I Wish She Hadn't Ch. 01

"I've missed you, John", Madi said right away, pulling my face to hers as soon our heads hit the pillows. "I've been so horny. I can't get that night out of my mind. I just keep replaying it over and over in my head. I didn't know that sex could be so good."

"I missed you, too, Madi, but we'll make some new memories this weekend, okay?"

"I'd really like that." She paused and then stared at me long and hard. "John, can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"Well, it's kind of hard for me to bring this up. It's sort of an embarrassing thing to ask. I don't really know what you'll say."

"I guess you'll never find out unless you blurt it out. It's always awkward at first, Madi, but I think we put most of those embarrassing things behind us two weeks ago. That was pretty wild! We cleared a lot of hurdles in that one night."

"But, see, that's it. That's the whole thing. See, I didn't really have very much experience before that night. I had only been with those three guys, like I told you."

"You could have fooled me! You seemed like a real veteran, Madi. No other girl has ever done the things to me that you did that night. I don't think you should think of yourself as a novice."

"Well, I mean that's nice of you to say and all, but... well, maybe I should just spit it out, and be done with it."

"I think you should."

"Okay. Well, do you know how I figured out how to do those things I did to you that night? I mean, like what I did with my hands when I was sucking your cock, taking you in my throat, and licking your balls, all that shit? I'd never done any of those things before that night. Do you know how I learned that?"

"No, I have no idea! I was as surprised as I could have been that you knew so much. All I know is that I really enjoyed it. It's even more incredible to find out that you'd never done any of it before!"

"Well, so here's the point -- have you ever watch porn?"

I laughed the second I heard the word. "Ah... well, a little bit, yeah! I suspect most guys have. If they say they haven't, I figure they're lying. Do you remember me telling you that I think most guys lie about the size of their cocks?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I think the reason they do that is because they've all watched porn, and they've seen the size of those guys' dicks in the movies and in magazines, and they feel like they have to overcompensate -- you know, penis envy and all. Maybe I'm wrong, but I doubt it." I paused. She was looking at me with that naïve and vulnerable look that she sometimes got, and I couldn't figure out where she was going with this. "But why would you ask me that, Madi? What does porn have to do with anything?"

"Well, that's how I learned to do the things that I did to you, and I was kind of amazed that it worked! You seemed really turned on, and you came so hard that first time that I figured there must have been something to it -- the stuff I saw. I just watched a bunch of porn actresses doing deep throat, and I imitated them by practicing on some dildos and stuff, and..." She paused. "I think it's all about the spit. That's my theory anyway."

I laughed again. "Well, theory or proven fact, I can't argue with the results! That's actually kind of interesting though, Madi. I couldn't figure it out -- how you got so good so fast -- but now it makes sense. It's a real testimonial to the porn industry! It's exactly what they always say, which I never thought was true -- maybe watching porn actually helps people have better sex!"

I paused for several seconds before continuing. "But, Madi, and it's important that you know this. That was you -- that was you that did that to me -- nobody else. You were incredibly sexy and hot, it doesn't really matter how you learned to be that way. In fact, it doesn't matter how you learn anything. The only thing that matters is that you've learned something, and once you have, nobody can take it away from you."

"Well, that's nice of you to say, John, but the thing is, since that night of the festival, I've been watching a lot more porn, 'cause I figured if watching the right way to give head worked as well as it did, maybe I could learn some other things to please you, some things that maybe no other woman has ever done to you. I thought that would be a nice way to surprise you, you know, every time we were together, I could try to do something different to make you cum! Something crazy, something really wild, and I really want to try some new things this weekend! Is that okay or do you think I'm just weird for thinking about all of this stuff?"

"Madi..." I was amazed at what she'd just said, not freaked out or anything, just amazed that she was willing to go to such absurd lengths to please me. "I don't think it's weird. I think it's nice, but you don't have to do this unless you really want to. Sex shouldn't be about one person's pleasure. It should be about both people, and if you try so hard to please me, you're only gonna make me feel bad about not trying to do to the same to please you."

