Love Will Lead You Back

"I don't know. But I owe Cam the courtesy of talking to him face-to-face," Emily answered raggedly. "I have to go. I'll let you know how things turn out."

"Em, you know better than me, this is life. You deal with it as best you can. I hope it all works out. I love you."

"Love you too Chrissy."

+++

"Landing at RDU at 6. Can you pick me up? We need to talk." The text was simple, but put the fear of God into Cam. Emily was flying back to Raleigh on a Saturday after she just left Friday evening. What in the hell could be so important Cam asked himself at least a thousand times since receiving it.

"Absolutely. I'll meet you in our usual spot. Text when you land and I'll pull around. I'll have the kids. Parents are away this weekend, sorry," Cam replied via text.

"Thanks. Cam, I love you. We'll talk. Airplane mode. See you soon," she replied.

A bewildered, wary Cam sat in his chair feeling like he was just hit by a truck. He was half in love with Emily the day he fixed her calendar problem. His feelings had only intensified over the last several weeks. He was even thinking about introducing her to his girls. It looked like that decision had been made for him. Now she told him she loved him. What happened, he wondered? His head was spinning when his girls rushed into the family room wanting to watch TV.

"Ladies, we are going to have company this weekend. And, we're going to pick her up at the airport in a few hours," Cam announced to Amber and Amanda. They got excited.

"Who is it daddy?" Amber asked.

"Do you remember I told you about a lady at work named Emily?"

"Yes. She's the one you have dinner with right daddy?" Amanda asked.

"Yes and sometimes we sneak out for lunch too," Cam said, and grinned. "She's coming back here tonight. So you both need to be on your best behavior. Okay?"

"Okay daddy," both girls replied in unison.

The three of them were waiting in the cell phone lot. Cam was monitoring flight status, so he knew Emily's plane had just landed. He was excited about seeing her, but dreaded whatever she wanted to talk about. His mind had played out as many negative scenarios as positive in the last several hours. He finally settled on a negative outcome against his generally positive attitude towards life. He would always have his girls however, as he looked at them playing with their iPads in the back seat of his Tahoe.

They were each watching the same movie on their own iPads. How funny it was to him they didn't just set one in the middle and watch one screen. They were so independent, he thought. He was glad for their company. He couldn't predict what Emily was going to say. His thoughts were interrupted by a text from Emily indicating she had landed. He waited about three minutes, started the Tahoe and drove around to their agreed to spot. Emily waived. He stopped the car and popped the lift-gate.

Cam grabbed Emily's bag and tossed it into the back. He turned to face Emily and kissed her deeply. Amanda and Amber both craned their heads around and watched their father. "Ew gross," Amber said. "It's not gross. He must like her Amber," Amanda said. Both adults turned to look at the girls, then back at each other.

"Amanda's right. I do like you a lot Emily. In fact, I lo..." Cam got out before Emily shushed him.

"I know, but let's meet these precious girls first."

Cam made the introductions after Emily was seated in front. In the dim light there would be no way Emily could ever tell them apart. Cam could, but still the girls tried to fool him now and then. It always amazed him, how much they looked alike, yet how different they were.

"Have you eaten? The girls and I waited for you," Cam asked.

"I haven't, but could we order a pizza and eat at your house? I have a lot to talk about, but we can wait till the girls go to bed. I've booked my usual hotel. I can Uber over after we talk."

"Girls, Emily said she'd like pizza for dinner. I know it's not your favorite, but can you eat it just this once since Emily is our guest this weekend?" Cam begged his girls in mock seriousness. Emily looked concerned for a second.

"Daddy, you know pizza is our favorite food. You are so silly sometimes." Amber said, quickly.

"Yea, and Amber and I have already decided, we're having a sleepover with Miss Emily," Amanda added.

"Well girls, I'm glad you both got everything worked out. Let's ask Miss Emily if that's Okay with her," Cam said and winked at Emily.

"That would be perfect. I haven't had pizza and a sleepover since I was in college. Thank you."

Two large mostly empty pizza boxes were quietly resting atop the counter. Four very stuffed people retired to the family room to watch a little TV, before bed. The girls sat on the floor in front, while Cam and Emily shared the sofa. Cam had his arm around Emily. He could feel her tension in her shoulders. Whatever she had to say, was probably not good news he thought.

