All Comments on 'Innocent Text Messages Pt. 01'

A fantastic start. Congratulations on your first submission. I'm really looking forward to see the progression of this story.

Entertaining start. Can't ask for much more than that.

So far, your first effort is exceptional. Very good. I think I would have text the guy back though and told him I was going to cut that dick he was so proud of, right off.

Please carry on with the next chapter. 5*

For a first story I'll give you credit. Decent set up but incomplete. You could have provided a little more background on Tony and Selene.

Thanks for posting. Looking forward to more on this one. 5 for your first effort.

Reality is subjective in many facets of life. N***ger when Jay-Z says it is different then when a scrub white-boy receiver for Philadelphia Eagles drops it.

This was a great intro because its clear the husband and wife have vastly disparate views on what is lying, on what constitutes respect and what is appropriate behavior for within the boundaries of their marriage.

The husband is not fully in control of himself . Breaking his wife's phone even though the text matter was enraging is not one of the building blocks of communication needed post-haste to resolve this dilemma.

The author has set a very provocative table Literotica-wise. Kudos on appetizer. I can only hope the main entree measures up to its predecessor.

Can't wait to read the next chapter. You have a good story started. 5 stars.

Other than that, good start.

before what wud've happened will, TK U MLJ LV NV

Can't wait to read the next chapter.

5 Stars.

Extremely well written and a storyline that has me wanting more. The typical tale on this site would have had the hubby hiding in the closet to see what the wife would do when she came out of the bathroom a checked her phone's messages. He would have waited. Instead, your story shows authenticity. This is what would happen in real life. He may have blown any chance of finding out what his wife really would have thought upon first seeing that picture, but he gave her a wake up call that may have saved her from making a huge mistake. Five stars.

... so far. Can't wait for the rest.

Good start you have a broad canvas to paint an interesting story. Brian must go down.

Extremely well written.

More.

Good start. Please don't make this story into one where the husband turns out as a wimp, accepting anything from his wife, allowing her to cary on flirting, being persuaded to have sex with her lover, getting caught, regretting and being sorry and forgiven, there are to many stories with that crap in them

Nice set up. Well written. What you do next will define if you have something interesting to add theme.

I agree excellent so far, cannot wait for the other future installments. I too share the same opinion, do not make the husband into a wimp. I also feel there is more to her hiding and denying but you are the author. Some will say maybe or maybe not, but to walk out, yes he threw the phone, yes a little violence, but that is real life... yes this is a story, but really? 200 MB for messages? and a photo from the guy? what has she emailed? I do see doom for the marriage, he was disrespected and she did damage the vows if not break them.

Please continue

I thought you put forth a nice first installment. You will get a lot of feed back about how the husband should or shouldn't behave. My advice to you is to keep the husbands reaction and response as "real" as you can. You have done a good job of introducing the characters and set up the family well. Keep it up!

Nice writing, good emotion, clear plot.

Obviously, her "innocent" exchanges have gone over the line. What was really going on? Was it completely innocent? If she is as "smart" as he thinks she is, how could she not KNOW that this was potential dynamite? I worked night shift in a hospital for 3 years and I don't remember having a detailed sexual conversation with anyone. It probably would have gotten me fired. I knew a couple people that got a little touchy feely and they got in trouble. Duh!

The final judgment on the story will be how the story is wrapped up, both rationally (does it make sense?) and emotionally (does everyone get their feelings settled, is justice done).

I really liked the reactions from the husband. I had a situation close where the husband ended up at the place of business. The guy was stupid enough to goad the husband. The husband then took all frustrations out on the guy. Guy ended up at tge emergency room. Please don't whimp the husband. After 30 years of law enforcement, I have seen more husbands take action than being a whimp. The only draw back is maybe longer chapters. Very hard to keep up with a story when it has shorter chapters. Great start.

"Come to my Apt"

"I can't"

"Why not"

"Hubby would wonder" NOT "I'm a married woman and can't cheat"

The fact that the husband immediately called her on it instead of waiting was excellent. If he waited he would have had good evidence, for a divorce. What was she thinking about when she accepted the first of these text instead of showing it to the supervisor. He should hold onto the evidence or perhaps show it to her supervisor....

