Help I've Turned into a Woman

I came off the pill and fell pregnant three months later. Saskia and Sean were delighted. Saskia's broodiness was satisfied, she only wanted to experience pregnancy vicariously through me.

At about six weeks I started to feel sick and as the weeks progressed it got worse, why was it called morning sickness, I could be sick any time of day. It lasted till about my eighteenth week. Certain smells could trigger it, the smell of tea was one of them. I'd never been keen on tea and I still can't drink it. I also went right off eggs, even now I will rarely touch one, it's ok if disguised in a cake. I had cravings for Piccalilly pickles, I ate them with just about everything. I would buy the biggest jar I could find and I couldn't wait to get to the cash till before opening it.

I carried on making love to my partners throughout, they would also take intimate photos of me, as we watched my body change. These photos were only shared between my photographer/lover and myself. I don't even know if Sean and Saskia were aware they were both photographing me. We all marvelled at the changes in my body.

I was weeing more due to the pressure on my bladder. I became unsteady on my feet due to the change in my centre of gravity. One or other of them would accompany me on antenatal visits, where they called me a 'Granny Mum'. From about the eighth month I just wanted this thing out of me it was wearing me down.

In the past I used to walk into Watford and back, I could no longer manage that so I used the bus. One day walking back home from the bus stop, I lost my balance, fell and started to roll down the slight incline. I was rescued by two eleven year old girls, they helped me up and escorted me home. They asked if there was anything they could do for me. I was very grateful for their assistance. Made them both an orange juice and gave them each a choc-ice. Gave them the phone so they could ring their mums for a lift home and explain why they were late. They lived next door to each other, so one mum would tell the other and so long as they walked home together when they were ready, that was OK.

The girls were full of questions, what does it feel like being pregnant? Was I having a boy or a girl? Did I have a name for the baby?

At eleven the girls didn't need to know about any problems of pregnancy, they had plenty of time to learn before they needed know. Besides it wasn't my place to tell them, that would be down to their mums.

I told them that being pregnant made me feel proud and special to have a new life growing in me.

I didn't know if it was a boy or girl as I only wanted a healthy happy baby, it's sex didn't matter. If it was a boy I would call it Roger as the name had a special meaning for me, but I hadn't decided on a girls name yet.

I asked them if they could think of a girl's name for me, they came up with Poppy.

They were excited when they felt the baby moving in my tummy.

Before they went home they made me promise to let them visit when the baby came.

As my time drew near Saskia and Sean took turns spending the nights with me, just in case. One morning just after Sean had left for work, I got up and as I pottered around making breakfast, I just had a feeling that something was about to change.

During the morning the postman delivered a package, as I was signing for it, I had a contraction. If it hadn't been for the pain, I would have found the look of panic on his face, hilarious.

The contractions were coming every twenty minutes or so when I rang Sean and Saskia. I wanted them both at the birth of 'our' baby. Saskia arrived first, after about ten minutes.

It took Sean another fifteen minutes as he worked further away.

Once Sean arrived Saskia went to pack my case for the hospital, it was one of the things I had been told to prepare, but it was the one thing I neglected.

At the hospital I was assigned a room. Nurses came and went checking, blood pressure, heartbeat, asking questions.

I was in labor for fourteen hours, I don't even remember being sick on Sean.

Women who came in after me were delivered of their babies, and their partners were coming back to visit after they had all rested.

I was still in labor!

Eventually I was taken to the birthing room with Sean and Saskia in tow. I'm told I was swearing like a trooper, blaming the pair of them for letting this happen to me. I wasn't going to let them anywhere near me ever again.

They were thinking of using forceps, fortunately they weren't needed. I finally gave birth to a healthy baby girl, who I named Poppy.

As Poppy grew into a toddler she like to come into mummy's bed in the morning, for a cuddle. Sometimes she would find daddy or mummy Aska, she couldn't say Saskia, in bed with me. That was normal for her and they would also get a cuddle. There were 'interesting' moments when she started school and she heard that some of the children didn't have a mummy or daddy. She proudly announced that she had a daddy and two mummies and if they wanted she would lend them one of hers, so long as she could have them back before bedtime.

15. Later Years

Shortly after Poppy's birth, Pamela split from her husband. She said it was like living with a big kid. She might as well have been his mother, doing his washing and ironing and cooking his dinner. He never helped with the kids. It was so bad she even had to call her dad to do the minor household repairs. At some point she found another man who was more supportive, divorced him and moved in with Dave. Yes Dave had hobbies, she was OK with that, because they weren't to the exclusion of all else.

Chris and Paul eventually split up, he couldn't cope with sharing her anymore. Chris moved in with Yvonne. She would miss sex with Paul, but Chris and Yvonne were devoted to each other and spent the rest of their lives together.

Now we were all in our mid seventies and proud grandparents. We had all kept our own houses, we never got round to sorting out other living arrangements.

Sean and I had spent an enjoyable few days in York, when the trip was over we went to our own homes. A couple of days later Sean had a massive heart attack, it was a complete shock, he'd been a fit seventy six year old.

I was inconsolable, sad that I'd not been there to hold him in my arms, been unable comfort him and to say my goodbyes.

Not long after Sean's funeral, Saskia came to live with me, we neither of us wanted to be alone anymore. We started with separate bedrooms. After a while that just seemed ridiculous, it was comforting to share a bed and know we were there for each other.

Some people might have considered my lifestyle unconventional, I didn't see it that way.

I'd been faithful to my three lovers, my wife Wendy, Saskia and Sean, never once did I go behind their back, never once did I desire group sex, each partner was an individual.

Only four people, Elena, Chris, Saskia and Sean, knew my full history. I was grateful to them and all the other men and women who had unwittingly helped me become the person I was.

I hadn't even told my daughter, first it was that she would be too young to understand. Then when she was a teenager she might think me a freak and be embarrassed about bringing her friends round. Then it was marriage and her own children. Why give her all that baggage as well.

If you asked whether I preferred being a man or a woman, I can't tell you. One thing I can say is as a woman I have a dedicated pleasure button, as a man I had a multipurpose tool, l know which I preferred. After all these years I barely remembered what being a man was like. As a man, I didn't recall any disadvantages or negative experiences, but I was comfortable with my body and enjoyed my femininity. I had been lucky to have experienced both and I wouldn't have changed anything.