Our Tattered Lives

"Ohhh," she moaned with her eyes closed. Her heels were digging into the mattress as her hands continued to run through my hair. The moans were becoming louder and I knew she was close to climax.

I moved both my hands up to her breasts and gently squeeze them. Her nipples were completely erect and I rubbed the areolas softly, making her grunt with pleasure. She was pleading me to allow her to climax.

"Please John. Please, please, please..."

I was teasing her wet cunt, not giving her complete satisfaction yet; I waited until the orgasm was close, and then eased off her clitoris. I gave light flickers against it with my tongue, tantalizing her while she was so incredibly close to that brink of no return.

The passion between her legs was building again. My fingers were inside, furiously going back and forth; In and out they go as she cried with raw pleasure. Her large breasts were bouncing around as her pussy was enduring the most pure torture desire can give. I can only keep my wicked smile as I pushed back and forth, harder and harder with three fingers.

"Right there...Ohhh, Ohhh, make me cumm!"

I thought, I am going to let her go, seeing as she was so riled up. Her hips were thrusting at my face harshly, erotically. I could feel her knees buckle, her sex contracting. Her face was flushed. I could tell she had let all her emotions go into what she was feeling. Lust.

"Oh, I can't take it anymore," she cried. Her hips gave a strong lunge at my face as I buried my fingers deep inside her. Four of them were fucking her pussy as my mouth buzzed on her clitoris, I was not stopping even to save my life. She thrust her pussy at my face even though her orgasm was almost at an end.

"Please, please, please John. You are driving me crazy. Please lick me higher. I can't stand it. Oh God! Oh God"

I kept her on the verge of cumming. I knew that when I touched her clit again she was going to explode. She was clutching the back of my head trying to force me higher. OK dear mother, I thought, if that's what you want... here it goes. I licked across her clit over and over and....

OOOOOOOOHHHHHH GOOOOD, OOOOOOHHHHHHHH GOOOOD, OH MY, I'MMMMM CUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG, OH JOHN, JOHN, JOHN. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU; GOD, OH GOD, HOW I LOVE YOU, I'MMM CCCCCCUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMIIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGG.

I waited a few more minutes until the spasms subsided before I removed my mouth from her cunt.

**********

It took her several minutes to descend from cloud nine where her mind had gone, afterward she leaned forward and kissed me deeply, craving my tongue against hers, she sucked her cream from my tongue and mouth. I rubbed her breasts again, and twisted the nipples as she erotically pressed her lips against mine.

"That was fucking great," she said. She leaned back against the head bed, smiling like a little schoolgirl. Her heart was finally beating normally.

"So, did you like the around the world tour I promised you?"

She looked at me with adoring eyes, a lover's look, a look of love, the look that I want she would give me when she finds out that I am his son.

"Yes, it was a magnificent experience; something I would like to repeat in the near future. But now is your turn. What do you want me do to you?"

"If you don't mind, now I would like we make love in the missionary position, I want to see your face and look in your eyes when I'm inside you"

"Oh John yes, I want to see your face too; I want to feel you inside me, I want that big penis giving me pleasure"

I, to her, her unknown son, was standing naked with my cock jutting out from my groin. My prick was eight and a half-inch in length, very thick and very stiff.

"My god, John, THAT thing is really huge... that's the biggest penis I have ever seen... mmmm... Come and hold me, my dear"

I held her and kissed her, on the lips, slipping my tongue into her mouth. Mother reacted favourably and after a moment, was kissing me back; we were soon sliding our tongues into each other's mouths. I knelt between her thighs poising myself over her in the bed, in the secular fucking position, my pole rigid with desire and dripping pre-cum.

Natasha immediately began repositioning herself on the bed waiting for me to fill her. First she just slid her body so her very wet and eager pussy was in front of my dangling pole, then she took it with her two hands and begun to slid its mushroom head back and forth on her pussy lips, getting it wetter with her juices. Then she intentionally maneuvered her hips so that her hole found my glands. I put my hands on her hips and helped guide her to where I needed to be. Then with a few brief strokes, my dick plunged into the cunt I came out and had been dreaming about since I was 13.

