Lisa's Revenge

“Did you say something, dear?” she asked.

“Ugh… no… just coughing,”

“Oh… well that was the Miller’s from across the street. You know, Lisa’s parents.”

“What was,” Bruce asked, totally confused.

“On the phone… never mind. They invited us over for dinner in a few weeks. Lisa and her mother are visiting relatives.”

“I… I thought you hated them,” Bruce said, starting to panic a little.

“I suppose I did,” she said. “Well not them, you know. Lisa has always been a trouble maker and the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, but they explained to me that she’s really changed her life around and she’s really working hard and you know what?”

“What dear?” Bruce said, wondering what his wife would say if she knew what Lisa had been working hard on.

“It was Lisa’s idea to invite us over, sort of like an olive branch,”

Bruce choked. That little minx. This was not going to be good. “Uh…” was all he could muster.

“Yeah, I know! Shocking right? Anyway, it’s a free meal and we’ll give her a chance. Keep it quiet in here, okay, I’m going to bed.”

“Yes, dear,” he said, but Michelle was already back in the house.

The rest of the weekend passed without incident. Michelle had an HOA meeting on Saturday afternoon. Bruce read his financial papers and magazines and drank his Martini’s. Sunday, he mowed the lawn and that night he watched a baseball game while his wife read a crime novel and drank her wine. They hadn’t said a word to each other since Friday. The Anderson’s lives had returned to boring, like Lisa hadn’t invaded it at all.

Bruce couldn’t take it. He wanted to scream at his wife to say something to him; anything! But then it would just be her bitching about something. He longed for her to say something nice to him or thank him for mowing the yard, but she wouldn’t. It wasn’t her way. He wanted her to come over and cuddle with him while they watched a movie. He bet Lisa would if she were there. He knew Lisa would have thanked him for mowing the grass and would have bought him out some ice tea, while he sweated in the afternoon sun. She’d only been gone a few days and he missed her already.

He decided to have a few more Martini’s and then take a cold shower and then fall asleep. Michelle didn’t even stir when he went into the kitchen. She didn’t even come in when he stood there for half an hour making and drinking three Martini’s in a row. He was a bit tipsy at this point, especially for a Sunday evening. He went up and took his cold shower. When he came out, Michelle was in the bedroom getting her clothes ready for the next day.

“Hey, I’m missing a few things,” She said to him.

“What?”

“Jesus, would you just listen for once,” she sighed, shaking her head. “I can’t find my new skirt or one of my shirts. I had them laid out. I was going walking with a couple of the girls after work tomorrow.”

“I may… may…”

“You and your fucking Martinis, Bruce,” she retorted, clearly irritated with him.

“Wear something else,” he slurred, pulling on shorts and falling onto the bed.

“I know… go to sleep. Next time you do laundry over the weekend, ask me first, okay?” she left the room.

“They look better on Lisa, anyway,” he mumbled and fell asleep. Michelle hadn’t heard him.

The next day, his wife was gone before Bruce woke up. He made himself some breakfast and then headed to work. He got into the elevator the same time that Linda did.

“Alone, this morning I see,” she said, not making eye contact with him and clearly disapproving of his “new wife”.

“Yeah,” he said lamely and not wanting to have this conversation. Why did everyone have to be such a bitch to him? Thankfully Linda kept quiet the rest of the ride up and went her separate way after they arrived at their floor. Bruce headed past reception, but his secretary waved him over.

“Sorry, Mr. Anderson, I know you’re super busy this morning, but your wife just called and was sorry she missed you. She said to have a super day and that she misses you. She is just so sweet!”

“Uh… thank you,” Bruce said and moving on to his office. He did have a busy day planned with meetings and conference calls. He fired up his computer and opened his emails and after sending off some replies and taking notes, a new one came in. It was from Lisa.

“Hi baby! I called your office but you weren’t there yet. It’s only been a couple of days but I’m dying here without you. I miss you terribly. I wish I could have woken you up with a kiss and a blowjob and then made you breakfast. I wish I could be there tonight to make you a nice dinner and give you a massage and then take you upstairs to make love to you. I can’t wait to see you again and I hope you have a wonderful day.

Love you,

Lisa”

He smiled and felt warm and alive for the first time in days. Was it love? Was it lust? He didn’t know and he didn’t care. He couldn’t wait to see her again either. Then he frowned. What the hell was he thinking? She was fresh out of high school and didn’t know anything about life or how life really worked. It wasn’t that simple. You couldn’t just go around being with whoever you wanted and you couldn’t fall in love with someone after a few weeks.

