Make This Last Forever Pt. 03

"Hey yourself," Pamela answered back with barely concealed fury. "You made me wait here for three hours. I thought of calling and telling you not to bother but then I remembered you don't even have a phone. We already missed the memorial service because of you but we can still make it to the burial if we hurry so let's get moving."

That's how they greeted each other at their long-delayed reunion. No hugs, no kisses, no tears, and no pleas for forgiveness or acts of contrition. Neither of them felt ready for that.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," Dani said sarcastically as she sat in the passenger side seat of her mom's car and shut the door loudly.

Pamela gritted her teeth to keep from chastising Dani for giving her lip. She didn't want to get off on the wrong foot so soon. Even if Dani was making things difficult as usual. Pamela couldn't believe this strange, wild-eyed woman sitting next to her was the same perfect little girl that Pamela loved so much. She used to be so sweet and innocent. Pamela didn't have to wonder what went wrong in Dani's life. She knew exactly the cause of everything bad that had happened to her. Pamela really wished Dani would settle down with a nice boy like she was supposed to. Things would be better for everyone that way.

After a few minutes of total silence during their drive, Dani realized someone was missing and unmentioned. "Where is Dad?" Dani asked.

"Your father and I..." Pamela started to explain. "We're... I guess we're on a bit of a break right now. He is exploring an opportunity with his company in California and I elected not to join him there."

"I'm sorry, Mom," Dani said with genuine sympathy.

As Dani grew into adulthood she eventually perceived that her parents did not actually have the perfect relationship they publicly displayed to their community. They had seemed like a handsome king and a beautiful queen when Dani was a precocious child, seemingly totally in love. But that image was a fantasy, a facade. The truth was that their fighting only grew nastier and more frequent the older Dani got. She had no idea it was this bad though. Dani had never conceived of her parents divorcing no matter how bad things got. But Dani got the impression from Pamela that her Dad had been gone awhile and was not planning to return.

"It is what it is," Pamela grumbled. "I'm certain that Tom will come to his senses soon. Or maybe he'll find whatever he was looking for when he moved out there. He'll come back like he always has."

"Of course he will, Mom," Dani replied with as much cheer as she could muster.

Dani tapped her foot nervously and grinded her teeth together as the drive to the cemetery lasted an interminably long time. She needed a fix so bad. Or a drink. A drink might be better. Far easier to find in the farmed wasteland that was Cornwell. If there had been more time Dani might have asked her mother to stop at a bar first. She had never known her mother to turn down an opportunity to drink. But it seemed Dani would have to go completely sober to the funeral of the woman she had cherished more than any other in this world.

Dani's skittishness and strange habits weren't lost on Pamela who began to wonder what sorts of activities her daughter had engaged in during her long absence. Before she had too long to wonder, Pamela pulled into the parking lot outside the mausoleum and graveyard.

"We're here," Pamela declared. "Just in time, too. There will be a short service before the burial takes place."

They sat on folding chairs with Karen's friends, family, and acquaintances beneath a tent near the unearthed burial plot. Karen's husband rested beneath the stone right next to the freshly dug rectangle of Karen's grave. The sky today was appropriately gray and cloudy and Dani shivered as she sat through the service in the chill of early November. If only she could afford a jacket. The minister gave a short sermon and then encouraged audience members to stand up and speak if they chose. Dani couldn't help rolling her eyes at some of the testimonials made by the housewives from Karen and Pamela's neighborhood.

Karen would have absolutely despised this, Dani thought. At least she's not alive to see these harpies prattle on and on about how wonderful Karen was when I can remember her bitching all the time about how fake and dimwitted she thought they all were.

Dani was very surprised her mother didn't say anything. She and Karen were best friends after all. Maybe Pamela didn't feel it was her place and didn't want to come off like these other idiotic women. Or maybe she worried she wouldn't be able to hold it together if she started speaking about Karen. Tears were already falling down Pamela's cheeks though she projected too much strength to sob and weep in public.

Who am I to judge her, Dani thought. It's not like I'm going to jump up and say something.

