I Wish She Hadn't Ch. 01

"Probably, why do you ask?"

"Well, maybe we should do a little road trip. I've got some friends up in Minneapolis that I wouldn't mind visiting and the music scene up there right now is just amazing. Maybe we could see some music, go to some clubs? You know it's great to see bands at a big festival like last night's, but the real way to see music is in a club where the band's right there, right in front of you. It's much more intimate.

Besides, there are tons of great local bands up in the Cities right now. Maybe we could make a long weekend of it -- you know, drive up on Friday morning if we both took that day off, and then stay up there on Friday and Saturday night, and come back on Sunday. Then, I'll still have another week off before I have to start school again the following week."

"Where would we stay?"

"Well, like I said, I've got some friends up there, and I'm sure we could stay with any number of them." I paused for a second to think. "On second thought, maybe it would be better to get a hotel room. We'd have some privacy that way -- you know, like last night. I have a friend who works for Radisson, and he's always told me that he can get me the employee discount on a room. What do you say? It'll be my treat."

"We'll stay at the Radisson downtown -- it's like a block and a half from First Avenue and the 7^th Street Entry, you know where they filmed Purple Rain! Two incredible venues to see music in the same building for one cover charge! And there are several other good clubs nearby as well. The added plus is that if we're lucky and somebody good is playing in the right places, we won't have to worry about driving -- we can just walk wherever we want to go. I can still see my friends -- we'll just meet them at some clubs."

I was just thinking out loud, but I'd already talked myself into it, and interestingly, the moment I mentioned privacy, a big smile crept across Madi's innocent face, and I knew right away that the whole weekend was already set -- carved into granite in her mind.

The funny thing is if I was trying to brush her off by leaving early that morning, I was only committing myself to something a whole lot more binding by inviting her to spend the weekend with me. I'm an idiot -- I swear to God.

But that's part of my problem -- I overthink things, and when I do, I almost always get myself much deeper into a complex situation than I ever intended to do, and all because I'm trying not to get myself into that situation in the first place! You'd think that I would learn from my mistakes, but I never seemed to be able to do that.

"I'd love to go! I'll find out tomorrow if I can get the day off. I'm sure I can. Can I call you and tell you tomorrow?"

"Sure! Either way, I'm gonna quit tomorrow. I've decided. I'm tired of working. My sorry ass has been cookin' out in that hot, fucking sun all summer long."

"I can see that. You got really tan this summer, and your hair is so much lighter now than it used to be. You really turn blonde when you're in the sun all the time, don't you?" She started stroking my hair with her hand. "By the way, I like your hair like this. It's so soft, and I like it long like it is now." They were throwaway remarks, but all of a sudden, I realized that there was something strange about them, and I began to contemplate their significance. For some reason, it seemed like Madi knew me a lot better than I thought she did.

"I just met you last week, Madi. How do you know whether my hair is lighter now than it used to be? Or longer?" I was suspicious.

"You forget. You were a senior during my freshman year of high school."

"Yeah, but you didn't know me, right? It wasn't like I was popular or anything. Nobody knew me." I could tell by the look on her face that I was wrong. "Wait. Are you saying that you knew me back then, Madi?"

"Of course I did! All my friends had crushes on you!"

"All your friends?"

"Well, a couple of them did, but none of them had as big a crush as I did!"

"You had a crush on me?"

"Of course! I thought you knew that!"

"No, I didn't know that! I didn't know you, so how would I know that?"

"I thought Libby probably told you. You know, John, she had a big crush on you in high school, too. You did know that, didn't you?"

"What! No, no I didn't know that, but...." I guess I did know that Libby liked me. She always seemed like she did, but I guess I always thought it was mostly platonic. "You know what I don't understand? Why would any of you have had a crush on me? I was kind of a loser in high school. I'm probably still a loser."

"Shit! You weren't a loser then, and you're not one now." She was scoffing at the very idea. "Most of the freshman girls I knew thought you were 'it' -- the coolest guy in your class. All of us thought you were cute."