He wrote back to her.

“Good morning, Lisa. This past week with you has been crazy, to say the least. I woke up thinking about you as well, but I can’t help thinking that we’re doing the wrong thing. I think we should take this break as a good thing and a chance to clear our heads. I’m too old for you and I don’t think you really love me. We can’t see each other again. I’m sorry. Don’t contact me again.

Mr. Anderson”

He hit send. He thought that signing it with just his last name, gave the email some authority. He left his desk to go to his first meeting. He wasn’t really happy, but he felt determined for a change. He felt like he was making decisions for once and he was in control. Later that afternoon, he checked his emails again. There was nothing from Lisa. There was no further contact from Lisa for two weeks.

Bruce was getting ready to leave when an email alert popped up on his screen on a Friday afternoon. It was from Lisa. He grimaced and opened it.

“Dearest Bruce,

Your email hurt me deeply. I cried myself to sleep, that night when I opened it. As the week went on, though, I became even more determined to prove to you, how much I truly do love you. We’ll talk when I come back. Please just give me five minutes of your time before dinner next Friday. I saved and printed out your last email so that one day we can read it together and laugh at how silly you were.

With deepest, heartfelt Love,

Lisa”

“Fuck!” he exclaimed loudly. “I just incriminated myself! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”

There was a knock on his office door and then his secretary popped her head inside. “Is everything okay, Mr. Anderson?”

“I…I just bumped my knee on the edge of my desk. I’m okay. Sorry, I didn’t think anyone was out there.” he lied.

“Oh, I know how painful that can be, sir,” she said smiling. “Have a great weekend. See you Monday. Say hi to your wife for me.”

“I will,” he said, thinking absently what she would say when he showed up at the company picnic with his real wife, Michelle, instead of Lisa. This shit was getting serious. “Fuck,” he said again and gathered up his stuff.

That weekend was even more boring than the previous one. Bruce tried to distract his mind by reading and drinking Martini’s but all he could think about was how mad Michelle would be when Lisa showed her his email. He could deny the whole thing of course. It was easy to fake documents like that, but he really, really hated confrontations. He decided, simply, that he was going to get sick next weekend and skip the dinner and talk to Lisa on the side, help her get some counseling and sell the house and move away. He’d been looking on Trulia and it was a good time to sell.

On Monday morning, there was a new email from Lisa. It read simply:

“Good morning, sweetheart,

I’ve got some amazing news for us and can’t wait to share it with you this weekend. I can’t wait to see you. Can you believe that it’s been over a month since we were first together?

Love,

Your darling Lisa”

Well, he thought, this one wasn’t quite so melodramatic. Maybe she had gotten another scholarship. That would be really good. He spent the rest of the week thinking of strategies to deal with Lisa. He thought he had it well planned out. It started out with him getting suddenly very ill Friday morning and missing the dinner party with Lisa and her parents. That was for sure.

On that Friday afternoon near four O’clock, his boss came in to talk to him about a project they were starting next week. He gladly took the opportunity to distract himself with work. They talked for a good hour before his boss took his leave, satisfied that they were going to be off to a running start with the project on Monday morning.

“Oh, and I’ll see you Sunday at the picnic, yes?” his boss turned and asked before walking out the door. “You missed last year and I think it would be good for you to come.”

“Yes, I’ll be there.” Bruce replied, getting the feeling that it was more of an order than a request.

“Great! Oh, don’t forget to bring you’re wife. I’d love to meet her.”

“Uh… yes, she’ll be here.”

“Awesome! See you Sunday, then. You’ll be glad you came.”

Bruce hadn’t even brought the subject up with Michelle the past week. She might have forgotten all about it. Lisa knew, of course. “Fuck,” he said getting into his car and driving home. He had a bad feeling about this weekend. He left without checking his email one last time. He really should have. There was one from Lisa that simply said “See you tonight! Everyone will be so surprised.”

When he arrived home, he saw that his wife was already there, parked in the driveway. She opened the door right before his hand grabbed the door knob.

“It’s about fucking time, Bruce,” she glowered at him. “Where were you?”

“Work. Where else would I be?”

“Did you forget diner with the Millers?”

“Uh, I don’t... “

“Come on,”

He tried to protest and tell her that he wasn’t feeling well. He was going to send her a text but his boss had distracted him.

