House Cat

Duncan turned to me. "Jack, I was hoping you and Kitty could come over to the ranch sometime. You ever rode a horse before?"

"Nope. Sounds fun."

He nodded. "You're a big guy, you're probably gonna have to ride Tornado." I assumed Tornado was their biggest horse.

"So, you're a football player?" Hallie asked.

I nodded. It was weird, though, because Duncan and Bryan exchanged a look I couldn't decipher.

"I've been doing it since high school."

Duncan was giving me a strange look still, and Hallie noticed.

"Something wrong, cher?"

He shook his head like he was trying to wake himself up.

"Sorry, no, nothing's wrong."

What the hell was that about?

We had cobbler for dessert and the five of us talked some more. I didn't know Wendy, Duncan, or Hallie very well, but I wanted to get to know them better. Bryan was a huge part of my life, and I wanted to be friends with his family.

We arranged our trip to the ranch a few days away before Hallie and Duncan went home.

*****

Bryan and I had fun at the ranch. I got to ride a horse for the first time, which was much like riding a motorcycle. I did in fact ride Tornado, this gigantic horse that was a stormy gray. The horses were all docile and friendly, although they all seemed to love Duncan, nuzzling him and following him around without him needing to hold on to their reins.

There was a point in the middle of the day where Hallie and Bryan were doing something and Duncan asked me if we could speak in private. We went to the stables.

"In all seriousness, thank you for being with my little brother. He's really happy with you."

"You're welcome, Duncan."

He stroked the snout of one of the horses.

"I am legitimately wondering what you like about Bryan, though. He's certainly...well, he's Bryan."

I smirked. "I like how I feel like I can be me around him. Usually I'm shy and keep to myself, but with him I get some confidence. I can speak candidly and not be scared. I think it's because he also annoys the shit out of me sometimes."

He laughed. "Oh, I know that better than anyone. I'm happy for you both. Normally I'd warn you not to hurt him, but I know with you that won't happen. You're a good guy."

He patted me on the shoulder. "Let's get back to the others."

I hesitated. "Can I ask one more thing?"

"Sure."

"There was this moment the other night where you and Bryan kind of exchanged a weird look. I'm pretty sure it was when I said I played football. Would you mind telling me what that was about?"

He did what Bryan did sometimes, looking away from me and pursing his lips.

"I'm sorry about that. There's nothing wrong, but as for the explanation...that's not for me to tell. That's Bryan's business."

I tilted my head a bit. "Okay..."

All that did was make me even more curious.

*****

It was a few days later when I was sitting on the Gardener's porch one evening, having a phone conversation with my parents, when I saw a pickup truck with a lift kit pull into the driveway of the house next door. I had seen the neighbors on the other side (neighbors were friends on principle around here) but never the people in that house. After I hung up I walked to the driveway to get a better look. A guy built like a tank was unpacking things from the truck. He noticed me, and I was embarrassed to be caught staring.

Thankfully he was friendly. "Howdy! I don't think I've ever seen you before."

I nodded. "I'm just visiting."

He walked up to shake my hand. "The name's Shawn."

I smiled. "I'm Jack."

I noticed the shirt he was wearing, donned with a familiar college brand.

"So, I'm guessing you go to Ole Miss?"

He grinned. "You'd be right."

I looked at his build. He was an inch or two shorter than me, but otherwise we had similar body types. "You wouldn't happen to play football, would you?"

"That's quite the eye you've got there, Jack. Sure do. It's the only reason they would let me in."

My jaw dropped. "You got a football scholarship from Ole Miss?"

He beamed. "Yessir."

Athletic scholarships are rare to begin with, but the Rebels are one of the most famous teams in the country. How good was this guy?

"That's nuts! I'm a college football player too, but Ole Miss is like CFB royalty."

"Oh, really? Which school?"

A distraction in the form of Bryan interrupted us.

"Jack, it's time for dinner!"

He had just walked out the front door and was calling to me, and Shawn's eyes widened.

"Bryan?"

I could see every drop of blood vacate my boyfriend's face in an instant.

"That is you! How's it going?"

He walked over and I followed, now curious.

Bryan stayed where he was, but looked like he'd rather be literally anywhere else. Like inside a volcano, or maybe the bottom of the ocean.

"Uh...hey, Shawn."

"I haven't seen you in a while, dude!"