We held each other very tightly as we made love the first time. The intensity of our connection made us feel like if we were truly of one flesh, which in a way we are, being mother-son. My fully erect prick seemed to be the perfect length and thickness to fill up my mother perfectly. When she ground me down on herself the head of my cock rubbed against her cervix and the head entering her womb, and I felt I had penetrated her like she had never been, I think not even by my father.

"Fuck me, John. Make me never forget this first time."

A few minutes later I felt her squeeze me harder inside her. I continued stabbing at her deep inside. We began to move together as if we'd been lovers for years. Natasha's legs came up and back as she gripped me with her thighs, her heels pressing into my flanks, guiding the pace of my thrusts, wincing at times if my thrusts were too hard and deep. I rested on her big, pillow-like breasts, enjoying the sensations of her hard, thick nipples scraping against my chest. I brought my mouth to hers and we teasingly kissed each other, tongues reaching out to lick a lip or to dance together before finally we pressed our mouths together in a passionate kiss of soul mates.

We moved together and kissed, deeply, with passion, and we kept our eyes open, looking into each other's gaze and getting lost in the immensity of our souls. Natasha's pussy clasped at my shaft, resisting every movement my cock took to withdraw and then gently caressing my flesh as I sank back into her moist, creamy flesh. I was buried deep within her womb and her whole body seemed to throb with desire, with each deep thrust, Mom-Natasha's eyes grew wider and seemed to beg me for more.

She uncurled her arms from around my neck and she reached back and used the headboard for leverage to thrust up with her hips more fiercely at my pushing cock. She spread her legs very wide and then wrapped them again around my pistoning ass, digging into my butt. She suddenly broke the kiss, crying out as an orgasm began to explode inside her womb, "More, lover, give everything; fuck me, fuck me harder, deeper, oh, oh Johnnn" A look of joyous disbelief broke out on Natasha's face. "Omigod, omigod, making me cummmm, John, You're making me cummmm"

"I'm gonna cum too," I moaned after an eternity of sexual bliss. This woman was carnality incarnated; her long white blond hair wet with sweat was swinging around her face, her lovely rose skinned body dripping with sweat, her scent was thick in my nostrils, urging me to cum.

"Cum in me, please" this goddess gasped, "Give me your seed, lover. I want it. I need your spunk, John! Fill me up with your baby making sperm! Make me pregnant, John"

Her entire body had seemed to clench up as she screamed and convulsed beneath me, her cunt clasping my dick tightly, her womb literally sucking my seed out of my body. I let my throbbing cock explode inside her and I kissed her roughly on the mouth, driving my tongue between her lips to her throat. We kissed hungrily, madly, passionately as we rode out our mutual orgasms. It seemed for a moment that I might never stop cumming, I was ejaculating at the woman I had held in the back of my mind for years, saving my baby making sperm for the one pussy that deserved it the most, my beloved mother.

She bit her lip as overwhelming waves of pleasure swept through her mind. Her body began to spasm; her pussy was tightening around my cock, deeply buried in her flesh. I bit my own lip, wanting the minor pain to keep my own incredible pleasure from sending me over the edge. Natasha arched her back as she continued to orgasm, her face now contorted with ecstatic sobs.

Finally, she went limp like a puppet whose strings were suddenly cut. Her legs slipped down my back to the bed and she sniffled as she gasped, "Whooooaa, I've never, ever cum like that before, sweetheart"

Gradually, things began to calm down. My flood of semen became a trickle with Natasha's milking cunt sucking the last few drops of my seed as we caught our breath. "My god" I gasped. "This was the most incredible fuck of my life"

"This is the best Christmas present I've ever had. It's given me more pleasure in one night that I had in a lifetime before"

I was taken aback, she didn't know, but she was referring to my father.

She giggled and waggled her eyebrows. "And your little friend downstairs it's a lot bigger than any cock I've ever known"

"Merry Christmas, Mot...Natasha. I love you," I whispered as I lowered myself on top of her wondering if I had not committed a gaffe when I almost had let escape the word mother.

Only one thought marred my felicity, I hadn't used a condom, and I didn't know, I thought no, if Natasha, my mother, used any kind of contraceptive.

