All Comments on 'Nothing to Offer'

...but found it hard to read on some pages. I´d rather you wouldn´t introduce that many new characters within a very short time, and watch grammar and vocabulary (i.e. "no" instead of "know"). I´d also rather have you not switching locations too often.

Maybe it is just my problem.Anyhow, quite an interesting story, so I rated it 3*.

I know people will complain about the language and the punctuation - but, hell... you do this for free, and we got an awful lot of story and realistically? Not all that many mistakes for our money.

I thought he gave into Britney's shit a bit too much, but men have done worse for a woman ;)

And I actually really liked the language - it may not be "correct" but I could see it being the way southerners in the US actually talk. It was fairly hillbilly, but it was kind of a hillbilly tale.

I liked that the mother started having more affection and kind memories of Brian, and even Josette liked him. I could see something happening to Barbara and him adopting that little tyke and giving her some happiness in her life.

Great stuff, Jimbob, and don't let the people who can't let go of their own issues get to you.

Aside from the little misspellings this was a good "life best lived, is the best revenge" story. I consider it a 4/5. It would have been perfect if Josette would have been adopted by Brian and the old lady hadn't have died. But hey it adds a touch of reality to the story. Stil feel bad for that fictional little girl though.

Story changed POVs like Cher swaps out spangled, skintight outfits on her semi-annual final retirement tour but I had minimal trouble switching perspectives. There's a few trifling quibbles in terms of Britney 's long term suitability. A zaftig young woman at 19 , by 30 will likely be more so.The courting interim was very compressed before marital launch. But in terms of aspects to laud ... I hardly know where to start.

The first would be how at first imperceptibly and then steadily Brian's fortunes changed. I have my doubts about him and Britney 's prospects beyond 2025 but the dialogue rapport in their scenes was hilarious and heady. JimBob44 did a fantasic job in capturing habitants of vastly differing economic strata from country club to city hoosgow. I could go on but will leave further hosannas to fellow commentators.

Bottom line: full marks and thanks to author for sharing. *****

Spell check doesn't switch p's for b's. Put blame where it belongs which is with your writing and going back over your story to see them for yourself. Pet peeve number two: whining author notes, 'nuff said.

My biggest problem with the story is the constant influx of the porn surfing. We're you needing to make a point about something or someone? It would have been a significantly shorter and more manageable story without those digressions. I did like how you showed the divergence of the families and attitudes but must admit a little creepy having the girl show up and become his wife.

take one and leave the other choosers choice. TK U MLJ LV NV

i couldnt finish this story, between the punctuation and the story going everywhere. It was too long, i felt myself getting bored with it, gave it a 2 for effort

The sites he was browsing were so crappy they got in the way of the story. :)

But once found enjoyed the story very much. I think it was because I was looking for retribution towards the wife from the ex husband. But you skillfully left that retribution in the hands of life (Karma) Well done!

were BTB is just letting time do the job.

Thank you for posting your story

Seriously needs good editing.

just could not read all of this .. tried to but with this story going out in so many directions and getting lost in names that meant nothing .. i totally got lost

There was humor and some angst, but I simply stopped reading after a while (About the sixth page) . It just got too long and heavy.

...but a hell of a tale none-the-less. Funny how most of life's problems are self-inflicted.

Well HDK is an expert on on the quality of what is " long winded" . For proof just check his interminable, wannabe inimitable series 'Lady in Red'.

Jumbled previous 2 comments together. HDK did not say 'long winded'. But my glancing slag on his aforementioned series stands. His Loving Wives entries, by way of contrast, are sublime ridiculousness and I've rated literally dozens at full marks. It just stung me a bit when author's I admire ( JimBob44 ) aren't admired by authors I admire (HDK ), one of my many failings.

I do a lot of reading on this great site, but sometimes I run into a story that is quite challenging. I had trouble getting through the first 2 or 3 pages - much too complicated and long winded, jumping all over the place. I do a lot of writing - none on this site - and I always proof-read everything. I sometimes wonder if the same care is taken by some of the writers on this site. Please, please proof-read.

quit at page 3. no way I'm reading 5 more pages of these assholes' bullshit. boring as fuck. 1*

I read it all and enjoyed it. The way that you put the story together, while unusual and occasionally difficult to spot the transition, was unique and very readable.