"Girls, it's 9, time to get teeth brushed," Cam reminded them.

"Daddy, can't we stay up a little longer, please?" They both chimed in together.

"Since we have company, how about another 30 minutes, then it's off to bed."

"Yay!" both the girls screamed.

"You pretty much have this parenting thing down to a groove swing don't you Mr. Mom," Emily said, smiling. Her smile looked a little forced to Cam. She was trying to settle the tension that had been forming between them, since she landed. Conversation at dinner had been focused on the girls. She could easily see how well-mannered they were.

"I wouldn't go quite that far, but the girls and I have worked through a few things," Cam said, confidently.

Cam had grabbed the girl's sleeping bags once he announced it was time to brush teeth for the second time. He set their bags up in the guest room where Emily would be sleeping. He wished Emily could just sleep with him in his bedroom. But he wanted to set a good example for his kids. And while he was sure he loved Emily, he was now unsure how she felt. He still had this foreboding feeling that Emily had bad news to share.

"Okay A's, time to get tucked in. As you ladies had requested, you're bunking with Miss Emily tonight, but that means no staying up late, no loud talking, and no pillow fights. Clear?" Cam said, attempting to be serious, but Emily had a very devilish grin on her face while he was talking. Both the girls, swore their solemn pledge to Dad's rules, but in reality, even they knew he was just daring them to break them. Emily did too. She tried to remain supportive when Cam looked at her, but couldn't wipe the grin off her face when he finished announcing the rules.

Cam and Emily tucked the kids in their sleeping bags and kissed them goodnight. Maybe bedlam wouldn't break out, if Emily was quiet when she came to bed. Cam doubted it. The couple retired to the family room, TV now off.

"Would you like a glass of wine?" Cam asked, knowing he might need one to dull the hurt he now felt certain was coming. Was she going to break up with him he wondered? He hadn't done anything wrong that he was aware of, but he never got all the signals 100% correct with women. That point, was driven home clearly by his ex-wife leaving him he remembered. He never saw it coming.

"Yes. I'll have whatever you're having," Emily responded. She was tensing up again, Cam noticed.

Cam brought two slightly chilled glasses of a red blend. He handed a glass to Emily. "Emily, I know you're tense. I have no idea what you want to talk about, but it must be serious for you to fly back here just to talk. Truthfully, I've been through practically every scenario I can think of since I got your text this afternoon. I just want to tell you one thing. Whatever it is you want to tell me, I love you. I'll always love you, no matter what you tell me. I'm pretty sure I knew after we both reached for the cheese at the restaurant on our first date," Cam tried to lighten the mood.

Emily had been on pins and needles since she found out about the promotion yesterday just prior to returning home to Chicago. She was nervous. Her heart felt like it was pounding in her temples. The flood of emotions she felt when Cam confirmed his feelings for her made her feel a thousand times worse. She broke down in tears, even though she promised herself she wouldn't. It wasn't fair to Cam. Damnit, she had to get herself under control she vowed. She was going to have the most difficult conversation she had ever had with Cam tonight. She couldn't keep vacillating like this.

The pressure had been building for over 24 hours by now and she couldn't take it any longer. She felt like she was being squeezed in a vice. "Cam, I'm sorry."

"Why?" He asked softly.

"I should have cancelled my flight last night so we could talk about it then. I thought going home would give me time to think. It did in some ways, but made it worse in others. I had time to think, really think about how I felt about you which was good. Cam, I love you too. Not only do I love you, but I'm in love with you. That makes everything I have to tell you that much worse. God if only I knew what to do," Emily pleaded, while looking up for divine intervention or inspiration.

"Emily, why don't you just tell me what happened yesterday. I'm completely in the dark," Cam implored her, feeling a pall of dread wash over him.

"Greg Oakly, the COO told me I'll be promoted effective March 1, to Senior VP of Sales," Emily said flatly.

Cam exhaled a loud breath, he'd been holding, "That's great news Emily. I don't understand why you wouldn't be through the moon excited? I'm so proud of you. I know you've worked hard for it and deserve it. What am I missing?" Cam asked, confused. Then the light bulb went off. He had heard about SE Box's plans to expand to the West Coast.