At the graveside, Pamela and Dani sat across from Karen's family as pallbearers carried the casket containing Karen's earthly body to her final resting place. While the minister said a few last words, Dani found herself looking at Karen's three children. They took more after their father than Karen, the oldest slightly resembling Karen's beauty but not enough for Dani to recognize her longtime lover in any of the three. They were all older than her by a few years, the youngest daughter having been a senior in high school when Dani was a freshman. Karen's two daughters and her son held their arms around each other and wept openly. Dani felt for them, she truly did. In the span of only six years they had lost both their parents to devastating illnesses.

Dani watched Karen's children out of a sense of morbid curiosity and with a small smile forming on her face she realized that despite their close relation Karen's progeny would never know their mother the way Dani had. No one gathered here had been as close to Karen as Dani was. As far as Dani knew Karen never took another lover after her. She knew Karen more intimately than anyone, understanding her sexuality and her body in ways that even Karen's late husband never had.

As the casket was lowered into the ground, Karen's youngest daughter wailed loudly and buried her face in her hands. She wrapped her arms around her brother's neck and cried upon his shoulder. Karen's son tried too hard to look stoic which only made it obvious he was going to fall apart. Soon enough he broke down and began bawling in his seat. The oldest daughter wept quietly, trying not to make a show of herself like her siblings were.

Pamela dabbed at her eyes with a tissue and stated proudly, "Thirty-two years I've known Karen. She was a good woman. The best I've ever known. I know you two became close but I wish you could have known her like I did."

"Yeah..." Dani replied sadly.

Surprisingly, Dani hadn't cried yet today. It hadn't sunk in completely yet that Karen was gone forever.

Dani wondered if Karen thought about her on her deathbed. Had Karen truly loved Dani like she always claimed to or did she simply take advantage of a confused young girl so that Karen might reclaim her lost youth and sex life? Even if she had been used by Karen, Dani would always feel love and fondness for the older woman who became closer to Dani than her own mother.

After the service concluded, Dani went to Karen's grave and looked down at the ornate wooden coffin.

"Guess we won't have that talk after all," Dani said glumly. "Goodbye, Karen."

Dani and Pamela stopped to give their condolences to Karen's family before returning to Pamela's car in silence. Pamela looked back and then nudged Dani on the arm after noticing a short, balding man wearing a black suit and thick glasses huffing loudly as he walked briskly toward them. They stopped for a moment to let their follower catch up with them.

The man leaned over and put his hands on his knees to catch his breath after reaching them. When he'd recovered the odd man inquired, "Ms. Meadows?"

"Yes?" Dani and Pamela answered in unison.

"Oh, um," the man hemmed and hawed as he consulted his notes. "Ms. Danica Meadows?"

Pamela eyed Dani curiously as her daughter replied, "I'm Dani Meadows."

"Pleased to meet you, my name is Chester Groves. My client, the deceased Ms. Wilkfield, instructed me to give you this letter upon her demise," said the man who must be the executor for Karen's estate. "My attempts to locate you have been unsuccessful so far. It is most fortuitous that you attended the service today."

"You could have just contacted me," Pamela criticized. "I am her mother, after all."

"Apologies, ma'am," the lawyer said with a polite bow of his head. "But I was given explicit instructions to only bequeath this material to Ms. Danica Meadows in person."

Groves offered the letter to Dani who took the envelope and ripped it open. Dani unfolded the beautiful white stationary contained inside and saw there several lines of cursive scrawled upon multiple pages of paper. The writing was in Karen's delicate handwriting but Dani couldn't bring herself to look at it yet. Pamela urged her on and Dani took a deep breath before beginning to read.

My Dearest Dani,

It is with great sorrow that I write you this letter because if you are reading it then surely I've passed on from this life into whatever comes afterward. I'm so very sorry that I never informed you of my illness or tried to contact you before I met my end. In my own selfish way, I didn't wish for your last memory of me to be the sight of my withered body confined to a hospital bed and hooked up to all sorts of wires and tubes. I feel so weary now that I can barely lift this pen to write to you.