What you seem to be saying is that anyone that writes something you do not like should leave the site. Personally I do not read the cucky boy stories and if someone turns cucky I only continue if it is a very good story up to that point. Your attitude is very undemocratic.

N.B. I am posting here in an open form because you refuse to accept e-mails, otherwise I would have done it privately....

A good first page that grabs the interest of the reader and holds it...but disappoints on realization that it's such a short bite. Don't make the mistake of making your chapters too short. Not every page will have the same level of intensity and if it's all there is of that chapter it risks the reader's interest waning and it may fail to inspire opening the next episode. The desire to get to the end of the story can decrease with the length of time between chapter submissions so don't be too long with the next bite. Aim for at least two, and preferably three pages per chapter unless it's planned total length is that size. Looking forward to how this develops...and trusting the wait will not be too long. Keep going...we're waiting.

I was hoping the texts would be even more innocent, but I guess the author still has room to take this story in one of many directions. Keep the chapters coming!

What a deadset tosser you are. He can write whatever the fuck he wants, it's his choice. Who the fuck are you to make decisions for him? You can always write your own if you don't like someone else's stories.

The story is pretty good so far, well written.

noticed there is no tab. To javmor79: This is one of the best first stories I have seen in a long time. You still made a few errors. The only story "flow" issue (Something for an editor to catch.) I noticed was her talking about the texts helping them get through the night but, since she came home at 7PM, she worked the day shift. There were a few, by Lit. standards, little errors (Something for a proofreader to catch.). Writers are bound to miss some of these, even with numerous self-proofs. That is because the writer knows what is coming next and reads the mistake just like the non-mistake he/she intended. If you want me to edit/proof future stories, please enable the author feedback tab so I can send you my email address without exposing it to everyone on Lit.

I LOVED your hard/difficult distinction. Few people understand the difference. (My wood table is hard and the assembly directions were difficult for me to understand.)

I proofed this twice. Do you see any errors?

Is he going to boink the babysitter?

Really like the start. Taut, good dialogue, can go in many directions. Try and be true to your characters as you develop them. 5* start

It gets going right away, like a freight train--instantly it's moving fast and it's powerful and we're engaged. To me this is the best way to start a story. Unlike one of the other commenters, I don't think more background on the couple is needed. It's clear they're happily married, have two great daughters, things are good--until his discovery of what's on her phone!

Wonderful beginning, and I'll be right with you for the rest of the story.

Thanks, ohio

She's 15 and unbonkable per Literotica

Here's why I think this start is a success: because the husband is forcing the issue in a deliberate and rational manner. Far too many people in life (men and women, husbands and wives) walk into situations wearing blinders, denying the implications their behavior by saying it doesn't mean anything or that it's innocent fun. In other words, all of the excuses that the wife in this story is making. The excuses are a form of denial.

Full points to the author to have the husband not take any crap on this. No hysterics (well, a few), but no hysterics or theatrics when digging for an explanation and an admission of responsibilities. Just force the issue in a rational manner.

Who knows? Maybe he did something that he's not aware of that pushed her in that direction.

nothing sexual needs more.

I'm looking forward to how this pans out - does hubby find a sexting buddy of his own? He should prep for the divorce and watch her scramble to save their marriage. That kind of sexting always leads to more and he doesn't seem like the kind of man that likes to share...

It was a very good first chapter, setting up the mood for the rest of the story.

You have my attention, and I'm eager to see where this story leads. I grow tired of the B2B plotline quickly, so I hope it doesn't go in that direction. Given the husband's reaction, though, it's difficult to see how it can lead anywhere else.

A really good chapter. Very interested to see how you repair the damage done to the marriage.

... but a tad short for the initial instalment. Nevertheless, you have captured the essence of a man's pain; from the stage of blissful complacence right through to shattered devastation with adroit precision.

