Jill's World Ch. 01

"Actually, no it wouldn't since I'm curious about it. But a month ago, it would have been like that and I can't imagine how much that would have messed with my head. How are you coping with it?"

"Honestly, it really isn't bothering me that much. Maybe because I have too many other things going on right now. I hated it. It was so demeaning and gross. I can't imagine you having any respect for me whatsoever right now, I guess that is what bothers me most about it. Not the fact that I did it. That was dreadful enough. But the fact that you know bothers me more than the respect I have lost for myself."

Julie cried some more and hugged me. "I don't ... well come on Carrie, that's so vile, of course I don't want you doing things like that. But, I still respect you. It's not even like you wanted to do it. If it had been your idea, well, we'd still be friends, but I'm sure it would affect our relationship. But you didn't want it. And the worst thing is that I was there and participated in this stuff."

"It's tearing me apart Carrie, really. I mean knowing that twice I took advantage of you, that I participated in your abuse, that is really eating me up inside. I am so sorry. I swear to you." Julie cried.

"Oh Jules, I hate this. I hated it all. But, believe me, I never blamed you for doing what you did. I mean, you even said you wished I was there with you and you are right. If I heard the same things that you did, we would have had a good time doing things to some girl who we thought was into it."

"Well, maybe, it was a bit weird you baring your pussy in front of all the girls like you did. I'm not sure that I would have done that to be honest about it." I added as a second thought.

Julie laughed. "You have exposed a lot more than me to a lot more people and you are thinking I should have been more shy? Seriously, Carrie, you .... Well, I guess this is why I really and truly want to see what this is all about. Your head seems like a foreign concept to me how you ... Carrie, you had more juice flowing from your pussy than I have ever seen in my life!"

I teared up again and let out an agonizing cry.

"What?" Julie asked, frowning. "What's wrong?"

I took in a deep breath and let it out. "My turn." I pushed her to where we were sitting facing each other and forced a smile. "This is hard. I mean... telling you this is ... a part of me is happy to have someone I can tell about this... these things that happened and another is horrified by the prospect of losing you as my friend. It's not pretty."

She squeezed my hand. "Carrie, you are never losing me as a friend. Please stop saying that."

"Okay, so you know I guess some of the worst of it. The bathroom thing and the blowjobs behind the wall thing. No, I never ever in a million years would have done those things on my own. It was horrible and if I knew anyone that was such a ..." I cringed. "... a slut like me, I would make fun of them."

"But, I did get off on it. My pussy was dripping all the time. And the worse the things were that Darla did to me, the more my body went insane. I hated myself... still do. It's not right that my body responds the way that it does to all this abuse."

"There were other things... a lot of other things... but every time I did something that I hated, they would show me how wet I was and how excited I was. They would laugh at me... or taunt me... and show me how wet I was... and tell me how much I must love it."

"I'm a slut Julie. I don't want to be a slut. I hate being a slut. But the more they did, I guess I craved it. I hated it, don't get me wrong. I am so happy that I will never have to answer to Darla again. But my body? It was like telling my mind all the time, reaffirming their statements that I am just a slut."

Jules was looking at me, taking it all in. A puzzled look on her face.

"Jill... she told me some things." Julie began. "She said that nobody expected the reactions you gave. That they hadn't seen anything like you before. It's not that you are a slut Carrie. Nobody believes that you really want to fuck anything that moves. It's that you get excited, or if you prefer, your body gets excited by being humiliated. By doing things that you would never do. Doing things that embarrass you."

"The whole setup was partly my fault and I never even knew it." Julie continued and started weeping again. "I told Chad we were going to the Walmart that day when you met Rick. That was how they knew to get him there to seduce you. Chad didn't know either. He still doesn't know and I want to keep it that way. He was just there with Brad and Rebecca when I made the call. Rebecca called Farin and it was set up from there."

"Farin set this all up?" I asked dumbfounded.

Julie sighed. "Farin has had a crush on you for years. She paid her sister to make it happen. I think there was some more to it than that. Like a challenge for Darla. But, Farin wanted you to love her when it was all over. Jill didn't even know about that part at first. She was under the impression that Darla had manipulated the situation for her own advancement. Like proving that she could break a really tough, unbreakable girl."