*12*

After that wonderful Christmas evening the next days and weeks were uneventful, snow kept falling and we made the ranch house a living cocoon; we had everything we needed to live our romance undisturbed, leaving the house the minimum required to breathe clean air and walk around. Surely, we made love, she didn't know it, but I was living a dream, a long time dream. The bed was the place where we spent most of the time, but the floor in front of the fire place on a blanket was our favorite place to make love late at night; soft, languid, unhurried sex, with many caresses, kisses and tenderness, everything I had wished for so long and making good use of the love lessons I had taken with Natalie, not so long ago.

The New Year came and went and our love affair was as the first day, our commitment grew and grew with the passing of the days, January gave way to February, and by the end of the month our world seemed to explode into pieces, our romance shatter, and our idyll in ruins.

Natasha got up one morning nauseous and with an upset stomach, after the first symptoms had passed and when she felt better, we examined whether there were any food that might have gone bad and got her sick. It seemed impossible that two adult persons would not think of a possible pregnancy, especially when neither of the two had taken precautions against it.

Natasha, because she believed that she was too old to become pregnant, (although she was still menstruating regularly); and I, well I, because I had no fucking idea about the mysteries of womanhood. I was going to learn quickly about those mysteries with tears of blood. After several days of morning nauseas and stomach cramps, we decided go to see the town doctor; we went to Troy, not Clark Fork, that for no other reason than Natasha didn't like Dr Fergusson, Clark Fork physician.

In Troy the resident physician, after hearing Natasha, sent us to buy a pregnancy test, and oh heavens, the test was positive. He considered that it would be a good idea a pelvic examination by a doctor to be sure of the pregnancy and he did. After wards all hell broke loose. After we left the clinic Natasha, in shock, started giving me the silent treatment; as usual I, the thoughtless moron was the guilty one, we both had made love, we both had enjoyed but it was me who had the guilt of the pregnancy. I was the careless one. The return trip to the ranch was pure torture; she became an ice statue, cold, distant, not answering me when I spoke to her.

All of a sudden I was reminded of her, my mother, thirteen years ago when I was a teenager, and the reasons for which I had fled my parent's house and why had I not wanted to see her for so many years. Would history repeat again?

My heart broke in my chest like a fragile crystal vase.

Arriving to the ranch she got down from the car, always silent, and did enter the house, I put the car in the barn and entered the same house not knowing what my role would be from now on. Soon it was made very clear to me,

"John, I need time alone to discern what I'm going to do about this....this....this pregnancy, will you please take your clothes and personal things from my bedroom and return to your former room". She told me not looking at me.

I was confounded, aghast, this was the woman I had adored all this years, the woman who had told me she loved me only a few days ago; I almost turned to leave the house and disappear forever. I didn't need this because at no time had she raised the issue of my responsibility or asked if I was willing to take charge of fatherhood.

Common sense told me to cool my mood, women react to the same problem in a different way to men and in the case of pregnancy, their reaction is more visceral more emotional full of fear at the first moment, their vision of life changes in a flash, theirs bodies change and their emotions change sometimes from one day to the other.

So I did make as she said and waited for a few days to see how events unfolded. After I had taken my things from the bedroom, she went inside, closed the door and didn't come out for several days; I heard her come out at night, go to the kitchen, take some food and return to her room. I left her alone.

I don't have a very clear idea how much time she confined herself. Was it a week, ten days?

I cannot say for sure; but when she came out of her room looking for me she told me she had already made a decision about her pregnancy,

She just said: "I'm going to abort before is too late"

I was stunned, speechless, mute, and deaf, with a bitter feeling in the mouth and my stomach decomposed; my head was spinning and I had to take a hold to steady myself and not fall down.

"Say something John, say you agree with me. Say it, please" she said, almost begging.

"What can I say; you have already taken the decision all by yourself, in ten days you haven't even said a word to me; had you asked yourself for a moment what would my feelings be about my son. Because it's my son too; if you don't feel like being a mother again for everything that entails a pregnancy at your age, why for god's sake didn't at least discuss it with me? I'm not a monster I could understand your fears."

