My Michelle

We slept most of the day, we were holding each other close without conscious effort. We got out of bed sometime after 5 o'clock, putting back on our robes and Michelle cooked dinner for us before we found ourselves in the living room.

"Have you thought any more about what your plans for the future are?" Michelle started, we had let the subject die without resolution last night.

I hadn't really given it any more thought, in fact being together with her in bed last night had almost driven the thoughts completely from my brain. Her words brought things back to me, and I again had doubts about what was real and what wasn't. She was sitting right beside me on the sofa, her leg pressed against mine and I could feel her warmth and smell her hair each time she moved it. Certainly she seemed real enough to me, and the feeling I had after the night we spent together last night couldn't possibly have been imagined. Still, there was that small part of my logical brain that was trying to tell me we had said goodbye forever three months earlier and that this couldn't possibly be happening. I tried to force that part of my brain to shut up and let me forget, real or not I didn't want to lose what I had right here and now.

"I'm still not sure, there's a lot I need to think about..." I said hesitantly.

"I told you I would be here for you, you can tell me anything. You know that right?" She said solemnly as she gripped my hand and squeezed it lightly to let me know she was here for me.

"I know, I just need to try to sort things in my mind before we talk about it. I promise we'll discuss it more soon." I said, hoping the conversation would end here.

"I understand, just know whenever you're ready I'm here."

We turned on the TV, but it was mostly a mindless diversion for an hour before we decided it was time for bed once again. Back in the bedroom, we replayed last night and it wasn't long before my cock was buried deep in her pussy, fitting just as well as it had last night and eliciting the same feelings of arousal in each of us. The love I had always felt for her was back and I was grateful for that. The physical closeness we experienced was welcome as well, but it was all one part of the whole, our undying love for each other.

We would have liked to make love all night again, but decided that some sleep was necessary. Sometime after 2 AM I pulled out of her for the last time tonight, we kissed each other for several more minutes before falling into a deep sleep and didn't wake until halfway through Sunday morning. We got up, showered again together, and Michelle was soon busy in the kitchen. Another wonderful breakfast and my stomach was filled, I had missed her cooking over the past 3 months. That inconsistency again was gnawing at my brain, how could we have been apart for 3 months when she was here with me again. I didn't want to start down that road, but the thoughts wouldn't leave my mind. I guess a direct question might answer my concerns, but I was afraid of what I might hear. I wasn't sure how that would be possible, would she tell me that she had been dead for the past 3 months and had magically been reincarnated? No, that was just too hard to conceive of and I did not believe in things that cannot be explained logically anyway. I decided I would just have to work on pushing any such thoughts as far back into my mind as I could, I wanted this life I was enjoying right at the moment to continue as it was.

*****

After we had eaten a wonderful breakfast to get our strength back, we reluctantly decided we needed to dress. The thought of spending more time in bed was a pleasant one, and we would again this evening, but for now we needed to get back into a more normal routine.

"How would you like to go to Tomasella's for dinner this evening?" I asked Michelle after we had finished cleaning up in the kitchen.

"I'm not sure, let me think about it a bit." She said hesitantly, something that seemed odd to me since she had never before had any concerns about going to her favorite restaurant.

"You can call Haley if you want, I'd really like to take the 2 of you out tonight." I suggested, thinking it might be an incentive for her to agree.

"No, I don't think so... Umm, Haley's not in town right now anyway."

I didn't know that Haley was out of town, but unfortunately I hadn't kept in touch with her or Michelle's parents as well as I knew I should have over these past few months. I know they tried hard and went far beyond what I might have done to pull me out of my depression, but I think they were starting to lose some of their enthusiasm about keeping me close. There was that inconsistency again, why hadn't I seen Michelle's parents or her sister recently? I couldn't explain it.

"Oh? Where did she go?" I said casually, keeping my tone neutral as I wondered where her sister might be.

"She said something about going away, I think she said to Europe for a while." Michelle answered, glancing briefly into my eyes before looking away.