I would much rather you remember me as we were together last, curled up naked in my bed and holding our wet bodies close enough to hear each other's heartbeats after we just spent hours making love over and over. I still remember how the taste of our bodies lingered in each other's mouths while our lips met and our tongues intermingled. My God, Dani. You are quite simply the sweetest, sexiest woman I've ever known and I cherished every single moment I spent with you. It wasn't just the sex, even though every time with you was exhilarating. The love, companionship, and pleasure you gave to me were far greater than any I've known in this life.

Dani felt a blush rising in her cheeks as she reached the more explicit sentences of Karen's letter. She hoped her mother and Karen's lawyer hadn't noticed. Dani continued reading:

I do still wish sometimes that you had been older, or I younger. Maybe then we could have been truly together, lovers for life instead of in passing. But you had your own life to live and I wanted you to live it. There's no sense having regrets now over something that could never have been.

I understand how alone you feel sometimes Dani. I felt the same for many years even with a husband and children who loved me fiercely. Life for ones such as you or I can be difficult but never forget the people you do hold in your heart. Give Pamela time. Even if she doesn't show it very well, I know how much she loves you and someday she will come to her senses. But until then, my dying wish is for you to be taken care of.

I suppose I was never totally honest with you about how wealthy I was. My late husband worked very hard, so hard that he rarely had time for me or for our children. He regretted that to his dying day. I received the fruit of his labors upon his passing when he left me a tremendous gift. I honestly had no idea what to do with it all.

To my three children I am bequeathing 75% of my inheritance which will be split evenly between them. Another 20% will be donated to the various charities and foundations I've designated in my will. That just leaves what to do with the remaining 5%. It seems such a small gift for the girl I've loved with a greater heart than even my husband and my own children. But my husband's fortune belongs to his children too and I wouldn't want my kids to become suspicious or jealous that they aren't getting what they deserve. So without further ado, I wanted to notify you that I am bequeathing you the remaining 5% of my fortune for roughly $650,000 total.

The inheritance is yours to do with as you will. Blow through it all in a year and party without fear of consequence if that is what you desire. But I'm hopeful that instead you will decide to save your money and build the life you've always wanted. The life you deserve, Dani. I know you told me once that you didn't need my help and I respected that at the time. But where would any of us be in our lives without the love and kindness of others?

I don't fear death. I felt dead already before I loved you. You made my final years the happiest of my entire life. I hope you will never forget our love or the time we spent together. I will always love you, my precious Dani.

Karen

Tears streamed down Dani's face and she was wracked with sobs throughout her reading of Karen's letter. When she finished reading, Dani held the note to her heart and breathed deeply to help calm herself. Despite her sorrow, Dani couldn't remember ever feeling this elated. Karen really did love her and she had never stopped caring for Dani. That seemed even more important than the money Dani was set to inherit.

"Let me see that," Pamela said as she tried snatching the letter from Dani's hand.

"They're mine!" Dani yelled as she tore the sheets of paper away from Pamela's reach. "What Karen wrote to me is no business of yours!"

"Fine," Pamela pouted childishly.

As Dani tried to stop crying, Pamela took a good long look at how wild and unkempt her daughter's hair was. Her clothing was wrinkled and falling apart at the seams. Dani kept grinding her teeth together and clenching and unclenching her empty hand into a fist unconsciously. Simply nerves or were these tics a sign of something more sinister? For the first time in years, Pamela felt sympathy and love for her prodigal daughter.

Pamela's voice softened as she asked, "Are you okay, Dani? You seem like you need help. Will you let me help you? Please?"

Dani stared at her mother with a stunned expression before laughing in her face.

"Oh, so now you want to help me?" Dani asked with a tone dripping of acid. "Only now? Not when I came out as gay and was feeling lost and confused? Did you already forget how you rejected me? I'm your only daughter, you're supposed to love me unconditionally! Just like I love you despite you being a homophobic bigot! You fucked me up for years, Mom!

You didn't help me in college when I needed money to graduate. You cut me off for not following the exact plan you plotted out for my life. So sorry, Mom. You certainly weren't there for me when I ran out of money and had to prostitute myself to make ends meet. No, it's only now that I'm a homeless drug addict begging on the street that you finally want to help."

Pamela wore a horrified expression on her face at Dani's outburst. Karen's lawyer looked about awkwardly as if he would rather be anywhere else in the world at the moment.