"I didn't understand a damned thing she was talking about, that was why it took her a couple of hours in private with me to explain a lot of it to me. When Jill found out that Farin was behind it, she was pissed. I mean, that's what she told me. But, and when she told me this, she really seemed to mean it Carrie, when they kept confirming your reactions, Jill let it go on and she regrets it. She really does."

"And here is where it gets really ... well, I have to agree with her. She's going to fix it. Do things, help you to understand your body. She's afraid... I'm afraid too... that you might, if you were left alone to deal with this... you might hurt yourself. You hate yourself for these things. And I'm not sure you can just switch that off. If you were just left alone, you might ... I don't know Carrie, kill yourself?"

"I would just die if that happened. So, ummm..." Julie wiped her tears off her cheeks and seemed to be blushing. "Damn, this is so twisted."

"So, think about how that ... I guess lets go with the dicks in the wall... thinking about those dicks in holes in the wall and you back there sucking them off, these guys who had no idea who you were. Just being a mouth to empty their balls into."

She was watching me so intently. What the fuck was she doing? Trying to make me feel like shit?

"Half the football team fucked your mouth that night. No self-respecting girl would do anything so vulgar. I can't even imagine how you could stomach that much cum. You don't even like cum. You told me so. You never swallowed when you went down on Brad when you were dating him. So, ... How did.. umm ... did that make you hot? Does it make you wet now?"

And then she made my heart explode. Julie slid her fingers into the waist of my sweat pants and pulled them away from my belly and slid her other hand in and touched my pussy, just a swipe of her fingers up my slit. And I moaned far too loud. And then I cried. She held her hand up and her fingers glistened.

"I'm a freak!" I sobbed.

Julie pushed the fingers close to my mouth. Holding them just inches away, but not moving them any closer. I sobbed again and then leaned forward and sucked them as my body shook violently.

"wow." Julie whispered. "I'm sorry Carrie, that was probably wrong for me to do that. I just wanted to see... Damn, forgive me?"

I fell into her arms. "Please don't leave me. I'm so sorry Jules. I don't know how I got this way." I cried.

"It's okay Care Bear. I shouldn't have done that." Julie hugged me tight and let me cry for a little while.

"You know what?" I asked, still hugging her. "Things are very different now ... I mean between you and me."

"Yeah, I know." Julie replied. "I hope it will be for the better. Let's change the subject for a while and calm down."

I pulled back and looked at her. "Calm down?" I smiled. "Are you turned on by this?" I asked incredulously.

Julie blushed. "I guess I am. It certainly felt weirdly exciting. But, look, this is serious... very serious... I am not replacing Farin, I am not gay. I don't want you to come down off this roller coaster you have been on for the last couple of weeks and fall in love with me. We need to be friends right now, just friends. If you start feeling something else, you have GOT to let me know and we need to take a break from me being involved in any of this... stuff."

"Jesus Julie, get over yourself already." I laughed. "You think I fell in love with every girl who touched my wet snatch in the past two weeks?"

She laughed with me. "Probably."

"Well I didn't. But, okay, change of subject for awhile... My dad wants me to be a lawyer." I laughed.

"Huh?" Julie asked. "Well, you are smart enough, but why a lawyer?"

"I have no idea, he thinks because I like English and History or something. Speaking of which, we have English papers to write! I had totally forgotten about it until he reminded me."

"Yeah, no kidding. So, what do you want to write about?" She asked.

"The difficulties of being a slut in modern society. Sounds like a good title?" I joked.

"I'm not sure Miss Galler would approve of your subject." She smiled.

And well, we became Jules and Carrie again for awhile. We joked and talked about serious things like school and my car. I told her about my after school sessions with the school shrink and her attempts to psychoanalyze me and we joked about how she could make a career out of me with a new mental illness.

And by the time we washed our faces and blew all the snot out of our noses, it was time for lunch. We had a very nice lunch. It was a lot like old times. Mrs Petrili was engaging us in conversation about school and my new life with my Dad and his young girlfriend. And we all ragged on him a little, but I ended up defending him and her for all they were doing for me.