"It sounds like that might be fun, but why Europe? I don't remember her saying anything about it in the past, how long is she going to be there?"

"It was a last minute thing, I'm really not sure how long she's going to be gone."

I wasn't sure why, but I got the feeling that Michelle did not want to continue along this line of thought. I let it pass before bringing up the idea of dinner with her again.

"Okay, Haley won't come with us tonight but that doesn't mean you and I can't, does it?"

"Sorry Lee, I'm just not in the mood tonight." She said, still not looking at me.

I thought that strange, but let it go since she apparently didn't want to talk about it any longer.

We spent the afternoon as we often did on Sundays, we read through the paper for a while, Michelle looking at the sales and me checking out the sports page. After finishing with that, I turned on the TV and channel surfed for a bit to find a game. Michelle busied herself in the kitchen, doing some cleaning and organizing things to keep busy. Even though our activities were the same as they had been for quite some time, somehow the mood seemed different.

"I'm sorry I didn't want to go out with you tonight, I just don't feel like it. Can I make it up to you some other time?" Michelle started.

"It's not a big deal, don't worry about it. There will be other nights." I answered, still sensing some uneasiness in her.

"I really need to get to the store, there isn't a lot to eat in this house." Michelle said after going through the cabinets in the kitchen.

There was that thought again, I knew I had been cooking for myself, minimally at best, or at least I thought I knew. That gap in time seemed to be getting more and more obvious. I didn't want to, I really didn't, but I couldn't keep ignoring it. Michelle and I were going to have to work things out, if only for my own sanity. I knew the thought that I might be losing it had crossed my mind more than once. Do people really know if they're going insane? I wasn't sure but thought I would have to find out, regardless of what the answer was.

*****

"Sit here with me will you Hon?" I started, reaching my hand out to her as she came from the kitchen into the living room.

"Sure babe, what's on your mind?" She asked with a nervous smile.

"I'm not really sure how to start here, this is going to sound really crazy so please don't be upset if I screw it up. I'm not sure exactly where to start or exactly how to say this."

"Is everything okay? Have you given more thought about your job and your career?" She asked, although I wasn't ready to let her change the subject. I wasn't sure she was doing it on purpose, but if she was it wouldn't happen. I didn't know, was paranoia another sign of impending insanity?

"No, I haven't given that much thought, but right now I need to get something else sorted out."

"Okay, I won't try to guess what you want to say." She answered, her tone was apologetic.

"Here goes... Like I said, this is going to seem really weird, but I need you to tell me something. I remember kissing you goodbye just before I saw your coffin lowered into the ground. Was that real? How can you be sitting here with me if that memory seems so real to me? And if it wasn't real, why do I feel like it was? Right now nothing seems to make any sense to me and I'm trying to find out if I might be going crazy. I'm not trying to scare you, but I really need to know." I got it out, but the words sounded strange even to me so I'm not sure what Michelle was thinking about what I had said.

"Try to forget that Lee, you're here with me now." She said simply.

That really wasn't an answer I thought, and wondered if she was actually trying to avoid the subject. I knew she was real at this moment, I could feel the warmth of her as I had my hand on her knee while we were speaking. I remembered the past two nights in bed, making love to her over and over again just as we had done thousands of times in the past. Still, there was a gap and I couldn't explain it and I needed Michelle to help me fill in what I couldn't wrap my head around.

"I know we're here together now Michelle, but I can't just let this go. It has been eating at me all weekend and there are just too many things I can't explain. If I dreamt everything that has happened I can accept that if you assure me that it's true, but somehow I don't believe it was all a dream. I know you are here with me now and I don't believe I am dreaming at this moment, but they both cannot exist together. I know I may not be making a lot of sense, but I need to know what to believe in."

I reached over and took her hand into mine and looked into her eyes, she was looking at me and I could see tears forming in the corners of her eyes. I hoped I hadn't frightened her but I still needed to know the answers. I wondered if she would be able to give them to me or was this just another of the inconsistencies I had been living with for the past two days.

