Letting Go Ch. 04

"Oh hell, I fucking loved that!" I exclaimed.

He laughed, "Sorry if I hit you a little too hard, I didn't mean to get so aggressive."

"No, you put me in my place. I enjoyed being a good boy for you," I exhaled.

He stood up and helped me on my feet. "Shower?" he asked.

"Shower."

**

The next 6 days went by rather quickly. Reggie and I spent most of them in his house watching movies, playing video games, cooking and eating, and even having sex every now and then. I slept early at night for all 6 nights because the only way I could cope my guilt was by pushing it away with sleep.

Reggie treated everyday like a regular one, ignorant towards the fact that I had a flight to catch tonight, and that he would never ever see or hear from me again after I left.

I had a terrible feeling in my stomach as I entered knocked on Reggie's door. It was Sunday night, and my flight was leaving at 10am tomorrow.

Tonight was my last night with Reggie.

"Come in," he said.

"Hey, can I sleep with you?" I asked timidly. I was trying with all my might not to break down into tears.

"You don't even have to ask," he answered smiling.

He scooted over and made a space for me. I got in with him as he pulled the blanket over us. I felt his strong, burly arms wrap around my waist. I pulled him closer in response. I needed everything I could scavenge from him before I left: every last scent and every last feeling.

I felt his hot breath flutter over the back of my neck as he got ready to sleep. "You feel warm," Reggie whispered into my ear.

"Thanks," I replied quietly.

He laughed silently to himself. "What do you want for breakfast tomorrow?"

That word stung my ears. Tomorrow. Little did he know...

"Pancakes, I guess."

"OK," he yawned. His breath steadied and his grip on my waist grew a little weaker. He was sleeping. A few tears rolled down my face and onto the pillow.

I was glad we were spooning and he was asleep, because my eyes started to pour like crazy. I was sobbing silently to myself, trying my best not wake him up. Was this really what everything had come to? All my heartbreaks and all my experiences and trials, just to have all been for nothing?

My heart wept in my chest as I stayed up for hours in Reggie's embrace. At around 3am, I wiggled out of his arms and tiptoed to my room to get everything ready.

I folded the blankets and fixed the pillows quietly. I replaced the trash liner and adjusted the windows back to the way I had found them. It was like I was never here.

I got my phone and blocked Reggie's number so I wouldn't be upset over his texts and phone calls asking me where I went. I went back into his room and replaced my number on his phone with a fake one just in case.

I took one last look at him. His hair was gently nestled against the pillow, his arms were flat against the bed where I had been, his chest was rising and falling steadily with every breath that he took, his cute nose was twitching and moving, and his lips were perfectly pressed against each other.

It was almost too much for me to handle. This really would be the last time time I would get to see him.

I let out a few shaky breaths and cries before I said what I had to say.

"My fucking God," I whispered to myself while turning slowly around. "Bye, Richard."

I slipped out of his door quietly and walked to the nearest main street. His last words to me echoed in my head. 'OK'.

It was not even a 'goodbye', or 'I love you', because Reggie was oblivious to the fact that I was leaving him forever, and that really bothered me.

I called up an Davis to take me back to my place and take me to the Haletville Airport. My face and sweater sleeves were completely soaked with my tears as he pulled up.

"Ready?" he said.

"Yeah."

He didn't talk to me at all as we we drove back to the apartment to get my luggage. We continued to remain silent as we drove to the airport. He probably understood that I was far from fine right now, and he knew that there was no use in small talk because I felt absolutely terrible.

"Here we are," he said finally breaking the silence and waking me up from my nap. He had parked in a parking structure a block away from the airport.

He got out as I removed my suitcase and carry-on from the trunk. He touched my shoulder and looked at me in the eye. "I'm proud of you, Simon. I love you," he said with a cracking voice.

I pulled him into a long, deep hug as I cried into his shoulder. "I love you too, Dad."

We stayed like that for a couple of minutes until I let go.