They weren't vicious about it. I guess it is natural that a woman gets a little indignant about a man their own age dating or marrying a woman that is about fifteen years younger. And I was gathering that Jules had not disclosed to her mom the reason that I screamed and came running back to her house the other day.

We spent over an hour and a half chatting and eating, mostly chatting. And at last, Julie and I excused ourselves and went back upstairs to her room. Once we were behind a closed door with not-too-loud music playing in the background, we settled onto the bed again.

"So, about tomorrow." Julie smiled at me. "Are you okay if I am there?"

I took a deep breath. "I'd rather you weren't" I answered, that was my knee jerk response. Julie's disappointment shown on her face.

"Julie, I'd really love to have you there with me for this, and I know that you would be there as a friend and try to understand it all. But, here's the thing... There is so much of what happened that you don't know. And I'm not sure if I can handle that being told to you by someone else. It would be like I betrayed your trust. And I don't want you to think that ..." I trailed off lost in thought. "I don't know. I guess I lied to you quite a bit over the past couple weeks to hide what was going on. Like Courtney's nose for example."

"YOU broke Courtney's nose?!!!" She screamed way too loud. "Holy shit!"

I shushed her. "Your mom will hear."

"Who cares?" Julie laughed. "My best friend is a beast! Damn Carrie, how ... what happened?"

"She... well, I should say they... pushed me a little too much one day and I snapped and took it out on Courtney. That's why Jill is letting her stick around I guess, to see me punished for breaking her nose, or maybe to silence Courtney. I'm not sure. It sounds cool I guess, but it was really awful. I didn't just hit her once. I went into a rage. You might recall, that was the same time my hands were all beat to hell. After they took her to the hospital, I beat the inside of the car and then a tree until my fists were bloodied."

"Wait. Okay, time for me to interject." Julie interrupted. "First of all, good for you Carrie. You aren't a fucking dog like these bitches seemed to think. You have never as long as I have known you, backed down like you have the last couple weeks. You have always been a tough character in a tiny body."

She laughed. "And for the record, Jill is letting Courtney stick around because of Courtney's attitude, nothing else. At least that is what Jill told me. I was there in the room when she talked to Courtney for a while, though she was there before me so I'm not sure what they said before I got there."

"She grilled them Carrie. She interrogated all of them, hell, she interrogated me. And you know what most of her questions seemed to be geared around? Is whether they liked you and why they were doing what they were doing. And I was there for a bit of it and she likes Courtney's attitude." She giggled. "She said Courtney reminds her of a richer version of herself when she was her age."

"But more importantly, Courtney holds absolutely no grudge against you whatsoever. Look, unless Courtney is the best liar in the world, she had Jill and I both with no doubt that she would never do anything to intentionally hurt you, physically or mentally. I'm not completely certain on this, but I think Jill might actually be buying her off to leave you alone for free lessons in whatever it is that Jill does."

"Anyway, I like Courtney. She's always been really nice to me. But I'll take you as a friend over her any day if that is the way it has to be."

"I'm going to call Jill with a few questions okay? Want to conference call it so we can all three discuss it?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, I guess. Well, just let's put your phone on speaker. I don't think I can stomach another barrage of texts from Farin right now. I turned my phone off before leaving the house."

Julie got her phone out and made the call.

"Hey Jill, it's Julie, I'm here with Carrie and we have some questions for you. Can I put you on speaker?"

Apparently the answer was yes because Julie put the phone down on the bed between us.

"Well, first, I want to be there, but Carrie is worried about me finding things out from you about the things that she did before now. I wouldn't care, but she does. Is it possible that you two could discuss prior events before I get there after Cheer?" Julie asked.

"Yes." Jill answered. Clear, concise, to the point.

"She ... well... we were talking about Courtney and Carrie breaking her nose. Does Courtney hold any leverage over Carrie right now?"

"That is up to Carrie. If she feels indebted, then she is indebted. I thought I was clear about that Carrie. You and Courtney will meet Monday for lunch and decide if you owe her anything or not. I will not interfere or give advice to you on this matter inasmuch as it does not interfere with my time with you. In the future if you are unclear about any of my instructions, you should ask then, misunderstanding will never be a permissible excuse." Well, Jill got a bit more talkative on that one.

