Inside and Out

"But you shouldn't have been in maximum security, surely."

"Blame overcrowding; they needed space in Maidstone to accommodate the new intake. The only spaces were at Gartree. Maidstone would have let me out on licence for two days."

"Did your father attend the funeral?"

"I haven't seen him since I was twelve. He walked out, we never saw him again. He was a womanising bastard; we didn't miss him."

Maria hugged him. "You've had a hard few years haven't you?"

"No more than you have."

"No one put me in hospital with concussion."

"Geordie shouldn't have told you about that. There are many types of suffering and you've had your share, most of it because of me."

Maria pushed him away but held on to his arms. "Don't you ever say that. It was an accident. I accept that, why can't you?"

Paul just looked at the floor, so Maria moved in closer and kissed his lips, bringing a smile to his face.

They ate at the village pub. It surprised Maria find that the staff knew him. Not as Paul, of course. In the pub, as in the prison, he was Prof.

"So you are even allowed in the pub then?"

"Yes, we aren't allowed to come back drunk, or bring alcohol into the prison but we're allowed to fraternise with the natives."

"And how do the local people take it?"

"Some are none too keen but the landlord is a good man, everybody gets one chance. Cause trouble and you get barred, and there isn't another pub for ten miles. Remember, you don't even get to a place like Combevale unless your record is spotless."

"But you were involved in a fight."

"The governor said I was attacked. That's what he put on my record. I played no part in the reprisals; I was unconscious."

A waitress showed them to a table and shortly afterwards the food was served.

"Looks good," said Paul.

"You don't get food like this in prison then?"

"The food in the prison is not bad. The company here is infinitely better."

Maria giggled. "You prefer me to Geordie? I am honoured."

"He'd be the first to agree, you are a lot better to look at," Paul said with a grin.

After lunch, they walked hand in hand through the lanes of the village. Maria laughed telling Paul that they seemed to be doing things backwards. They'd already spent a night together yet here they were two years later, getting to know each other. Paul laughed and put his arm around her.

When they got back to the prison they were mooning over each other like teenagers on a first date. Maria had insisted on saying goodbye to Geordie. When it was time for their lingering goodbye she told him it would be two weeks before she could be back.

"I've got to give my children some of my time."

"Sounds fair. That doesn't mean I won't miss you."

His eyes followed her car all the way down the drive. Paul stood, staring at an empty driveway until a huge arm came to rest on his shoulders.

"Come on, Prof man. I need to thrash somebody at pool."

*****

On her fourth visit that Maria arrived to find Paul sitting between two children, talking to a slim and very attractive young woman. He seemed at ease with the children and the woman as she spoke to him. The sight pulled her up short. For a few minutes, she stood and watched. Paul seemed fond of the children. When the woman reached out and took Paul's hand, Maria realised this was his family. She thought about walking up and introducing herself, but they seemed so comfortable together. Her confidence evaporated, and she turned to leave. As she opened the door she walked straight into the large body of Geordie on his way in.

"Now then bonnie lass, where are you running off to?" He looked over her head at Paul and his family. "Oh, I see. Don't worry about that, pet. The Prof will sort it out" He turned around and put his arm around her shoulders and led her outside. They walked over towards the new gym which was now almost built.

"They're his family aren't they Geordie?"

"Aye pet, they are. It's the first time I've ever seen them like, but she turned up today bold as brass. I thought he'd blow his top, but he seems calm."

"She's beautiful, and she's younger than me."

"I hadn't noticed, pet."

She punched his huge arm. "I don't believe you, but thanks anyway."

"Just trust him, pet. He's no fool."

"But they look like a real family sitting in there. I felt I'd be intruding."

"Ho way, lass. As far as the Prof is concerned you've got no worries. She brought the kids here because it was the only way he'd even speak to her. They may not even be his kids, but he can't push them away, pet. It's the way he is, and that's part of why you love him isn't it?"

"Is it that obvious, Geordie?"

He smiled at her, a big broad smile which showed his broken teeth. "Only to someone with eyes, pet, only to someone with eyes."

Maria laughed. "You're a clever man, Geordie. You see through us all."

