doing it just to get pregnant. Artificial insemination. Suddenly I had a picture in my head of Sean in one room with a load of adult magazines, me in nurse's uniform full turkey baster in hand walking into another room where Saskia lay with legs spread. No! I had to get that out of my head.

She told me that I needed to discuss it with Sean, I was going to but I wanted to run it past her.

Sean liked the idea of becoming a father.

I was going to need a plan. I called a meeting of the inner circle, Chris, Elena, Saskia and Sean. If the HR manager were to find out I was pregnant it would be awkward as she was still expecting me to give her a date for my gender reassignment.

I didn't want to fall pregnant then hand in my notice, in case anybody guessed my condition before the end of my notice period.

For the people on shift I would be taking time out for myself, possibly going traveling.

For the HR manager I had a date for my gender reassignment and I wanted time to recuperate before deciding what to do with the rest of my life.

I had received compensation from the drunk hit and run driver's insurance which I had invested and not touched, now it would give me a modest income. In my head I apologised to my wife and asked for her blessing.