Your lack of an editor still leaves your writing with fewer errors than a lot of edited stories.

Keep up the good work and I'll keep watching for your stories.

He's 34, Britney's 20. Doing the math and the length of marriage and I can't see any of it happening. Also, at the beginning you had Barbara looking after Britney and by the second page, she never did.

It was like you were trying to hard to make Brian successful and Barbara a failure. You already had us, we were rooting for Brian, we were on board but you did everything but have Brian win the lottery and have hi related to royalty and the heir to a large European estate.

Well done. Looking forward to your next offering.

Pretty funny stuff. I do hope that Brian got a pre-nup before he married his much younger bride. Seems to me he would have been smart enough for that. My only complaint is that I would have liked a little more closure. Did Glen get killed in prison? Did Barbara have another baby and move in with her parents? Or did she kill herself and leave Josette to Brian? Did Brian make Britney go to work in one of the shops? Did he buy her a Ferrari? Some commentators complained this was too long. It could have been longer.

but I do not fault their sense of reality. Got friends and family and times past in the poorer sections of society - while I don't do South, I can see it being so.

And the focus on concrete goods, and playing taking advantage of each other, may be the way of the world for them... but the section where bubba and wife looked at each other over the railing in court, supporting each other, is also the way of the world. And there is the tale in the front yard, and the subtext of the blow jobs...

Not at all bad, for all of the work it takes to get to it.

Good job.

Green-something

(actually I share the same disquiet as Slam about squabbling authors who I admire - I do think the bit about the arch at the bottom of page 6 was fine, the bit about her mimicing the porno he seemed addicted to at the top of page 6 was sweet in a fairly perverse way... (how did she know?)... in fact, I'd say that the turn around in the story was located on page 6. But what do I know...) (I do admit it's hard work to read, but sometimes I'm willing to be challenged. Kinda embarrassing to admit why a lot of it is hard, as well...)

I am a BTB fan, but you were absolutely correct in your disclaimer when you said the best revenge is sometimes to just let nature run it's course. ''stupid is, as stupid does'', and his ex really is 1 stupid bitch.

A little advice though, 8 pages was a bit long. Might want to shorten the next one a little.

Otherwise, GREAT story.

I agree with a lot of the complaints. However, thus story is a treasure trove of funny one-liners and ticklish absurdity, and I found that by page 5 its erratic behavior had compounded so much that it felt like abstract poetry, or surrealist farce. I enjoyed reading it...or smoking it...or whatever it is that I did.

When the B douses herself with gasoline and starts fumbling with matches, the best thing to do is to just step back and keep out of the path of the flames.

1/ "Yes, it jumps around too much, it's in the wrong category, there's too many people to keep track of, it's too long, it's stupid shit"

Yep!

2/ "Really? You hate me and hate my stories that much? Then don't read them."

Didn't. Couldn't get past the first page by then I was skimming.

3/ The porn stuff is just plain stupid and could easily be cut.

4/ Too many over the top characters and scenes.

Really, if you can diagnose the problems yourself surely you can see how to fix them it's your story and you just need to put it in a realistic order and kill off half the idiots you introduce.

There was a story in there you just go too far with everything and that makes the flow a lot more difficult.

Very good and interesting writing. It was much more than the usual fare, but I don't know exactly what it was. Not all that deep, but a great description of life. Great sense of humor, and wit. It did not leave me depressed or stressed - Thanks.

"There's not a thing wrong with waiting tables. Someone has to do it." – But Brian OWNING his own dry-cleaning business was somehow beneath them?

And Joanna has a lot of nerve being so supportive of Brian NOW, when she had been an active participant in arranging the divorce and marriage to Glen.

Not as much as LSDawgg, but a lot. However, I can understand what turned a lot of readers off! Listen to them closely.