"I would nae say that, pet. I do know that you and the Prof should be together."

Maria did her best to hug Geordie. And he wrapped one of his big arms around her. Looking over her head he saw Paul trotting across the grass toward them. Maria was pushing herself off Geordie's chest, and Paul's voice took her by surprise.

"Well, I'm glad that's over. Can we go to lunch now, or are you taking Geordie?"

She threw herself into his arms as Geordie made his exit. Half an hour later they were sitting in the pub waiting for their meals.

"So what made her come after all this time? It's not as if you are still married."

"She showed me a doctor's letter, which says she's got Parkinson's disease. It's possible that she won't be able to care for the children should it be aggressive."

"Do you believe her?"

"I have no idea. One thing is certain: I can't do anything while I'm in prison. After the letter she sent me, I want paternity tests done before I'll contemplate taking them on."

Once they finished their meal they sat in the bar with drinks in their hands discussing how to spend the afternoon. Paul suggested Cambridge or Huntingdon, but Maria didn't seem keen.

"We don't need to go anywhere. I have a room upstairs, and I'm wearing stockings." She smiled at him remembering how much he'd enjoyed removing her stockings in Maidstone. Paul's face lit up.

"I thought you didn't remember much of that night?"

"Some is hazy and some I remember. I'd like you to make love to me when I'm not even slightly drunk."

Paul didn't answer immediately. He put his drink down and stood up. Taking both her hands in his, he pulled her up from her seat.

"I hope you're not expecting me totry to talk you out of it this time because that's not going to happen."

*****

Maria lay on her side watching him as he slept. She felt a strange contentment. If this was all she could expect, she would accept it happily. The sex had been wonderful, but it was more than that. They didn't have sex, they made love in every sense of the word. Paul had worshipped her body before climbing on top of her. As soon as he entered her she felt complete in a way she'd never known. Once they were both spent they lay side by side just holding and caressing each other as they drifted off to sleep.

Maria had been the first to wake and had already taken a shower. Now by the light of the bedside lamp she lay beside him taking in every detail of his body. She saw his eyelids quiver as he woke. Paul opened his eyes and turned to face her. A broad smile spread across his face.

"It wasn't a dream then?"

"If it was, it was the best one I've ever had."

"Will you remember this one?"

"Every second," she said as she got up to kneel beside him. As she kissed his chest and started to move downwards, Paul caught sight of the clock.

"Good grief, it's 5:30. I'm sorry Maria but we've got to get a move on. Roll call is at six. I've got to get back."

"Would they really send you back if you were a little late?"

"I don't want give them reason to make that decision. Come on we need to get dressed and get out of here."

They hurriedly dressed and Maria drove them back to the prison, they made it back with five minutes to spare. After a passionate kiss, they parted for the night. At ten the following morning, she picked him up. Paul had a real spring in his step when he walked out to the car.

"You seem cheerful this morning. What brought this on?"

"Maybe making love to a beautiful woman yesterday, or perhaps having a word with Mr Mackay after roll call was enough."

"Did you get an extension?"

"Better than that; if I give seven days notice I can get a weekend pass."

"You mean we can spend the night together."

"More than one, I can leave on Friday evening..."

"Saturday nights would be good," Maria said as a smile spread across her face. "We can go out somewhere. Like on a date. Oh Paul, that's such good news. I had no idea such things were possible."

"Neither did I, but when I arrived in the nick of time last night, I asked Mr McKay if it was possible to get an extension. He told me I could do better than that, and told me about weekend passes."

"So when I come back in two weeks, we can make a night of it. You could book us a room somewhere and plan a day."

"It will have to be in Cambridge, I don't have the time to travel far and I'm not allowed access to the internet. My employers had to promise not to give me access."

"Paul Robertson, international man of mystery, there is so much about you I don't know. How come you're a prisoner but so many people know you. I don't know what you do but you tell me the company won't let you access the internet. I've learned more about you from Geordie than from you, so come on you can start by telling me who you work for and what you do."