I blushed as I looked at Julie. This was the part I was regretting, exposing my submissive requirements in front of her. "Mistress," I cringed as the word escaped my lips, "I have to make money to pay for gas for my car, my Dad will be expecting me to bring home money from my part time job. I'm not asking you for money of course, but I may need to work on the weekend at a real job to throw him off if that makes sense."

Jill laughed into the phone. "Carrie, I will give you a paycheck at minimum wage every week so Daddy doesn't get suspicious. I own a few businesses and you will earn the money, it will not be a gift."

"Hi Julie, Hi Slutball." Sue's giggly voice chirped in from the background.

"Is there anything else?" Jill asked.

"I think that is everything." Julie replied. "If anything else comes up is it still okay to call you?"

"You have my number Julie, as I told you, any time you are concerned or have a question, call me and call me first. I care about her almost as much as you do."

"Thank you Jill." Julie replied.

"Goodbye Mistress." I threw in and the phone call cut off.

Julie was giggling. "Mistress huh?"

I rolled my eyes. "I already have eight punishments coming, I don't need any more."

"hmmmm." Julie intentionally hummed excitedly. "So, what's a punishment?"

I sighed. "I am pretty sure I will find out tomorrow."

"So, what was it like to break someone's nose?" Julie asked.

I laughed. "At the moment, it felt really good."

The next few hours, with a few exceptions, we avoided the topic of Jill and Darla and my history and future in their odd world. We somehow, though our relationship was forever changed, found our way back to being as close as we ever were. I mean, face it, we had some nasty fights during Darla's games. We had hurt each other's feelings terribly. The one time, when Julie was in her denial/omg, my best friend is a lesbian rage, it came damned near to ending our friendship. But, that's the thing I guess with best friends, they are few, very few, maybe just one in your entire lifetime, but they are the relationships that can suffer horrible events and come out stronger in the end.

But, all good things must come to an end. And it was nearly 5:00 and I had to leave for dinner with my Dad and Kelly. I blushed again and asked Julie to turn around so I could send Jill a picture of my boobs. She refused to turn around, and instead offered to take the picture on my phone and send it to her. I acquiesced and told her not to even tell me how many messages I had on my phone and turn it off after Jill responded.

So it was that I was baring my breasts to Julie in her bedroom and she took a picture of it and this was somehow not terribly uncomfortable. It was no picnic. I was embarrassed I guess to show her my boobs with her knowing I was showing them so I could find out if I had permission to go buy a bra with Kelly tonight. How in the hell did we rationalize that this was okay, I don't even know.

But apparently, the tiny red marks were very muted now. A few had caused little blue and black bruises, but very few and according to Jill, "Just tell her you and Julie walked into a sticker bush by accident if it comes up. They are barely even noticeable as I had intended."

I asked her before I left how many messages there were, because I would have to deal with them at some point. She asked me if I wanted her to just delete the ones from Farin so she wouldn't have to deal with it and suggested that I block her on my phone.

I sighed. From what Julie had told me, Farin had orchestrated all of this ... or part of this... so she could be my white knight saving her damsel in distress. I should hate her. But, I guess a part of me was still flattered that anyone would go to such lengths for me. Me, the short girl who Rebecca thought was chubby and Rebecca hated. Me, the one who lost her only boyfriend back to the girl I stole him. Me, the one who didn't fit in, but didn't stand out in any crowd.

Besides, she was, is and forever shall be my first. Whether that was built on false pretenses or not, it was very real to me at the time and I guess still was. I definitely needed a break from her, there was no doubt about that. But, in spite of everything, I didn't hate her.

And so, Julie and I set her texts to go to a separate location where they wouldn't pop up on my phone and I could use my phone without reading her texts. And the answer was a three digit number... Yeah, that many.

And so, I hugged Julie for an eternity before I left to get my first bra in over two weeks!

The drive home was uneventful. I was getting attuned to the drive to my dad's house, but the voice telling me what to do was comforting so I used my GPS. I arrived home to a delicious dinner of basted pork chops and I was grateful that Kelly was such a fantastic cook. She would never be mom to me. But, she made my dad so happy, and she was so nice that I was getting a strong feeling of affinity for her.