This story focuses on the scenario before the adulterous act has been committed so it is safe to say the marriage can be salvaged; once bitten twice shy and all that.

Well done and well worth 5*

The same old dreary melodrama soap opera. Husband cheated on and breaks into tears then throws a tantrum. But this is what the eunuchs love and they swarm to kiss the feet of anyne who panders to them

I felt the raw emotions. Please don't keep us waiting for the next chapter.

Thanks guys. I really appreciate the feedback. You guys are awesome!

I want to apologize that this chapter is so short. I honestly thought it would be longer than this. It was like 6 pages on my computer, but that didn't translate into the page.

A lot of people have an idea of how this story should end, but I have already finished it and submitted it. There are three chapter in all. I will work on making the chapters longer in my next story.

I didn't get an editor, because I was so excited when I wrote this that I had to hurry and get it posted. I didn't want to wait any longer to see what you guys thought of it. I appreciate all of the feedback and emails. Once again, thank you Literotica family.

I only ask for one thing. Keep the subsequent chapters close to follow. This is an excellent start. She doesn't tell fuck wad no, she just tells him 'husband would wonder where I am' So, if Brian can come up with a way to sneak, like arranging a vacation day, she's inferring she'd go for it. This is past flirting, the dance has started. They must be working rotating shifts if this is her excuse to make it through the night. At the very least, the marriage is damaged. We'll see what's more important to Selene. Brian's big dick, or her family. Every hospital H.R. department takes a very dim view on this sort of behavior. Hubby already has several courses of action he could take, but if Selene is determined to sample Brian's big cock, ultimately that will happen. It's pretty clear that she's interested, she just doesn't want to get caught. We'll see what her priorities are, and how valuable a stable family is to her.

But them, you've addressed the length issue.

My biggest problem was the (occasionally) overwrought, back-of-hand-to-forehead, Master Thespian prose. For instance:

"The English language does not contain enough words to even come close describing the tsunami of pain, anger, and emasculating torture that comes with the knowledge that the woman that you love desires another man."

I mean, for real? That sentence should be taken out and shot. It could have been shortened considerably, and here I offer my version:

"There are no words to describe the pain, the anger, the feelings of emasculation that come with believing the woman you love desires another man."

I dunno, seems to get the point across without going all Jon Lovitz on us.

Just my two cents.

BTW, I really am looking forward to reading the rest of the story. The overall writing is actually decent.

you did it very well. I'm sure most guys are mad as hell after reading the first chapter. Now that you know how pages in WORD translate into pages on Lit, I would expect stories like this one to be served all in one sitting. I will withhold a vote until the end, as the setup is the easiest. You have dug a hole for the wife, but not one she cannot climb from with some effort. She has shown a huge lack of respect for her husband and she has to admit it and work to correct it. It's the little things that get to us and bring us down. We handle death and illness, but some "flirting", like in this story can bring the house down.

An excellent start. I'm looking forward to the next chapter. I gave 5 stars . Listen to HDK. He is a very fine writer.

Very good setting the scene chapter that avoided long paragraphs of how they met as a couple which would of killed the snappy flow of hubby's reaction to his wife's cheating. And lets be honest here, the overtly sexual messaging with bigdick was a form of cheating which Selene's immediately full on shocked reaction to seeing hubby reading those texts proves.

Tony's outrage felt justified and real and I really hope there will be no complete personality changes in his character in chapters two and three which have ruined so many stories on this site.

As with all multi-part stories I'll hold my voting to the end.

My only mechanical quandry is the length. But that's been addressed. I like the premise, and as several have pointed out, Tony ought to be concerned. The bitch said she couldn't come because he'd get suspicious... Not the right answer! Since her reply wasn't "Fuck off I'm married" she needs to jump through some hoops. I didn't score it and won't until it's all over, but this is a 5 star start.

Saxon Hart.

Good start. My advice: do not write ANR into your story, because it will be deported to Fetish hub............

Good tension, real emotions. This should have been one chapter, but I think you realize that now. Keep writing

Its too bad he didn't nail the lying whore in the cocksucker when he sailed her phone. Then he could have said that she'd had Brian's Dick to her lips when he hauls her ass to divorce court. Good start.

