Letting Go Ch. 04

It was all too much for me, and I closed my eyes as a hot pressure began to build up in my pelvis. I bit on my lips hard and I saw white flashes with every pound Reggie made. "I'm cumming!" I screamed shortly after.

I threw my body upwards as my toes curled and my nails dug into Reggie's skin. My cock pulsed in my hands and released a continuous flow of semen all over my chest and abs. I felt my ass constricting Reggie's cock.

I collapsed half a minute after. My body was limp and heavy, and my penis tingled with sensitivity. Reggie stopped fucking me to move towards my face.

I smelled the sweaty, earthy smell of his cock. I quickly grabbed it with my hand and began to jerk him off. "Fuck!" he yelled out in pleasure.

I felt his penis pulsate in the palm of my hand as he released warm strings of jizz all over my face. He kept going until it coated my eyes and nose.

He fell next to me shortly after, panting, and about exhausted as I was. "That was intense," he laughed.

"I've never done anything as hot as that before," I replied giggling. He licked some of his cum off my face so I could open my eyes.

We were limp, wet, and spent. Some of the moonlight cracked through the window and I got a good glimpse of Reggie's gorgeous face. I saw his tired eyes and crooked, genuine smile, and something tugged at my heart.

Reggie was beautiful. I knew I was always attracted to Reggie sexually, but just gazing at him right now made me have an epiphany. I knew if I ever left, I would never be able to find something as sightly as him: his contagious grin and his modest nose, his arching eyebrows and his awkward ears, his hazel hair and his piercing eyes. He was the type of beautiful you could see everyday, yet nothing would change your reaction to it because there was nothing else in the world quite like it.

"What?" he laughed when he caught me staring at his face.

"Nothing," I grinned. "Hold me."

He pulled me close to his body and hugged me tightly. It felt right being in his arms, as corny as it sounded.

He let out a deep sigh and kissed my head. "Are you ok, Simon?"

"Yeah, why?" I asked in response.

"Nothing big really," he said rubbing my back, "have you been eating lately?"

Damn! I told myself, I knew he would notice. There was no use in trying to hide it now. "Well," I quietly said, "not as much."

Reggie frowned in concern. "Why not? You've lost quite a bit of weight..."

"I don't know, I'm just bothered by something."

Reggie sat up and began to look attentive. "What are you bothered by?"

"Gina," I replied. That was only partly true because I left out the offer from Pamani.

"Oh..." Reggie said. "Well, I'm not here to scold you, Simon, but I want you to take care of your body. I want you to eat regular meals so that you don't get sick or malnourished or anything."

"Yeah, yeah..." I whined. I knew Reggie would tell me something like this.

"Hey," he answered touching my arm, "don't be like that Simon. I'm serious. I'm only saying this because I care about you. Promise me that you'll eat more, please?"

I sat up to face him, "OK Reggie, I promise that I will eat more so that I won't die and you won't be sad."

He smirked at my joke, "Thank you. Now that that's settled, do you wanna spoon? Or snuggle?"

"Snuggle!" I excitedly said like a little kid.

He smiled and pulled me into his arms. He fell asleep before me because I still had a few things to think about. Tonight had made me want to stay in Maryland, yet my decision to work for Pamani was still there. I still had a little over 2 months to decide, but it wasn't something I could choose overnight. I fell asleep listening to Reggie's steady breathing and heartbeat.

**

I woke up to Reggie furiously shaking my arm and screaming "Wake up! Wake up!"

I sat up, annoyed, and I rubbed my eyes. The sun wasn't high up yet and I wondered why Reggie had waken me up this early on a Saturday. "What?" I whined.

"Put some clothes on. We're gonna eat our breakfast."

I was still naked and crusty from the night before, and Reggie was already clean and had clothes on.

I took a quick shower and threw on a pair of jeans and a white shirt before meeting him outside.

"Where are we eating?" I said yawning and stretching.

"I packed breakfast already, wanna eat at the park?"

"Absolutely."

We drove for a couple of minutes until we reached the local park. It was already starting to get busy- the morning Tai Chi was class warming up on the field, school boys raced their RC boats on the pond, and bikers and joggers were active on the trails.

We found a nice patch of grass under the trees to eat and talk. Reggie pulled out a blanket for us to sit on, and a picnic basket he had filled with food he prepared for us before I woke up.