I saw her swallow hard and blink her eyes, trying to push the tears away but soon one tear ran down each of her cheeks and her lower lip started to tremble. I put my other hand on top of hers, holding her hand gently between both of mine as I waited for her to answer. She looked into my eyes once again and then began to cry.

"I didn't mean to frighten you Michelle. I only need to know that I'm not going crazy. Tell me that things will work out for both of us, please." I said, my voice catching in my throat as I got the last words out.

"I'm sorry Lee, I'm really sorry..." She managed to say as her increasing sobs were wracking her body.

I wasn't sure what she meant, I know what I had said was probably very disturbing to her and I could understand, but I still didn't have any of the answers I was seeking.

"What are you sorry about?" I asked gently, trying not to upset her any more than she already was.

Michelle kept sobbing, holding her face in her hands and not answering for several minutes. I put my arm around her shoulder and tried pulling her close to me, but she resisted. I was confused, but I didn't want to upset her even more by trying to force the issue. I left my arm around her shoulders but allowed her to dictate how close she got to me. After her tears started to slow I tried once again.

"Please Michelle, I don't want to upset you but I want you to talk to me."

"I'm so sorry. I just... I'm sorry!" She managed with difficulty although the tears seemed to be slowing some.

"What do you have to be sorry about?" I tried prodding her.

"I was so stupid, I don't know why I thought it would work." She said, still holding her head down and not looking at me.

"Please Michelle, please explain to me what you're trying to say." I was starting to get worried, I needed to know but at the same time I was almost afraid of what she was going to tell me.

After a few more seconds, she wiped her hands across her face, smearing her makeup with the tears that had already partially stained it. She took a deep breath and then turned to look at me, working hard to blink back the tears that were still forming in the corners of her eyes.

"I'm not Michelle! I'm Haley."

Her tears started to flow freely again with the words. I was shocked, this isn't something I was expecting and I didn't even know how it could be possible.

"What do you mean you are Haley? How can you be, I know my own wife." I started, but then gave some thought to my words.

"It's true, I'm not Michelle and I don't know why I even tried..." She said as she attempted to compose herself again.

"I think I know my own wife and I know her sister. How can you be Haley?" I asked once again.

"She was sniffling and wiping at her eyes with her hands again, trying to get her thoughts together before she could speak to me. This time she was looking at me as she spoke, apparently she was going to do a better job of explaining.

"I don't want to hurt you Lee, I love you. No, not like Michelle loved you, but close. This is going to be hard for me too, so please give me a little time to try to explain this. I'm not sure how things got so screwed up and I'm not sure how to fix them. I'll try to start at the beginning and explain a few things to you, way back even before you met Michelle."

She had gotten my attention. I wasn't sure where this conversation was going but I was determined that I would follow it wherever it led.

"Michelle and I have been so close over the years, closer than you or anyone else could ever imagine. We think alike and we look alike and our lives have been so close that it's almost as if we are one person in two bodies."

"You look similar to Michelle, but you're sisters, why wouldn't you?" I interrupted.

"Please just let me finish this before you ask any questions, it's going to be hard enough for me to say and hard enough for you to understand. As I said we've been closer than anyone knows, all except for our parents. We spent the first nine months of our lives holding each other, holding each other inside my mother's womb."

"Your twins?" I interrupted again, forgetting her admonition that I allow her to finish before I spoke.

"More than just twins, identical twins. In fact we are so identical that even our parents cannot tell us apart. I know you might think it's hard to understand that since we don't look that much like each other now, but you're not looking closely enough. We each decided very young that we didn't want to be twins. No, not that we had anything against each other, we were closer and loved each other more than anyone could imagine. We didn't want the part where everyone confused each of us with the other. Everyone expected us to look alike and dress alike and talk alike and be the same. As similar as we are, we wanted to be seen as individuals. We knew this from a very young age and told our parents as much. They had started out treating us just as most other parents of twins do, Dressing us in the same clothes and putting us in twin strollers and assuming we were mirror images of the other. We hated when people would say' just like two peas in a pod'."