JB44 ... listen to yourself. You say you write stories for your own pleasure, then post them. If others like them, OK; if not ... no sweat off of your balls. OK ... plausible position. But try this ... READ the story you just wrote BEFORE posting it. Spell-checkers will NOT catch mistypes that change 'mine' to 'mind!' YOU, re-reading it SHOULD because they are rarely interchangeable. Include a grammar-checker, or avail yourself of the LIT Volunteer Editor option.

In other words, JB44, your frequency of silly errors suggest (YELL out) that you don't have any respect for We-The-Readers. Though that disrespect may be justified in some cases, it is NOT in most cases!

(Reminder - I ended up liking this opus!)

As you re-read, try to remember that ANY author's sense of a story CHANGES as it develops (you started out Barbara as caring for Britany but then neutralized her.) Likewise, you drifted Barbara's affect and interaction with her OWN child! Re-reading from your later perspective will let you adjust those drifts. REAL character changes should and do happen, but author-drift is unattractive.

Glen (Asshole) Peters is introduced to WTR as an faceless (irritating) character, but one who socially acceptable. When WTR really get to meet him, he is a philandering coke-head whose finances are disasterous! Too easy!

4*

My OWN comment is missing an 'is' late in my rant! I edited most of my statement, but got lazy and didn't finish reviewing.

Mea Culpa!

re: And Joanna has a lot of nerve being so supportive of Brian NOW, when she had been an active participant in arranging the divorce and marriage to Glen.

She has developed a case of 'buyers remorse' about Glen since the bloom has come off the rose, it happens in real life too.

She sees in retrospect that he was not the real loser.

I tend to miss errors when a lot is happening and it's almost all interesting. It may not have been perfect but it was damn good; which is enough for 5***** from me.

Thanks

This story was kind of a stream of consciousness. I did like the ending - seems like everybody got what they deserved.

I liked this story. I think you are a good Author and I hope you continue to write to your hearts content.

This is the first story of yours that I have read, but I will go to your other submissions and read them based on how much I liked this one. It is a 5 star story as far as I am concerned.

If you would like, I would consider it an honor to edit your future stories for you.

... Have no idea why anybody would send you hateful and spiteful emails because I've read most of your submissions to this site and have never read anything that would elicit those kind of comments. Keep up the good work.

Quit saying it was too long, and jumped around too much. You don't suck. It was a good story and I thank you for sharing your imagination and talent.

For the read.

You obviously like to write and good luck to you. To be honest, though, you can't sustain my interest beyond two or three pages so you might like to try for something less epic.

I enjoyed reading this. It gives me hope that, besides this one, there are even more positive stories on Literotica.

So far the five or six of your stories that I have read indicate that you're a good author and have pleasing and entertaining stories to tell. Yeah, the stories aren't for everybody, but like you pointed out, every keyboard has a "backspace" key and they can use it.

I would like to volunteer to do a final proof reading of your stories prior to your posting them. Spell check doesn't pick up on correctly spelled words that are used incorrectly. One example in this story was the use of "praxis" (actually spelled correctly) when you obviously intended to write "practice". It was a little startling, and things like this "cause pause" in the flow of the story.

I am uniquely qualified to do this kind of proof reading, being retired, having a degree in Literary Criticism, and sufficient OCD to chase down every little problem. Pull up my biography and send a note if you are interested. I'd love to do the work.

Whether you do contact me or not, please keep writing. I enjoy what you say and the way you say it.

This is a good story...I was rating it 3*, but looking at the stories that showed up this Xmas week, I had to rate it 4*!!! Just a few good stories this Xmas...

As always a work of art. Everytime I see your pen name I know I'm in for an excellent read. 5 starred and added to favorite.

You continue to produce interesting erotic tales. You are getting better with each outing. You are proving that quality fiction resides at Literotica.

I also hope that Brian breaks the bad luck relationship schtick that apparently is a historic thing in his family.

Excellent story, thank you for sharing it with us. Five stars and every one well deserved.

Interesting and enjoyable, The multivoice presentation at the end was different.