Pamela sputtered as she tried to collect herself before apologizing, "I'm sorry Dani. I had no idea what you've become."

"You mean a junkie?" Dani spat back. "A whore? I'm exactly what you made me." Dani curled her hands together and raised them up to her cheek as she simpered mockingly, "Mommy and Daddy's sweet little angel. Such wonderful parents I had!"

"Don't you dare speak to me that way!" Pamela snapped. "We never intended this sort of life for you! Everything that's happened to you is a result of your own poor choices. Stop blaming us for everything that's ever gone wrong in your life."

Dani pointed her finger toward the middle Pamela's chest and nearly poked her mother's solar plexus as she retorted, "You know what, Pamela? Fuck you! Maybe if you'd given me the love and support I needed my life would've never turned out this way. But one thing I've learned spending these last few years on my own is that I've never needed you to get by and I sure as hell don't need you now. I would be perfectly happy never seeing your face again. You are no mother of mine."

Pamela's face turned pale and she answered quietly, "If that is your wish, then so be it." She turned to the lawyer and bid him a good day before turning heel and walking to her car without Dani.

Abandoned again, Dani thought. Why am I not surprised?

Dani watched as her mother passed from her life once again. Once her mother's car drove out of sight Dani turned to the lawyer who wore a mortified expression on his face.

"I'm really sorry about that," Dani apologised. "My mother and I don't exactly get along as you can see."

The lawyer shuffled his tie awkwardly and replied, "No worries, Ms. Meadows. These occasions do tend to dredge up emotions and memories that are otherwise repressed. We should perhaps discuss the optimal method of transferring funds to your bank of choice. I'll just need you to visit my office and sign some papers. Do you happen to have your routing and account numbers handy?"

"Cash please," Dani answered brusquely. "If at all possible."

"Of course," the lawyer said with a bow of his head. "I'll get right to it."

Dani couldn't lie. The first thing she thought of doing after inheriting over a half a million dollars was to buy all the alcohol along with kilos of drugs. She wanted to drug and intoxicate herself until she became numb to her grief. But Dani couldn't insult Karen's memory so terribly by squandering the tremendous gift she had been given.

Instead, the first thing Dani spent her money on was checking herself into the most expensive and highly rated rehab clinic in the region. She spent the first few days upon her arrival at the clinic drying out and trying to kick her alcohol and cocaine habits. The center didn't believe in prescribing drugs to aid the awfulness of withdrawal unless medically necessary. So Dani spent her first week at the center in complete agony. Held in a locked room while she suffered through the horrid symptoms of withdrawal, Dani ranted and raved as her body was wracked by headaches, insomnia, nausea, sweats, chills, convulsions, and a terrible thirst that water couldn't quench. On the third night of Dani's withdrawal period the hallucinations began.

Dani felt impossibly freezing and hot at the same time while curled up in a ball in the corner of room. She hadn't been able to sleep for two days. In delirium, Dani thought she heard someone calling her name in a sing-songy voice.

"Dan-eee..."

Dani looked up to see Karen standing before her totally naked. She looked like a nightmare, withered to the bone with thinning hair and skin mottled as she must have appeared just before her death. Still, she smiled at Dani warmly when Dani noticed her.

"Dani, why couldn't you love me?" Karen asked sadly. "I loved you so much but you didn't want to be with me. We should have been together forever. Wouldn't it have been wonderful?"

"But that wasn't what you wanted," Dani said forlornly as she shook her head to dispel the impossible image before her. "You told me that yourself."

"Aren't we supposed to make sacrifices for those we care about?" Karen wondered before scowling at Dani with disapproval. "I guess we know now how little you deserve love."

Dani buried her face between her knees and willed the ghost of Karen to leave her in peace.

"Such a disappointment," a new voice said.

Dani looked up to see her mother standing next to Karen and wearing nothing but a sheer black bathrobe. The bottom of her robe only came down to mid-thigh to show off Pamela's sexy legs. In contrast to Karen's disheveled form, Pamela looked better than ever. She was more strikingly beautiful than Dani had ever seen. Pamela tsked and shook her head in disapproval at the pathetic sight of shivering, sweating Dani wrapping herself up in a fetal position on the floor.