Letting Go Ch. 04

I nodded my head lightly. I looked outside the window without saying any words.

"Oh no..." she replied wiping her eyes after a few minutes. "That's why you haven't said yes haven't you?"

"What are you intending?"

"You haven't said yes because of Reggie," she answered. Did she read my mind or something?

"I have told him," I quickly lied.

"What did he say?"

"He says he supports any decision I make. Even saying yes to Pamani."

"Well then... take up the offer, Simon. No one is stopping you."

"Really? Why?" I questioned.

"Look, I haven't had my fair share of love like you have with Reggie- I mean just, look at what happened to me and Davis. I can't really give you advice from a romantic perspective, but based on what you told me, I really do think you should take it. If Reggie said he's fine with it either way, then what the heck? I say do it."

Yet another supporter of saying yes to the offer. No one but myself was stopping me from going.

"I still don't know... Maybe I'll do it. But thanks for talking with me anyways Mom. I'll keep you updated."

"No problem. I really do hope you choose well. Remember that I will love you whether you choose to stay or to go," she said warmly.

I kissed her on the cheek before she left. I drove home with nothing but the offer on my mind.

**

The hours that followed were unbearable. I mulled it over and over and over again until I got a headache. Was I really ready for this? I knew I wasn't certain about it, yet everything and everyone around me was pointing to accepting the offer.

I took in account what Davis and my Mom had said and how I was beginning to struggle to pay rent and buy food for myself. It was obvious that I needed the money.

As I got ready for bed, I hesitantly dialed up Davis. "Hello?" he said in a tired voice.

"Dad, it's me Simon. I've been thinking about this for two months now already...," I gulped before continuing, "tell Gary I'll take up his offer."

"Oh my God! Yes!" he cheered through the telephone. "Yes! Yes! I will. I'm so glad you made this decision Simon. Yes!"

I hung up before I could here anymore of his ridiculous cheering. I slumped down on my bed tiredly.

I really didn't feel at all excited, I felt like I was forced into the decision, if anything, because of my circumstances. I thought about all I had done to Reggie, how I mutilated our love and thrown away our memories. I began to cry.

Had it all really come down to this? Choosing a job over a person like Reggie?

I continued to sob in defeat and remorse until my creeping exhaustion put me to rest.

I tried my best to go back to the ethereal heaven where I had last met Gina and Adam again. I needed to talk to them and I needed to tell them that I was abandoning Reggie not out of greed, but I was only doing it out of survival.

I wanted to talk to them. I wanted to have them reassure me that I made the right decision because everything in my entire being was telling me that I didn't.

Yet, I couldn't reach them. I never came back to the beautiful lake in Croatia that appeared back into my dreams and I never got to see Adam's golden hair and Gina's smile.

They were probably disgusted at the fate I had chosen. They probably didn't want to respond to me at all because I had failed them and all they had stood for in my life.

**

I had one last week before my flight.

I had told my landlord that I would no longer be living in the apartments. I had moved all my furniture to a storage unit and Davis' house. I sold all of the clothes I wouldn't be taking along with me to the UK. I sent all of my extended family the "good news". There was absolutely no turning back now.

I had 7 dreadful days of spending time by myself in my empty apartment, awaiting the cursed day that I would leave all my possessions and loved ones behind.

I had 7 days before I would leave Reggie.

I had tried everything in my ability to prepare myself: I had tried talking to Gina, I tried drink it away, I tried to change it with music, I tried sleeping and crying, yet none of it changed how I felt. Nothing in the world could ever change the way I felt for Reggie. There was no use in denying that once I left, life would be different without him.

Today was a Monday, which meant that I received mail at around this hour. Today would be the last day I would be registered under this postal address, obviously because I would be leaving in another country 7 days from now.

I went outside to fetch it. It was just regular promotions from stores I would never shop at again and letters from relatives congratulating me on my new job.

I turned back to head to my apartment before a familiar voice stopped me in my tracks.

"Simon!" it called out.

I winced before I turned around. I saw Reggie in his full glory: his cute smile, his hazel hair, and his glowing eyes.

He ran over to me quickly and pulled me into a tight hug. "Simon, I've missed you. Where have you been? Why have you been ignoring my calls?"