"I don't think, in your case, it's about trying. I don't think you have to -- you're just good at it, really good at it, and I don't know what it is that you do exactly, but it's so easy for me when I'm with you. Maybe it's some kind of special chemistry that you have that makes it so easy for me to cum. All I know is that I want to be able to do the same thing to you -- I want it to be as easy for me to make you cum, as it is for you to make me cum. I just think I have a lot of catching up to do."

"Madi, you don't have to catch up! And by the way, it's not me. I mean, I don't really know any more about this than you do, but I don't think that you have to push it. My sense of things is that it's best to just let things happen, to just kind of explore different things together, and find out what we both like."

I paused again before continuing. "But you've also got to remember that men and women are built differently. It's easier for women than for men. It has nothing to do with me being good at anything; it has everything to do with you, because you're a woman, and women are multi-orgasmic; they can have one right after another. Men have to wait for a little while."

She seemed to ignore the last few things I said. "But, you'd be up for that -- exploring things, I mean?"

"Well, sure, though I guess it depends on what you have in mind."

And then she was out with it. She just threw it out there like a big, fat softball tossed so agonizingly slowly that it was impossible to miss it. No dancing around the subject; no polite mannerisms, tactful terminology, or carefully phrased metaphors -- just the big enchilada laid out there in no-nonsense, straightforward language. "Anal. I want you to have anal sex with me."

"Yow!" I paused; I was pretty stunned. "Ah, okay, I have to admit, Madi, I wasn't really ready for that!" I paused again. "Is that the kind of stuff you've been watching?"

"Yes. The men in the movies seem like they really like it, and so I thought you would, too. Have you ever done it before?"

"Actually, no. I haven't."

"Have you ever thought about it? Have you ever wanted to do it?"

"Well... yeah, I guess I have. I think most men have thought about it. I just knew I could never bring it up to any girl I was dating. I always assumed that that would be about the best way in the world to end a date real quickly! I just didn't think I could ever ask a woman to do that."

"But you'd want to do it? I mean, you'd want to try it?"

"Well, yeah, I guess I'd like to know what it would be like, what it would feel like."

"Can we do it right now?" She scooted closer and put her arms around my neck.

"Whoa, Nelly! Slow down, girl!" I couldn't believe what she was saying! "Madi, like I said I've never done it before, so you probably know more about this than I do, but I'm guessing -- and really this is only a guess -- but I suspect that you need to kind of prepare for it. Like get certain kinds of lubricants and shit like that. I think if we're gonna do it, we should probably find out some more about it and kind of think this through thoroughly before we go for it."

"Okay, but how do we do that -- prepare, I mean?"

"I don't know! I suppose it makes sense to ask somebody about it, but I have to admit, I would be kind of embarrassed to ask anybody about that sort of thing. I suppose there are adult stores that sell products that are specially made for it. Maybe we could find out something at one of those places. I mean if you work in a place like that, you're probably more likely to be willing to discuss it." I really didn't know what the hell I was talking about, and I sure as hell wasn't volunteering to make any inquiries.

"Would they have those kinds of stores here in Minneapolis?"

I laughed. "Yeah, I'm sure they do. They have 'em in Omaha -- they gotta have 'em here! There's probably one really close by, Madi. We're in the heart of downtown."

"Good, well then, we'll find a place, and I'll ask somebody. I don't care. Nobody knows me here, and I'm never gonna see 'em again, anyway, right?"

"That's probably true."

"Okay, we don't have to try it right now, but will you promise me that we will sometime this weekend?"

I smiled at her. I hadn't seen this side of Madi before, but it became pretty clear -- once she set her mind to something, there was no stopping her. I was an odd demand, but I don't know too many guess that wouldn't agree to it, given the chance, and I certainly wasn't one to be the exception to the rule.

"I promise." I kissed her, and she smiled really brightly, kind of like she was proud of herself for having had the courage to bring it up. Then, she began kissing me passionately, and simultaneously she reached inside the crotch of my jeans and started stroking me again. It only took her a couple of minutes, before she had me rock hard. I broke the kiss, and laughed out loud, "I thought you wanted to take a nap!"

"No! I just wanted you. Like I said, I'm so horny! All I've been thinking about for two weeks is making love! And then the drive up here! I was going crazy! It was all I could do not to ask you to pull off the Interstate and just take me in one of those cornfields! I'm just so ready!"