You maintained the tension from beginning to end. Nothing was included that didn't need to be included to establish what was going on and to feel the emotions form both players.

Why so many writers insist on filling us in on all the physical statistics (her, 36C, me 8 inches and thick) and background to their high school years is beyond me. It RARELY adds anything to the story to know all that crap. Nothing is missed by skipping it either.

If this is a first effort, congratulations. You deserve to be in the LW club. Looking forward to the remaining chapters/parts.

As others have said it needs to be longer, other than that I like where this is headed. This is your first submission? Damn I can't wait to read more stories from you.

Be looking for the rest. Hopefully won't be long wait.

Not so innocent texting when he sends picture of his dick - he at least, is serious.

Would imagine wife will not be working with him again and will request imediate transfer.

that set the stage for the tale. Nicely done and I am looking forward to the "...the rest of the story.."

It's a good story, especially for a first effort. I think I got hammered on my first submission. I would suggest proof reading two or three times with an hour or two in between each one. You built up good tension and have lain the ground work for a nice second chapter, which I hope to see soon.

I think you did very well for a first-time author. For a very short story, it packed some punch. I felt the emotion, and thought the dialogue and confrontation were credible. I know a couple who broke up over this exact thing, despite the fact that it was pretty clear nothing physical had happened....yet. A couple things stood out for me that could be improved on.

First, a couple of clever quips, while appreciated, were a little out of place with the tone of the story, which was stark and real. Second, the protag's description of his reaction (emasculated that his wife desired another man, etc..) wasn't really supported by the texts depicted in the story at that point. Yes, it was flirty, but she never texted that she wanted him or anything. In fact, she rebuffed him, however playfully. Perhaps more damning language from her would justify the protag's harsh reaction and also make reconciliation that much more difficult, if that's the way you're going (conversely, it would make divorce that much more justified).

Good luck, and happy writing.

The beauty of this story is that I have no idea where it will go. I am in full suspense mode and can't wait to see the remaining two parts. If we take the author at his word, she more than likely hasn't cheated. Is it an easy fix? Could be. He caught her before it went too far, she learns her lesson, realizes what she could have lost, they are stronger in the end. Does he hold this grudge and it leads to the destruction of their marriage? It could. Some stories have explored this theme where the wife didn't cheat but it still became an issue that led to divorce. The disrespect, the distrust ... These are not minor things. Does he go out and do something stupid? He might. The possibilities seem plentiful. Bravo!

A very compelling story filled with normal human emotions perfectly described. I am looking forward to the next installment. Thank you for writing this!

Great start. Agree that it starts hard and stays tense to the 'break!' I am more of a fan of holding back and finding out what a person will do on his/her own, but I understand the 'react and hope it changes things' approach. Realistically, I suspect each works in SOME instances, and DOESN'T in others! Each option makes fundamental (and different) assumptions about how you manage 'your side' of a relationship.

EZ 5* (so far)

I'd say the fact that you don't have very many cheap shots from the anon crowd indicates this is an above average story. I have often wondered just what the LW readers really wanted and from the comments on your story it seems forgiveness ain't it. Thanks for the enjoyable read.

I hope that you can deliver the "goods" (ha, ha)!

Good start. I'm intrigued for the next part.

I never read Chapter 1 stories from a new writer because they often are never finished. I read a couple of comments on this one and saw your favorites list and decided to give you a chance. Anyone who likes good LW stories should check out your favorites list. You have got every good LW author! It is clear you have done your homework.

The chapter felt like an Ohio story. It was very intense and felt like husband caught the wife before she got into an unforgivable situation. I didn't know that 6 word pages boiled down to one page on this site. I look forward to the next two chapters. I am not a writer but I think I know what is good. Even the best writers have problems finishing the story. Good luck! Thanks for your work!

