In Name Only: Seeds

"But lass, you cannot love him. Why its-its not—" Molly faltered, she didn't want to hurt Myra with harsh judgments, her heart went out to her. She's heard tales of peculiar love between family members before; it never ends well.

"I know," she sobbed, "I know its wrong. That's why I left—no...I-I didn't leave because it was wrong. Had I been barren, I would have remained at Oaksberth as his wife for the rest of my life. But I couldn't stay...I had to think of my children and all they'd suffer. I love them too much to damn them to a life of self-hatred and misery. I-I had to leave them. I had to..."

Molly shook her head, still unable to fathom the life her friend described "But...your letters...you never said a word—"

Myra let out a short, self-deprecating laugh. "And what should I have said, Molly? How does one explain a life of forbidden love, what can she say about her shameless indulgence in unwholesome passions?" She began to cry again.

Molly waited for her to calm down before she asked. "What are you going to do, lass?"

Myra gazed down at her baby with pained eyes. "I'm going away—somewhere very far away, somewhere little Joseph and I can't be found. My brother will come to find me here and... I lack the strength to refuse him, Molly... I-I need him... I need him dreadfully, a-and I want my sweet darling babies..."

Molly has never experienced love to that degree, but her mother has. She was told her many years ago, when they were leaving Ireland, that she was not the child of the father she knew, that she was the child of another. A rich landowner who'd used her mother whenever her husband had gone out to sea. Molly's mother had actually loved the landowner, but her love had not been reciprocated, only kept alive by the landowner's endless visits. She can't remember her mother ever being very happy. Molly was sorry for her, and she was sorry for Myra.

Myra wiped ineffectually at her tears and looked at her friend with eyes full of agony. "H-He must not f-find us, Molly. For our children's sake, we c-can never r-reunite."

*****

Alone in a compartment on a train headed to Pennsylvania, Joseph took out a crinkled letter from his inside jacket pocket and smoothed it out. He's read the letter many times these past few days, searching for clues to her whereabouts. He found nothing. He stared at his sister's precise lettering. The note gives nothing away. It was very short almost clinical, revealing none of the love he knew she had for him. Anxious frustration suffocated him as he resisted the urge to crumple it in his fist again. He folded it carefully and put back into his pocket, and then turned to stare out the window.

He's been so eager to see her when he returned from New York. He closed things down early in order to be there when the baby was born. But, as soon as he entered the mansion he'd known something was wrong, and Mrs. Danvers's troubled eyes had intensified his alarm.

She was gone. She'd left him. And he knew she had gone. Didn't Owen state that he'd had to go in to Hartview to retrieve a horse and buggy? Yet, he continued to search the house and grounds in vain hope that it was all a mistake.

When he found the note on her pillow, he'd ripped it open and quickly read her words of farewell. He clasped the letter to his chest and howled out in anguish. The power in his huge body abandoned him, and he fell to his knees and wept. He'd felt such pain in his heart—he still felt it. The ache was a permanent reminder of how hollow his life will be without her. He had to find her.

There's only one place Myra ever spoke of as her home. Brier school. She's there, waiting for him to come for her. I'm coming, my love, I'm coming...

*****

Miss Beady observed the handsome man in the chair across from her. As a woman, she can certainly appreciate his sexual magnetism and can now understand why an innocent like Myra had fallen for him. Fortunately, she lost her innocence long ago and has learned to suppress unruly urgings. Surely a man of his age and experience could have done the same. "No, I'm afraid Miss Ellison is not here."

Joseph paled. "This is the only place she ever mentions. Where else would she go?"

"I'm sure I don't know, Mr. Ellison, however, I do know that she is not here."

"You're sure of this," he persisted, "her friend Molly may have—"

"Molly left us over a year ago, Mr. Ellison. She has gone back to her people in Ireland."

"Perhaps someone else has seen her—" He was desperate for her to be here because if she wasn't here he had nowhere else to look.

The schoolmarm gave him an affronted look. "Mr. Ellison, I am aware of all the comings and goings at Brier school, and I assure you, if she were here, I would know." She finished haughtily.

His instincts called her a liar. But, can he trust his instincts when they're dulled by pain. He did not want to offend his only lead. "Miss Beady, she is alone and—" His voice cracked with emotion. "I must find her."

Miss Beady relented, somewhat. The man looked haunted. He reminded her of the tragic heroes in her favorite novels. "I will send word should she turn up, Mr. Ellison, that is all I can do."

*****

After showing Mr. Ellison out, she rang for Molly. A short time later, a light knock sounded on her door. "Come in,"

Molly opened the door and peered around the room. Deeming it empty of the previous occupant, she entered. "Yes, ma'am?"