"Hey, Reggie... I've been, um, busy," I quietly replied.

"You've been too busy to see me for more than 2 weeks?" he asked me with a joking yet concerned tone.

"Yeah, I've just been settling a few things with mom and dad, nothing big. Sorry I didn't call you, things have been a little tough lately," I said lying through my teeth.

"I'm sorry to hear that," he frowned. "Can we go into your apartment to talk?"

"No!" I yelled quickly. My apartment was completely empty except for a mattress and a few clothes that I kept in a suitcase. I needed to make up a story quick. "I actually came here to pick up a few things from the landlord. I got kicked out."

I nearly slapped myself in the forehead. Was that really the best lie I could conjure up? It was so risky and now Reggie looked even more concerned.

"Oh no," he replied, "you couldn't pay rent anymore, could you?"

I reluctantly nodded my head. He pulled me into a hug again and rubbed my back.

"I'm sorry, Simon," he said sincerely, "you really don't deserve to go through this."

"It's OK Reggie. I'll probably stay with Davis or Sandra until I can find an affordable place again."

He released me from his hug and looked at me intently in the eyes. "Stay with me, Simon. You can live with me until you can get back up on your feet again."

"Reggie... I don't know if that'll be good for you," I replied.

"Why the hell would it not be good for me? I love you, Simon. I'm not suggesting that you do this, I WANT you to do this."

I gulped before I continued to talk. This was the exact opposite of what I had in plan. I wanted to wait in my apartment for the remaining 7 days and then send Reggie a letter explaining everything that happened so I wouldn't leave him in the dust. I wanted to make it easy for myself, but it wasn't really like I had a decision anymore.

If I said no, Reggie would become super worried and would probably visit Sandra or Davis to not find me at their places at all, and I couldn't wait in my apartment anymore because of the lie I had told Reggie. There was nothing left for me to do.

"Okay..." I said.

"Thank you," Reggie grinned. "Go fetch your clothes and what you needed from the landlord, and we can go home."

I shuffled to my apartment and brought a small carry-on bag with clothes that would last me a couple of days. I said goodbye to the landlord before Reggie drove me his home.

**

Reggie parked his car out on the driveway and opened the door for me so I could get out. His 2 story condo looked as proud as always.

"You're in luck," Reggie grinned at me opening the door of his house, "I was actually going to invite you over for dinner anyways, so I whipped up some of your favorite dishes."

His home never faltered when it came to comfort. His place had a cottage theme with beautiful wooden furniture and floors coupled with real plants and paintings of fruit.

I gazed at the pictures that dotted the auburn hallways as he led me to the dining room. He had various pictures of nearly everything and everyone: his family, his cafe, his friends, his relatives, and his food.

Yet, what filled up most of the spaces on the wall were pictures of me. He had a generous amount of candid photographs of myself doing regular things like brushing my hair, reading a book, laughing, drawing on the corners of newspapers, sleeping on his shoulder, and helping him cook. My eyes continued forward as pictures of our adventures became more apparent. He framed pictures of our dates at the countless restaurants we ate at and our bike rides on the pier and our lazy days that we spent at the park or in his house and even pictures of us with Gina when she was still alive.

But what really caught my eye was a portrait of just the two of us, overlooking rolling hills filled with emerald trees and ribbons of rivers. It was a picture someone had taken of us while we were in Croatia, and it nearly captured the strong bond we had as boyfriends. Our eyes were shining in admiration of the scenery and our lips were curled into faint smiles as if we both knew we were lucky to have each other but didn't really say it out loud. Under the picture, there were a few words typed into a small paper.

"Life is beautiful with you," it simply read.

I stopped to let it sink in for a while. It was like the world was mocking me now for what I had chosen. Just these pictures alone were nearly enough to make me pull out my phone and cancel the deal. A few tears pooled at the corners of my eyes but I inhaled deeply to try and calm myself down.

Reggie startled me by touching my shoulder. "You like it, don't you?" he chuckled.

I meekly nodded in response.

"I've always loved to take pictures of everything that I encountered everyday. Obviously, I love taking pictures of you. I always took them when you didn't notice, or when you were concentrated on something. It's just simple things; I've always loved capturing the small details about you, not the conspicuous ones that really take away the natural things I like about you," he admitted.