"Thanks Cam. That's means a lot to me, but it means, I have to relocate to LA. There's a new plant and sales office that needs to be staffed and I've been appointed to lead the startup team. I have to be there in two weeks," Emily said while tearing up again.

Cam's worst fears, just materialized. "So I guess you've decided to accept the position," he said resigned, already knowing she had.

"Cam can you hold me please? I'm so upset right now. It's like my world is being turned upside down. Please? But no, I haven't officially accepted it yet."

Cam moved over to her on the couch and wrapped her in his arms. She cried on his shoulder. He could feel her tears soak his shirt. He reached for the box of tissues on the coffee table offering her the box. This wasn't a single tissue discussion he knew.

"Emily, I don't know what to say. I know you should take the promotion. It sounds like a huge opportunity. I'm sure you'll be great in the new job," Cam said a little bitterly.

Emily started crying even harder. "Cam I don't want to leave you. I love you. I don't know what to do. I know you can't understand that, but it's true. I love your girls, they're perfect. I love their father, you're perfect. I don't know how to make this work," Emily said frustrated with the situation.

"Sweetheart, I love you too, but this isn't something with a win-win solution it seems, at least now. It sounds like for you to further your career you're going to have to give up something you love. But, I would never ask you to turn the job down. That wouldn't be fair to you. Even if you made the decision yourself not to take it, you'd always regret it. I couldn't be the reason you decided to stay. I'd never feel right," Cam finished. He was dejected with the hand dealt, but at least logically he understood it. Emotionally, he was twisted in pain at the outcome.

"I had coffee with my sister Chrissy this morning. You know what I told her?" Cam shook his head no. "I told her I was going to ask you to marry me and move you and the kids to the West Coast with me," Emily said determined to show Cam how much she really loved him.

"Wow where did that come from? I'm flattered, but you know I couldn't do that. I mean the thought of being married to you, is wonderful, but I couldn't just pick up the girls and take them 2500 miles from family. Both their grandparents, their school, and their mother are all here. I couldn't do that to them. Hopefully you understand that right?" Cam asked hopefully.

"As much as my logical brain says yes you're right, my emotional side can't accept it as not being a good solution to the problem," she said. "Would you at least consider it?"

Cam was forced into an untenable position. For all the previously stated reasons, he couldn't move the kids, but the result of that was losing Emily. She was a wonderful woman, with all the attributes, his ex-wife never had. And yet, because of the one attribute which he found most endearing—her drive for success—Cam was going to lose her. It struck him as cosmically ironic. Like the universe was playing a cruel joke on both of them. He was thrilled that Emily considered marrying him and moving the family with her, but that just wasn't a viable solution. At least not now. Cam began to detach from the situation to spare himself further pain. He saw no workable solution.

Cam got up to get more wine. Emily was still crying and hadn't touched her wine. When Cam returned with the bottle, she said, "Maybe I should go to the hotel. I know I've hurt you. I knew it would be painful for both of us, but I had to tell you in person."

Cam stopped pouring wine. "Thank you for being honest with me. Maybe you're right. I'm going to have a difficult enough time explaining to the girls, why you aren't coming back. Maybe it'll just be easier this way. I can ask the neighbor to watch the kids so I can run you over there. It's just down the street really," Cam said.

Emily could see Cam deflate as the reality of her decision played through his mind. His shoulders had slumped, his demeanor now seemed not hostile, but not like it had been just 5 minutes prior. Her damn career aspirations caused all of this pain. Now she had just hurt the one person she loved the most and probably his girls too. She felt even worse, hurting the girls. She guessed this was the end from Cam's perspective. She wouldn't accept that, but the situation dictated she had to accept it at least temporarily.

"I'll just call an Uber. You stay with the girls. They're going to need you," Emily said, trying to pull herself together. She grabbed her phone and there was an Uber within 10 minutes. She called for it. She went to the bathroom to splash some water on her face. She came back just as the Uber pulled into Cam's driveway. Her suitcase was still by the front door. Cam sat in his chair. His expression was stoic. He appeared emotionless, but she knew he was hurting inside.

"The Uber is here, I guess I should get going," she called out.