Michelle grabbed his briefcase, placing it inside the doorway and locking and shutting it behind her. “Come on,” she said pulling him down the driveway. “We’re not late, but I just don’t like being rushed.”

Defeated, he let Michelle drag him across the street, to the Millers. He noticed both cars in the driveway, meaning that Lisa and her mother were back from their trip. He had held out a little hope that they wouldn’t be back in time.

Michelle knocked and Mrs. Miller opened the door. He had never really taken the time to get to know his neighbors across the street, and he had never really noticed Mrs. Miller before now. Looking at her, close up, standing in the doorway, Bruce could really see where Lisa got her beauty from and where she had inherited her bust from, although Mrs. Miller dressed way more conservatively than Lisa. She was definitely stacked, though.

“Hi, come in Bruce… Michelle. Welcome to our home,” she offered, warmly. Bruce and Michelle followed her inside. “John’s upstairs getting ready; he got home just before you got here. Lisa will be down in a minute. She was supposed to be helping me but she always takes too long to get ready. “Bruce, have a seat, please.” She dragged Michelle into the kitchen with her.

Bruce settled on the couch, feeling like a nervous schoolboy. This was all terribly wrong. His stomach hurt and he was sweating. He could hear the women in the kitchen chatting away about something unimportant and cutting vegetables. He just sat there listening to their white noise, for what seemed like forever.

Then, Lisa appeared at the bottom of the steps; visible to him alone. She was stunning, as he knew she would be, wearing a beige dress with black polka dots. It was spectacular on her without being overtly sexual.

“Hi,” she said softly, standing there looking at him.

“Hi,” he stood. “You look… that’s a nice dress.”

“Thank you. I’ve got something to tell you that will change everything.”

“Are you okay?”

“Do you care?”

“I do… I mean…”

“You don’t,”

“What makes you think I don’t care about you?”

“Well, you haven’t kissed me yet, have you?”

He started to shake and cough. Just then his wife and Lisa’s mother walked into the room. “Really… it’s dinner, Lisa. You always take things too far,” her mother said, frowning at Lisa. “That dress doesn’t even look good on you, but whatever. Dinner’s ready.”

Bruce couldn’t believe the little toxic rant he had witnessed from Lisa’s mother. His wife gave him a funny look, that seemed to say, let’s get this over with so we can go home, and they all went into the dining room. Lisa’s father joined them a few moment’s later. Bruce noticed that the kitchen and the dinning room were immaculate, almost sterile.

“Shall we?” Lisa’s mother started. Soon they were all passing around the food. Lisa’s mother got up to retrieve a ladle from the counter looked at the floor in disgust and retook her seat, after sending a nasty look towards her daughter. “You’re an accountant, right, Bruce?”

“I am!” he said brightly. He knew he could talk for hours and bore anyone to sleep on this topic, and that just happened to be his new plan. After they were all asleep, he would sneak home and deal with this uncomfortable mess tomorrow after a boatload of Martinis. He began. “Um… I actually audit and reconcile…”

“Yes… yes…” Lisa’s mother interrupted him and then turned on Lisa. “You see, he needs to have an eye for detail, which you don’t have. Look at this floor. Do you call that clean? Do you?” Everyone had stopped eating.

“Dad said it was clean,” she said meekly.

“Your father said it was clean? Do YOU think it's clean? Do YOU think it's clean? Look at that, DO you?” she said pointing at an invisible smudge on the floor.

Lisa shrank back into her chair, her eyes were watering and she was staring hard at her plate, as if that would save her. Bruce suddenly realized the dynamics of this family and why Lisa was so upset about not being able to get away to college and why she was so obsessed with revenge against his wife. She was trapped here in a hellish, dysfunctional family and it made Bruce angry.

“Stop it!” he said forcefully to Lisa’s mother. “Stop it. The floor looks great. She did a great job at it. The dress looks lovely on her and… and there’s no need to belittle her.” He instantly realized that he had over reacted.

The dinning room went even more silent. Nobody moved and all eyes were on Bruce. At this point, he lost his nerve again and wished he had never said a thing. Lisa looked up at him like he was her savior. Bruce nodded back at her.

Michelle broke the silence. “We should go. Come on Bruce. We don’t want to get involved.” She stood up, pushing her chair back, and then leaned over to Lisa’s mother. “I can see the smudge, if it matters. Bruce doesn’t understand how hard it can be with girls like Lisa.”