"What! That's ridiculous!" I started counting things off on my fingers. "Look, one, I wasn't a jock. Two, I wasn't a preppie. Three, I wasn't one of the brainiacs. Four, I wasn't popular at all. Five, I definitely wasn't cool. I pretty much hated all of those people that were all of those things. And so, during high school, all I did was get high and ignore almost everybody. I never even had a girlfriend."

"There was that one girl -- what was her name? -- everyone thought she was your girlfriend."

"Mary Cate Cavanagh?"

"Yeah, she's the one. She was cute, too, and I know you at least dated her. I knew her younger brother, and he told me you dated her."

"Billy? Yeah, that's right; I'd forgotten that he was in your class. I always liked that kid, for some reason." I paused again to return to the inane conversation we were having about me. "Okay, maybe I did date her, for a little while, but she wasn't my girlfriend, and she dumped me for somebody better anyway. Besides, we never had sex. I never had sex with anyone until I got to college."

She seemed to ignore that last part. "Yeah, I remember the guy she dumped you for. By the way, he wasn't better. Not even close." She paused, and then she stared at me for a long time. "You don't get it, do you?"

"Get what?"

"Why certain girls like you. They like you precisely because you aren't any of the things that you just mentioned, even though you were good enough to have been all of them. You say you weren't a jock, but I saw you play basketball in high school. I was in junior high at the time, but they brought all of us 8^th Graders to a game. I remember seeing the varsity play, and you were pretty good. You had like six points in that game in about three minutes. But you didn't play your senior year, did you?"

"You're right, I quit. And do you know why? Because I wasn't any good! Madi, that game you're talking about. I think I got to play in the 4^th Quarter because we were ahead by like 30 points. The other team was terrible, and those six points? I think those were the only six points I scored all year. I never played. I sat on the bench the whole time."

"Yeah, maybe, but then you say you're not smart either, right?"

"Madi, my class rank was 26^th. What does that tell you? I wasn't even in the top 10% of the class."

"What did you get on the ACT? On the SAT?"

"I don't remember."

"Yes, you do. You remember, because those scores were probably a lot higher than almost every one of the 25 people that were ranked ahead of you, weren't they?"

"No."

"You just didn't suck up to your teachers, like the rest of them did."

"No, you're wrong! I don't think you get good grades just by sucking up. But you are right about one thing, I didn't suck up. At the same time, I also didn't try very hard, and most of my teachers pretty much hated me for that. They hated me because they thought I was wasting my potential. And you know what? They were right! I was a waste, and oh so proud of it! And surprise, surprise! For some crazy reason, that managed to alienate all of them! Whose fault was that? Theirs? Fuck no! The bottom line is that I didn't get better grades because I didn't try to get better grades. Grades weren't very important to me, because I hated it there."

"But see, that's why you were cool -- you didn't care! 'Too cool for school' -- that sort of summed up your approach, didn't it?"

"Not really, because I wasn't cool. I didn't care about being cool, because I didn't care about much of anything at the time."

"Exactly, and because you weren't trying to be cool, you were! See that's the first rule of cool -- if you're trying to be cool, you're automatically not cool."

I laughed. "That is absolutely true!"

"Anyway, that's why the girls I knew liked you. That's why I liked you, because you didn't care what other people thought about you. You were just doing your own thing. That was cool."

"Well, a lot of good it did me. No girls that I knew liked me -- none of them had any interest at all. I didn't get girls until I was in college. Then everything got a lot better... a lot easier. Thank God."

"Well, all I know is that I really enjoyed last night! Everything about it, but especially after we came back here! You're an amazing lover!"

"Madi, you keep saying that, but... I'm sorry, I know this is rude -- but how would you really know? I mean, you haven't been with many guys I presume." That was a strange and incredibly rude thing to have said especially after all of things she had done to me the night before. More than that, it was kind of a mean thing to have said, and I regretted it right away, but I guess I'd made my point.

"No, you're right I haven't been with many guys -- only three, and I slept with all of them after I started working at the clinic, just in the last few months. I'm like you. I never had sex in high school either. But you know something? Last night was the only time that a guy has ever made me cum! And you made me cum five times! God, if even only one of those other three guys had gotten me off -- and as I said, none of 'em ever did, never even got close -- you would have been five times better than that guy! You're five times better than a guy that doesn't even exist!"