"You are sure Mr. Ellison is the father of Miss Ellison's child?" She asked. She still found it hard to wrap her mind around it. Imagine being accosted by all of that man flesh. She suppressed a delicious shiver, and quickly blocked out that line of visualizations. No need to stir up the old juices.

"I am, ma'am."

"Well, he has gone, but I expect he will pay us another visit in the very near future. Miss Ellison is to remain in the left wing. And, at no time is she to interact with the others. Is that understood?"

"Yes, ma'am."

Miss Beady sighed inwardly. Deceit is a trying pastime. "What are her plans? I cannot have her here indefinitely."

"She, that is, the lass and I, are going west once the babe's a wee bit older."

Miss Beady brows rose, "Am I to understand that you are leaving us, Molly?"

"Yes, ma'am," she said. "Myra is very young to be all alone in a strange land with no one to call on. I'm her only friend. She needs a friend right now, don't you think?"

Miss Beady pursed her lips. "Well, then, we will wait a few months for the child to mature, and then you will have to be on you way."

"We will, ma'am, thank you, ma'am."

Chapter Thirteen

Joseph grieved in darkness, closing himself off from his children and his life. Mrs. Danvers took it upon herself to hire a temporary nanny to care for the children. She kept things running smoothly in the house. But now she feels Joseph has locked himself away from the world long enough. His children needed him.

She marched into his bedroom one morning and threw open the drapes.

"What the hell—" Joseph covered his eyes with a forearm. "Mrs. Danvers, didn't I tell you not to disturb me?"

"Indeed, you did, sir," she said, briskly, "but it is morning, and there is business to attend to."

There was only one thing he wanted to know. "Have they found her?"

"There has been no word, sir."

He rubbed the ache in his chest. "It's been too long. She can't have gone far. Why can't they find her?"

"They're doing their best, sir, but..." she paused, sure he was not ready to hear what she had to say.

One eye peeked from under his wrist. "What?"

"Sir, she is gone... She is gone and I do not believe she means to return." She shook her head sadly. He was in so much pain. But he can't be allowed to wallow in it any longer. "Walter and Vivian's mother is gone sir, they need you more than ever before. They need to know their father still cares about them. Your little ones miss you, sir."

"I know." His children were all he had left of Myra.

"She loves you, and she loves those babies, and I've no doubt she loves the child she left with. But she had worries, sir. She feared for her children. She feared their future. She sacrificed your love for them. She wants a good life for them."

"We will give them a wonderful life!" Joseph said, belligerently. "Myra and I!"

"Sir, you would've kept them in the shadows to protect them. But the fact that you and she are siblings would have eventually come to out. You've known this from the beginning."

Joseph did know, but he'd chosen to ignore that reality in order to keep her. He rubbed the place over his heart; it was as if a knife had become lodged there and would remain there until he had her back. "I won't stop looking for her...I won't ever stop looking for her."

Mrs. Danvers released a pent up breath. "Sir, the children must have normalcy. You must find a wife. Your children will need a mother's love."

His mind and soul instantly rebelled. He could not bear the thought of another woman taking her place. "They have a mother!" He snarled.

"No sir, they do not." She countered, bluntly. "You must do this, sir. You must do it quickly while the children are still very young. They will need to believe the woman you choose is their natural mother. Sir, you must protect them."

Tears fell freely from his tortured gaze as he muttered thickly. "I can't...I can't!"

Mrs. Danvers rendered him a look of deep compassion. "She'd want you to, sir."

He closed his eyes to blot her out. He could not accept the years of emptiness he saw stretch out before him.

*****

Glendwilder Springs, Colorado.

October 1924

Myra stepped down off the train and glanced around her. The train station was bustling. People walked to and fro, each to his own destination. She looked beyond the station to the snow capped mountains in the distance. She was in awe of the sheer beauty of the looming sentinels.

"Well, we made it." Molly said, as she met up with her with their bags in tow.

"Yes, we have." Myra smiled gratefully at her friend. "Thank you, Molly, thank you for coming with me."

"Aw, lass, you're like a sister to me, I could do no other." Molly replied.

The bundle in her arms began to squirm and fuss. She patted his little bottom to calm him. "Soon, Joseph...be patient little one."

Molly cast a dubious glance at the baby's chubby little scrunched up face. "I'm thinking the wee lad knows nothing about patience, lass...we'd best be finding tonight's lodgings real quick like."

"I'm thinking you're right." She glanced up at the mountains again, and was filled with a new ambition for life. She gave up her brother for their children's sake. She will do everything in her power to make sure their little Joseph's life is a happy one. Myra hugged his precious form to her chest and whispered a final goodbye to the love of her life and the precious babies she left behind at Oaksberth. "Tomorrow we'll continue our journey toward a new beginning."

The END