Lisa had been staring at Bruce the whole time. Bruce nodded and smiled at her again. Really, he only meant to convey that he understood what she was going through and to offer her some encouragement, but she took it as a sign that she should speak up, and she did.

Lisa stood up quickly nearly knocking her chair over. “Wait. I have something to say.”

Lisa’s mother started to interrupt her but didn’t… she just sat there staring at her daughter like everyone else in the room. Michelle settled back into her chair.

“I… whew… this is hard. I have something to say.”

Michelle sat on the edge of her chair, as if this was only going to be a momentary delay.

“I… uh” Lisa’s eyes started to water and her voice cracked. Bruce had never seen her look so small, so frail, so afraid and unsure of herself. Was this the real Lisa and not the one that had seduced him at every turn over the last month?

“Lisa, sit down,” her mother commanded, but Lisa stood her ground and shook her head.

“No! I’ve got something to say…an announcement.” She took a big breath, “I’m pregnant!”

Lisa’s mother gasped and dropped the fork she had been holding in a death grip. It fell on the floor, causing a real smudge this time. Lisa’s father hammered the table with big hands, rattling everything and spilling his glass of water. Michelle punched Bruce in the arm and whispered to him. “I knew that little whore would get knocked up.”

“Who,” Lisa’s mother asked.

“I should have said that we’re expecting together… that we’re having a baby,” Lisa said looking at Bruce. Nobody else seemed to catch the look.

“How do you know?” Lisa’s mother asked, and then added, “Who?”

“I missed my period and I’ve taken several pregnancy tests,”

“Who!?” Lisa’s mother cackled. She looked crazy and so did Mr. Miller at the end of the table. His face was crimson and the muscles on his neck were strained. He looked like he was going to explode.

“It’s Bruce’s,” she said smiling at Bruce. “Tell them baby, we love each other. I’m going to be his new wife.”

Bruce only had time to say, “Shit.”

The next few minutes were a whirlwind and Bruce hardly remembered them. The one thing he did remember was the screaming, although he wasn’t sure who was doing the screaming. Then he remembered being slapped by his wife several times. His next memory was of a big, beefy fist flying towards his face. When he regained consciousness, he was being administered to by a paramedic and a police officer was asking him if he wanted to press charges. He declined, of course.

When the paramedics had finished with him, Lisa helped him across the street to his car, she helped him get in the passenger side, took his keys out of his pocket, got in and started the car. The police were just leaving and Lisa’s mother and father were standing on their front stoop scowling. Michelle had walked across the road, close enough to be heard.

“I hope that hurt like hell, you fucking asshole! Take your little whore and get the hell away from me! My lawyer will be in touch. You and your little cow can pick up your shit on Monday! She’s a fucking cow, have fun milking her! Your shit will be on the driveway! I hope it fucking rains all over it and if I’m here or you step foot in my house, I will cut your fucking balls off!”

“She’s so sweet,” Lisa said, pulling out and driving away from their houses. “That went well, don’t you think.”

“Where are we going,” he asked finally coming to his senses.

“We need to get a hotel room for now, don’t you think?”

“Yes,” he shifted in the seat, pulling out his wallet. “I’ve got money and we should pull out some extra incase Michelle gets vindictive with our joint account. You shouldn’t have…”

“It’s okay…” Lisa said softly, taking Bruce’s hand in hers. “I’ve got some money too and a couple of bags of my important stuff,” Lisa said. “We’re okay.”

A few minutes later, Lisa pulled into the Marriot Hotel, near downtown. She grabbed their things and helped Bruce into the lobby. He was still pretty groggy. They paid for a week in advance, Bruce pulled a few hundred dollars in cash out of the ATM in the lobby and they went up to their room. Lisa drew him a nice hot bath and then went out to park the car and get them some toiletries and food. She came back with supplies and Pizza and set to tending to Bruce’s injuries.

She filled him in on the events that he had missed. Lisa’s father had punched him several times, giving Bruce a bloody nose, two black eyes, a fat lip and several abrasions. He had gotten a nasty little gash on the back of his head from the table on the way to the floor. That’s what had knocked him unconscious. Once on the floor, his wife had proceeded to kick him in the ribs several times for good measure. Lisa ran around the table knocking Michelle to the floor, standing over Bruce, protecting him. She had fished Bruce’s cell phone out of his pocket and called 911. Lisa had already prepared some overnight bags, which was part of the reason it had taken her so long to get ready.