I blushed uncontrollably. It never crossed my mind that Reggie actually documented me, but I felt honored either way.

"Well, enough talking," he suddenly broke in, "let's get eating!"

As I entered the dining room, a delicious, familiar aroma filled my nose. I could recognize it anywhere: it was Reggie's chicken potpie! Along with it, he had prepared lemoncake and wine.

"Wow, Reggie," I said in astonishment, "this looks fantastic."

"It's nothing big. I just thought that I'd bring back a few memories by cooking this," he said.

Reggie and I had eaten his chicken potpie on our first date, and he knew I loved lemoncake ever since I was a little kid.

I ate his food slowly, each bite of his food enticing my taste buds and warming my throat. It was the true definition of comfort food: it heated up my heart and filled up my stomach. I finished my potpie before he did and began quickly eating the lemoncake because it was too damn perfect. "It's nice to see you like my food," Reggie laughed.

"Your food is always fucking amazing," I replied.

"I always make it the best for my number one critic."

I laughed and took a sip of wine. We talked about his job and how his family was lately because I wanted to avoid talking about myself at all costs. I kept my guard up every time he asked a question that prodded into my "job" or my housing.

After we finished and cleaned up the table, he led me up to his guest room so I could change into my pajamas and get ready for bed. "Call me if you need anything," he said before closing the door.

I pulled off my clothes and threw on my sweats. Reggie had kept the room warm and toasty, and the queen sized bed looked a lot more softer than the flat mattress I had back in the apartment. I was actually grateful that I took up his offer to stay with him.

I went back downstairs to get a glass of water before I heard Reggie's voice echoing down the hall.

"Yeah, I'm sorry I have to ask you this Paul... No I'm fine..."

He was on the phone. I walked over quietly to hear a little better.

"No I'm not in an emergency... Yes... It's Simon... He doesn't have a place so I offered him up mine for the time being... I know but I have to stay here with him for a bit... OK, I'll let you take a longer vacation... Thanks, man. See you soon." He hung up the phone and threw himself on the couch.

I came out of my hiding spot to talk to him. "Reggie?"

He sat up a little startled, "Oh, hey Simon. I had no idea you were down here, I was just on the phone with Paul."

"Yeah I heard... What were you guys talking about?" I asked.

"Well, you see," he answered rubbing the back of his neck, "I'm having him cover for me again."

"It's because of me isn't it?"

"It's not just that-" he said before I cut him off.

"Reggie, you don't have to do this for me. I can take care of myself, you don't have to lose hours of work to babysit me."

"No, it's not like that Simon," he replied. "I want to stay here with you."

"Because...?"

"Because I've been feeling like I haven't really been there for you when I should have. I feel like you've been quieter around me because I'm never there to listen."

I looked at the floor guiltily because it wasn't Reggie's fault he felt distant. It was mine. I had always been pushing him away since I received the offer from Pamani.

I figured I had to make it up for him, at least just this once. "You haven't been distant, Reggie," I said walking over.

"You don't have to sugarcoat it, Simon."

"It isn't entirely your fault. I haven't been totally honest myself, either. I've also been trying to keep away from you for my own reasons. But, I really do hope I can make it up to you," I said inching closer to him. He looked at me and I knew he caught my drift.

"And how do you expect to do that?" he replied in a low, sexy voice.

I sat on his lap and inched close to his face. "You tell me."

I felt his penis grow under his pajamas. "I'll show you," he said before flipping me over onto the couch. He removed his shirt and kissed me furiously. His tongue aggressively wrestled with mine as he pulled me to the carpeted floor. He ripped off my shirt before tackling me with his mouth again.

We were rolling around on his floor making out like wild animals. The sounds our we were making didn't even seem humanly possible.

We continued to wrestle and kiss until he stopped me. He was lying down and I was straddling his waist. We were panting like we had just finished sprinting a mile. A sly grin spread across his face, "You little slut."

I looked at him intensely. "Tell me what you would do to a little slut like me."

His smile grew even bigger. "Well first, I'd wipe that smart little look off of your face by smashing your mouth with my dick. I'd would then eat your ass out like it would be my last meal on earth."

"Go on..." I groaned.