"OK, the company I work for does research into computer techniques and electronics. It's owned by the university and a lot of the staff are Ph.D. students. Those are the people who speak to me in the street. It's unusual for prisoners to get a job like that, but the chap in charge of the research unit is an old friend from my university days. He saw the chance to get an experienced project manager on the cheap. The internet ban, is to try and stop prisoners communicating with other villains. Combevale may be an open prison, but it is still a prison, and has to stick to most of the same rules as other prisons. If I need to research something online, I sit with one of the students and they do it using their account. That way I can do my job and stay within the rules"

"Can they stop you using it?"

"In reality, no they can't. They've given me a restricted account. I can get around it, and they know that, but I don't do it. I want to keep my nose clean and I gave my word."

"That's important to you isn't it, keeping your word."

"Yes, it is. I can't say I've never told a lie, but if I've made a promise I try to stick to it."

"In that case you can promise me you will sort out a nice weekend for us in two weeks time."

Paul gave his promise, and so it began. First it was the theatre, then the cinema, on one spring weekend they even went down to the coast. Life was good, and they both lived for their weekends together.

Sally sat across the table sipping her wine. "OK," she said, "Let's have it. Is it what I think it is?"

"Well," said Maria, "that depends on what you think it is."

"You've got the look of a satisfied woman. You've found someone haven't you?"

Maria's head went down a little and she gave Sally a coy Princess Diana look.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You know what I mean. You've got a smile a mile wide, and it gets wider every week. All the girls are talking about it. 'What's happened to Maria,' they ask? Nothing fazes her. She never gets angry, she just deals with everything. They may not know, but I've been through it twice myself. You're getting laid again aren't you?"

Maria smiled.

"So come on, who is he, this man who has broken down your defences? The last man you told me about was the one who..." She stopped mid sentence and looked at Maria. "Oh my god, it's him isn't it? The man who... But he's in prison isn't he?"

"He is, but he gets a weekend pass."

"A weekend pass? What kind of prison do you call that?"

"It's an open prison. They use them to prepare long-term prisoners for life on the outside. They can go out to work and everything."

"Oh Maria, you sure can pick 'em. First that cheating bastard and now this man. You say he's a good man and maybe he is, but it can't go anywhere. How are you going to tell your kids? What about your in-laws, what are you going to say to them?"

"I don't know, Sally, but I can't give him up, I love him. Oh my god, I've never said that before. I haven't even told him, but it's true Sally, I love him. I'll have to make them understand, it was an accident."

"Well, good luck with that one, girlfriend. I hope it works out. I can't remember when I've seen you this happy."

*****

"Well Prof man, you'll be getting out of here in the next month or so. Have ya made any plans yet?"

"What plans do I have to make, Geordie? I've got a job to go to and I'll get a room without too much trouble."

"Ho way man, you know what I'm getting at. You and your lass, what are you two ganna do when you get out? You'll be getting together, I'm thinkin', and there's nae a man here who's nae happy for ya."

"It's not as simple as that. I ran over her husband."

"Well, it's obvious that she's forgiven you, what's the problem?"

"She has two teenage children, Geordie. How will they take their mother shacking up with the man who killed their dad?"

"But it was an accident man."

"Yes, Geordie. But not the way she thinks. There is nothing else for it; I'll have to break it off."

"You canna do that man. It'll break her heart. Any fool can see she's in love with you, and you with her if I'm not mistaken. Surely you can find a way to handle it."

"I suppose I'd better start with explaining what really happened and see how she reacts to that. She knows most of it already, but not the exact sequence. If that doesn't put her off, I can meet the children."

"Sounds like the start of a plan. I wish you luck."

On Maria's next visit, he decided to lay it out for her. When she came to collect him on Sunday morning he took her out for a walk in the grounds. They ended up sitting under an oak tree.

"Maria, I need to talk about something."

"Yes I know; we need to sort things out. Who is going first?"

"I think I should. After what I've got to say, you might not want to stay any longer. Things didn't happen quite the way I told it in court. I didn't get that message on the day of the accident. I got it three weeks before."

"What are you telling me? That it wasn't an accident?"