"Madi... I...." I didn't know what to say, but it was obvious that her opinion of me was ridiculously overblown, and I sensed that the way she saw the two of us could only lead to trouble. I was afraid, afraid that she'd already set her expectations for our relationship far too high, and if so, then there'd be only one direction for things to go, and that would be straight down.

Still, rather than confront that problem like a mature human being, I decided to ignore it. That was my M.O. When I didn't like something, when I sensed there was a problem, I just ignored it -- thought maybe it would go away or come to an end. Like high school.

But unlike high school, it almost never did, and if it didn't, it usually became three times as big a problem later on. I changed the subject. "Do you want me to stick around to help you clean up the place before your friend comes back? It's probably not too messy, but maybe we should wash the linens and shit."

"That's okay. I'll do it myself, but I'm goin' back to sleep first. Last night wore me out! And anyway, Kerry isn't coming back until tonight. She's out of town. I've got plenty of time."

I stood up. "Okay then. Well, I should probably head over to my brother's house now, but, you've got my number, right? Call me about the weekend in Minneapolis. I hope you can go with me. I think we'll have fun."

"I'm sure we will! I'll call you first thing tomorrow. I promise."

"Okay. Well, bye, Madi, and thank you. I had a great time. The festival and all, that was a lot of fun, but... well, I hope you understand. Last night was special, really special." I leaned over and gave her a nice, long kiss, not too passionate because I didn't want us to start up all over again, but not some polite, brush-off peck, either. I knew I was going to see her again in less than two weeks. She kissed me back with a surprising amount of restraint, but she did put her arms around my neck, and when she did, the sheet she was using to conceal her naked body fell to the mattress, exposing her creamy breasts. She didn't seem embarrassed in the least, and that surprised me.

When we broke the kiss, Madi responded. "It was more than special, John; it was the best night ever! You can't know how much it meant to me, but..." She paused to about what she wanted to say. "...well, it meant an awful lot. Bye, John. Drive safe, okay."

I nodded, put on my shoes and socks, and left the room. Then I walked out of her friend's apartment, climbed into my car, and drove back to Lincoln. The next day I told my supervisor that I was quitting. I asked if it I was okay if I worked through August 27^th, a week from the following Thursday. It was one day shy of two weeks' notice, but he didn't care; he was more than okay with it. Hell, people quit all the time without giving any notice; they just didn't show up for work and no one would ever see them again. Some didn't even come back to pick up their final paychecks, and then somebody had to mail them.

Madi called me on that Monday night to tell me she had gotten off work on Friday. There was urgency in her voice when we talked, though it was only for a couple minutes. I told her that I would pick her up early that morning so we could get an early start, but I promised to call her the night before to iron out all of the details. That night I called my buddy that worked at the Radisson, and he made a reservation for me for that Friday and Saturday night at their hotel in downtown Minneapolis.

After work on the following Thursday, my last day at the VA, I drove back to Omaha. I went over to Libby and Tommy's place that night. Madi wasn't there, but I called her at her mother's house, and we agreed to meet at Tommy and Libby's place at 9:00 a.m.

I hadn't seen or talked to either Libby or Tommy since the blues festival, so we sat around and drank a few beers that night. I didn't stay very late, because they both had to work in the morning, but even if they didn't have to, I would have left early anyway. The playful banter got a little too personal.

I gathered from them that I'd been the main topic of conversation over the past couple of weeks, and so right away, both of them started questioning me about my night with Madi and, in Libby's case, trying to find out, I assumed, what I thought about it. I could tell from the questions Libby asked that Madi had told her everything.

"That girl is head-over-heels for you, John. I've never seen her like this before. Right now, you're all she talks about", Libby said, grinning from ear to ear. "What did you do to her?"

Before I could answer, Tommy piped in, "Yeah, Romeo, what did you do? According to all the young thangs, you know, all of Madi's friends, you're the Reigning Rajah of the Rut! The Duke of Dick! The Prince of Poon! The King of Cooze! Kerry told Madi that four guys in her apartment complex have asked her out since that night! And she didn't even put out!"