"Then, I'd ram my snake up your cave and let it make a home there. I'd let you take care of it until it floods your ass with its juice"

My dick quivered in my pajamas a little. "You're all bark, but no bite," I snapped.

"Am I?" Reggie said before he pinned me my arms down.

He kissed my neck as I squirmed under his grip. I yelled out so many different sounds as his tongue raced around my body.

I could tell Reggie was feeling dominant. "Shut up!" he said slapping my face. It stung with pleasure.

He pulled down his sweats to reveal his throbbing boner, slick with precum and purplish with extra blood. "Eat up!" he commanded.

"Damn, this looks delicious," I groaned before taking it into my mouth. I flicked my tongue over the head and jerked his shaft. He moaned in pleasure. I relaxed my throat more and pushed down further to really give him what he wanted.

I bobbed my head up and down as I felt his meat grinding against my throat. "Shit! Right there!" Reggie yelled as I made it near the base of his dick. He grabbed the back of my head and thrusted forcefully. I gagged a little before I let him continue.

I opened my mouth up wider and held his legs so that it would be easier for the both of us. He continued to fuck my skull as he made sexy noises. I pulled off my sweats to jerk my leaking cock.

He continued to pump in and out of my before he stopped to flip me over onto my back. "Bring that hole here," he demanded. I threw my legs up and revealed my twitching asshole to Reggie.

"Shit looks good," he said spanking my ass cheek and yanking me closer. "Now what's the magic word, Simon?"

"Please, eat me out," I begged.

"Fuck yeah..." he groaned as he put his face in my ass. His wet tongue tickled me at first until I begged him to stop.

He complied and began to lick and tonguefuck me. I howled in delight as his mouth caressed and fondled my hole passionately. His scruff was scratching against my skin, but his warm tongue soothed it.

I gripped the carpet tightly as he began to use advanced techniques that involved more than just his tongue. He fingered and licked and spit until I couldn't take it anymore.

Without touching my dick, I came violently all over my face and collarbones. I felt my ass throb around Reggie's fingers and tongue. There was cum splattered all over my face, hair, and the carpet that surrounded me. He took his mouth and hands off of me to look me in the eye. "Did I say you could cum?" he growled.

"No," I mumbled. I was terrified but excited.

"You're going to have to be punished for that."

He grabbed me by the arm and flipped me over. My ass was already tender and wet from all the eating and fingering he had delivered. I heard him spit on his penis and I felt his hands grab my neck. "I'm gonna enjoy this," he said before penetrating me.

I shouted in pure pain and ecstasy as his long cock burrowed deep within me. I felt it throb against my walls and I heard him let out a deep moan. He scraped over my prostate a few times and I became hard again without even touching myself. He continued to pump deeper in and out of me until I swore that his dick touch my heart.

"Reggie! Faster!" I screamed.

"That's my boy!" he answered as he picked up the pace.

I felt his sweaty, hairy arms graze against my skin as he pulled himself closer to me. He kissed the back of my neck and nibbled on my ears.

I couldn't even recall what I had said within the past few minutes because the pleasure was so intense.

My blood was boiling and my skin was burning hot. Beads of sweat rolled down my head and arms. Reggie's chest hair and his scruff grazed and irritated me, but I was turned on by it.

Our moans echoed off the walls of the living room and rang in our ears. The sensations I was feeling at this moment were so unhinged and indescribable. I was feeling new buzzes of pleasure and pain in places that I never knew could feel that way.

I felt a fire burning in my gut and traveling through my pelvis. I knew I was going to explode soon.

"Reggie, look at me," I breathed.

He placed his head close to mine as he panted, "Yes baby."

I took a good look at his sweaty, concentrated face as he gave one last good thrust before I lost it.

My whole being pulsed and twitched as I released my milk onto the carpet. "Oh fuck!" I was screaming as my hips and knees buckled.

I wanted to collapse on the floor but Reggie was still holding me up. "Shit! It's coming!" he yelled as he rhythmically pumped his hips.

I felt his dick expand as my gut filled up with his warm liquid. He took his cock out as some of semen dripped out of my ass. We both collapsed next to each other.

We could hardly breath at all. The room was filled with our pants and gasps and the erotic smell of sweat and sex.

It took us nearly 5 minutes before we were able to talk. "Did you enjoy that?" Reggie asked.