"I brought some bagels, smoked salmon, salad, and orange juice," he said pulling out the individual items. Everything smelled scrumptious and fresh: Reggie had made the bagels and smoked salmon beforehand at Rosemary and had tossed the salad with his homemade dressing.

"Thanks, this is awesome," I said hungrily.

"Let's eat up!"

We ate slowly and made small talk about regular things like video games and books. The day was going along slowly, but pleasantly. The weather had finally cleared up and the air was fresh and crisp from the rain. A nice breeze picked up and soothed my skin. I figured now would be a good time to "tell" him about my offer from Pamani.

"Hey Reggie, a friend of mine is in a pretty weird situation," I casually broke in, interrupting our previous conversation.

He cocked his head sideways and looked at me, "What is it?"

"You see, she and her boyfriend have been together for about 3 and a half years, and they've always been happy together, but not perfect."

"Mhm..."

"And suddenly, she got an offer to work for her dad and his law firm up at Canada. She could make a lot more money than her job as a receptionist for her current law firm.

And it would've been easier for her to say yes if her and her boyfriend didn't live in California together. They don't know if their relationship will survive or not if she leaves."

"Oh God, that's terrible..." he replied, "what is she going to do?"

"That's the thing, she doesn't know yet. They both don't know if their relationship will survive, but they both know they love each other."

"Her boyfriend can't go with her?" he asked.

"No," I lied yet again, "he's committed to his job there, and he never intended on leaving it."

"That's sucks... That is an extremely tough situation."

"I know," I said coolly, "what would you say?"

"Tough call," he said thoughtfully, "I don't know."

"Well, let's put it this way," I said, "what if I had to work somewhere in another country?"

His eyes widened and he looked at me frantically. "God, I'd be devastated. I would support you but... I really do think that life would be different without you. That's why in that car crash a month ago, I was terrified beyond belief, I literally felt like dying. I can never imagine seeing you leave.

But if it had to come down to it, I would wholeheartedly support your decision if you were to leave."

"And what about a long distance relationship?" I suggested hoping that he would believe in them.

"I don't believe those really work out."

That wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear. I wanted Reggie to say that he supported me, which he did, but also that he did think our relationship would survive if I moved.

I gazed at the happy children playing and the couples that walked around. God, was I jealous of them. My anxiety and worry about the decision was creeping up onto me because now it would be even harder to decide.

"I disagree, Reggie. I think long-distance relationships can work, sometimes."

"Well, maybe at first, but then people get busy with work and other affairs, and you only really get to see the person a few times a year, if you're lucky."

"Well, I think it can work out if you know how to value someone," I said angrily. I was near tears because I heard enough already.

Reggie seemed taken back. "Woah, Simon, let's not make a big deal out of this, it's just a discussion. Let's just agree to disagree," he calmly said.

I sighed as he wrapped his arms around me, "I'm sorry, it's just I'm a little passionate about this topic."

"Hey, at least it's not you having to make this decision, right?"

I sat in silence for a few seconds. You're completely wrong Reggie, I thought to myself, I am making this decision.

Reggie shook my arm after a while. "Hey," he repeated urgently, "you're not actually going to make a decision like this, right?"

It pained me to hear them like this, but I couldn't bring myself to tell him the truth. The look of worry in his eyes and the sound of urgency in his voice were too much for me. "No," I lied to reassure him.

He breathed a sigh of relief, "Thank God. I would've been freaking out."

I didn't answer because I was already still deep in thought about the decision.

I continued keeping my guard up as I thought about the choice I would have to make in the weeks that followed.

**

I checked the number displayed on my weight scale and wrote it down. I had lost 3 pounds this week, which had been my all time low.

The last time I saw Reggie, 3 weeks ago, I weighed about 139 pounds, but as I checked myself today, I weighed about 122. I had lost about 17 pounds in 3 week because of my poor diet.

The deadline for the decision grew dreadfully close. I only had a little over a month before I had to respond to Gary. Davis had managed to do more research for me and he informed me that a week after my response, I would already be set up to catch a flight to Liverpool, UK.