"I'll watch your plane leave from here," he smiled.

"Okay," I said in a weak voice as I turned around to go to the airport. I waved him goodbye until he disappeared from view.

The next few hours were a little blurry: getting my bags checked in, authorizing my passport for national traveling, calling my mom to say my goodbyes, and finding my boarding gate.

As I sat in the waiting area for my flight that would be departing in 2 hours, I thought deeply about everything that had led up to this moment. I felt like I was in a dream, and that I would wake up pretty soon.

The reality of leaving Reggie was too much for me to cope with. I took out my phone to see all the images we had taken together. I deleted everything in attempt to purge my memory and forget all that we had done: from the days we first began to date to the days we spent in Croatia. Even the naughty things I had saved were all deleted.

It hurt me to do this, but I had no other choice if I wanted to forget about Reggie.

He would probably be awake around this hour, and he probably noticed that I was gone and he would probably be freaking out and looking for me. He had probably tried calling me only to be met with the dial tone of the fake number I put into his phone. I had left nothing for him to find me, not even a letter. It hurt me like hell to do that to him, but it was the best way to not have him interrupt me as I acted out on my decision.

I sat in silence as the seats around me began to fill up with people and the airport began to wake up with activity.

I put earphones on and played music to put myself at ease. I closed my eyes and tried to rest up before I boarded my flight on the British Airways.

I had kept to myself for about an hour or so before something caught my attention.

My eyes caught a hold of someone walking away from me. He had a hood on, and he looked about my height. His eyes were green and his hair was a golden shade of blonde. He looked about 18 years old and his face caught all my attention. He looked awfully familiar...

I hesitantly got up from my seat to follow him and investigate. I had about an hour left until my flight was leaving so, why not?

I began to pick up my pace as he turned the corner. His high cheekbones, his connected earlobes, and his widow's peak were strikingly familiar... and then it suddenly hit me. It was Adam.

The crowd grew denser as Adam continued to walk away from me. "Hey! Adam!" I tried calling out, but he he didn't turn his back.

I dodged and slipped through fast-walking pedestrians as I attempted to catch up to Adam.

I had been pursuing him for nearly 30 minutes before I got into a close enough distance to him to catch his attention.

I touched his shoulder and said, "Hey! Adam!?"

He turned back to face me, only this time it wasn't him. It was a completely different blond boy with a questioning look in his eyes. "My name isn't Adam. Is there something you need?" he bluntly asked.

"No... I'm sorry to bother you."

I turned back and walked quickly back to my waiting area because my flight would be leaving in less than half an hour. Maybe I was just so overwhelmed with emotions, that I was going insane...

I was nearly halfway there until I bumped into someone.

"Hey, sorry bud-" I began as I looked up to see his face.

He was still wearing pajamas and he smelled a lot like coffee. His eyes were red and puffy, his cheeks were streaked with dried up tears, his hair was a complete mess, and he had a frantic look on his face.

It was Reggie.

"Oh my God, Reggie?" I gasped.

He looked down on me questioningly before he realized. "Simon? Is that you?" he croaked.

"Y-yeah," I stuttered.

"Oh fucking God!" he said pulling me into a tight hug, "why are you here?!?"

I blinked a few times to snap myself back to reality. "How did you find me?" I asked without answering his question.

"I don't know... The last few hours have been a haze. I remember you not being there when I woke up and I remember driving over to Sandra to ask her but she only told me something about this Pamani offer, but she didn't know where you were. I tried going over to Davis but he wasn't home. I just- you won't believe this. I feel like I remember Gina calling me and telling me you were here at Haletville Ariport, so I went with my gut and came here. I can't believe it actually worked."

Gina? There was no possible way...

But then I remembered chasing Adam through the crowd. I never considered myself a superstitious person, but was it really fate that brought us here? Of all the places and hours of the day we could've not met, we did. This was surely a supernatural occurrence.

"British Airways flight P789T will be leaving in 15 minutes," a lady said over the intercom interrupting my thoughts.

