Navy Whore Ch. 01

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The Enemy knew what Lee meant; the first wave would obliterate all heavy and mid-sized pieces of artillery as well as making all airfields just blasted out areas of rubble that could never be made into an airfield again. Taking out all fuel depots would just rub salt into the wounds.

The Enemy was fighting in trench warfare. Because of Lee's 'Global Hawk' she could see all in real time, Lee could obliterate the entire trench at a moment's notice. They also realized Lee wanted to minimize human casualties; she did not want P.O.W camps. She just wanted people to end this war and go home to their families.

The peoples of the Axis countries pressured their politicians to ask why you want to send our son's and daughter's to be killed in wholesale slaughter in an unwinnable war.

Armies were recalled and disbanded. Apathy was happening across the board on the Axis side. With crumbling support, it was just a matter of time before surrender.

One would think at a time of vast offenses, such a small tactical error as to not securing key points wouldn't cause countries to fall like dominoes. The saying 'You are just as strong as you're weakest link' held very true.

Lee's nightmare was if the Axis saw the war as untenable they would start firing nukes. That would have caused a chain reaction that no one wanted to see. Lee had no wish to sterilize whole segments of Axis countries, but she would if her hand was forced. That was her duty, to defend all the countries under her command.

Unconditional surrender took place on 'The Firebrand'. Everyone held their breath as one dignitary after another signed the treaty. It was over. The world was at peace once again.

Women would come running as close as they could get to Lee, as she was encircled by security, saying, "Thank you, for keeping my boys from the war."

Many of the Axis mothers prayed to Lee because she kept their friends and families safe from war.

Lee was just doing her job, using her intelligence background to make good decisions; the occasional beating she took cleared her mind.

Back on 'The Firebrand', Lieutenant Junior grade Kathy informed Lee that her goal was to be a Lieutenant Commander; in that capacity she could be the Executive officer on 'The Firebrand' under Captain Lesly. A Commander or Captain's rank would mean she would have to leave 'The Firebrand'. She also said, "I plan on retiring when Captain Lesly does. We will make a good team and she is a good captain."

Lee looked at Lieutenant Junior grade Kathy and evaluated her comment.

"A very thoughtful comment, Captain Lesly and I will back you fully, even if that means we need to let you go to get your studies or experience. Just remember your home is here for as long as you want it. SecNav is about the only one that can overturn me. So far, every person I requited is exceeding expectations."

"Thank you for your confidence in me Ma'am."

Lee thought the seniority benchmarks for promotions were absurd in the extreme. If someone gets in the studies and the experiences needed, why do they have to wait a certain number of years to get promoted? Commanders know when people are ready to be promoted, if they don't they shouldn't be commanders.

The war was over, but the tensions were still there. 'The Firebrand' remained vigilant, while many others returned to port. There were still some allies that kept some assets afloat.

The war changed the borders of the entire world. The US received many Asian countries with ports; it changed many of the alliances around the world. Other allies received some countries that would be strategically important for them. Allied military bases sprung up all over the world.

The problem Lee was having, and not understanding is that man doesn't want peace; they are a breed of war and conflict.

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AnonymousAnonymousabout 6 years ago
WTF

Was this 3 pages of garbage for? Definitely need a new category called TOTAL SHIT stories. Aside from the hilarious content misspellings grammar point of view etc. Please dont inflict readers with anymore trash like this abortion until you pull your head out of your ass! Minus 1000 stars isn't enough but oh well.

DragonRider55

tazz317tazz317about 6 years ago
LESS THE LAST STATEMENT ....WHICH IS PROBABLY TRUE AND CORRECT

the tale here reaches Comic Book proportions, TK U MLJ LV NV

AnonymousAnonymousabout 6 years ago
Well... I...errrr....

..ummm... I'm not quite sure just what to say.

There was A LOT going on there.

It was an interesting read but one that I am struggling to classify. Was it erotica?.. was it the design brief for a video game?.. was it a dystopian vision of the near future?..

It was kind of a mish-mash of all that and more.

The events portrayed in these three pages would, I think, have been better written in three or more chapters. Far too much rapid switching between disparate events. Not enough build up or interaction between characters.

It was like a film watched at double speed.

Slow down and tell a story. Don't just cobble together scenarios.

Also, decide first whether this is erotica, navy thriller or biography and then stick to it. I found myself confused as to what I was supposed to be concentrating on. The reader is lead down the path of lascivious enjoyment of Lees debasement but then we don't get to hear how she either enjoys it or otherwise before we are suddenly into complex military tactics. It can be most disconcerting when one finds oneself reading about naval strategy with a hand still on ones genitals from the sentence before!

Slow down... you don't have to get it all into a thousand words or less.

Be wary of written speech in the middle of paragraphs.

Be mindful of the overuse of a characters name.

Watch for the change of narrative person. Stick to either third or first person and DON'T MIX. I only caught two errors here but when the prose moves at such a pace it really does trip the reader up.

Consider a proof-reader.

Great imagination.. good plot.. could do better on the execution. And, for heaven's sake slow down!

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