The stress and anxiety levels I had been maintaining were awful. All the lying, hiding, and acting I had been doing around Reggie took a toll on my appearance. I looked more physically tired because I barely got sleep from my self-induced insomnia, and I had lost a decent amount of weight. I avoided Reggie at all costs as I drew closer and closer to my decision to possibly say yes to Gary: every time I found myself around Reggie, he would do something sweet, sexy, and/or funny that would make me consider staying, which led to a tougher decision.

Reggie shot me the same text he had been over the past weeks: "Lunch? :)"

"Sorry, not today :(", I texted back.

"OK, make sure you're eating," he replied.

I had to return the car I borrowed from Davis, so I threw on a sweater and some jeans before heading out the door.

I drove a few minutes outside of town towards Davis' house. The sun was setting past the mountains, and I played a few rock songs to settle myself down. Everything had been pressuring me to choose soon: Davis said Gary had frequently been calling, my mom said that the money from Gina's life insurance set aside for my apartment rent was dwindling, and Reggie had been bugging me more about visiting me lately.

As I turned into Davis' driveway I had nearly swerved off the road at what I had seen. Reggie was parked outside on the driveway, and he was leaning against his truck and waving at me.

"Hey Simon!" he shouted waving his arms.

The fuck? I told myself, what was he doing here?

I waved back to him and pulled over next to his car. Davis wasn't home, so I put the car keys deep inside his mailbox so that only he would see it.

"Hey, Simon!" Reggie greeted again cheerfully.

I pulled my hood over my head so that he wouldn't notice my thinner face. "Hi Reggie," I replied, "what are you doing here?"

"I thought that I'd give you a ride home," he grinned.

"No, you don't have to," I refused, "Sandra will pick me up pretty soon."

"I don't think so," Reggie smirked, "I told Davis and Sandra I'd give you a ride home so... it looks like I'm you're only choice. And it's been three weeks! Lighten up! Aren't you happy to see me?"

I was actually happy to see Reggie and his comforting, happy-go-lucky face, but I didn't want him to notice the pounds I had shed off since our last encounter.

I didn't look anorexic. I still looked quite healthy as a matter of fact, but only someone that knows me as well as Reggie would notice my weight loss.

He came over to hug me but I put my arms in front of me to stop him. "Fine," I said.

"No need to be uptight," he frowned. "But let's get driving."

He backed out of the driveway and I got inside his pickup.

"How the hell are you?" Reggie asked me.

"I'm fine," I answered.

"Anything interesting happening? Jobs?"

"No luck," I sighed. Truth be told, I was looking for local jobs, but none of them were great.

"Aw," Reggie frowned.

He turned his AC on and some dust flew out and went into my nose.

I covered myself and sneezed. My sleeve traveled a few inches down, revealing my arm.

Reggie gave a quick look at my arm and sighed. "Simon, you're not OK."

"What are you talking about?" I said trying to deflect his statement.

"Your wrist, it's a little thinner than the last time I saw you 3 weeks ago."

How the hell could he notice something as small as that? Even I didn't notice. "It's nothing big."

"Stop acting like you're fine," Reggie said strongly, "you don't have to act around me, Simon. How many times have I told you? How many pounds have you lost?"

"8 pounds," I lied.

"You're lying."

"17 pounds..." I reluctantly confessed.

"Shit! Simon, what did I say? You can't go on living like this! You'll get sick! My God, 17 pounds!"

"Reggie, it's not a big deal," I sighed.

"It is to me!" he replied loudly, "I don't want you to become malnourished! You'll seriously injure yourself like that! I'm concerned, Simon. I think this has more to do than with what you've been telling me."

I didn't answer him. We continued to drive in silence for a few minutes until he picked up the conversation again.

"Look Simon, I didn't mean to shout at you like that. I only say this stuff because I care about you. And I know what I'm talking about- my brothers tell me about patients they've gotten that are sick because they didn't get enough food in them. I don't want that shit to happen to you," Reggie confessed.

"OK Reggie. I'll eat more."

"No," he pressed on, "I care about you, Simon, so I need you to talk to me. You can't just tell me you'll eat more because that didn't work already. Is there something bothering you? Please, tell me."

"I don't know, it's just Gina," I said. That was only partly true.

He sighed. "Are you sure that's the only thing on your mind? Are you not worried by something else that you might not be telling me?"

Was he on to me? Did he know about the offer?

"Reggie, please just let this go. I'm just in grief because Gina is gone. I promise," I lied.