"Reggie, I have to go," I mumbled as tears collected in my eyes again.

He grabbed my wrist and looked at me painfully. "Where? Where are going? I always knew you were hiding something from me, but why? My God, I have so many questions to ask you. But never mind that, where are you going?"

The situation was getting urgent with every minute I spent not boarding the plane.

It was now or never.

"Reggie, I have no time to explain..." I begged. I looked at him frantically.

He shook his head in disbelief. "Simon. I still have no idea what the hell is going on or what you've been hiding from me, but I do know that my whole being doesn't want you to go. I thought you left me when I woke up. I thought you went to go commit suicide while I was sleeping because I thought that's what you were hiding from me. I thought I lost you all over again.

But you're still here and I still have a chance to tell you that there's nothing else in the world that I would rather have than for you to stay with me. I fucking love you, Simon, and if that wasn't obvious already, then I'll repeat it my whole life if I have to. I know that you don't have a lot of time to go to whatever you need to go to but I'm begging you with everything that I have to stay with me. I don't care about what you've been keeping from me these past 3 months, or even all the lies you might've committed because we can fix those. You can justify yourself later, but, please, stay with me."

I looked at his pleading eyes and his face that was twisted with fear, anguish, and hope. He had said all of that from his heart.

Time slowed down and my life flashed before my eyes.

I remembered the time Davis beat me for coming out. I remembered being hopeless and depressed before I found Adam. I remembered being at the hospital as he told me to "never give up on love," with his dying breath. I remembered meeting Reggie on that fateful, snowy night in the January. I remembered him telling me that I never had to be alone as long as he was with me. I remembered him promising Adam that he would protect, serve, encourage, and love me with all that he had. I remembered meeting Davis again and his sudden change of heart for me and Reggie. I remembered our trip to Croatia. I remembered the multiple occasions where we fought, but Reggie selflessly apologized and made it up to me. I remembered Gina as she comforted me after our disastrous family meeting. "This is the kind of love you have to fight for" rang in my ears. I remembered her passing, and Reggie being the person that tried to see me in the hospital the most. I remembered his kind words and gestures in the days that followed my discharge. I remembered my distant and neglectful treatment towards him as I kept the Pamani offer a secret. I remembered him telling me that I made his life beautiful. I remebered the pain I felt at his house when I thought I would be seeing him for the last time. I remembered Adam and Gina's ghosts leading us together less than a few minutes ago.

So many things raced through my head as Reggie's outstretched hand and begging words came from my left, and the intercom's voice saying that my flight would be leaving in less than 5 minutes came from my right.

Everything in my entire life had led up to this moment.

I never really was the type of person to easily define my borders and choose a decision on the spot, yet I felt an otherworldly peace blow over me as my choice became clear.

I looked back at the boarding passengers at the gate, lined up to fly over to Liverpool where life was promised to be safe, secure, steady, and fulfilling.

I turned back to look at Reggie and his deep blue eyes and his perfect lips quivering in fear and the appearant guarantee that life with him would be spontaneous, genuine, exciting, and uncertain.

I let out a deep breath because I knew I was willing to let everything go. I grabbed Reggie's hand, looked at his anxious face, and said, "Okay."

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"You will never be able to escape from your heart. So it is better to listen to what it has to say." - Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist.

***

There's the last chapter of Letting Go! I have to say that even though I wrote this short series myself, I can tell you that I feel a deep connection with the characters myself and I genuinely surprised myself sometimes.

Hopefully you have enjoyed reading my first series as an author, and I hope to write more stories in the future. I'm still an inexperienced, developing writer that has no formal training or experience; I just do this for fun. So I know that there are imperfect parts that can be found. Your constructive criticism, feedback, praise, suggestions, and even votes will all help me in the process of becoming a better writer somewhere in the future. Feel free to comment or message me about anything, I'm always up for a good chat.:)

Thank you again for reading.