I hope you don't turn him into a little coward and have him believe her bullshit. She is cheating, not physically Yet! But this is the build up to it. And it's been going on long enough that she is close to going all the way. Not much respect for her husband. So far the story is very plausible. Hope chapter 2 is out soon.

oh your one of those writers that only send in part of the sor!!!! end of part 1 of comment but stay tuned Dagoatmandavid said it Cya later

Very good writing don't see any need for corrections , looking forward to the next chapters please don't leave us hanging

To encourage a new writer and compliment his first effort. The reader can put himself into the mind of the protagonist. I can't help wondering how the rest of the story avoids a formulaic direction. Wife in deeper than naughty flirting, cheating and deceiving. A meatier and more interesting story, but told and told. Nothing else has happened. How do you even write another interesting chapter? I'll be reading.

... but only because you first timers often never finish the story. Also, I really don't care much for multi-part stories. Can't shake the idea that you're making it up as you go along.

That Brian gets a punch in the face for trying to fuck another man's wife in chapter 2.

THIS!!

Pay the hospital administrator a visit and show him the picture and texts.

Sexual misconduct in the workplace is a firing offense.

Maybe not as satisfying as breaking Brians nose but not going to jail is worth it if there is a divorce.

I gave your first page a five and here's why!

1. Like Ohio said you got us off to a fast start, no preliminary bull shit. You jumped right in. Regrettably something I do too much of-the bull shit I mean.

2. Grammar was clear and precise; easy to read no mistakes.

3. Sounds genuinely interesting.

4. Like another commenter said, your guy didn't go hide in the closet to wait, watch, and see. He went right after the problem.

5. I gave you a five up front like free candy! An incentive. Don't flub this us!

I have warnings:

1. Don't Just Plain Bob us. You got us started; now see it all the way through to the end. I don't want to make up my own ending. I'll want yours.

2. Don't take months between segments.

3. No Mustangs!

4. No mafia friends, exploding cars, chemical sprays in the uterus, or gun play.

5. Please this is a regular guy; he's not a SEAL, not an Afghanistan or Iraq veteran with years of martial arts training.

6. Remember he has two little kids; no matter how bad it could get don't BTB!

7. He doesn't run away!

8. You're not Matt Moreau; the guy has a regular pecker!

Well done, so far.The tension was well maintained. The woman has already emotionally cheated on him. The physical cheating is soon to come, especially since she's now seen 'the big dick' no matter what her initial reaction to it. I'm surprised he didn't hit her with her response in the text message at the beginning of the story. When asked why she didn't come over, she responded to Brian "Bcuz my husband would wonder where I am". Not, "I'm a married woman. I wont cheat on my husband". It's your story, but I'd to see some immediate & direct response to this situation...and keep the bitch's phone for evidence.

Well written with a good storyline. Looking forward to the next chapter. Thanks for sharing.

This story should be at 4.6 or higher at least. Kudos on good job. Looking forward to the sequels of this story. I hope to see many many and many more of your stories posted.

Thanks

Nice tale. A prologue of things to come? Keep writing. Lets get to the bottom of this adventure. Five Stars

because of their length need to be cut up in chapters, this one did not. I hate cliff hangers when I have no idea whether they will ever finish. A hint to new writers, it can take a week or more from the time of submission until posting. I made this mistake on my first story and got blasted. at the very least give a clue in the forward when to expect the next chapter or better yet, finish the damn story.

A very nice start to the story and well written.

The only gripe would be that the chapter is short and personally I prefer stories that are either complete or at least the chapters comes in rapid succession.

Thank you for sharing

Very good story. It is extremely realistic. There are rarely smoking guns in life thought that phone was pretty hot. We all could find ourselves with this type of doubt in our lives at sometime. I am impressed with the story and the skill this author displays. Good job so far!.

This DIDN'T need to be broken up in to chapters!

"Selene, who's Brian?"

The question came out in a surprisingly clear, even tone. I even sounded calm. It was an exact contradiction to what I felt though. It hung in the air as her lips trembled.

"Ummm, he's just a guy that I work with. Why?"

Not exactly an innocent response. Maybe we shouldn't expect her to immediately admit the flirting, but why are her lips trembling if the relationship is so innocent?