I had never seen Bryan so flustered before.

"You two know each other?" I asked.

"We've been friends since middle school," Shawn explained. He then looked back and forth between the two of us. "How do you two know each other?"

"I'm his boyfriend," I told him. I looked over to see that Bryan was getting antsy. He wanted this exchange to be over.

Shawn kept smiling like he hadn't noticed any discomfort.

"Oh, good for you two."

He turned to address Bryan directly. "Well, I heard you say it was suppertime, so I won't hold y'all up any longer. See you around."

He left and I went inside with Bryan.

"What the hell was that?"

He acted like he didn't hear me. "Come on, the food's getting cold."

He marched off to the kitchen, leaving me dumbfounded.

*****

The two of us got in his bed that night.

"Bryan, what happened between you and Shawn?"

"Nothing happened, okay? It's in the past."

"That's not what it looked like to me."

"Well, you're wrong."

"Really? I'm pretty sure I'm right."

"Jack, just drop it."

I didn't want to, but Bryan was thoroughly over the conversation. I conceded and let him sleep.

Over the next few days, Bryan slipped into somewhat of a funk. He'd be quiet and standoffish, which is the opposite of how he normally was. Something happened between him and Shawn, and it was something big if it could affect him like this.

Duncan said there was a story to tell involving a football player in Bryan's past, something he thought Bryan would need to tell me himself. It didn't take a detective to put two and two together. Shawn was that football player.

I was tempted to ask Shawn about it, but since he was completely comfortable around Bryan I figured that he wouldn't give me the answer I'd be looking for. Besides, Bryan was my boyfriend. I needed to get him to talk to me.

One day I tried broaching the subject again with him.

"Look, we can all see that something's been bothering you recently. As your partner, I want to help. Tell me what's wrong."

"It's not a big deal, okay! I don't have to be perky all the damn time. I'm sorry if that's an inconvenience to you."

"Bryan, that's not how it is and you fucking know it. You're sad. I don't like seeing you sulk like this. Let me help you."

He glared at me. "You want to help me? Fine. I can't think of anything more helpful than you just leaving me alone."

He stormed off.

Okay, whatever this was it was even worse than I thought. I didn't know what to do. I needed advice, so I asked Aunt Wendy about it.

"Auntie, how do I get Bryan to talk to me?"

She smiled sadly. "He's not the most open kind of person. You're going to have to be persistent."

"I already tried that. He pushed me away."

"Just keep trying. That's all I can tell you."

I desperately wanted to ask her what the deal was with Bryan and Shawn, but my pride stopped me. I saw that as me admitting defeat. I was going to get Bryan to spill.

Later that day I called Duncan.

"I need to get Bryan to talk to me about his feelings."

I heard him laugh. "You sure you don't want to set your sights lower? Maybe search for Atlantis first? Cure cancer?"

"Duncan, this is serious. He's been moody and withdrawn lately and he won't tell me why."

"Oh...shit, sorry."

"It's okay, you didn't know."

"Well, Bryan is kind of closed off emotionally. He doesn't like talking about his feelings, not even to me or Mom. Did you ask her about it?"

"Yes, and she just told me to be persistent."

"That would help, but if Bryan decided that he doesn't wanna talk about something, there isn't a whole lot you can do."

I set my jaw. "I refuse to accept that."

He chuckled. "I like your dedication. Bryan's lucky to have you."

"I don't know if he feels that way right now."

"Don't say that."

I sighed. "What has your strategy been to get him do something he doesn't want to do?"

"Usually putting him in a chokehold, but I doubt that will work in this case."

I thought a bit, and an idea started to form.

"Actually, that doesn't sound too far off..."

I could hear his grin through the phone.

"I like where this is going."

I started telling him my plan.

*****

It was the evening of Boxing Day. Bryan cheered up a little for Christmas, but was back to moping and denying it when anybody pointed it out.

It was around 7 PM when Aunt Wendy burst into the den, where Bryan and I were sitting.

"I just got a call from Duncan! Mila is starting to foal!"

Mila was a palomino horse, and Bryan's absolute favorite. She had been pregnant and Bryan wanted to keep posted.

"Mom, I need to see this. Can we go?"

She nodded. "Get ready. We're leaving in five minutes." She turned to me. "You wanna come, too?"

"Yes, Auntie."