I chuckled. "In a cornfield, huh? I don't know how well that would have worked! I think this will be a lot more comfortable!" Then I pulled her to me again, and as we kissed and caressed each other, our clothes started slowly disappearing.

Madi wasn't kidding about being ready. When I unbuttoned her blouse and jeans and then pulled them both off her, I got my first treat of the weekend -- she had dressed up for me -- the whole nine yards: periwinkle, lace bra and matching G-string, garter belt, and stockings! I thought that was really incredible, because that shit has always turned me on, and I loved that color on her! God, she looked hot!

But when I slipped my hand inside that purple lace G-string, and my fingers slid across her pubic mound, I got another surprise. When I was with her that first night, she had a triangular patch of thick, brown pubic hair. Now, my fingers found only a little tiny rectangular tuft about two inches above the top of her pussy. I pulled her G-string off her, and slid it down her shapely legs. Now I got a good look at her tiny bush. It was no more than an inch in length, and maybe a half inch wide. The rest of her pussy area was clean as a whistle. "Madi", I asked kind of amazed, "did you shave your pubic hair for me?"

"It's not shaved. I got a wax. Do you like it?"

"I love it! It's very, very sexy. I like pubic hair, but it does get in the way sometimes, and I sure do like to see what I'm doing down there! I'm just glad you kept a little bit of it! I don't like it when woman are completely bare. But I really like the way this looks on you! It's a big turn-on for me!"

Her new look left nothing to the imagination, and I was anxious to see my fingers or, better yet, my cock entering her, and that didn't take long. My fingers touched her plump pussy lips, and a second later, I slipped two of them inside her silky slit, and that's when I got my third surprise -- Madi was absolute drenched! Even before I touched her, she was literally leaking creamy arousal from her pussy. "Jesus, you weren't joking about being ready -- you're so fucking wet! I guess I better take care of you -- make you cum right away! What do you want me to do?"

"Oh god, will you get on top of me, please? I so fucking need your cock inside me!" she pleaded.

She'd already removed my shirt, so all I had to do was pull my jeans and boxers off before mounting her. When I crawled between her splayed legs, and prepare to enter her, her pussy looked like we'd been going at it for a couple of hours. With nothing to obscure my view of it, I could see that her pussy had fully blossomed, spreading wide its dewy petals, and so, when I pushed inside, I sank to the bottom of her creamy hole in one thrust.

"Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh! Oh my god, that feels good! You're gonna make me cum right away! I just know it!" For the next two minutes, I barely moved. I didn't have to. Despite the fact that I was on top of her in the missionary position, Madi played the fucker, and I the fuckee!

She just started grinding against me from the get-go, lifting her hips off the mattress, and rocking them forwards and backwards, side to side, and in counterclockwise circles, until, sure enough, after no more than two minutes with me kneeling between her slender legs, supporting myself on my outstretched arms with my stiff pecker inside her to the hilt, she started cumming.

"Oh fuck! Here it comes! Oh god! Yes! Yes! Fuck! I'm cumming! I'm cumming, baby! I'm cumming! Oh fuck, it's good! It's so good! Ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Yyyeeesss! Yyyeeesss! Yyyeeesss!"

As more blue language and sensual sounds spilled from her, I felt Madi's pussy squeezing my root while she writhed beneath me, the convulsive spasms rolling through her whole body. I thought for a brief moment that maybe Madi was right -- maybe there was a special chemistry between us, but I'm fairly certain it had nothing to do with me. It was more likely something unique and special about her. Maybe she was hyperorgasmic.

But when the pleasure eventually slowed and then ceased, Madi looked up at me with a sad, confused look. She couldn't figure out why I wasn't thrusting away inside her, and immediately I felt really bad. But for some reason, I just couldn't keep going.

The truth was that that afternoon I wasn't fucking Madi. She was fucking me. I don't know why, but, for some reason, that changed the way I thought about it. Now that I'd accomplished what I had set out to do -- to make her cum -- I neither desired nor needed anything else.

At the same time, I could see it from her vantage point, too. I could certainly understand why she would have been disappointed when I didn't keep going, and I guess I probably could and should have -- I was excited enough, and Madi was so hot, so pretty, so alluring. It certainly wouldn't have taken much to make me cum.