I love how your stories fit together - other characters making cameos. Please keep writing!

I liked it. It was an enjoyable reading. Ok I will agree the porn site surfing was over the top but then I think and laugh and say am I any different reading stories on this site. So with a smile, I assume JimBob44 was poking fun at all of us the readers and himself for being on a porn site. A solid 4 stars if you care.

Yes do keep writing what you want for your pleasure. I will keep reading for my enjoyment of your effort. Thanks for sharing. I am glad you don't let negative assholes who like to post rude comments or emails get you down. None have ever written a story or likely put themselves out for any critiques. Poor sad little people who enjoy tearing down - maybe it is the only way they can feel 'special' ;).

But I couldn't sympathise with the characters.

To me it was not all that entertaining and I think it was because all the characters were oddballs that I could not relate to or feel any sympathy for. Also, the double parallel story lines was weird, inventive but weird.

I read HDK's comment. Man, that was like the kiss of death.

Jedd Clampett

Came back for a retread. Still felt like a Texas highway; long, flat, with an occasional interesting tidbit.

I liked it and found some of the characters interesting, too.

Liked it a lot.

Yes. It jumped around a bit and there were a few things a spell check would not have caught, but it is a great story that reflects the best revenge is a life well lived. This puts it clearly in exactly the right category. Good job! I love it.

I found the characters appropriate, although Glen and Barbara were a tad bit over the top. Not inaccurately portrayed, just emphasized slightly more than the rest of the cast.

Brian and Britney were delightful and reliable. You just know she's going to push the window and she does, delightfully so.

I've read it several times now, and enjoyed it every time.

As for the editing, it could use some. I'll volunteer if you think it would help.

Nothing to offer, very poor. 1 *

I knew a woman like Barbara once, many, many years ago. She was about 40 years old at the time and quite pudgy. Evidently she had been pretty when she was in her teens and quite morally ambiguous too. All she did was sit at the Apartment Pool and eat and smoke and drink wine. Oh, and wonder out loud as to why her face was round, her skin wrinkled and stretched tight and she had a deep, raspy yet curiously whiny voice. Was glad when I moved. She ruined many a weekend by the pool.

This was a fairly over the top story, but that's okay I don't read these stories to get the evening news, I want to be distracted a bit from time to time.

I loved this story so much, I just had to come by a 3rd time... That bitch name KARMA gave zero fucks...😜..I would've loved to see how she was going to possibly use her baby to trap Brian😂😂😂😂... Once burned twice shy--how this braindead slut thought Brian would welcome her back with open arms and move her and her brats into his home/BANK ACCOUNT is HILARIOUS‼️ 😂😂😂😂😂😂.. I don't understand why she was still angry with him? He had nothing to offer her, he freed her to find her better offer, it's not his fault she left a king for a bum...bitch never knew she had it so good... Awesome story...❤️❤️❤️❤️😏

... but reading this made ME happy.

The only reason I gave this 4 stars instead of 5 was because the future of Josette and the upcoming baby was left unclear. Glen obviously doesn't give a shit about being a father, and Barbara isn't much better. While it was good to see them end up as miserable as they were, I can't help but see dark clouds on the horizon for those kids.

id pay to read stuff like this, interesting, tittilating, funny, life in a small town, brilliant.

that her parents will be willing to take custody of the kids to keep them from ending up in foster care...?

Think her mom feels bad for the life she's caused her grandchildren to be relegated to because she thought so poorly of Brian...?

Clearly neither Barbara nor her father will ever admit any guilt or responsibility for her life and that of her children...

Nice story...

Could of added more to the ending, like Brian and Britney gettng custody of little Josette, or of Barbra getting a job working in one of Brian's Dry Cleaning stores, or of both scenarios.

Barbara and Glen are two of the funniest characters I've read in my life. Unintentionally I am sure, but I laughed reading their stuff. I seriously hope there will be a part 2!

It was a little long and meandering--impossible to know exactly where it was going to go, and that was the fun!