Cam reluctantly got out of his chair, on unsteady legs. He was unsure what to say. "Emily, I still love you. I told you I loved you before we talked. I mean that now more than ever. I'll always love you. As difficult as this is to say, I support your decision to take the promotion. Even though I regret it personally, it's the right thing for you to do." Cam embraced her fiercely, the first of his tears welling up in his eyes. He kissed her deeply, one last time, as she walked out the door with her own set of fresh tears falling.

"Cam, I love you. We'll be together again. I know it," Emily said as she stepped out the front door.

+++

April 2015

Emily had gotten a relatively inexpensive furnished apartment by California standards not far from the new sales office and box plant. The rent was $2,000 a month for a one bedroom. She received a substantial bump in pay with her new position.

Her responsibilities included supervising all aspects of the plant and sales startup. She had two Project Managers reporting directly to her who were responsible for the transition plans for each area. The plans progressed according to schedule. She reported twice a week to Greg Oakly the COO, and monthly to the entire board. The exposure she received during the second monthly board meeting was exactly what she needed to finally see things clearly. The board was exuberant at the progress Emily had made. She was two weeks ahead of schedule by her own report.

Cam had wished her well when she left. He hugged and gave her a chaste kiss on the cheek even in front of all her colleagues at work, but the flames of love he felt for her leading up to that fateful weekend, were now just smoldering embers. She could see it in his eyes. He outwardly displayed pleasure and joy at Emily's promotion as did others, but she knew he was hurt. She hurt too, knowing she was the cause of his pain.

Emily hadn't talked to Cam since she left. She admitted she was busy, but that wasn't the reason. Neither of them had taken time to pursue their relationship. Cam probably felt betrayed, she thought. Emily hurt physically from the pain she knew she inflicted on Cam. She felt his pain deep within her. It was weakening her resolve to finish the project. As she finished her second monthly board meeting, her world felt like it was crashing around her.

She felt dizzy. She was disoriented. Greg noticed it immediately. He rushed over to her as the other board members were filing out of the room. "Emily, what's wrong?" He asked concerned.

"Nothing Greg. Just got a little dizzy there. Probably all the pressure to make sure this project gets completed on time. I'm fine, really," Emily replied hastily. Emily wasn't fine. She wouldn't be fine until she and Cam were together. The job was great, but her personal life sucked. Was that any way to go through life she asked herself for the umpteenth time?

"Are you sure? Let me get you some water," Greg said.

"Thanks."

"Emily, I can tell something is wrong. What's going on?" Greg asked concerned.

Emily responded weakly, "Greg, I may have made a huge mistake taking this job."

"Why? You're doing a fantastic job, like I knew you would. Why would you say that?" Greg asked.

"Against my personal rules, I dated and fell in love with an employee of this company. His name is Cameron Glenn. He works in IT. Don't worry, he reports up through Finance, so no conflict of company policy," she said casually.

"Okay, I understand what you just said. Help me understand how that relates to you nearly fainting?" Greg responded.

"Cameron has twins. He can't be with me, in California. His life is here. I love him Greg. I've never felt like this before. I can't live without him."

"I think I get it now. It's a case of he's here and you're there, right?" Greg asked easily.

"Something like that, but when I took this job I hurt him. Deeply. I don't know if there's anything left to come back to. I haven't talked to him since I left," Emily laughed. "It's really a tragic romance with no happy ending. I can barely live with myself knowing how much pain I caused him," Emily finished abruptly.

Greg thought for a moment, before speaking, "Let's get out of the boardroom and back to my office. I know you'll be more comfortable there."

The two made their way to Greg's office down the hall. There was a couch pushed up against the wall with two upholstered visitor's chairs facing his large mahogany desk. Greg motioned for her to take the couch, so she could relax, while he spun one of the visitor's chairs around to talk with her.

"Emily, you're a very valued employee of this company. I can't promise anything, but I can talk to my other partners, about your 'situation'. I understand when things aren't right on the home-front it upsets a person's balance and ability to do the job," Greg said.

"Thanks for your understanding Greg, but this is my problem to fix, not yours."

Greg frowned at her. "It's good of you to be so noble about it, but let's face it, if you're really this unhappy, how long is it going to be before you start making poor decisions, or worse, decide to fix it permanently, by leaving the company?" Greg asked genuinely concerned. The likelihood of either happening given Emily's emotional state wasn't hard to envision.