But I guess at that very moment I realized that we were in that city for two entirely different reasons. For me, that trip was a needed getaway, a vital respite from the boredom, the grind, the orthodoxy of my current existence and the even more insistent promise of a parallel near future, one that guaranteed me at least two more summers of boring, peon work, probably in the hot sun again; dozens and dozens more late nights spent cramming for classes that I found somewhat interesting, but suspected had no practical application to anything I might eventually find myself doing -- whatever the hell that was; and mountains of student loans that would pile up like excuses until finally, one bright day, if I was exceedingly lucky, I would escape and be done with it all.

But Madi? She had come to that city -- I'm not sure she even knew which city we were in -- for one thing and one thing only. It wasn't for sex: oral, vaginal, anal or any variation thereof. It wasn't to hear music -- I don't think music was particularly important to her. It wasn't to drink alcohol, even in a state that legally sanctioned her consumption of it. It wasn't to smoke dope. It wasn't to explore new places or experience new things, or meet new people.

It was for me. She had come to be with me -- to touch me, to kiss me, to hold me, and to sleep with me, and it really didn't matter where we were sleeping -- on some friends' futon in a tiny living room in some South Minneapolis bungalow, or on a sleeping bag on the fourth floor of a four story, Uptown walkup, on the far-too-soft mattress in Tommy and Libby's hot, sticky upstairs bedroom, on the Queen-sized Sealy Posturepedic in her friend Kerry's South Omaha studio apartment, or on a luxurious, firm King-size on the 16^th floor of a comfortable downtown hotel in perhaps America's hippest city. All that mattered was that she was with me, and the really strange thing was that that made me neither happy nor sad, neither proud nor embarrassed, neither satisfied nor dissatisfied, but instead just left me feeling really, really worried.

"Why did you stop?" She sounded so young when she asked, so innocent and vulnerable, and I could tell that it hurt her feelings.

"I never really started", I said bluntly and then I tried to smile as if what I had said was funny. It wasn't.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I was just so turned on that I couldn't help myself! I should have gotten you off before worrying about me! Like that first night! I'm really sorry, baby. I'm sorry I was so selfish!" I found her reaction ironic, if not predictable. I should have been the one apologizing. I had said something rude, and, more importantly, I had taken my ball and gone home before the game was over.

There's no time like the present, and we clearly needed to talk, so I slipped out of her and reclined on my side next to her in the middle of the bed. Then, I leaned over and kissed her. "Madi, you're not being selfish."

"It feels that way."

"You're not being selfish. I don't think you know how to be selfish." I kissed her again. Then I tried to explain my own sorry behavior.

"Madi, for me this is all pretty new and different, and I'm sure it's new and different for you, too. I'm just not used to being with someone who focuses so much on me. It's nice and all, being the center of attention; it's just that it's kind of intimidating." I paused to gauge her reaction. She seemed intent on trying to understand my sentiments.

"But please know this. I really think you're the least selfish person I've ever met, especially when it comes to sex, and you should also know this, Madi -- you're the only girl who ever made me cum before I made her cum." That sentence seemed to pique her interest.

"That was always sort of a rule with me -- making the girl cum first. I know, it's stupid, some kind of outdated code of chivalry or something, but that's sort of where I'm coming from -- I'm just used to being the one doing all of the 'trying', rather than the other way around. Most of the other times that I've been with girls, I was chasing them, trying to talk them into going to bed with me, and then, if we ever did have sex, I was the one leading, and the girl was just lying there, probably bored out of her skull. I guess I'm just not used to someone who is as affectionate as you are."

"You don't want me to be affectionate?" Now she seemed confused again, even more so than before I started.

"No it's not that! I think it's nice that you're affectionate! I love that about you!" I stopped. That was not a word that I should have used at that particular moment. But I kept going even though I knew I was failing miserably to articulate what I was really feeling. "It's probably some innate male thing -- being the pursuer, rather than the pursued. Guys -- we're a pretty fucked up bunch, you know. But I think we tend fancy ourselves as the hunters; and I think we tend to prefer women as the gatherers. And then there's me and all of my own personal neuroses -- I just have a kind of pathetic self-concept, so I'm not used to being told how great I am."