Plus it was very funny. Thanks so much!

ohio

...and I'll say it again. Love your style man.

'Tonight would not be number three' actually made me laugh out loud.

Great - and original - stuff dude. Please keep writing.

After finally fixing my password I'm logged in and can comment, I enjoy your work, yep an editor might help but i like your stories and I'm just going down the list. Thanks for sharing. Like to see some more recent one but I'm not done with the list of stories so you have time, LOL

I had fun reading this. A smile on a Friday afternoon is not bad. Loved the over-the-top characters. Thanks.

i feel sorry for barbra's kids.

brian and the little girl hit it off from the start. wouldn't it be great if brian and brit would adopt the 2 kids. it would save the children from a miserable childhood and burn barneys ass.

wouldn't that make a good 2nd part to this?

i liked the story, just thought you ended it before it completely played out.

Everyone eventually got what they deserved: Brian gets happiness, a young wife, and good friends. Barbara gets constant frustration and money worries. Peters - well, he's in jail, who knows what he'll eventually get. Barbara's parents - they pay a lot of money, her dad is consumed with hatred. Yep, everyone got what they deserved.

everyone is a cruel character including Brian and worse is the bitch that he used to babysit; there's somehow this twisted belief that comes across in this as divine justice, as if God rewards the 'right' man with a young pussy; twisted...if anything. Barbara did nothing to Brittany and she doesn't deserve that from that young twisted bitch who is twisted enough to marry someone old enough to be her father. If Brian had had an ounce of decency he would've spurned her and went for her mother instead; somehow he must have thought it was God's for being right. If anything Brian is a good guy who gloats and claims 'oh yeah, I am a good man, see, god gave me a young pussy.' Barbara, if not for her parents, could've grown up to be a fine, young, comely homely girl, that girl is a typical housewife, and deserves to be given a second chance.' Her parents had spoilt her completely and made her the way she was and suddenly her mother goes all commie on her and expiates the virtue labor while she herself would continue to live a life of luxury and expect her daughter to wait tables; they made her daughter useless, taught her the wrong things, raised in her a closeted comfortable life and made her useless, and it is only right they owe it to her more than anyone else to take care of her. I loved Barbara, so innocent, so stupid, a person like that if she realizes how stupid she had been would kill herself; and for her sake that shouldn't happen. One of the most believable loving characters I have come across in recent times in Barbara. It is extremely difficult to go down from being rich to pauper; it is not her fault; it is her parents. I love Barbara, and I love to save her.

To Mr. Somewhat: So Brian and Britney are evil? I would love to read a story you write to see how you describe characters, both good ones and bad ones. I think Jimbob created some rounded ones for us to consider. Thanks to him.

Barbara was a B I T C H! She only cared about her own needs. She walked over and talked down to everyone who she met. She was a true Jewish Princess. In her parents minds she could do no wrong. Brian was a very nice guy who never asked for a handout from Barbara's parents, unlike Barbara's second husband the weasel. Brian was always attentive to his wife's needs and wants. He did love her. Unfortunately Barbara didn't love Brian. Comments by Somewhatniceguy show that he is a submissive who would love to be dominated by Barbara and her family! LMAO!

If Brian had any sense he would have gone for the mother ,not the obese daughter

That woman couldn't be more burnt if if her zip code was 'the sun'! And Brian didn't have to do anything. He kept his home, his business and his dignity. He found love with a chubby bunny. She lost everything and the spiral just keeps on going. This is one of your best (and I like most of your stuff). 5 stars. Thanks for writing. JPR

When I started reading this like your some of your other stories I said 8 fckn pages but the characters and development would have suffered if it had been shorter. I admire Brian kept his dignity and wasn’t a prick. Barbara was obviously spoiled and manipulative and got what she deserves. Great read

uou write like my mind works. all over the place. slap hapy papy #9

This is the sort of story I think that has JB44 on top of his game. A blue collar, working class guy, doing good things get rewarded. On the flip slide, the schemers don't get by so well. I often critique JB44 for having blue collar guys being secretly rich, this has it play out realisticly. Brian started a business after apprenticing, then moved methodically ahead. Great character development. The more stagnant characters, such as Barbara get justice for it.