We made the trip over to the ranch. Hallie and Duncan were waiting for us.

"Where's Mila?" Bryan demanded.

"In the barn. Her water broke. We need to hurry," Hallie said.

Duncan nodded. "We need some horse blankets, but they're in the shed. Jack, Kitty." He turned to us. "Go get them!"

We ran off to the tool shed. Bryan started frantically searching.

"Where the hell are the blankets? And who puts blankets in a fucking tool shed in the first place?"

I stayed by the door, waiting. He looked up.

"Jack, get your ass in gear!"

"Give me a moment."

I heard the click behind me. I turned around, trying to open the door. I couldn't.

"Bryan, we're locked in."

His eyes widened. "What?"

"Duncan locked the door."

"What the fuck?!"

He walked up and started pounding his fist against the door.

"Duncan, stop dicking around! Open the door!"

"Nope." His voice said on the other side.

"We don't have time for this shit! We need to help Mila!"

"Oh, Mila's fine," I assured him.

He slowly turned to me.

"What did you say?"

"I said Mila's fine. She's not in labor. We just told you that to get you in here."

He gave me a look I'd never seen before, a mix of anger, confusion, and something else I couldn't identify.

"What the fuck is going on, Jack?"

"You don't want to tell me about whatever it is that's eating away at you. Now you don't have a choice."

He turned to look at the door, then back to me.

"This isn't funny, Jack."

"This isn't a joke, Bryan. We're not leaving this shed until you talk to me."

Now he looked absolutely pissed. "What the hell? Nothing's wrong! You're acting like a damn psycho!"

He pounded on the door.

"MOM! HALLIE! HELP ME!"

I grinned. "Oh, they're not coming. They know about this."

Duncan spoke up again.

"I'm the one with the key and I'm not unlocking the door until Jack says so."

I nodded. "I'll wait all night if I have to." I looked Bryan dead in the eye. "What happened between you and Shawn?"

He started going off on me. He called me a sociopath, a nosy control freak. He yelled at me to let us out.

"It's up to you when we're getting out, Kitten," I said. "Just talk and we can go home."

"Fuck you! There's nothing to talk about!"

I began raising my own voice. "Yes there fucking is! You've been miserable ever since you saw him and you won't tell me why!"

I stepped forward, invading his personal space.

"Do you think I like seeing you sad? You think I can just look at the one I love acting like this and not care? You think it feels good to know that my boyfriend doesn't even trust me enough to tell me what's wrong?!?" Now I was shouting.

"SHUT UP!" He screamed.

"NO!" I roared back. "YOU'RE TALKING TO ME! I WANT TO HELP! GOD DAMN IT, JUST LET ME BE YOUR BOYFRIEND!!"

This was able to push the fight out of him. He opened his mouth to yell back, but closed it again. In the dim light I could see tears forming in his eyes. His face fell.

"Please," he whimpered. "Please, just let me go."

I cupped his cheeks and got really close.

"Bryan, I love you. Tell me what's wrong."

The tears started falling. It was the first time I'd ever seen him cry.

"I...I really don't want to admit this...it's really stupid..."

I gave him a kiss.

"Part of a healthy relationship is dealing with stupid every now and then."

He noticed the callback and smiled weakly.

"This isn't like the shit with the glasses, Jack."

I wiped his tears with my thumbs.

"It doesn't matter what it is, Kitten. I wanna hear it."

He looked down. "It's...it's kind of a long story."

"I've got nothing but time." I led us to an empty part of the shed and sat us both down.

"I'm all ears, Bryan."

He sighed before he started talking.

"Shawn moved next door to me when I was ten and he was eleven. We were neighbors, and we were around the same age, so naturally we became friends. Over the next couple years I realized that I was developing a crush on him. I had no idea why, I thought I'd crush on girls when I grew up. That's around the time when I learned what being gay meant."

I nodded, silently urging him to continue.

"I knew I was gay, and I was gay for my friend. I didn't think he would ever return those feelings, so I kept quiet about it, at least at first."

He played with the ties on the hoodie he was wearing.

"It was the summer before my freshman year of high school. He was doing good, getting on the football team and becoming popular. We would be seeing even more of each other, and my crush got worse over time. I decided that I needed to tell him I was gay, so that's what I did."

He paused.

"Go on," I encouraged.