"We worked to differentiate ourselves from the other, not that we didn't want to be sisters but rather we wanted people to see us for ourselves and not as one half of a pair. You said we look similar because we are sisters, and that is right as far as it goes. I dyed my hair brown but Michelle left hers blonde. She cut hers short and I left mine lawn. Her eyes are blue as are mine, but I wear Hazel contacts to change my appearance. She almost never wears heels and I always do. Most people don't look closely enough to see through the subtle differences to realize that we are really exactly the same. When I say exactly, I mean exactly. Once when we were about 13 or 14 we spent the afternoon checking each other over for differences and couldn't find a single one. Not a freckle out of place, not a little tilt to one of our noses and not the other, we looked and looked but could not find a single difference. We are truly identical."

I was listening, but it sounded so bizarre as she told the story. I could understand what she was saying but what did it have to do with me and what had been happening for the past few days? I had so many questions, but respected her wishes that I not interrupt her until she finished. I was uncertain where she was going with all this information, but allowed her to continue.

"Yes, I know you're confused and all of this does have a point and I'm getting to it now. I told you that I loved you and I do, I love you like a brother but perhaps even more. Because Michelle is such a part of me, and I know just how much she loved you, I feel that same love. I don't want you to think that this is some weird body transference, I'm only telling you how I feel. Mom and dad love you too, they know just how happy you made Michelle. We tried after she died to stay close to you but you wouldn't let us. That hurt so much but we kept trying. None of us want to lose you and that's why I thought I had to do something. I know now that this probably wasn't the right way to go about it, but my intentions were good, at least I thought they were. You of all people should know how Michelle looked at life and how much she loved you. I'm sure you do if you look deep enough inside of yourself. How do you think she would react knowing what you're doing to yourself now, now that she's no longer here. I came over on Friday and the house was a mess, not that it really surprised me so much. I knew you are having a tough time not just because of the way you pulled away from the family but I know someone who's married to a man who works at your company. She told me the rumors that were going around about you and that upset me quite a bit. What upset me even more was seeing all those empty scotch bottles in your trash. Michelle never would have let you crawl into a bottle if she was around. She may not be here in person, but enough of her lives on in me that when I tell you that you need to get your life back on track, you should know it's coming directly from her."

I knew she had asked me not to say anything until she finished and I wasn't sure if she was or not, she had taken a pause so I decided it was time for me to find the answers to some of my questions.

"I appreciate that you want to help me, but I don't understand how pretending to be your sister is going to do that. Right now I'm confused, even more so than I was when I came home Friday and saw you in the kitchen. Then I wasn't sure if I was imagining it or not or maybe well on my way to the funny farm. Now, I find out that you have been pretending to be your sister and giving me false hope before you snatch her away from me once again. How the hell is this going to help me?" I demanded, finding myself raising my voice as I finished the question.

"I don't know..." She said, several tears escaping from her eyes and running down her cheek yet again.

"What did you think I was going to do? How was this supposed to end? Did you think I would just turn things around in a couple of days and life would go on as if nothing had happened?"

"What do you want me to say Lee? I fucked up. Is that what you want to hear? I didn't think it through and I didn't want to hurt you, but I also don't want to see you just throw your life away."

"Are you sure you were really trying to help me or did you just want something your sister had that you could never find?" I said sarcastically.

"Don't you dare imply that I'm taking advantage of Michelle's death for my own benefit, don't you dare!!" She shouted vehemently.

"Why shouldn't I think that, you didn't seem to have any trouble finding your way into my bed did you?" My mouth seemed to be running ahead of my brain, I hadn't intentionally tried to hurt her with my words, but I was pissed. As I rethought what I had said, realization set in -- I had been sleeping with and making love to my wife's sister all weekend. I couldn't believe what I had done now that I thought about it and suddenly moved away from her, sliding all the way to the far end of the sofa.