This was an entertaining, believable slice of life. Take my 5 stars and have a splendid day!

Sweet story. 5*'s. No need to burn the bitch, Karma got her!

The scenes with Barbara, Glen, and Josette were so bleak... I just kept feeling sorry for that poor little girl growing up with such scum for parents.

An engaging, if rather depressing story.

Odd story, crazy style, but a great read. Thank you!

1 star

There are some wonderful characters. Britney is lovable, Glen is hateable, and Joanne is believably shallow and stupid. 5*

I THOUGHT IT PRETTY GOOD. I LISTENED TO IT WITH MY TEAXTALOUD SOFTWARE, JENNIFER'S VOICE. DIDN'T HAVE TO EDIT ONE WORD. THANK YOU FOR A GOOD STORY AND ENDING!

There’s a handful of your stories I can read and reread. Great characters, great dialogue, and as always, one of a kind style I just can’t get enough of. Merci beaucoup.

I'll just take this time to respond to the author's notes even though this story is 4 years old and I doubt the author will read this.

Yes, you do need an editor. Not super-uber-ungodly bad, but yeah, you could use one. And no, you don't need to be a professional author to get one. Hell, I'll do it for free just to pass the time.

Yes, it jumps around a bit, perhaps quite unnecessarily and somewhat annoyingly, but the story is still quite easy to follow. While there are multiple categories this story could fall under (Romance, Erotic Coupling, perhaps even first time if Britney was a virgin), Loving Wives was still appropriate. It wasn't hard to keep track of people if the reader would isolate the main people from the side characters, although the extra stuff that Brian was reading online may throw some people off.

I, personally, am a big, big fan of BTB. But this story is a true example of the adage "The best revenge is a life well lived." Brian got knocked down. All he did was pick himself up and kept on moving. Did his thing, didn't look back, and life turned out great for him. Didn't even care about how Barbara was doing. They're not married, what does he care? No, this isn't quite BTB, but it is an example of karma revenge. And personally, I like karma just as much as I like BTB.

All that aside, I thought it was a great story. 5-stars and favored.

JMFC

I got the point of the story at about page 3. The slow descent of Glen, the selfishness of Barbara, the greed and envy of Barbara's parents and the consistent behavior of Brian were aptly described. The next 5 pages became redundant and eventually boring.

Real people making others genuinely happy with being decent and others being genuinely self-centered. Just like real life.

Interesting: I would say that the story was written to be deliberate and evenly paced. Kind of like Brian's life and the reward was good.

What's not to like about this story?

Thank you for a very nice and pleasant read. Lots of good humor intertwined through out the story line, at least I thought so. I had a good laugh on almost every page. Thanks again for the entertainment. Gotta LOVE Brittany!!

I will add my voice to the others. I couldn't stop til I was finished the story. Thanks for your time and imagination.

Yes it was very predictable, but I couldn't stop reading it!

I have read this story for the 4th time and I still think it's awesome. You are so right the best revenge is sometimes just living right

I love the fact that she thinks he can't go a day with out thinking he's thinking about her.

You're getting better. The sex is starting to take a back seat to the story plot. I don't think this story jumps around, not as much as some of yours do!

It's been a couple of weeks, but I think I can read your entire collection.

Thank you.

The idiot got thrashed and had hell for a life. The good guy had a wonderful life, yada yada yada. What I did NOT like was an older man younger woman story. I don't read them. Great fantasy for us older guys like me, but reality will slap the shit out of you. IF and only IF she is a sexual woman when she is in her prime and ready to rock and roll you her loving husband will be ready to roll over and go to sleep. How's that for a run on sentence.LOL!!!

Thankyou!

You’ve written a really good story with a terrible ending.

Perfect.

Gotta feel for Josette. Seems like the few minutes she spent with Brian and Britney was the happiest time of her life. Gonna be an ordeal growing up with a narcissistic dysfunctional mom and shallow grandparents. Great story.