The story, if can call one. It starts with the phone, finishes with the phone. Other than that it means nothing. Just some crap, that someone thinks is good

More please. Soon please. This is a goodie.

The story has a very "real" feel to it. You do a very good job of painting the picture of the scene and evoking the emotions of the moment with your words. You make the story very believable. My only advice is to get a proofreader or editor to catch those little errors like missing words that tend to break the flow of the story and divert the reader's attention. That would take it from Good to Very Good (or even Outstanding, depending on how it finishes up).

All in all, a very good start! I eagerly await the "rest of the story" as Paul Harvey used to say.

Andy

Good start to a story that has several other 'LIT' stories with this type of beginning plot, but e-mails are the usually the damning initial evidence of the 'cheating'. I look forward to how you make this tale original to you! You seem to write well, and the story flow is smooth. Thanks, Javmor79! Dan

I know it's your first story, but what other 1 page chapters have you read?

For the reality and the writing. Now gonna get Chapter 2...

Keep it going !

. . . initially because I was turned off by the text message opening. I saw several interesting comments on the second chapter in the sidebar on the LW page and decided to take a look; glad I did. This is written with real emotion, quite well done. I'll move on to the second post and see whee it goes when hubby wakes up. I understand hospitals are hard up for experienced nurses but I can see two getting fired if hubby brings this batch of text messages to the head of administration.

Good job Javmor.

I see right now (3-20) you already have 91 comments. Different from what is usually posted here, but then similar. To me, well written, clear, lays out the plot, get you interested at the beginning with the text msgs. No mispelling or grammar or word usage mistakes. 5 stars. Going right to Ch. 2 now!

I'm not a writer nor a critic, I found it entertaining and error free... Good Job.

For your first story you did great. The only reason I gave it a 4* in stead of 5* is you just gave one page to your story. Man That Sucks! Finish the story in one release.

That being said I will be looking for you to improve with time.

I feel a BTB coming before this is over. 5+ Stars

Wonderful characterization; you do really well with this and it's a pleasure to read. One comment:

This line: "For some reason teenagers think we actually care who kissed whom under the bleachers because she is a total slut." I would tweak it as follows:

"For some reason teenagers think we actually care about who-kissed-whom-under-the-bleachers-because-she's-a-total-slut." This more accurately reflects 1-the way it would be said/spoken, and 2-that "who-kissed-whom-under-the-bleachers-because-she's-a-total-slut" is a fairly standard topic of conversation/criticism of the North American High School Female.

Well done.

...and it's nicely written.

The truest line in the whole story is:

"Those texts were an escalating form of foreplay", with the emphasis on escalating. That one sentence is dead-on.

The fact is, to be texting like that at all, her heart and pussy were already in the game. If it had continued, the excitement would also increase, and the fact that they had gotten away with their little secret would have made her think that she could get away with a bigger secret.

If this is what happened to a friend of yours, I wonder if he is still with her? One thing is certain, your friend would have trouble trusting her ever again, especially with a phone. I hate the things myself, and facebook even more.

Your writing ability is very high as well, very clean. It usually doesn't bother me if there are errors in a story, but yours was well done. Can't wait to read Ch2

First story I've read here on this subject that seemed real to life. His reactions are those many real guys would have: suspicion, anger, yelling. I'll be looking for the continuation.

This is not innocent. It's a seduction. She is willingly naive. He is after more, and sees a weakness in her commitment to her husband. There are many ways to be unfaithful and this is one.

great start, as i have read the rest already. everyone should continue, it gets better

The feelings described were poignant yet realistic. Keep writing.

Granted I'm coming into this series new and know that other chapters are out there I haven't read yet but I'm seriously hoping that Brian gets his. Too many other stories let the poacher get away scott free saying he's just following instincts. BS. When I hunt pheasants I don't shoot at anything that flies, only that which I have a license for. In fact, for too many writers, there is more repercussions for shooting the wrong game than in bagging the wrong wife. It's time to shoot back.