He took one of his hands of the steering wheel and gently grabbed my wrist. "I'm not a therapist, Simon, and I don't intend to counsel you on how to handle your grief. But I really do need you to do your part. I need you to try to eat and sleep so you won't be admitted to the hospital again."

"OK Reggie..." I answered.

"You know, if it really is bothering you, we can go visit Gina, like we did with Adam," he kindly suggested.

I had only visited Gina the week after she died, but I stopped going because there was heavy traffic going there on the weekdays, and I didn't have a car on the weekends.

I thought about his offer a bit. The primary reason I was so stressed was still because of the offer, but maybe grief was also an underlying cause. "OK," I quietly answered.

"We can go tomorrow, if you'd like."

I nodded my head in response and Reggie gave me a warm smile.

**

I had to make the decision within the next two weeks. I tried my best to remain calm, but my anxiety was still there.

Reggie and I had gone to visit Gina multiple times within the past few weeks, and it really did comfort me to confide all of my worries to Gina. I has gained a few pounds back because I maintained an eating schedule and sleep slowly came back to me in small waves.

I was nearly certain that I would be taking up the offer: my situation called for it as the days passed. My budget that my mom gave me weekly was growing tight, and I knew that she was compromising a lot of her own share for my sake. Davis had been texting me more often about nice deals he had found for housing in Liverpool. I never had anymore nightmares about greed and personal gain; it was like the world was telling me to say yes.

But then there was Reggie. The small glimpses I got of him were almost enough to make me want to stay and never leave. It was like I was caught in a strong current of water but Reggie was the anchor that was making me stay in place.

I tried avoiding him as best as I could, but I never went a few weeks without seeing him. Whenever I was around him, I felt his care and his love for me.

**

"Here we are," the taxi driver said.

"Thanks," I replied giving him money.

I was at Davis' place to pick up the car, and also to have a talk with him. I knocked on his birch door and called out, "Davis, I'm here. It's Simon."

He opened the door and invited me inside. "Hey, how are you? You wanted to talk? Come in, I made coffee."

I sat on his old leather couch as he came back into the room with coffee mugs. "So what's up?" he asked again.

"It's about Pamani," I answered.

He sat up excitedly. "OK, what do you think about it?"

"I still don't know... I'm on the border about it."

He slumped his shoulders and sighed. "What is holding you back? This is literally an offer that you will probably never encounter again in your lifetime."

"It's just, Reggie and all the memories I have here. I love this place and the people in it," I answered sadly.

"Simon, we won't disappear from your life forever. Sure, the job will be quite demanding and high-maintenance, but maybe you'll be able to visit us from time to time."

"That's unrealistic, Dad. And you know it. I'll literally busy with new assignments day in and day out. You know the output of Pamani's car production, it's considered one of the fastest in the world."

"I know..." he admittedd. "But I want you to take up this offer, I want you have the chance I never got to have when I was your age."

His last sentence hit me hard. My dad never got to live his life because of his abusive father, so he wanted me to do this not only for my sake, but for his too.

"I still don't know," I said.

"Well, there's not a lot I can do to change your mind," he sighed. "You know what? Talk to Sandra about this. Have you done that already?"

"Not that much."

"Well, she's your mom! See what she has to say about this."

I nodded and hugged him goodbye before I left. I drove a few minutes to my mom's house.

"Mom. Meet my outside, I wanna talk in the car," I texted her. I really didn't feel like going inside and saying hi to my step-dad because we never really talked to each other, ever.

"OK, will be out in a few," she answered.

She came out a few minutes later and got in. "What's wrong, Simon? Are you fine?" she immediately asked.

"Nice to see you too," I chuckled.

She laughed and shook her head. "Was there something you needed? You usually don't visit your old lady unless you need something," she joked.

"I actually do need something," I answered, "I need advice."

Her face grew more serious and she looked at me attentively. "What is it?"

I told her about my job offer at Pamani and the money I would be making. "That's unbelievable! And you didn't tell me this earlier?!" she nearly cried out. "Yes! Take it! Take up the damn offer! Why haven't you said yes?"

"That's the thing, Mom. How will you hold up?"

"Well, I honestly will miss you deeply, Simon. You're my only child now," she said as a few tears dropped onto her jeans. "But I will be happy knowing that you're working a secure and well-paying job. You are the most deserving person for an opportunity like this."