"Would you two kindly stop that shit? We spent the night together, okay? One night; 'nough said. Besides, gentlemen don't kiss and tell! You might remember that, Tommy, the next time you decide to regale us all with one of your dick stories." Libby laughed loudly.

"Whoa! We must have struck a raw nerve, Libby. I can't recall ol' Johnny boy getting so defensive."

Libby stopped laughing. "I'm sorry, John. I won't tease you anymore, but you should know she really does like you a lot. All I ask is that you take it easy on her, okay? She's my baby sister. The only one I've got." I was flabbergasted! Baby sister! Jesus! You'd be shocked if you knew what your baby sister was capable of! I thought these things, but, of course, I did not say them.

I nodded my acknowledgement of the message. It would probably have done me a lot of good to talk to Libby about Madi, but I would have had to get her alone to do that. I couldn't do it in front of Tommy. He would just make a joke of everything, and I knew it wasn't a joke. After what they'd said, I was in an even more delicate situation than I'd thought I was.

Thankfully, Libby changed the subject. "So, you two are going up to the Cities tomorrow, huh?"

"Yeah, I need to get away from Lincoln, from Nebraska, and I thought maybe we'd go see some music in some clubs up there."

"That sounds like fun -- Madi will like that. She's never been to a club. I'm not sure she's ever been to a bar, period. She'll be legal in Minnesota now, but not for long. They've already raised the drinking age there; effective next year, everyone has to be 21. Right now, she's not legal in Nebraska. Hell, I'm not legal in Nebraska! I have to get my hubby to buy me booze!" They smiled at each other.

"Yeah, you can thank 'Raygun' for that", Tommy said sarcastically.

"Did you even realize that -- about the drinking age -- when you asked her to go to the Cities with you?"

"No, I didn't. I'm glad you mentioned it. I'd forgotten that they're changing all of the drinking ages everywhere. Now that I'm over 21, it doesn't much affect me. It's the whole highway funds thing, right?"

"Yeah, the Feds are threatening to withhold the states' transportation dollars if they don't change the drinking age to 21", Tommy answered. "I think it was "Just Say No" Nancy's idea." We went on like that for a little while, but after the teasing, I just wanted to get out of there. I finished my beer and then told them that I needed to do some laundry at my mother's house.

The next morning I returned to meet Madi. Tommy and Libby were both at work, but Madi left her car on the street around the corner from their house. She really looked great, had a nice outfit on, but it was a little awkward when I first saw her again.

Neither one of us really knew exactly how to act around the other person. It's always that way when you see somebody again the first time after you've slept with them. After that happens, it takes a little while to settle into the right way of expressing affection. I gave her a quick peck on the lips, and then took her stuff from her and loaded it into my trunk. Then we got into the car, and we kissed for a couple of minutes, before we set off for the Cities.

There are about five and half hours of cornfields between Omaha and Minneapolis, so it gave us a chance to talk. It was fun. I liked talking to Madi. She was smart and funny, a lot smarter and funnier than she gave herself credit for, and she was always fun to look at.

Still, she was behaving differently than she had at the blues festival. There was some kind of agitation and anxiousness in her voice. She had a hard time, keeping her hands to herself while I drove. Nothing too aggressive, just short little touches, brushing up against me or caressing my shoulder briefly, stuff like that. But every once and a while, she'd catch herself, sit up straight, and put her hands in her lap, like the teacher had just reprimanded her, and she didn't want to get into trouble.

We arrived about mid-afternoon and checked into our hotel. I intended to hit the streets and walk around downtown to show Madi the sights. She'd never been there before. Then, I thought we could get something to eat, before we checked out the club scene.

But Madi had different ideas. "Can we wait a little bit to do that? I'm kind of tired. I'd like to lie down for a little bit. Maybe take a quick cat nap."

I smiled at her. "Okay, you're the guest, so I'll let you call the shots this whole weekend." We took our shoes and socks off and lie down on the bed, but I knew we weren't taking a nap. We talked for a while, but it wasn't long before the inevitable happened.