"He said...he said he thought he was gay, too."

I raised my eyebrows.

"He was so ashamed of it, but told me he felt better knowing that he wasn't alone." I heard his voice hitch, like he was choking up.

"We...we started to get closer. Much closer. Shawn was my first kiss, my first boyfriend, my first everything. We were together for two and a half years."

Wow...I never would have guessed that.

"What happened?"

He sniffled. "I was out of the closet. I didn't flaunt my sexuality, but didn't lie about it from around the time I was fifteen. Shawn was different. He was fully closeted. He didn't want anybody but me to know."

I put my arm around his shoulder.

"I was willing to be patient with him, let our relationship stay a secret, because I loved him. I was crazy about him. I wanted the two of us to be together forever. But then..."

"Then...what?" I asked gently.

"I had just turned seventeen. He was a high school senior that was on top of the world. He was a star football player, was handsome, and everybody loved him, but he still didn't feel comfortable telling anyone he was gay. That's why he surprised me when he told me he wanted to come out."

This would have been when they were together for about two and a half years, so I could guess what happened next.

"But...he told me that he wanted to clear the air with me..." he was starting to cry. "He said that it was for the best if we broke up. He thanked me for helping him discover himself, but didn't love me like he would a boyfriend. To him, it...it—"

He bit back a sob.

"He always saw us as two friends experimenting. He had no ill will towards me, but he didn't see us as more than just friends. It crushed me when he said that. I tried to convince him otherwise. I told him that I loved him, something I never said out loud before. He was sorry, but he didn't love me back. He said I should find somebody else. But...but I didn't want somebody else. I wanted him."

He took a deep, shuddering breath in before he continued. "Still, it wasn't gonna happen. All things considered he let me down gently, but I took it hard."

I held him a little tighter. I was in awe; he had never allowed himself to open up to me like this.

"It wasn't even him breaking up with me that was the worst part. The worst part was what happened next. When Shawn came out, told everybody he was gay, they were accepting. They applauded him for his bravery and loved him even more for it. He was more popular and admired. It might have even helped him get that scholarship to Ole Miss."

That was probably true. A star football player that was openly gay would be good press.

"I wanted to be happy for him, but I couldn't. I was mad. I couldn't stand to see him flying so high while I was at the lowest point of my life."

He cried some more. "That's just how it works. The tough, manly, popular guy comes out and everybody loves him for it. He's brave for doing it, he becomes a role model. The skinny, weird kid with glasses who doesn't have a lot of friends comes out and nobody gives a shit. Nobody even cares enough to give him grief about it. Shawn got even more friends, but I was alone as ever."

I remembered him hinting at something like that when I asked him about coming out. Now I was piecing together why it was surprising to Duncan that I was a football player, too.

"I felt terrible, and hated myself for how terrible I felt. That Christmas, I wanted to start over, move on and begin from scratch again. I wanted to be more confident, to feel better about myself. That was when I started wearing the contacts. I worked out, watched what I ate, and took better care of my skin. I started looking better, and got more courage."

I was sure he looked just as cute before, but I didn't say that.

"I started feeling more confident, less concerned about what others thought of me. I was gay, so I owned it. I was the school queer and rocked it. In my senior year I got some more friends. Once I turned eighteen I had sex often, not just with other students my age, but adults as well. I thought of the whole thing as my little revenge against Shawn. I had been knocked down, but I got back up. I was happy again."

I didn't really believe him when he said that. He didn't sound like he did, either.

"The problem was...I knew I wasn't as happy as I was when I was with him. I stopped thinking about love and just focused on sex and popularity. In a way, I was still alone."

He looked up at me.

"Then...then I found you. I approached you just looking for a fuck, but you surprised me. You didn't just use me, you wanted me. You wanted me to be yours. I never dared to wish for something like that."

Fresh tears started flowing from him. I was getting misty-eyed myself.

"Ever since Shawn, I've kept my heart locked up. I thought that if I allowed myself to love, I'd get hurt again. I'd just be abandoned, thrown away, but that never happened. I couldn't believe it, but then you told me that you loved me."

I picked him up and put him in my lap. He cried harder.

"It felt so good. I was starting to feel like I was getting back a part of me that I'd lost. I would come home with my boyfriend, and Shawn would see how good I was doing and regret letting me go. Then I saw him again and realized I was full of shit."