"No, I mean yes. I didn't mean to kill him. Look just let me say it. After I got that message I hated him. I found out all I could about him. Most of it came from Josie. Once she realised we were definitely over, she couldn't wait to tell me how successful he was. She laughed at me. She stopped laughing when I named him in the divorce. Within a week, I found out where he worked, where he lived, even the number of his car. I wanted to kill him, but as time went by I calmed down and I stopped making plans. Then came that day. I was hauling forty tons of newsprint down to Dover. He passed me as we got to the A249 Junction and swung across the front of me forcing me onto the slip road. I recognised his car immediately. All the anger came back; I wanted to have the bastard. Of course, he was driving a BMW, and I had a forty-ton lorry so that was never going to happen."

"As he disappeared over Detling hill, I picked up my phone and played that message again. Don't ask me why, torturing myself I guess. That's what I was doing, and that's what people saw. I wasn't making a call or sending a text; I was watching my life fall apart all over again. My eyes were full of tears: I couldn't see things only blurs. The wagon rocked about behind me, a sure sign going too fast. I wiped my eyes with my forearm and that was when I saw his car. As I told the court I had nowhere to go. I didn't know if anyone was in the car. You can't see that from a lorry cab, you only see the roof."

He looked at Maria who seemed to be lost in thought.

"I still don't understand why he stopped, or why he stopped where he did. There was a lay-by a quarter of a mile down the road. Why did he stop where he couldn't get off the road? He was going downhill; even if the engine had packed up he would have made it to the lay-by. Why stop there?"

Maria had tears in her eyes and she was dabbing at them with a tissue when Paul stopped talking. She was obviously upset.

"Are you OK? Can I get you something?"

"No, no. I don't think I can do this, I've got to go."

"No, wait. What did you want to say? Maria."

But Maria was already on her feet and running for the car park. Paul followed her and caught her up as she got to her car.

"Wait, Maria, please don't go. We've got things to sort out; please stay."

"I can't, I just can't please let me go."

Paul stepped back and let her get in the car as she drove away he saw the tears running down her cheeks. He couldn't figure out what it was that he'd said that was so upsetting. She'd already heard most of the story, what he'd told her today wasn't that different.

Paul went back to his room and stayed there. When he didn't come out for supper Geordie sought him out.

"Didna go well I take it?"

"It was a disaster. The odd thing is I still don't understand why. We didn't even get around to how to talk to the children."

"She'll come round, man. She's in love with you, man."

"That's as may be, Geordie, but the complications are getting in the way."

"Mark my words, man, she'll be back."

*****

Maria stopped in the village to compose herself. She wanted to go back, but she didn't know where to start explaining to Paul. She calmed herself enough to drive and set off for home. Alan was the first person to notice. One look at her face told him something was seriously wrong.

"What's up Mum? Has Gran been going on about Dad again?"

"No, nothing like that."

"Ah, then it must be the new man. He must need his head looking at if he's dumped you."

"Nobody has dumped me, and how do you know about my private life."

"Oh come on Mum. You go away every other weekend, you come back happier than you've been since Dad died. What are we supposed to think?"

She smiled at him "You never did miss much."

"So if he hasn't dumped you, what has happened. You're not still letting Dad get in the way are you?"

"No, I'm not. It's just that sometimes when everything is starting to go right something jumps up and bites you."

Alan put his arm around his mother's shoulder.

"We've got to move on, Mum. I know you miss him, I do too, but we he was no angel."

"That's enough; I will not have you disrespecting your father."

"Come on Mum. Dad was a cheat and a bully. You want to know why I stopped playing Rugby? Because I didn't need to please Dad. Why did I drop IT and Business Studies in favour of Maths and Physics? Because they were Dad's choices, not mine."

"He wanted what's best for you darling."

"No Mum; he had to have his own way. What I wanted didn't matter. To be honest I'm surprised you still support him."

"What do you mean? Of course, I support him. He was my husband."

"Pity he didn't act like it."

"What's that supposed to mean."

"I found the phone, Mum. I watched the video."

"But you can't have, the phone didn't work."

"It did once I charged it."

Maria sat with her head in her hands. How could she be so stupid, of course, it just needed charging, why hadn't she thought of that? Why did she keep the phone in the first place?