It seemed I talked to a deaf, it was evident her mind didn't register anything I said to her, her mind was a cocoon in which she was alone with her thoughts and nothing more did enter, not even when I reacted of my anguish and near paralysis and numbly blurted in a whisper "My name is not John"

She looked at me not understanding, at that moment not even caring shook her head and said; "Never mind that, now, will you take me to the clinic?

I shook my head in despair and without another word I went to prepare the car for the trip. The journey was a repetition of the last one. She silent, adamant in her purpose, I, driving with a doom over my head, thinking of the return and about my future, I decided I would return east, to Boston, and forget, if possible, I have a mother.

It was late evening we arrived in town, almost night, and we had to wait until morning to see the general practitioner of the town who was the only doctor as in many rural areas. Sleeping together would be awkward, since we did not share the bedroom anymore, so I decided moving to a different motel leaving her the car and meeting her at the motel first thing in the morning; I would need to walk a long walk. She didn't oppose the arrangement.

The night was a sleepless one and a journey of introspection of my life; with its highs and lows, with what I did and what I could have done better. And I reached several conclusions. If my mother got an abortion I would leave her life forever, without remorse and trying to overcome the fascination she had exercised over me throughout my life, another of my conclusions was I was so sorry for not having been closer to my father.

In the morning I was haggard, gaunt, with bloodshed eyes but had decided of the steps to follow. I went looking for her, it was a long haul, and when she saw me took a step back and a quick cloud of uncertainty passed over her face; my only words were,

"Good morning, shall we go"

She had uncertainty written all over her face it was clear she hadn't sleep well, maybe not even had slept at all and perhaps she was having second thoughts about the whole situation, I was so distressed at that moment I didn't even care but she answered civilly enough: "Good morning, you don't look well, are you OK".

I didn't want to talk to her, I didn't want to talk to anybody and above everything I didn't want for her to feel sorry or worried for me. At that moment she was less than nothing to me, as the mules I had put blinders on my face and nothing around me interested me. I didn't want to talk her out of her decision, she had made it and it was her burden to carry alone. Sounds childish? Yes it was. I was destroyed and wanted to end the nightmare and go away. Sao I answered her as brutally as I could,

"Don't worry about me, I'm fine" and again "Shall we go"

Without another word she got in the car and we went to her appointment in the clinic.

She explained to the doctor what was happening and what did she want; I had been invited by the doctor to be present in the office, he must had supposed I was her husband or....something, and when she had finished he looked at me, I stood in silence giving no opinion, and after several seconds he asked Natasha to go up to the gurney to examine her. I didn't want to be present, I didn't want to have nothing to do with what was happening; it was her decision, not mine or ours just hers.

I excused myself and went outside to the corridor to wait the news; after half an hour the doctor's office door opened and I was asked to come inside. Natasha's facial expression was different, I could not read her thoughts, but she seemed at times joyful, at times worried, even preoccupied, but at no time indifferent.

"Well Mr. Sorensen, your wife can't have an abortion, with her age it's very dangerous and her life may be in danger"

I didn't know if that was the truth or if he had convinced her of not aborting or if she had been thinking about it herself and had decided not to; now I was sorry I didn't stay in the room. And I was astounded, Mr. Sorensen!! My wife!! What the hell was happening, what had happened inside that room in that half an hour? But before I could open my mouth to say something, the good doctor followed:

"As I was saying no abortion for your wife, but she is very healthy and there is no reason not to carry the pregnancy to term and have a healthy child. So I wait you again in a month and congratulations", and with that he took my hand in a handshake, dismissing us. Now it was my turn to be silent.

The return trip to the ranch was like a story of another time, she began to speak making plans for the future and at the same time she looked at me with a radiant face; I, contrary to her, didn't respond her and was as silent as death. It was Kafkaesque, and I did not understand her reaction or new attitude; what shows I really know nothing of feminine psychology. When we were approaching the ranch she began to realize I was silent and hadn't said a word, she stopped talking.

When we reached the ranch, I parked in the path and left the car outside the garage, and then I headed straight to my room to prepare my luggage. Natasha followed me and when she saw what I was doing stopped short and couldn't react.